It was a similar process for me although it was myself that I placed before God and not my children (who I do not have). I don't miss God in my life either - at least, no more than I miss believing in the tooth fairy. If there's anything I miss it's the simplicity of the world when I did believe, but that's not something that I would ever want back.
I think Deut. 13 says it all. Most poeple blithely assume that a commitment to God is compatible with "family values" and love. The Torah bids us to choose between unconditional love and God:
ז כִּי יְסִיתְךָ אָחִיךָ בֶן-אִמֶּךָ אוֹ-בִנְךָ אוֹ-בִתְּךָ אוֹ אֵשֶׁת חֵיקֶךָ, אוֹ רֵעֲךָ אֲשֶׁר כְּנַפְשְׁךָ--בַּסֵּתֶר לֵאמֹר: נֵלְכָה, וְנַעַבְדָה אֱלֹהִים אֲחֵרִים, אֲשֶׁר לֹא יָדַעְתָּ, אַתָּה וַאֲבֹתֶיךָ.
ט לֹא-תֹאבֶה לוֹ, וְלֹא תִשְׁמַע אֵלָיו; וְלֹא-תָחוֹס עֵינְךָ עָלָיו, וְלֹא-תַחְמֹל וְלֹא-תְכַסֶּה עָלָיו.
י כִּי הָרֹג תַּהַרְגֶנּוּ, יָדְךָ תִּהְיֶה-בּוֹ בָרִאשׁוֹנָה לַהֲמִיתוֹ; וְיַד כָּל-הָעָם, בָּאַחֲרֹנָה.
Btw, this concept of compulsory denunciation of friends and family is so reminiscent of totalitarian regimes. I'm sure Stalin got the idea from somewhere.
In this day and age, I wonder how many people, even the most pious among us, could make such a decision, and not have pity?
SB: I hear you.
Resh: I wonder too, but I think there are many who are so brainwashed that they'd do it. I know families who have disowned children...
BTW, for the convenience of those who don't read Hebrew, here's a translation of the verses Resh has quoted:
6 If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, "Let us go and worship other gods" (gods that neither you nor your fathers have known, 7 gods of the peoples around you, whether near or far, from one end of the land to the other), 8 do not yield to him or listen to him. Show him no pity. Do not spare him or shield him. 9 You must certainly put him to death. Your hand must be the first in putting him to death, and then the hands of all the people. 10 Stone him to death, because he tried to turn you away from the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
> Once God's not first on the list, it's easier for him to tumble further down the ladder. And that's what happened for me.
I'd say it was just a co-incidence.
Your logic can really extend to any transgression, however minor. For E.G.
Ideally, I should have stayed in Yeshiva full time and not ventured out into college. In goint to college, I put myself before God. If I watched TV, I put myself before God.
That doesn't turn you into a skeptic, that just makes you human.
Several years ago (before I had a child, was married or even became frum), I remember a rabbi telling of a rabbi from some time ago who told his son something to the effect of "I love you very much, but I love Hashem even more." I recall being a little bit appalled then.
Having a son of my own now, I really can't conceive of loving God more than the boy. Even if I accept (and I more or less do) that God gave me and my wife this wonderful boy, I am inclined to think that God would understand my preference for my child over my creator.
All that said, I don't think that the two attachments really have to conflict. The Torah doesn't require us to (chalila) sacrifice our children, and might even be said to offer a useful set of principles with which to bring them up.
BHB: Sure, but being human is one step closer to being a skeptic. I know it's a long bow to draw, but what I mean is, once you're not perfectly enclosed in the system, there's an opportunity for skeptical ideas to seep in.
Morgan: No, they don't have to conflict, but the question is, what would you do if they did?
Because, according to the passage quoted above by Resh (translation provided below by yours truly) the path is clear if your child rebels against God.
BJ--
Judaism or not, you have to (or, one would think you'd have to) transmit some set of values to your children and discipline them or otherwise express disappointment when the children violate those values.
I'm really not aware of any cases in Judaism where parents actually arranged for the execution of a rebellious child (indeed, I think the rabbis specifically deny that this happened).
Love for our kids is pretty much unconditional; our satisfaction with their behavior isn't.
Discipline and expressing disappointment is quite different from disowning your child for making a different life choice or having a different sexual preference.
I totally hear you on this post. I think having a kid has pushed me to take a position on my own religiosity. I feel like I can't raise my baby without knowing what my values are and what I want to pass on.
Thanks, LNM, and welcome. I will have to check out your blog in more detail later but it looks good.
resh
that posuk is talking about someone who is trying to entice you to worship a god like the mayans had. one who demands virginal sacrifice or child scrifice on a regular basis.
such a religion is dangerous and akin to someone who comes to kill you, you shall kill him first.
allowing one self to become part of that religion, could very well cause the death of that persons children.
I think the torah doesnt get it wrong here.
what is wrong is if we try to turn that posuk into a admonition to someone who tries to missionize you to christianity.
Very interesting. I went through this as well. I look at my kids and i think - i would not let anything get between us. Marry in, marry out, don't marry, marry the same kind. s/he's my kid! Makes you realize that whereas you used to believe in the One Reality (God), you now realize that there are things more Real in your world (your kids.)
There is a halacha that forbids a father from kissing their children in shul. The reason being that this act shows that father loves of the child is greater than his love of God, God forbid! 
. I have always been very scrupulous in keeping this halacha. Lately, while I am faithful to OrthoPrax, and i keep all halacha, i have consciously stopped observing this particular halcha and I kiss my children whenever they visit me in shul, and have 'kavana' with the kiss to elevate my love of my children above all with this act.
>I am faithful to OrthoPrax, and i keep all halacha, i have consciously stopped observing this particular halcha and I kiss my children whenever they visit me in shul, and have 'kavana' with the kiss to elevate my love of my children above all with this act.
very interesting! You have created an anti-halacha practice. This is a great thing for skeptics. Maybe we can create our own halachos too. I bet the followers of Shabtai tzvi did this.
wow..so i stumbled on your blog somehow (lubnomore to someone else to you... ) anyway after reading this post i just have to say that i wish my dad could have put me before religion...three years ago i married a man whose mom had a reform conversion...i'm sure you know where that led...i'll always wish my dad would have come to my wedding...and while i still believe in god (although in practice i'm closer to reform than orthodox these days) i'll always be a little bitter towards the religion that my dad chose over me
Couldn't you have conceived of a god who demanded of you to love your child through thick and thin, and at the very least, if you cut off your child, that you better NOT do so in his name?!?!
But I guess, being raised on akeidah stories and what not, probably not.
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