Awww... he's just too cute!
He kinda rocks, doesn't he?
'Deed he does, B. 'Deed he does.
Betcha a dollar a subsequent comment will chide you for "pushing him to be gay" or some such nonsense.
*cannot resist*
Damn, B -- are you trying to get that kid to be gay???
Seriously, it's soooo cute!! Except, why would they be doing it to embarrass each other. I'm not joking -- is it a 'boys don't kiss 'cos it's yucky' thing? Or has PK somehow picked up from the intolerant crowd that boys kissing each other is something to mock?
May I humbly suggest to whomever may be the naming-powers-that-be that name of this week be changed to "Freedom to have one's marriage legally recognized" week?
I've *been* married for 15 years. I just live in a part of the world in which my marriage is not legally recognized. What's missing is neither commitment, nor 'social recognition' (my friends recognize my spouse as such, and those who do not are not my friends). What is missing is the legal protection involved in knowing, e.g., that I will be able to see, get medical information about, and be able to make decisions on behalf of, my spouse if she's ever in hospital, g-d forbid have her body shipped home for burial if something should happen to her while she's away, knowledge that our wills will be respected for what they say (in e.g. Virginia there have been threats by certain groups to have even such things as wills declared invalid on their face, on account of their being attempts to create through contract something "similar to" the legal institution of marriage, and/or attempts to create through contract "the legal incidents of marriage"), etc. etc. We are lucky enough to be well off enough to afford a stack of legal documents (we're upwards of 25 each, at this point) that would provide some leverage in court under such horrible circumstances. But leverage is far short of the guarantee afforded couples whose marriages are legally recognized. Brass tacks, folks.
Off soap box now. And yes, PK is cute.
I think it's just a "kissing is embarrassing" thing--he had the same kind of embarrassed/pleased thing going on a while back when he asked me if he was too young to have a girlfriend. And he's secretly confessed that although he loves dancing with me to the radio, he'd be kind of embarrassed if anyone saw us.
It's a strange thing--I don't remember feeling like this at his age, but who knows. Anyway, it's rather endearing.
Betting pool: who will have more male partners, B or PK? Where's the line on this?
I'm pretty sure that tussling first before kissing makes it totally not gay.
And if I had a blog, which I don't, I'd kick actualifanonlesbian's comment to the front page, due to awesomeness.
Spiritrover, awesome idea: I'll need a new post for tomorrow on the same subject. Consider it done.
Awwww! So cute. That's one cool little kid you have there.
ahhh. Thanks Spiritrover & B-- color me blushing, if also slightly afraid of blog-world.
"I don't remember feeling like this at his age, but who knows.
bitchphd | Homepage | 02.11.07 - 11:29 pm |"
Duh.
You were a girl, 'member? (I know it's been a while. P'raps you forgot.)
Girl-type people are not sposed to be embarrassed about feelings.
Boy-type people are sposed to have no feelings but the will to power... and are never supposed to dance, let alone with anyone, let alone with their mothers, let alone be seen at it. (See "In and Out," the Kevin Kline movie written by Paul Rudnick, for a great scene on this key point)
Little Nice Guy #2 complained of a girl constantly trying to kiss him at around that age. My first response was to chuckle and say I was glad she lliked him, but he glared at me and said she didn't, she was just trying to embarrass him, and it offended him deeply that she wouldn't stop no matter what he did in response.
So I straightened my face and told him he was right not to put up with sexual harassment.
Heh...
"Brokeback Dojo"
I think the freedom to embarass each other and the wisdom to use that freedom wisely are things any couple, married legally/illegally/by consent etc would be proud to know.
We told you to cut that boy's hair, B.
props to you for being so supportive of him. my mother would have smacked me and told me it was "wrong" should i have displayed same sex lovin'
Dr. D--hilarious! Dr. B--I just wanna squeeze PK's li'l cheeks, he's so cute.
smartalek, are you saying that boys are somehow naturally or inherently embarrassed by emotion? Because what's so interesting to me about this embarrassment thing is that, in fact, PK is extremely articulate and open about his feelings: this one thing, though, he seems to feel is "private" in ways that, say, wanting to cry isn't.
'Course he's also getting to the age where he wants privacy in the bathroom, which I'm all for. Long time coming, that one.
Apo, you should know that Tai's big brother's hair is as long as PK's. So is Tai's father's.
Hmm. i think the embarrassed thing is something some people just do as a kid. I for one would have hated for Tai to tell if I was PK, largely because I HATED it when adults thought I was a "cute kid."
From a very young age, I felt that way. I can still remember the feeling of anger and embarrassment I would have when I realized some adult was thinking I was precocious and cute rather than taking me seriously.
but that doesn't seem like PK's thing here.
I remember kissing my (same sex) best friend in second grade. I turned out gay and he turned out straight, interestingly enough.
Save this one for his wedding toast (whether he weds a boy, a girl, or one of each) should he choose to wed. I'm just sayin...
I found it interesting that the purpose of the kiss was to embarrass him, but nobody else saw it happen, so it was solely personal embarrassment, not public shame that was apparently the goal.
Count me as intrigued by the apparent gender difference re: embarassment. My girl (7, about PK's age, if I recall correctly?) has been boy crazy since she was 3 and is a shamleless little flirt. (She seems to be very good at it, too -- I'm trying to start taking notes!) She told me the other day that she asked the boy she currently likes if he liked her too and he said, yes, he did. But later, she asked again and he said no. Wouldn't you know it, it later came out that they were alone the first time she asked and surrounded by his buddies the second time. It seems like among her circle of girlfriends it would be more embarassing not to have a crush.
Got me wondering if we (her parents and her community more broadly) put pressure on little girls to feel like they have to have crushes even if they really don't and on boys to pretend they have no such feelings even if they really do.
I'm really not sure if the reason for the kiss was embarrassment, or if that was just the rationalization. And in either case, embarrassing someone is often an attempt at flirting, no? As I said, PK seemed *both* embarrassed and pleased, just the way he does when he talks about the girls he has crushes on. I suspect that, for him anyway, this whole idea of *specially* liking someone is a little embarrassing, if only because it's not something he really knows how to negotiate yet.
"I suspect that, for him anyway, this whole idea of *specially* liking someone is a little embarrassing, if only because it's not something he really knows how to negotiate yet."
Hell, it's something *I* don't really know how to negotiate yet... It intrigues me that my kid clearly finds nothing embarassing in it at all.
Some kids--well, some people--are just embarrassed about things. I didn't mind, as a kid, being seen doing more...official?...things, things I was expected to be good at and felt that I was, in fact, good at. I hated, and still hate, for anyone to see me dance or sing, because I've never been any good at those things, and because they're things one does at least somewhat spontaneously (obviously not if one is a professional singer or dancer, but you know what I mean), so knowing when and how to do them is of equal importance to the actual successful execution of the song or dance. I am fine with things that I know how to do and am doing within a framework of "this is what people are here to do", but not when it's something you have to pick the appropriate situation for. Similarly with clothes, I have no trouble picking an outfit and feeling confident in it if there's some expectation of what one will wear for the given occasion, whether it's riding breeches or schlumpy jeans or a formal dress, as long as I understand what's expected, whereas for less-well-defined things I always find myself overdressed for the occasion. So maybe the embarrassment is less about budding sexuality and more about social anxiety of a sort of obssessive-compulsive type? Because that's what it is for me, I think.
Apo, you should know that Tai's big brother's hair is as long as PK's. So is Tai's father's.
That's all fine and good, but you're not allowed to cut *their* hair.
Nope, nor PK's either; he's made that very clear.
My son is only 5 and already has strong feelings of privacy and embarrassment regarding the, um, proto-romance he has with our next door neighbour. Whom he has stated he is going to marry. (He wants them both to brides: "We can both wear the pretty dress, right mom? When we get married?" He's very into the glam aspects of weddings, and every time they play getting married he must be dripping in tulle and jools.)
But he's serious, and it's emotional for him. They were 'playing doctor' one day, and when I wandered by, I suggested that since they fight a lot about the sharing of toys and the hurt feelings in that conflict, maybe they could hold off on playing with each other's bodies so intimately until they were a little better at listening to one another.
This caused them both to cry: my kid was blushingly embarrassed. He also got mad that I'd stepped in, and really sad/afraid that they'd grow up and not be friends anymore.
I remember feelings of embarrassment; or maybe it's a combination being out on a limb, and a little foolish, and that being fun.
Well, my first *kiss* was with a girl, in my teens. My first grope, and first close, hard look, gettin' and givin', was with another boy. Age 8 or 9 or so. What the hell. I turned out lovin' me some girls. 
When my son was around eighteen, a friend told him "You know, you're the only straight friend I have who didn't stop hugging me after I came out."
smartalek, are you saying that boys are somehow naturally or inherently embarrassed by emotion?
I didn't get that from the comment. smartalek said "sposed to have" not "have," and I read it as, well, smartaleky.
PK is articulate about his feelings with you - but is he as articulate with people he is not intimate with? He doesn't get the same messages from everyone that he gets from you, eg, he's obviously absorbed something from somewhere about not dancing in public. (Try to break him of that, will you? I'm tired of non-dancing males.) It's likely that he shows a different affect when you are not around.
Nice story! Great that he feels he can come to you to talk about these things - I'll bet you can't wait until he reaches his teens!
When my son was around eighteen, a friend told him "You know, you're the only straight friend I have who didn't stop hugging me after I came out."
That's sad, and sweet.
Frumious, he really is pretty good with other people about saying "I feel x, or y." I think he's just a bit of a self-conscious kid--he's also (always) been cautious about new physical activities. And the best thing I can do about that, I think, is just make it clear that being who he is and saying how he feels is a-ok, and anyone who has a problem with it can go take a flying leap.
So like, this morning, heading off to school in a fuchsia long-sleeved shirt with a Hawiian shirt over it, he said "I bet someone's going to say 'that shirt has flowers on it.' I said, 'oh?' And he said, "yeah, I'll just tell them, 'Dude, it's a Hawiian shirt." Then we practiced rolling our eyes, just for emphasis.
Yeah, it is both sad and sweet. Yet part of the implied subtext is that in this generation and their subculture, teenage boys do hug each other sometimes.
It's a strange milestone when one's growing child starts putting his/her arms on top in hugging parents.
Another somewhat relevant thing I just thought of -- when our kids were in the latter years of elementary school, and watched lots of nature documentaries, we sometimes used the expression "protective coloration" as a sort of value-neutral shorthand for sometimes making choices to fit in with a peer group or a conformist grandparent. I completely agree that the best thing a parent can do is to affirm the kid's own preferences and choices, but when they were older I found that our kids also appreciated hearing that a little bit of discretion isn't necessarily a betrayal of self.
Her, I like that "protective coloration" metaphor. Shall keep it in mind, if the need comes up.
Then we practiced rolling our eyes
Heh heh.
You are such a good parent. We caught daughter kissing a couple of the neighborhood boys when they were five or so. I sent the boys homes, sat daughter down and explained in scary detail what infectious mononucleosis was. I am afraid I damaged her for life.
OMG, that's horrible!!! Bad Papa!
That mono virus is so commonplace, you're as likely to get it from playing in mud as kissing the neighbourhood boys. Bonus mono points for playing in mud if you're immune system's already in the doldrums -- that's why university students get it so frequently. They're underslept, not eating well off on their own, and nobody's yelling at them to shower regularly.
I was in monogamous relationship when I got it -- you could say I put the mono in monogamy. I did go camping, though, and I had alveolitis at the time. Don't do that, boys and girls; it's not fun.
your immune system's in the doldrums, even. Holy crap, I can't believe I did that!
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