When I was in college I loved nothing more than having that big group of friends who wandered into and out of each other's apartments willy nilly. (This, despite the fact that I'm actually very private and guarded in many respects.)
Now that I'm all growed up, I don't prize that so much. I love having friends I can call up to play with, but I would hate to live in one of those neighborhoods where all the houses look the same and there's a bloc party every weekend. It would be great for the kids, I'm sure, but not for me. I like that we have a big heavy door (with a little Wizard of Oz door on it) shutting out the walkway that leads to the front door to our house; if we want to pretend we're not home, no one is the wiser. Privacy=good when it's on my terms.
My life seems so much the more empty that I don't have a flaneur buddy. Except I like walking by myself, but if it was someone else who liked walking by themselves, it would be okay, I think.
Given what I know of Asian families, I am moderately surprised that your blogging doesn't somehow get back to your family, including your parents.
I think, theoretically, I could still enjoy a group of people that drop by unannounced, but I really can't imagine it happening at this point in my life. I have a cousin though who managed to spend two years traveling the world on other people's couches, and that's something I at least partially envy, although I think he tended to give them advance notice months in advance in spirit, if not exact dates and times.
In other news, I completed my first game of BSG the board game, and all the joys of the cooperative traitor game a la werewolf/mafia are there, and with the background, it's ripe for some over-the-top scenarios. For example, in one turn Saul, accused Adama of being a cylon traitor, shot him and claimed the admiralcy then promptly declared martial law and took control of the civilian government, which led to a situation where I was forced to, as Balthar, confront the centurions boarding the ship, gloriously missing them five times in a row as I playacted cowering behind a bulkhead. We promptly mutinied and threw Saul in the brig, and made a desperate early jump leaving some civilian ships behind. When the dust had cleared, Helo, of all people was the president and the admiral of the fleet. Meanwhile, I used my cylon detector on Lee Adama to see if he was a cylon, and he was, but then I lied to everyone and said he wasn't a cylon because it was his turn next and I wanted him to think I was a cylon as well (and Balthar is after all, twice as likely to be a cylon as anyone else in the game)...and so it went.
I understand completely on visiting the family. For me the problem is that the family is a long ways away (most of the country away) so a short visit is hard and exhausting. But, a longer visit would take most of my vacation time. While I'm happy to see them, I'd rather go somewhere I haven't gone with the little time off I have. They don't travel much so that doesn't make as much sense to them. Lately I've had to tell them over and over that while I'll visit soon, it won't be until I know what will happen with various personal situations, and I won't know on those for a month or more at least. Still, they keep asking.
The family working together thing is interesting because it seems to be one of the ways that certain immigrants integrate economically at a rate that's higher than might be expected. Canadian immigration policy, for example, puts more stress on "skills" and education than the US, while the US gives more weight to family ties. But the Canadian system does hardly better at all in terms of economic integration, and many people who work on this think it's due to family ties providing economic networks in the US that are less common in Canada.
My wife and I really like to walk around, both new places and just pleasant places we've been. (When we moved to New York City we bot a set of cards that had various "walks" in the city with information about the areas. Most were too short so we'd have to fit several together. It was useful, though, and we went several places we otherwise probably would not have.) For us the idea is a Russian one- the world "gulyat" means something like "to walk for pleasure", though that doesn't really capture the idea quite right. But it's something we enjoy doing pretty much where ever we are (and something that's sad about visiting my parents, as it's so dull to walk in their suburban style area!)
I feel the same way about walking around in Orange County! It's so boring! And all the strip malls are so far apart! And that's all there is!
I love walking around cities, outdoors, in my exurban neighborhood and college city. I spend less money walking around here, and probably less weight gain. Part of the pleasure of walking around in the nearby big city is all the ice cream and treats to buy. Mmmm.
And really interesting points about economic integration. We've always worked as a family together, from the days when my dad and brother worked at the LA Times (seriously, maybe there were 2, 3 W-2s filed, but all 8 of us worked the night shift stuffing papers). That's part of my guilt about feeling so outside of my family. They'd like me to be as integrated as the rest of them. When I'm there, I am. Very hands on, watching the kids, hanging out with the family, very little personal time. And then I can't wait to get away, which they can't understand. When I'm good I'm good, but I don't want to be good all the time, at least not that definition of good.
It gets even more complicated when you have a long-term partner/spouse who didn't come out of that kind of family, and your family expects to integrate him too.
Did you go away again?
I miss this blog.
I second Franky Starks's comment.
Belle, hope everything is OK.
This blog was the most negative and hypocritical blog I have ever encountered. Have fun spending your time undermining someone elses. You repeatedly talk about "doing something you love", what, do you love talking crap on hard working people?
"what, do you love talking crap on hard working people?"
Doesn't everyone? But I think there's a missing article for "crap" and that's an unnecessary "l" in "talking."
wow, I can't believe you capture my sentiments exactly!! and i have to make obligatory visits to California at least thrice a year.
glad your blog is back.
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