Welcome to the Commenting Pixie Party!
Wow. Fantastic post.
Thanks for this, Phantom. It's one of the things that we think a lot about, the sqvirrel and I, when we discuss the future, what we want our kids to experience. I grew up in a pretty white community but the larger community had lots of Latinos, something I was particularly tuned into given my own cultural and ethnic heritage. And it was important to the development of who I am- that I got to see different perspectives on life, understand the difficulties of being non-white, etc.
It's one of my fears about moving to Mount Desert Island- there is NO racial diversity there (there is one African American- a poet- on Great Cranberry Island). But as the sqvirrel reminds me there IS socio-economic diversity. Which is an important aspect of diversity, but one that's a bit more hidden, i.e., you can't see it from the color of people's skin.
One of the primary reasons we chose our house in Pig's Eye Landing city was the diversity- ethnic, racial, socio-economic- in the neighborhood. There are Hmong immigrants and their children, African-Americans, immigrants from Somalia and Eritria, and a large Latino population. There are Latin American mercados and bodegas, African church denominations, a Hmong State Senator represents the district. When we walked around the neighborhood we saw kids of several races playing together, multi-racial couples unloading groceries, etc. It makes us personally happier live there, it opens our lives to the larger world that we live in, it challenges our assumptions and makes us think more about what it means to be American, to be part of a community.
Great post, which I might have a lot more to say about later, because it's something I've thought a lot about.
And I'm so glad that LG is loving kindergarten!
Smart boy, that LG. And smart mom, too.
I grew up in a neighborhood that was not diverse, except in terms of sexual orientation. We were all middle class and white.
My neighborhood schools were mostly white--or, rather, my GATE classes were mostly white, with an increasing number of Asian-American students as I grew older.
Still, despite my neighborhood's segregation, I knew I lived in one of the most diverse cities on the planet, and as a result, since, oh, about age 12, I've been uncomfortable in crowds that are entirely, or almost entirely, white. My sister felt the same way, only at an even younger age. Whereas many white people, I think, feel their whiteness most acutely when they're in the minority, my sister and I feel our whitest in large groups of white people. (It's kind of a cringing sensation.)
I've had a consciousness of class since an early age, but that's mostly because the GATE program in grades 4-6 was at a school where many of the students were wealthy. In the face of their vast wealth (large sailboats, waterfront homes, etc.) and conservative politics, I felt decidedly working class, even though I wasn't.
I don't know where I meant to go with this, but there it is.
Thanks for another great post.
Oh, Phantom. What a great kid he is. And I think you're right - he is learning about diversity. I really don't think it matters what KIND of diversity you are exposed to as a child, socio-economic, religious, ethnic, or even plain old cultural. It's like learning a language - once you've learned one, it's easier and more natural to learn another. You've already picked up the basics of converting what you know into something else, so it's not so hard to make that shift again.
I think this kind of learning about subtler forms of diversity is obviously valuable, but also harder to do...because ultimately, you have to learn to be sensitive to everyone you meet, without the obvious external hints as to who you might be offending.
Such an interesting post. It sounds like you are doing a great job of helping LG navigate this relationship. If he is able to be fairly neutral about this classmate, I'd say you are doing really well. It's so easy for kids to feel hurt and focus on that, and not be able to accept the reasons for the other child's behavior.
That's a great post, and a terrific story about how you are taking great advantage of an opportunity to instruct LG. Mad parenting skillz indeed.
I do know who you're referring to, of course. What bothers me most is the extent to which, at the time, I had NO clue about what the heck her problem was.... although in retrospect it's just appallingly obvious. I wish very much I had approached her differently. Hopefully I can communicate that to Baby Vex as well as you are with your'n.
LG is getting a huge dose of diversity right in his own family. Although not an enormous range socio-economically, the racial and sexual orientation makeup, as well as the step-, birth-, adoptive-, blended-family mix is, to me, a badge of honor for all of us. You are so smart and right to talk to him about all kinds of diversity-it makes our children loving and caring and concerned. Good Mama! More ice cream!
Oh yeah, and...great post! Classic Phantom.
A great post!
I worry about the diversity for Kid L. Our community is mainly white, educated, married (or remarried) couples in which the mothers stay home (at least part-time) with at least 2 children and own their homes.
There is some racial diversity and a broad mix of special needs children, but the economic mix does not exist.
YT, that's a great point. Between you guys, the Mandarin-speaking cousins, and my brother's girlfriend, LG is growing up in a family that is more diverse than the TOWN in which I grew up. I hope that means that people who look different than him will also look familiar to him -- potential family members rather than "other." Then maybe I'll feel less guilty about having chosen the white community that was the best fit for us, rather than a more diverse community that would have pushed our comfort zones more.
Is is a little sad, though, that one of the reasons that I'm sorry that my sister's marriage fell apart is that my own kids will not have the chance to have Arab and Muslim family members as well? Talk about self-centered....
Vex, I know what you're saying, but, you know, we were 14. You were pretty damn socially conscious for a 14-year-old, but still, there are limits. Both to a young teenager's understanding, and to what a young teenager can do to act on that understanding. You did your best, we all did. We all had our issues that our peers couldn't guess at, or didn't know how to handle if they did.
Wow, this sounds familiar to me, as you can imagine. Okay, not the being Jewish part or having a kid in kindergarten, but you know what I mean! We actually had quite a few Jewish families where I grew up, but it was a white, white, white world. We had one local African-American kid and one local Native American kid (and the latter identity just meant nothing at all to me because it was so otherwise invisible. Native Americans? what are they? At least other African-Americans got bused in by METCO!). Looking back, I can definitely see socio-economic diversity (that meant nothing at all to me at the time), and in some ways that was probably harder, as it was invisible unless you really thought about it, and everyone in town probably assumed everyone was at the same socio-economic level until proven otherwise. So there were definitely times when I'm sure people I knew were made to feel really awful (probably sometimes by me) without the inflicter of pain even realizing. And my college experience sounds a LOT like your high school experience.
This has got completely off track from your post... anyway, I guess I do cling the the hope that it's possible to teach people to appreciate diversity (its benefits and problems) even in an environment that doesn't look very diverse, b/c Lord knows I wasn't hobnobbing with a rainbow of people very regularly, and I like to think I'm relatively decent (privileged, yes, but somewhat aware of that?).
I think about diversity (or the lack thereof) in my community a lot. My kids will go to school with a bunch of kids just like them--white, white-collar, Orthodox Jews. Unfortunately, there's not much to do about that, short of moving to Israel, where the Jewish population is much more diverse.
But I spent some time at the other extreme; I was one of five Jewish kids in my high school class of about 300. I did a lot of explaining. I skipped Rosh Hashana services one year because I had a big test. I got a lot of yearbook signatures that said "Love in Christ."
Neither is/was close to ideal.
Bravo, Phantom.
Will have to comment when I have more time - we live in the suburb that is not mostly white, but it's much more complex than that..and I don't want to just rush something in here - except to say: interesting post, neat parenting, more later
Sorry, A -- I edited your comment to preserve my pseudonymity shtick. Looking forward to your later thoughts though.
Even though you say that you live in a very "white" community, you have a very diverse family, as YT points out. What could be a better example of love and diversity that that?! Plus, he already knows part of the religious diversity because of your own faith. I'm quite sure, knowing you, that you've told him all about the other faiths that are out there. We don't necessarily have to be pointing out discrepancies in order to be teaching about diversity.
I am glad that LG is enjoying kindergarten, and I agree that that is the more important issue -- that he's getting the most out of his first year of school, rather than his class being the "United Colors of Kindergarten."
If you feel that there is cause for concern about LGs treatment at A.'s hand, don't hesitate to mention it to the teacher. When she calls you in for your first conference, tell her that LG comes home with lots of stories about A. They aren't necessarily complaints, but he's mentioned her often enough that you thought you should ask if there are any kinds of problems, or if this is even a situation that she is aware of. I know that, as an educator with multiple children in my class, i can't watch every child every second. As long as the teacher feels you aren't attacking her, or saying that she's doing a poor job, she will most likely be glad that you've brought it up. I know that you aren't the type of person to make anyone feel that way, so I'm sure she'd be glad to help you come to a good resolution.
I have experienced both spectrums mentioned here -- the little private school that I went to for 6 years was so white, it was blinding. We had one African-American girl in the Upper School (which was grades 6 to 12) and I think there was one Asian kid. I don't remember. There was no celebration of diversity. There was, however, the ever-present aura of "look how great WE are! Aren't we just the best, Muffy? Shall we go play badminton and croquet on the South lawn now? And afterwards, our "colored" maid can serve us tea!" (Do you get the feeling that I didn't care for the place?)
My high school was huge and incredibly racially diverse. We had just about every ethnicity you could think of, and lots of exposure to foreign cultures via foreign exchange students. I learned so much more about diversity from being there than any dry lesson could teach me. I think being immersed in a family as diverse as his own will teach LG (and BB) more about diversity than any only-on-paper lesson ever could.
Great post! ChaosGirl's daycare class is about 1/3 white, 1/3 African American, and 1/3 Asian. I went to a high school that was about 40% African American (though if I went there now it would be probably more like 30% African American and 20% Hispanic). I tend to forget that there are challenges like just being able to interact with people of different races and ethnicities in some areas. Mad parenting skillz rock! As a non-Christian I'm so not looking forward to getting to the age where I have to start explaining religious differences. That's going to get hard enough with the inlaws soon ...
Great post Phantom. You've made me wonder about one of the girls in Chatterboy's class who constantly misbehaves, too (mostly with the girls, so Chatterboy just watches with interest).
In my work, diversity is code for "women in senior management" (ignoring the fact that one third of our workers were born overseas, and very few of them are in senior management either), so it's interest that diversity seems often to be code for african americans, rather than thinking about the wider diversity.
Great post - LG sounds like a wonderful little boy.
We go to the same elementary school mentioned in Ruth's article. (She's my neighbor, actually...)
It is a very different experience when your child is sometimes the only Caucasian in the classroom. Or when there is a field trip and of the 15 kids in the classroom, only 3 can afford to bring in the $2 for the bus. Or when every form needs to be translated into two other languages before you can distribute it to the student body.
That's our school.
We're not talking "working class" diversity in this particular school. We're talking - "don't have enough to eat" poverty.
The way the zoning is for this school makes it so it includes one of the richest neighborhoods in the city (we live in it...but only because it is near the lake and we really like to pay property taxes) and some of the poorest low-income apartment complexes.
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm trying to "out-diversity" anyone! That's not my intent. My point is only that it's different. I don't think I'm making my point very well, actually.....
It's just, well, different. Wonderful and the best school ever. But very, very different.
I think it's not the diversity of any particular kind that's important, as much as teaching kids to respect and relate well to everyone they may come in contact with. And that, it seems, you're teaching your kids very well.
I have been thinking about your post & Elizabeth's & Penguin Unearthed's etc. They have all been playing on my insecurities. It's quite, quite interesting, in a navel-gazing way... Turns out that these posts make me feel underprivileged.
My husband and I deliberately moved to an all-white town in the desert because we felt it had something special to offer the children (and us too of course). We thought nothing of the social aspects of living here but instead focussed on the fact that our kids would develop an intimate relationship w/ mountains and forests and the ways of moving water.
But I hear what you all are saying about diversity and I envy it. This town is 95% white and 65% wealthy (and growing) and it's small, so there's really not any school choice. High school A, B or C...
If there's a private high school it's only for the super rich & I don't know about it!
I am only now -- upon reading your posts -- realizing that I will have to work really, really hard to introduce diversity. I think that's true for all Americans who live in small towns.
On the other hand, opportunities to teach empathy abound, as you showed with this post.
Well, Jennifer, I think all of us are underprivileged compared to Kristen!
Kidding, but only just. Her city's committment to delivering education to a truly diverse student body -- and the willingness of the wealthier members of that community to participate in that diverse experience -- seem to me to be vanishingly rare. I'm jealous of it, just reading about it. But, as you note, that's an experience that's difficult (though not impossible) to duplicate in many small towns. In fact, LG's school does draw from the town's public housing, but that public housing stock is comprised of just a handful of units. The racial and economic diversity it adds to LG's school is just a single wave in a sea of whiteness.
However, my jealousy only goes so far. I'm not staking a for sale sign in the front of the yard and looking to move to the nearest diverse city -- you know, the one with much lower test scores and more gang violence? The one where we couldn't live in a neighborhood that's both walkable and safe? Yeah. Like Laura says, we're all hat and no cattle.
I liked reading this. I think the nation is (slowly) beginning to think less about racial/ethnic diversity and more about socioeconomic diversity. (It's been the big buzz in college admissions over the last year, for example.) I like this trend, because I think it's not only worthwhile on it's own, but it's a better way of addressing racial/ethnic diversity. (I think this country is hypersensitive to race in the way we make such a big deal of being race-blind. If we could get that out of the way, we might make some actual progress.)
I think about diversity a lot too, and I was facinated to read this post. I am a bit uncomfortable with the connection of wealth/lack of wealth to the poor girl's implied bully status though. Do you mean to say that it's a good experience of diversity in education if a five year old needs consciousness raising about the lower classes in order to understand why someone who gets dropped off by a variety of teenagers in junky cars might be mean? That doesn't seem to be the kind of diversity I am striving for. Maybe because I am a struggling single mom myself, and hope I don't qualify as a diversity factor in that respect...
I could respond to this more easily if I could figure out what exactly you are trying to say here, cloudscome. If you're saying that you don't think I should be teaching my five-year-old that there's a causal relationship between junky cars and bullying, I would certainly agree, and I would assume that is not the message that LG is hearing, since what we talked about was the possibility that people at her home aren't always nice to A., not about what kind of cars they drove.
If what you're saying is that it makes you uncomfortable to think that you and your child might be considered "diversity" based on your family structure and economic status, well, I can understand that. I wasn't exactly comfortable with being the "diversity" in my public school. But on the other hand, nothing makes you understand what it's like to always be considered Other than being different from those around you.
Sorry. I guess I am not able to put into words my wondering about how class and diversity intersect. It seemed that the girl's poverty and her being treated poorly were somehow connected. And that it might be considered diversity to learn how to get along with poor kids who have bad manners or a chip on their shoulders. I am not saying this very well...
I really didn't mean to slam you or your conversations with your child. I am sure you are being a good parent in having those conversations and helping him understand the other child's point of view. I am sure he is learning a lot and talking it through with you is important.
I guess I am just not seeing that as a diversity thing... that's always a part of learning to get along with folks.
I guess what I am thinking is that putting one's child on a school bus that stops at McMansions and trailer parks is a start to learning to live in a diverse world; one certainly wouldn't want their child knowing only one class (their own). But it is just a start.
All our children need so much more interaction with peers from all cultures/ethnicities/races/world views/identifications. They are going to live in a much wider world than we knew growing up; they need to have a broader view. I find this a huge challenge personally. I want my sons to be comfortable and interested in living/working/learning with a wide variety of skin tones and cultures, as well as having significant role model of their own race. Sometimes it seems every force in our society is working against this.
I respect your thinking and struggling with this issue for your own family and I know how hard the choices are in finding a community that is all around good.
I don't want to discourage you or anyone else seeking to find diversity; but I want us not to be satisfied with the status quo either. No critism intended; really. Just want more challenging questions.
Commenting by HaloScan
