I have had this problem too. I am the STEPmother and don't do kids activities. My husband is 29 years older than me and does some part-time consulting (he's 'retired' 3 times since we have been married). It got to the point where I told him if one more soccer mom called me at work, I was going to be rude. He solved the problem.
My ex and I (kept my birth name)went thru all this crap raising our only kid ("have one adopt one" was the motto of the times - we neglected to do the 2nd child thing)in the 70s - here it is 30 yrs later and I naively thought the culture had gotten a clue BY NOW. Well... you deserve a tip of the hat and secret handshake from me. Maybe in 30 more years this will be no big deal.
When my 17 yr.old daughter was 3, we had guests over with their 5 yr. old. Our daughter, in the kitchen with her father hurt herself and roared for DADDY. He picks her up, kisses the owie, etc. The guest daughter, in the dining room with her mom and me, turns to her mom and says, with wonder/horror,"Jessie goes to her daddy with an owie", mom shakes her head and says, slowly, "well, yes" both look at me with wonder/pity. I think "but that was our goal, that our kids love/rely on us both". I think it is always hard to not fit the mold, whatever the mold is.
Y'all ever considered moving to New York? Land of the Aging Daddies and Careless Mommies? Come, live among Our People and be Glad.
We go to the weddings of Hubby's friends' children, and mazel-tov them on their grandchildren, yet they bat not an eye at his late-life fatherhood. Because there are many, many gray-haired dads here. And moms, too, but that's still somewhat limited by science. We mommies are sort of haggard and saggy and past our Prime (which we sort of missed as it flashed by), but not yet totally gray.
The Medieval Literature would still knock 'em back on their heels, acourse, but they'd just politely steer the conversation back to their Personal Trainer, or their cell phone would ring, and the Awkward Moment would pass. Go Sam. xoxo Kay
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