Being the oldest one of seven kids, six of them male, I got the story from Pops too. And I think he actually knew Sid also, or a guy just like Sid. Midtown was the old man's bailiwick.
The Pops had to travel all over the hemisphere to meet with the rich and powerful and decide whether to lend them vast sums for their industries, or NOT, and he was big on the presentation of self, like your Dad. But mine leaned a lot more toward the business and finance arena snappiness.
I wonder if your father also gave the lectures about the table manners? I admit I have forgotten some of the lessons at this point as the country I now live in is tragically informal and I have had little need to use most of the secret lore for decades now.
BUT, Pops also passed on the BIG secret, which all the other info was just there to back up. It was an update of that Pygmalion thing. He made all of us able to present ourselves as the equals or even superiors of the ruling class even though we were barely a generation removed from immigrant peons.
As a result, in my relations with the very wealthy, a class I have worked with since my early teens, I have never felt in any way inferior to them and also, I have very seldom been treated by them as they often treat "the Help", that is, as furniture.
Maybe they do not even know WHY they are somewhat unable to dismiss my being or even my polite but blunt opinions, but I know it is because of my mimicry of the class markers in my person, when needed, although in my possessions I fall rather short.
A final observation for those who deal with the well heeled: besides the "look" and the manners, the primary impression one must give in that milieu is to obliquely communicate that money is not your big motivation.
When asked:"Don't we owe you some money?" I always reply {dismissively}, "Oh, I'll send a bill." I send the bill a month later.
This also serves to let them know -- they need me, I don't need them.
I even follow this very important rule if I am destitute.
After all, the whole thing IS an act.
But after 40 years of doing business like this, even I fall for my own presentation.
I really never ever feel inferior to my clients, except the very brilliant ones. It's the only quality I still look up to.
Thanks, Pops. Thanks, LM, and will we get to see you in some of those great clothes?
WOW!!!! Just WOW, all I can say LM, you brought back some memories of my own dad. Dad (never daddy, always dad) was a working class stiff as am I, but he sure knew how to dress well when needed. Like you & yours my dad taught me most of the same basics you just covered, but never really was able to explain as thoroughly the reason behind buying quality. Now you ask him about tools (both power & hand tools) and you could get a million hour explanation as to why quality is important. Lessons I hope to pass along to both my son and daughter.
My dad's like that, down to the (now impossible to get) Wildroot hair tonic. Saw to it that I could tie a Windsor blindfolded and gauge the quality of a suit reflexively.
I'm well known for being able to "clean up well" for a geek. But I've always got to watch out for my color blindness.
Unfortunately, during the current pressure cooker season, I'm stuck in zero maintenance mode: all black PermaPrest clothing (single load, no sorting, everything matches), polo shirt and chinos, ninja casual. (I do wear a traffic vest to keep cars from running me over at night). Pretty miserable but sometimes you gotta do it.
rock-and-roll proximity ecstasy
Reminds me of the 3:45 point in this scene in The 5 Heartbeats:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K...h?
v=KdHAwgRkk8M
My grandfather would give me the once-over when I would go out.
Whatever he would tell me, I would do, because he would DRESS; he was a real dap daddy (that what I thought of him; he had his suits and his hats, and the combination of the two...man!)
When I go out, either my sister or my niece gives me the once-over, and I do the same for them.
Perhaps more than the content, this is just so beautifully written. Thank you.
What a terrific post this is.
Twenty years ago I was so much more particular about what I wore. I never reached the sartorial heights others have described here, but I did appreciate a pressed cotton shirt, a nice silk tie, a sharp wool suit, and shoes with a shine. I was never a great social dresser, but a decent business dresser, and I considered this a pleasure, not a burden.
I got rid of all my suits and my tux in 2000 when I did a huge purge of my physical possessions and moved to Honolulu with almost nothing to my name. A year later I left Hawaii for New York (my home town) but still haven't reconstituted my wardrobe. It's high time.
yes, indeed. i love those lessons of style. about ten years ago while helping my gran with boxes i came across my grandfather's straight razors. german steel, ivory and ebony handles. they were so beautiful i couldn't resist. i learned how to use and care for them and they are my shaving gear now. they've made razors safer and more convenient, but they haven't made them better. not by a long shot.
i was also brought up by the old jazz babies to make sure that when ever i played to look sharp. for many years i had to get my work clothes from the symphony and opera guild thrift stores. but that classic cardin tux, the versace white tie and tails rig still get admiring glances whenever the occaision calls for them.
so many of my da's lessons still live on with me. the most concise and accurate description of jazz itself came from him.
when you're doing it right jazz comes from the top of your head and the bottom of your heart at the same time.
Oh, my, I so remember my father's clothes. He tried so hard and he cared so much, the dapper hat and perfect shoes and jacket. I still have his ivory handles pocket knife here with me.
After my father's death I was going though pictures and I saw image after image of a handsome man dressed in impeccable clothing who very, very closely resembled my father . Now, growing up my father wore a uniform (he was a Merchant Marine) or jeans or coveralls, but never, willingly, a handmade suit, a good tie, or an overcoat with a superb drape. But this man in the pictures did.
Years ago, when the horrifying "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelets started appearing, I tossed off my own variation: "What Would Cary Grant Do?" with regard to sartorial style. LM didn't need to look that far. And, as it turns out, neither did I.
Wonderful essay, LM. Your love and admiration for the man shines through every word you write.
“Years ago, when the horrifying "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelets started appearing, I tossed off my own variation: "What Would Cary Grant Do?" with regard to sartorial style. LM didn't need to look that far. And, as it turns out, neither did I.“
“What Would Cary Grant Do?”
Beautiful!
My father LOOOOVED Cary Grant. He'd be sitting there watching TV and at various times during a Cary Grant movie he'd just go “Mmmmmph!”
It was always after a scene where you got a good chance to see what CG was sportin'.
Sometimes he'd just say “That's how you do it.”
I don't think there was a better dressed man for as much of the 20th century as Grant. The quality...the simplicity...the confidence? My God. Just look at him in that indestructible, slimming, and beautiful gray suit in “North By Northwest”—or everything he wore in “To Catch A Thief”.
Sleek, suave...perfectly tailored.
William Powell's “Thin Man” wardrobe was beautiful as well. And dig on how magnificent Brando looked in his suits in “Guys and Dolls”.
Great stuff—and great style paragons abound...but you're right—when all else fails, one must only ask himself...“What Would Cary Do?” 
Upholding the true spirit of Gilly! Encore! Encore!
Heavens, LM, this is a masters course in sartorial spledor (and a heartfelt tribute to a Dad who would be very proud to boot). If I could get 99% of the men I see every day of my life to just attend ONE down and dirty "Do's and Don'ts mini-class, I would be thrilled:
1. Your tie is tied too short. I don't need to lay eyes on you and I know that. I see maybe 2 out of 20 men who wear them long enough. I don't want to see a HINT of shirt between the point and your pants. Mid-belt buckle, okay? NOT pointing down at your navel.
2. No, you CAN'T wear your ski parka with your suit. Buy a GD topcoat.
3. Yes, yes, YES - match your leathers.
4. Short sleeve dress shirts are very useful for washing the car, but certainly nothing else. I don't care if it's hot - roll the sleeves of your LONG sleeved dress shirt up. And God help you if you try to wear a tie with one - you are beyond help.
5. I'm begging here. No athletic shoes with a suit, or slacks and a sport coat. Please? Wear them and your parka with the JEANS.
6. Keep the bling to a bare minimum. Less is more. Even less than that is even more...
Don't get me started on the ladies.
This is fun!
"5. I'm begging here. No athletic shoes with a suit, or slacks and a sport coat. Please? Wear them and your parka with the JEANS."
Hear, hear. I manage to see a couple of these guys every time I'm in the US: $1500 suit and a pair of 'sneakers'. Slays me.
Punkster:
re:
#2:
http://www.bobcesca.com/images/c...heney-
parka.jpg
#3:
I always match my collar with my cuffs Mistress is very strict about that!
LM, great essay. I wish my dad had taught me like yours taught you. You man that picket line as long as necessary to get paid what you're worth, which is a lot. I'll be down in NYC over the holiday to stand in solidarity. I'll bring bagels too.
Fred Astaire was an icon too.
I used to turn the collars and cuffs on my dad's Brooks Brothers shirts. He was a teacher, but he thought he ought to respect the seriousness of his job, so he showed up in his classroom in the south Bronx as if he were showing up at a bank.
Punkster,
You obviously haven't spent much time in high tech land. ;>)
This one made me feel really g-o-o-d inside LoLo. As I sit here writing this I'm looking at the grey-on-grey pinstripe, three-button, Brooks Brothers suit and candy flake/electric/navy blue, triple squares Ted Baker tie I'm planning to wear tomorrow. As a kid, my Mother was the one that taught me (everything) how to dress and and imbued me with the earliest inklings of my own, fairly eclectic sense of personal style. During her recent Thanksgiving holiday visit to NYC, I handed her a fistful of scrilla and she, with my ex- (who considers her to be her "Momma too") in tow, set out to clean up that small den of thieves and cutthroats known as Woodbury Common - Clint Eastwood style. Seventy four years old now and the lil country gal from Alabama still has the quiet grace, elegance and dignified style of a Breakfast at Tiffany's era Hepburn. I think I would have liked your Dad a lot, LoLo.
For those interested, I recommend my personal "bibles of style" to you - "Style And The Man" and "Clothes And The Man"-by Alan Flusser.
“Fred Astaire was an icon too.”
Oh hell yes! The only thing that works against Astaire is his small frame and fine-bonedness, whereas Grant was built more to the larger American silhouette.
But make no mistake—Fred was an awesome style guide. No one worked blue into his wardrobe better (his shirts were exquisite), and the way his clothes fit and draped against him was near-perfection.
To see him in Technicolor in either “The Band Wagon or “Funny Face” is to see true sartorial splendor.
His ensembles were a master class in color balance.
And Gene Kelly's athletic, relaxed look is a great template for casual cool.
Doc Bopper:
Ohhhh, those Ted Baker ties are killers. Centurys (you know where) has a rackfull of 'em marked down ridiculously. The cost of three Starbucks fancies'll getcha one.
I have a couple of woven Teddys I got last year—one of 'em a killer copper jammie with gold stitched through it.
Badass stuff.
And my mom and sisters get to Woodbury at least once every other month. They just wreck the Ralph Lauren outlet store up there. I'm surprised the place stays in business after they've been there.
The two books you cite are indeed bibles. I would add “The Elegant Man” by Riccardo Villarosa and Giuliano Angeli.
P.S. And we need to get dap when we settle on that day, capicé?
Oh, but I have, Melanie. I used to have a line outside my office on big meeting days, or customer visits when the programmers had to *dress.*
Here's another:
7. Your pants should break on the top of your shoes. That means standing up straight, they hit and rest a bit (1/4-1/2") on the top of the shoes. They don't hang like round stovepipes to your ankle bone, and you also shouldn't be walking on the backs of them, either. And I don't CARE what the guy who sold you the suit said. He's wrong.
This one hit me hard. My father-in-law passed away back at the end of October. Last weekend, my wife and I headed back up to New York (Westchester, not the city) to clear out his condo.
He dressed well - mid to upper Nordstroms level. One closet had a row of three dozen suits, with 20 pairs of shoes lined up underneath them. The next closet over had the shirts.
But my FIL was a big man. He had about 6 inches in height on me and 4 around the chest. There is not a single piece of clothing that I could wear without looking like a 10 year old wearing his father's clothes. The only person who could wear this stuff is my brother in law, and he lives in torn jeans and t-shirts. We had to take him out to buy a suit for the funeral.
The whole collection is sitting in boxes in our spare bedroom right now. Once the holiday craziness is done, we will take the lot and donate it to a charity that provides suits for men who are trying to rebuild their lives after homelessness or prison.
He probably would hate the idea - he had nothing but contempt for "those people" who were "too lazy to hold a job". Seems appropriate to me.
7. Your pants should break on the top of your shoes. That means standing up straight, they hit and rest a bit (1/4-1/2") on the top of the shoes. They don't hang like round stovepipes to your ankle bone, and you also shouldn't be walking on the backs of them, either. And I don't CARE what the guy who sold you the suit said. He's wrong.
The back should come down to around the middle of the heel. And a narrow cuff (1 to 1-1/4 inch) on a light-weight fabric adds a little weight to help the leg hang better.
This post brought back memories of my suit-wearing days 25+ years back. I think I was nearly the only guy in Cleveland wearing San Remo and Alexander Julian. Used to spend as much time picking out shirts and ties as I did on the suit. Good times.
Wow LM,
Beautifully written LM. I read not too long ago a review of a book about the life of Cary Grant. Apparently, the "look and persona" that Cary Grant had came after years of studying how other men presented themselves. He would note what worked and what didn't, at some club where he was employed.
One of my regrets was ignoring till my thirties the advice people had about my lack of dress sense. I was very lucky that I came across a woman that was brutally honest. In fact, I just emailed her this post.
What a wonderful story
If I can find the time, I'll have additional comments. Until then, thanks again for sharing an interesting slice of becoming one's own man, LM. Obviously some meaningful times shared w/ your dad made all the more meaningful since his passing.
This is the sort of post that always keeps me coming back--you never know what pearl you're gonna find at the GNB! Again, thanks!
P.S. And we need to get dap when we settle on that day, capicé?
LowerManhattanite
Set BopGun on "Dap" - Scotty, beam us down.
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