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Hilarious. So this is the REAL CBEST essay you submitted... no wonder you didn't pass ; )
Maybe you could help Mike with getting his pants off the blow-up doll.
Long story.
*God, men are weird*
Avi...you know I'm especially sensitive to hearing about penis injuries so cut me a fuckin' break here.
And for the love of GAWD don't post pictures of people hanging from the ceiling with ropes around their dicks again.
Took me a long time to recover from those...
Throw in an IRS audit, and it kind of sounds like it could be one of my days...
I don't know why you're complaining, I have to pay homeless drug addicts good money to get the same kind of treatment.
So, after all of that...did you eat the cookies?
Cat, well that one had more profanity.
Annie, what's weird?
Mistress, sorry about that. I know how much you hate to see bad things happen to penises.
Dave, I'm sure. I've seen the pictures with raining shit!
Kal, homeless drug addicts pay me.
Denise, I ate the hell out of that girl scout's cookie.
Do you know how hard it is to laugh hysterically in silence so that your officemate doesn't ask you what you're laughing at? It's hard.
So, I'm guessing the one truth out of all that is that you locked yourself out of the house while walking the dog (maybe). Otherwise I think you woulda mentioned something when we were discussing the stupid stupid quiz, cuz this definitely qualifies.
Did any of that really happen?
Poppy, none of it is true.
Clown, every word of it is true.
OMG, the same thing totally happened to me last week. Except for the testicles part. And the Dennis Rodman part. My a$$ still is raw from the cone. Good times.
That is QUITE a day!
that explains a lot
I have a river of tears on my desk here at work. Partner that with my face hurting from laughing and keeping it to a smirk. Thank you for having a bad morning. It made my day better.
Please describe her cookie in detail.
well, I thought *I* was having a bad day, but I stand corrected.
*Shudders at the mental images*
Avitable, you are a strange one. But thats why I like you lol!
Mist, we should start a club.
Mistress Yoda, I know. I'm afraid to venture outside.
Britt, what exactly does it explain? Why I have an orange cone protruding from my ass?
Mutt Princess, I'm happy to oblige.
Denise, that's dirty. What type of pervert do you think I am?
Dawn, I'm searching for someone who had a worse day so I can feel better about myself.
Miss Misery, you mean this isn't normal?
You, sir, are NSFW.
NICE......that was good!
The really frightening part is that I read the entire thing. What am I, new?
Remember how I told you that my source said you were outside naked, but that you didn't bring the trash?
Today it was difficult to get a full report, as said source was confined to the fetal position.
"Denise, that's dirty. What type of pervert do you think I am?"
I think you're the big mean hairy kind of pervert. So spill it.
you think YOUR day was bad... lemme tell you about mine... ok... nevermind... love your stories Avi!
Fringes, me? I'm perfectly family friendly.
Tug, it was painful!
Tracy, fool you once, shame on you.
Britt, does the fetal position involve suckling?
Denise, it was a plain cookie with a delicious creamy center.
Tori, I only wish these were stories.
I've said it before and I'll say it again...Dude, you are one scary fella *nodding head*
Where the hell do you think up this shit?
Jolie, I'm going to go with "In The Bathroom" for 200.
The story could only be more perfect if you had penned an illustration to go along with it. I would seriously pay money for that.
(I still owe you a dollar, so that'd be the money I pay you with. 
Somebody took a creative writing pill today...
Jolie, I use 1% of my brain power just for thinking this shit up.
Tracy, I do my reading in the bathroom, not my thinking.
Poppy, it's in the mail!
Mr. Fab, unfortunately, it was a suppository.
Holy Shit Avi... I just spit coffee on my keyboard!
Did you at least take the cookies home with you?
You must have a very small dog, because my dog is 80 lbs of pure muscle, and I am pretty sure she would be pulling you around.
Need tweezers for the splinters?
Sounds to me like you should attach a webcam to your forehead...
MsFreud, I licked that cookie clean.
Lynda, the alternative is that I am a very large man.
Amy, I know. I'm thinking about it. But I look down at my crotch a lot.
Drivl!
Absolutely!
Never seen such an article (pass) at Drivl, but it definitely is [strike]Avi's[/strike] our daily dose of awesome!
Yeah, I'll give it a whirl.
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