Thank you, Mr. John Ashcroft for making me and my family safer. I will gladly give up all my privacy and rights in order that you will make us 100% secure and nothing bad can ever happen to us.
.
FreeTard | 08.07.03 - 2:15 pm | #

" * Increase sentences for drug kingpins to 40 years in prison and $4 million in fines."

Have they EVER arrested a drug kingpin?
Unlike the crank maker in Ga being tried as a"terrorist".
Anonymous | 08.07.03 - 2:16 pm | #

It's going to kill national defense if they keep trying to expand what a terrorist is...
Kenneth G. Cavness | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 2:21 pm | #

"Narcoterrorist" More Newspeak. God damned fucking Ashcroft. If there were a god, it would have been proven by now with multiple bolts of lightning out of a clear blue sky, crashing down on that facist bastard.
torqued off | 08.07.03 - 2:25 pm | #

The terrorists over at Starbucks only filled my coffee 3/4 full and tried to take up the rest of the space with whipped cream. Then the terrorists at Borders prominently displayed a book that advocated using a bike instead of a car for short trips and I watched several people buy it.

Get 'em Ashcroft!
underwhelm | 08.07.03 - 2:27 pm | #

Ugh. Forget the drink, I wouldn't be able to hold it down.

You know, I find the naming policy of the administration to be pretty interesting... things like the "Healthy Forest Initiative", primarily devoted to the removal of said wooded areas.
David | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 2:28 pm | #

You know of course that they will pillory any congressman voting against this as being "against victory". "It's not enough that your not a patriot, now you don't want victory." Barbara Lee should start wearing body armor now. Fucking Republicans.
News Abuse | 08.07.03 - 2:29 pm | #

The new bill would:
Clamp down on Arab hawala transactions, where cash exchanged in an honor system has been funneled to terrorists.

How the hell are they supposed to do that? The whole point of these things is that they are just about giving your word. He's going to make it illegal to say "I promise to pay you back" without putting it in writing?
LC | 08.07.03 - 2:31 pm | #

Actually, what's funnier is that the initials of the bill only spell out "VICTO" (or VICTOA if you leave "Act" in the acronym).
David | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 2:31 pm | #

David,

The 'Healthy Forest Initiative' is an easy one:

By removing the healthy trees from the forest, the old diseased trees will be unable to pass on their diseases.

As far as the 'Victory Act'?
We are at war with Eastasia, we have always been at war with Eastasia.
David (Austin TX) | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 2:31 pm | #

We are at war with Eastasia, we have always been at war with Eastasia.

And chocolate rations are up!
David | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 2:33 pm | #

Yar, I was gonna say...

Have a Victory Gin for me, and I'll meet you right after the Two Minutes' Hate. I'm unavoidably delayed in Room 101.

.
Ebie | 08.07.03 - 2:35 pm | #

I can ALWAYS hold a drink consisting of TONS of alcohol down at times like this. About the ONLY thing I can hold down.

Underwhelm--not only were those terrorists at Starbucks withholding your proper ration of coffee, but they are actively trying to KILL you with that artery-clogging whipped cream. As for the blood-thirsty folks at Borders, well, what could be MORE dangerous than trying to ride a bike on America's Hummer and SUV-clogged roads? A helmet won't help you when they run you over--or roll over on you.

Go get 'em Ashcroft!
martha | 08.07.03 - 2:41 pm | #

Have they EVER arrested a drug kingpin?


There was that Panamanian gentleman who had been a faithful longtime business affiliate both of a certain prominent political family, and of a particular federal agency in Virginia.

I believe he's *still* effectively incommunicado in the federal prison system. Locked-down men tell no tales.

-
marquer | 08.07.03 - 2:47 pm | #

Vital Interdiction of Criminal Terrorist Organizations Act...

Vital... V

Interdiction of... I

Criminal... C

Terrorist... T

Organizations... O

?

Vitco. Vic. To.

Am I missing something? These little names and acts are stupid enough, but at least they usually spell them right.
The Secret Service | 08.07.03 - 2:48 pm | #

Damn. Back when drug kingmanship risked only 30 years in prison, and $3 million in fines, it seemed like a good choice. Now, well, I'm going to have to sit down with the guidance counselor and take another of those aptitude tests.
Brian C.B. | 08.07.03 - 2:58 pm | #

Have they EVER arrested a drug kingpin?

The fratboy coward's Bolivian marching powder sales representative is still at large.
Gary Frazier | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 3:02 pm | #

"..Have they EVER arrested a drug kingpin?.."

How about Bush41's old CIA buddies who ran cocaine to support the contra rebels? Then again they could go after Ollie North on that charge as well.
Why not go for broke and get Reagan? He was in charge at the time?

Be well.

MYOB'

.
MYOB | 08.07.03 - 3:11 pm | #

I think I remember something about a Pakistani gentleman, but he probably wasn't that guilty, as Poppy pardoned him.
sac666 | 08.07.03 - 3:12 pm | #

Why is everyone here against VICTOry?

You'll be singing another tune when you're shipped to Camp X-Ray.

Where is Patriotboy when we need him?
tinyelvis | 08.07.03 - 3:12 pm | #

I can see why they stopped at 'VICTO.' I can think of 'R' or 'Y' words, either.

Anyone?
stranger | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 3:21 pm | #

Wasn't Ashcroft's nephew arrested for dealing and got off on some pretext?
56k | 08.07.03 - 3:24 pm | #

Who needs acronyms. Why don't we just call it American Inquisition for a New Century.
paper_tigress | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 3:31 pm | #

http://www.studentsfororwell.org/
EssJay | 08.07.03 - 3:32 pm | #

>>I can see why they stopped at 'VICTO.' I can think of 'R' or 'Y' words, either.

>>Anyone?

" Vital Interdiction of Criminal Terrorist Organizations - Right??? YES!!!"
Andy X | 08.07.03 - 3:33 pm | #

stranger: "Raping You"?
phil | 08.07.03 - 3:33 pm | #

Or "Act for the Neutralization of Unruly States". I think it makes a more fun acronym.
David | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 3:34 pm | #

Please help me sponsor the 'Acronymns Suck, Stupid!' Act
Anonymous | 08.07.03 - 3:35 pm | #

Thank goodness. I got my brown shirt back from the cleaners just in time.
cosmic grappler | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 3:39 pm | #

I'm thinking it would sure be nice if I could come up with a brace of calico cats that would be amenable to travelling around. I'd like to run them across Ashcroft's feet every time he gets up to speak.
Tena | 08.07.03 - 3:43 pm | #

I have a better name: the Needlessly Antifreedom Zany Invasions act. More appropriate, no?
Matt | 08.07.03 - 3:44 pm | #

Once again glad that I keep an economy-sized bottle of Tums at my desk. Heh... "economy-sized"...
A Texan in Maryland | 08.07.03 - 3:49 pm | #

Freedom Act: Security Conciousness In Stressful Times
michael | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 4:05 pm | #

What an unholy thing an Ashcroft Constitution-busting rally must be. Hard to say if Nuremburg or an Appalachian snake-bite service would be closer to the mark.
stencil | 08.07.03 - 4:26 pm | #

They're naming legislation after Jackson Five albums now?

This whole bill stinks. Smells like napalm in the morning.
Grumpy | 08.07.03 - 4:38 pm | #

Vital
Interdiction of
Criminal
Terrorist
Organizations
Requires
You surrender your rights
Greg | 08.07.03 - 5:03 pm | #

This put me in a state

uh-uh-uh

state of shock.

(Actually, it didn't)
joe | 08.07.03 - 5:04 pm | #

What the hell is that picture?
ajc | 08.07.03 - 5:05 pm | #

Will he be singing that putrid song he wrote?
reef the dog | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 5:18 pm | #

I just took an immigration test and Australia doesn't need drug kingpins. Damn.
northsylvania | 08.07.03 - 5:27 pm | #

northsylvania - what about Canada? I'd be willing to step down to small time dealer status.
Tena | 08.07.03 - 5:30 pm | #

I think we need to ship John Ashcroft to Singapore - he'd be right at home there, where they administer bamboo canings for spitting your gum out on the sidewalk.
Tena | 08.07.03 - 5:31 pm | #

"narcoterrorists"

Great, some teenage blood takes a
pot shot at a cop who is trying
to send him away for 20 years for
selling dime bags of weed and he
get hung for being a "narcoterrorist".

Home of the brave.
Land of the free.
johnx | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 5:31 pm | #

There was that Panamanian gentleman who had been a faithful longtime business affiliate both of a certain prominent political family, and of a particular federal agency in Virginia.

I believe he's *still* effectively incommunicado in the federal prison system. Locked-down men tell no tales.


Glad they got him, cause the drug trade screeched to a halt!
johnx | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 5:33 pm | #

Tena- what would be good is a pair of Maneki neko cats guarding the front door-attracts money, luck, and friendship...keeps out Ashcroft.

Picture-
http://www.theblackmoon.com/Trad...l/ tjapan15c.htm
northsylvania | 08.07.03 - 5:48 pm | #

northsylvania - I think I'll start an import business and market the cats as "Ashcroft Zappers."

johnx - I agree that making drug trafficers into "terrorists," is ridiculous, horrible and wrong. However, I've afraid that in most places, anyone taking a shot at a cop for any reason is going to see major time. And if the shot kills the cop, you might as well waive the trial and go straight to Death Row.
Tena | 08.07.03 - 6:21 pm | #

Errata: "However, I'm afraid that in most places,"

Apologies.
Tena | 08.07.03 - 6:22 pm | #

How about Bush41's old CIA buddies who ran cocaine to support the contra rebels? Then again they could go after Ollie North on that charge as well.
Why not go for broke and get Reagan? He was in charge at the time?


Indeed, don't forget that Bush Sr
was in bed with several drug kinpins-ask about his Club Med investment on a certain island in the Carib. He was fronting drug money big time. The Bush family STINKS.
chuck in Tx | 08.07.03 - 8:14 pm | #

my bro has a calico cat and he's a ditto head.
pansypoo | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 8:46 pm | #

Indeed, don't forget that Bush Sr
was in bed with several drug kinpins-ask about his Club Med investment on a certain island in the Carib. He was fronting drug money big time. The Bush family STINKS.

chuck in Tx

Both grandfathers traded with Hitler during WWII until they were forced to stop in 1942, Daddy was in the drug trade with Noriega et al., Mommy doesn't want to clutter her "beautiful mind" with details of her son's destruction (and Nixon said of her "that is a woman who knows how to hate.").

And we have Junior as our illustrious president. Any wonder he turned out that way? And no wonder Julia Roberts said about the Bush twins, "We all need to take a deep breath and think about being a Bush daughter and having that cross to bear. I'd go out and have a couple of drinks too."
QrazyQat | 08.07.03 - 9:02 pm | #

my bro has a calico cat and he's a ditto head.
I have a cat who's a fascist but at least she's an independent thinker.
northsylvania | 08.07.03 - 9:22 pm | #

what about Canada? I'd be willing to step down to small time dealer status.
-Tena

Hell, in Canada, they'll give you a small business lisence.
Jorge | Homepage | 08.07.03 - 10:37 pm | #

What the hell is that picture?
ajc | 08.07.03 - 5:00 pm | #
-----------------------------------
ajc - it's the cover for Victory an album by The Jacksons (yes, Michael, Tito, Jermaine, Randy and that other guy

There's actually 2 songs on that album that I think would fit Ashcroft's bill better - "State Of Shock" and "Torture"

This finally confirms what we've all known all along:

ATRIOS IS MICHAEL JACKSON

Chris
Chris | 08.07.03 - 11:12 pm | #

I don't blame the kids for failing to recognize the Jackson 5 when they see them. I mean, look at the album -- there's 6 guys! And dig those "Solarbabies" outfits!
Grumpy | 08.08.03 - 1:31 am | #

And before you ask, kids, "Solarbabies" was a 1986 post-apocalyptic roller-blading movie starring Lost Boy (and Girl) Jason Patric and Jami Gertz. And a young Lukas "I'm not Joaquin/Leaf Phoenix" Haas.
Grumpy | 08.08.03 - 1:36 am | #

Actually, it's not the Jackson 5. It's the Jacksons. But they used a squared off, sci-fi font to make the s look like a 5, for their old fans.

I have it on "Picture Disk," from when I was 9. Anyone remember those?
joe | 08.08.03 - 10:23 am | #

Has anybody else noticed that this has appeared NOWHERE?

I mean, no mention of it online from any major news source, here or abroad. Just four mentions from some smaller sites, except for the NY Daily News.

...

Hoax?
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