Tell me something good
Hugs for you, CCW!
So hard... when we need our spouse to be something or someone and they're just not capable or willing or a little of both.
I won't try to offer advice- but I love someone (sister) with BPD and I know it's tought to do. But it's tough in the way loving your kids is tough- hard and hard work, but worth it for the people they are.
Hang in there!
Lauren, thank you for the kind words. I know dealing with me can be very tough for us both. I expect him to give more than he can right now. I expect him to accept it the same way I have. He holds out hope that I will one day be medication free and gets more depressed when I tell him that may never be a possibility.
oh, ccw. hugs to you. i hope things w/ mr mfba even out soon.
Big hugs to you, indeed.
I can only imagine that as poorly equipped as society seems to be for supporting people with these kinds of disorders, we must be even more poorly prepared to provide support to spouses, kids, parents, etc. Which is a terrifying shame.
(((CCW))))
((( ccw ))) you are very self-aware, and it sounds like you are doing the right things to manage this illness and your real life. my MIL also has bipolar, and i think of it as something like diabetes -- chronic, but usually manageable, and sometimes needing extra attention or new meds or whatever.
i think chorus has a great point about the lack of support systems for family members. mr. MFBA is experiencing this from a different perspective. we are so trained to want cures, miracles; and in some way, his "goal" of wanting you to be off meds simply may simply reflect feeling overwhelmed that his beautiful wife has this illness. it is hard for others to even imagine what it is like to experience the symptoms.
i also think it is pretty usual for spouses to have completely different reactions to intense situations in a family. however much we love one another and however much we share, we come to the big challenges with different backgrounds, experiences, strengths, weaknesses, etc. time and continuing to work through it helps a lot.
xoxoxo
Chorus, you are right. Society likes to hide away the mental illnessess that are not situational or temporary. It's ok if you can be "fixed" with a pill or therapy in a few months.
There are support groups available. I attend one weekly but Mr. MFBA will not come with me. Even though he could be in a different group I don't think he likes the idea of us being there together. I have contacted a group that does family-to-family sessions (no people with disorders) and he wants to try that.
kathy a, I do view bipolar disorder as any other chronic illlness. However, I still do not tell people b/c of the stigma. Outside of bloggy land I have two relatives, 1 friend, my husband, and one of my mother's co-workers (who has bipolar).
I know in my heart that we will be fine. I also know that we will go through this same pattern again and again depending upon how it manifests. I just wish we could do it together.
Excellent reflection. I'm going to use this in my next "Manic Monday".
I know you know all the gaga stuff so I'm just going to say - I'm thinking of you
(ccw)
I think the cyclic nature of chronic illness is what makes it so hard. That you not only have to deal with x,y, z, but that you have to deal with xyzxyz, again and again.
And knowing that doesn't really make it any easier. bleh.
(((ccw)))
Hugs, CCW. I wish things could be easier for all of you.
Pistol Pete, as before thank you! I think your MOnday round ups do a great service to those with bipolar disorder, support people, and those who just need to learn that we are "normal".
ymp that is one of the biggest frustrations. The best the neuro guy from big college with lots of federal money could say was "We know that the more episodes you have, the more you will have".
That was freakin' reassuring, thanks doc!
Damn, I'm sorry it has to be so friggin hard.
I hope you guys are better with this stuff soon. A year really isn't much time to adjust, you know?
I'm sorry CCW. I wish this part could be over with for both of you.
I hope he comes around soon and can give you some of the support you need.
CCW: I love you. I hope that helps a little bit.
I'm sorry. Sorry for both of you. Sorry that you wanting to talk about it has sent him spiraling, and that you feel unsupported.
However, it IS a good thing that you are so self-aware. That will help you both in the long run, even if it sucks donkeys right now.
My best friend is bi-polar. I understand what you're going through, and I understand your internal anger at being what she calls "broken" by mental disease, I try and make clear to her that while she does have a "disease", it's also something that she can learn to live with, and have a fulfilling life with. And you're right about the stigma -- though I think that's a total crock -- if a person had cancer, you wouldn't shun him and make him feel less than worthy, would you? It's the same with bi-polar. While you're what doctors call "ill", I feel like it's something that you can manage. It's not catching, and you shouldn't have to feel ashamed.
That being said, I'm an idiot, and what the hell do I know any damn way? All I DO know is that you're good people. And I do care about you. If nothing else, there's that.
Hugs, and know that we are here for you--I know it doesn't make up for real life support, but it's something.
I haven't commented yet because I can't think of a single profound thing to say. All I've got is: this makes me so sad. I wish there were something I could do to make it better. Since there's not, all I can suggest is a CCW/MFBA family vacation to St. Louis!
This is definitely one of those situations where I wish there was a magical mommy thing to do (hug, kiss, character bandaid, and popsicle). 'Cause I am kind of at a loss.
Just wishing you lots of strength and support.
xoxoxo
What they said. Many hugs.
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