The Boy on Top
As a divorcee, I agree that divorce should be possible. I was too young, he was a jerk, doing all he could to lower my self-esteem, verbal abuse..
No kids.
The divorce wasn't easy. I couldn't afford a lawyer, so I had to figure it out on my own, went to the law library, found the documents I needed, met with the divorce referee, and all on my own since he had left the state. That being said, it was easy in a way, just pay the court costs, type up the documents, file, then go to court 2 months later to testify. I'm glad it was that easy, because I couldn't have done it alone, otherwise.
If kids are involved, then I'd agree with you that a divorce should be harder, but otherwise? You say you've seen relationships that made you angry because someone bailed out fast, well, that's probably a good thing seeing as who would want to be stuck in a marriage with someone who doesn't want to even try to be with them.
Personally, I think it should be harder to get married. Particularly for people under 30!
Now that's a tack on the discussion I like. Make marraige and having kids illegal for anyone under 25! TB
I believe divorce should be mandatory so I could have a shot at some of these hot married babes around here!! Cheers Boy...
You're telling me you can't have a shot at them anyway? TB
There was a piece a year or two ago in the New York Times about divorce with a divorce lawyer vs divorce with a mediator. (This is a bit off your topic, btw). Because lawyers define success in a divorce by how much money/settlement they get for their client, or how much of that they save for their client, those divorces usually are more acrimonious: clients are told *not* to talk to the other spouse, they are told to "hide" as much as they can, etc. A mediator does just the opposite: it's all about talking things out, *working* things out, really getting at what can be afforded, what is necessary, and what is just fluff. Couples who went the mediator route were in general happier and not as bitter. It's also *way* easier on kids, because no matter what parents say, in many cases it does become a situation of "who do you love more?"
Also, I know a woman who got married after college because she wanted to live with her boyfriend, and her parents wouldn't accept that within the confines of their religion and "morality". So, they got married. And divorced two years later. (A topsy-turvy weighting of importance there: sex is worse than divorce?)
I agree that in our world of no-fault divorces, many people do quit without really trying. Marriage is hard. *Very* hard at times. But I'd rather deal with over-divorcing than with the women who can't prove the abuse.
Random thoughts. I know.
I completely agree that the hurdle of abuse should be low. It can't be tolerated that anyone feel they have to stay in an abusive relationship. Personally though, I feel our societies rate of divorce is too high. TB
I think that it's all moot. More and more people are opting to live together without a legal tie anyway....and they have kids...so why bother making divorce more diffcult...all you'll get are more 'informal' relationships springing up.
This is really about the reality of society today....me me me....'I want it good and I want it now and I want it easily! And if you don't oblige, darlin'..I shall just hop away and find it elsewhere.'
It's peoples attitudes that need to change - not the laws. There are always ways around it.
I half agree with you. My counter point would be that laws can change attitude. Plus social policy can make options more or less attractive. As an example in the UK, for a single mother out of work, she (and her partner) get a larger social income by staying single and living together than if they were married. That has made a definite spike in the number of out of wedlock children in the last five years since the policy changed. TB
I think people enter too blithely into marriage in the first place. Same with kids. The follow what society says is the natural progression of relationships; where, perhaps, they'd be better off if they didn't buy into what is expected.
Or change the expectations? TB
I have three rules for marriage. Be polite, be kind and always be ready for sex*.
It's worked for us for the best part of 34 years, and I married at 19.
*Some leeway here when the children are small and you are permanently exhausted.
Completely agree (especially about the permanently exhausted bit). Would add lots of non-sexual contact (eg cuddles). I pine when I don't get to touch LL. Its the monkey in me. TB
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