Sigh.
I know EXACTLY how you feel, as my asshole--oops, i mean ex-husband--also has a girlfriend. Actually, she was the latest girlfriend, the one he'd been fucking when he decided to leave. You're not AT ALL crazy to wonder why the fuck she should get on the phone & have the gall to speak to you as she did. But I also know from my own experience that no matter what we in our position do vis-a-vis the asshole, we end up feeling like WE'RE the jerks, or the crazy ones, because our feelings are so intense. But, as my therapist repeatedly reassures me, "That's normal" (i.e., for us to feel trapped in craziness, when really all we are is angry with little or no outlet for our anger).
How wonderful that your son said NO.
Keep on truckin'!
boozielou
Oh man, that is heart wrenching. I am not in your situation so I can't say "I know", but when I was 19, I dated a guy a few years older than me who had an ex-wife and a 3 year old son. Yes, they got pregnant when they were quite young.
Anyway. It was hard being the "girlfriend" in that I didn't want to cross any boundaries I shouldn't, but I didn't actually have a clue. It must have been TORMENT for the ex-wife when their son spent time with him, and I was involved in the activities. Like I said, I had not a clue, but now I can imagine.
The one thing I never did though, was try to act "chummy" with her. Even at 19 and clueless, I had a notion she wouldn't want that. I just treated their son nicely, like a distant but friendly babysitter or something, and hoped I didn't step on any toes, especially not the little guy's!
Anyhow. Hang in there. That is one rough situation, and you should discuss it here as often as possible. Virtual *hugs* coming your way!!
Well, I'm the girlfriend-now-stepmom in this situation and coming from the other side, I wish my stepdaughters' mother had been a little nicer to me (before she gave me her daughters and moved 14 hours away!). Particularly since I had nothing to do with the divorce and I was taking care of her children and picking them up when she and their dad couldn't and I was working my butt off trying to be a good stepmother and not make them feel weird about the situation. (I was a stepdaughter too so I know what it's like).
As a mother, I totally understand how you feel. But if you can be civil to her, provided she's being good to your son, it will only benefit you. What if you get in a situation where she's the only one who can pick him up or watch him in an emergency? You would want to feel comfortable enough to talk to her about that.
Just a few things to think about- Again, I can imagine how you must feel. I would hate to think of my daughter having a stepmother. But now that the girlfriend is in the picture, might as well make the best of it...
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