Jesse, take care of yourself. Pain is a bitch, acute or chronic. At least acute pain is usually forgotten. Over the past year I've come to realize how much my ten years of cluster headaches had affected me. And I've been damn grateful for every day that I haven't had one. The key? Changing soaps. Something so damn simple and I stumbled onto it looking to take care of something else, and the clusters just disappeared.
I wish you could find something so easy and effective.
And yes, they are medicines, but they are DRUGS. No need to tread lightly about it. Hell, in the eyes of the FDA, we're all drug addicts. Ask any healthcare provider if oxygen is classified as a drug.
take good care of yourself jesse. keep the folks who know you close at hand.
i do the same dance on a daily basis. i have even resorted to handing the medication over to a trusted friend or family member and telling them "read the label, you're in charge right now, i can't be trusted."
my sobriety is a hard won thing and is far more important to me than my pride.
Jesse,
How timely. I have an appointment tomorrow with a neurosurgeon. Ugh.
As to the medication...I mentioned last year that I had to stop taking the neurontin and topamax because I was losing my memory and doing things that I wasn't aware of. Too bad because those medications did help me.
I wish you luck as you endure. Wish me luck too.
Luck, Cee.
Eat 'em up. (Drop me an email; let me know how the appointment goes if you don't mind.)
*hug*
Jesse--if you want to talk more RE specifics of any of your "not good for me meds" list, you know where to find me--I have my fingers on all the info.
glad you are resting, take care and breathe. hugs
Good luck with all this, Jesse. And thanks for making this blog happen.
I once sent you a comment that I thought you had cut one of the commenters off rather abruptly, and the next day you wrote on the blog that the fatigue, pain and medical complications made you do it. And here, you also state that "meds" imbalances cause "Jesse" to mutate.
I was run over by a pickup truck in 1999, and it took me six years to function correctly after that, although I am still in bad shape, I work for a living, physically. I have never taken the pain killers as they make my problems much worse, insofar as Zombiism is not an option, and also, the stuff kills my kidneys. I greatly sympathize with your dilemma, but remember that there are those of us out there who do not have the "meds" option, and in my case, due to yet other physical complications {diabetes} I don't drink or use recreational drugs although I would certainly like to if I could!
Meanwhile, I empathize enormously with your situation and wish you the greatest success in attaining balance.
Having pain is very difficult and particularly debilitating when one must apply one's efforts toward productivity. I recognize your outlook about the medication affecting the personality and for that reason, I won't even take insulin. That has been the case for the 25 years I have had to deal with that debility and I think it is a wise decision.
I should add, for those wondering, I managed the pain with vitamin and mineral supplements and other mail order pain buffers {all non-drug} and still take {only} Emergen-C with MSM.
On really bad days, especially days when my kidneys swelled up I took 600 mg of ibuprofen, but this was perhaps once a month. The other very expensive, but effective, pain management for 5 years after the accident was 5 times a week physical therapy {chiropractic twice and massage therapy three times a week for the first two years and the massage therapy only less and less afterward} and these allowed me to function, which I had to do efficiently because if I did not work, the therapy could not be paid for! I have no insurance of any kind and have had none for the last 32 years.
Having attempted to get off of the vitamins and the massage beginning in 2003 and not succeeding, finally in November of 2006 I was able to completely end all therapy other than my diet and the Emergen-C. This has been my program of self-medication, expensive, legal, and luckily, efficacious.
I have been prescribed both Effexor and Celexa (one after the other) for depression and anxiety after my house was broken into and robbed twice within 5 weeks. I can verify that I did indeed disappear under those meds. The week would come and go and you just simply would not care; totally unproductive at work and at home. I'm still on the borderline for depression, but I'm really afraid to take any of this shit. You need to stay on it for months to see if it's going to 'kick in', and if it doesn't you never get those months back.
Take care Jesse. Neurontin makes of me a not cheerful zombie.
Didn't work either.
I never got that far with Neurontin. It made me swell up, major; edema city. Probably added 20 pounds in fluid in two weeks. My legs had NO definition. Push in on my ankles and the dent would stay there for 8-10 seconds.
Scary, scary shit.
That's called ALLERGIC with a capital A which rhythms with T and that means you've got TROUBLE. Right here in...
Enough.
Neurontin was the LEAST troublesome of the five. Its impact was clearly visible.
My appreciation to everyone for their kind words.
Going to bed early tonight. No posting.
Take care Jesse, get a good night sleep.
So, you're a human lab rat, too? I raise my glass to you (though on antiseizure meds, I can't drink a damn thing anymore). Thank you for your eloquent, scary-accurate description of what it's like living with chronic pain and the treatment merry-go-round.
For those of you who don't live with this reality, save Jesse's description somewhere. Someone you care about WILL go through this someday, if not already. When you think you know what's happening, re-read Jesse's post and realize you don't know shit. Then hug (gently) the person in pain and ask him/her how you can help.
Take care of yourself Jesse.
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