The Boy on Top
You are correct sir. I encourage my son often, but am not afraid to calmly lay down the law. i know some parents who say," I want my child and I to be best friends." If that is so, that's great, but they should remember that they are first and foremost, a parent. Cheers.
Spot on Mr Matt. Friendship can happen later, but being a parent means both the happy and the hard things. TB
I am gathering info on this - part of our last adoption-session was 'what are the rules going to be in your household'. And we recognise that it's all very well to be full of ideals; but what matters is what you do on the ground, when faced with actual situations.
And I agree with Matt - I don't see HOW you can be friends with a child who is still a child. That's not in the 'parent' job description as I read it.
Yup, ideals are for text books. Parenting is about love, consistency, respect, encouragement and discipline (not necessarily in that order, except for love over everything). Every house needs rules, and rules can be bent, but shouldn't be broken.
Believe it or not, there are many parents, particularly in this "modern" world who think being a friend to your child is the most important thing. Thing is, how do you discipline a friend? That's not what friendship means.
So says me anyway, TB
Definitely need both. Be sure to trade, though, my poor mom felt like my dad always hogged the 'nice guy'
(Disclaimer: both of my parents were fantastic, and I love both equally, AND they are sooooo in love with one another to this day)
I try not to hog the nice guy bit, and in deed though LL is generally sterner, I'm the hard line disciplinarian. Never figured on that role for myself, but hey. TB
Oh dear - it's me who's the cuddly softy parent and the ex-hubby who is the stern disciplinarian. In a normal home this would work well but as we are seperated the boys get too much of one and none of the other at any given time.
I see this - they run rings around me and do things they wouldn't DARE to do with their Dad.
Just have to hope they'll turn out alright in the end. Not much else to do really. I am useless at harsh discipline..I prefer to make them laugh their way out of a tantrum or bad behaviour.
Tough one that. If you can make them laugh out of a tantrum, thats a rare skill. LL does it too. I just leave the room... TB
9x7?
61, no 58, no no I'll get it, 75!
Its tough going back through things you forgot 40ish years ago... TB
Ha, my mother wanted to be my best friend, and we're still alienated over it! (And although she was more successful with my youngest sister, now they can barely be in the same room with each other!)
We were talking about these issues on my site the other day, and at dinner the Consort shared an interesting research result: They took 3-yo's and put a small chocolate treat on the table. The researchers said, "You can have this candy now, or, if you wait until I return, you can have two", then left the room. They recorded how long the kids held out. Then, 15 years later, they followed up. The kids who held out the longest had succeeded much better in school than those who didn't. This showed that self-discipline is a strong factor in future success (rather than IQ or socioeconomic level, etc.)
Friends as adults, parent and child when younger. Its the only way that works.
I've seen that child rearing info before. The BBC has been runing a brilliant series Child of our TimeM/a> that has a new series every year tracking 100 odd children from different backgrounds. They ran that test, and have been following the results each year. Fascinating stuff. TB
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