I see some hands over here...
Ok, hopefully the widget won't chew up my votes today:
Beastie Boys
ZZ Top - First off, I'm tired of hearing that "Good Riddance" song.
Secondly, ZZ Top gets full advantage from the home crowd, as pod seeding works in their favor (since La Grange lies between Austin and Houston)
Third, the Eliminator. How can you vote against the Eliminator?!!
Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention - If I wanted to vote for a "Chicago" group against these guys, I'd vote for the Wesley Willis Fiasco. However, they are not on the ballot. Plus, there's that era of "You're the Inspiration" type songs.
U2 - Squirrel Nut Zippers earn cool points for using "Squirrel" and referencing an old candy, but lose said cool points for Chapel Hill roots.
1. Beasties
2. Green Day. Because ZZ Top were just enabling Clinton when they gave him the keys to the Eliminator. They're the real people at fault for the impeachment.
3. Zappa. When I was a freshman in marching band at Michigan, the second show we played was a "rock" show that included "You're the Inspiration", so I went around with that in my head for two weeks and nearly jumped off of Dennison to get it out.
4. U2
1.) There was a local publication that once theorized that musical groups named after geographic entities sucked in direct proportion to the size of the landmass they were named after. Therefore, Chicago & Boston sucked. Kansas sucked worse. America and Europe even more. And worst of all on the suck scale, Asia.
And who am I to argue with science? Go Beasties!
2.) ZZ Top have no business being here. Green Day don't either, really, but I feel justified in holding my nose and voting for them.
3.) See #1. Zappa.
4.) U2. Don't get me wrong, I like SNZ, but one of the best bands of all time? Don't think so.
There's a theme today. I'm voting against four bands whose songs (to me at least) all sound the same.
1. Beastie Boys. I'm not a big Beasties fan, but I can't make a case for Boston, not even if I rant about how horrible and overrated "License To Ill" is, how my obnoxious college roomie loved them, and such. Boston is just that lame.
2. Green Day. ZZ Top degenerated into a band that recycled "Eliminator" until people noticed and stopped buying it. Heck, one of those albums was even called "Recycler." Both bands have their uses, but I'm taking Green Day.
3. FZ. I'll admit to liking more Chicago songs than any red-blooded man should. I'll also admit that much of Zappa's early work is marred by pop song satires that fail either as pop, as satire, or both. But seriously, voting for Chicago in a Best Bands Ever tournament is never a good option.
4, U2. This isn't even Duke-Winthrop. This is Tennessee vs. Cow Chip State in the Women's NCAA Tournament.
Beastie Boys.
Green Day.
Chicago...and may God have mercy on my soul. Frank Zappa is for rock critics too proud to ask themselves: "What the f**k was that piece of s**t?" Give me syrupy goodness any day of the week.
U2. Because I wish to remain in CDB's good graces.
1. Beastie Boys. Although I think we should all just agree that "Fight For Your Right" never happened.
2. Green Day. Sharp Dressed Man is one of my favorites, and the swear word snuck into Legs was pretty cool when I was ten, but my fascination ends there.
3. Chicago. If this were a knife fight, I have no doubt that it would end with Peter Cetera watching as Frank stood over him eating his still beating heart. But Chicago is a hard habit to break.
4. U2. I love SNZ, but ... come on.
1. Boston. Don't really like either, but I can picture surviving someone playing Boston on their stereo at a party.
2. Green Day. Although ZZ Top make great cartoon characters. I used them as NPCs in a "Toon" session I ran. Imagine D&D except, instead of heroic fantasy rules, the rules of a Warner Brothers cartoon apply.
3. Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention. Back when College Bowl was on CBS Radio, I played in a game with the following question: "Some say he's a genius. Some say he's crazy. I don't want your opinion, I just want to know who he is. Listen and for 10 points, tell me who's singing." Frank got about two words of "Montana" out before I buzzed in.
4. Squirrel Nut Zippers. Not enough big bands in this tournament.
First off, damn Joe and Dwight for getting me into this. I certainly don't need another outlet to waste time during the day.
1. Gonna have to give the edge to Boston
2. ZZ Top way too many freshman college girls singing basket case in the halls
3. Chicago because Tony says so
4. U2 they have Bono and the Edge
Beasties. I bought License to Ill on vinyl, brought it home, put it on, and my jaw literally dropped.
ZZ Top. Bonus points for getting "Tush" and "Pearl Necklace" on the radio.
Zappa. Like me, I'm sure many people are voting for Zappa with little knowledge of his music, just because he ain't Chicago. Come round two, he'll be abandoned.
I'm not sure why we're going through these first and second-round motions in U2's case. But I'll still stand against the tide of suck. Zippers!
oh yeah...forgot to point out that the "horns" qualifier is a sticky wicket today.
Boston: The Beastie Boys' entire claim to fame can be summed up thusly: (1) they're (arguably) rappers, and (2) they're white. Boston, on the other hand, has the 11th best selling album of all time.
Green Day: ZZ Top is the country-rock version of Devo. Minus the depth. Fun music, to be sure, but just a hair less compelling than Green Day. I'll be happy with whoever advances, though, as long as they win in the next round.
Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention: Deep Purple namedrops them in "Smoke on the Water." For what it's worth, I actually own some Zappa, and I'll be abandoning them against U2. Sorry, guys.
U2: Nothing against the Zippers, but they're a genre band. U2 has breadth, longevity and the Edge.
1. Beastie Boys, because they can always make me smile, from White Castle to the Nile.
2. Green Day, because Southern redneck rock is not my thing.
3. Zappa. I am, like, so sure.
4. SNZ, in spite of U2's suspiciously long and suspiciously alphabetized song highlights. What, did you have Dick Bavetta make that list for you, Mr. Commissioner?
Something I failed to : It's not that I hate SNZ.
I'm just wondering what they and two dozen or so other acts are doing here when a band as important and influential as the Isley Brothers didn't make it. They employed Jimi Hendrix, had hits in three decades, are sampled constantly in hip-hop, and best of all successfully sued that no-talent ass-clown Michael Bolton for plagiarism.
A Best Bands Ever tournament should have fewer borderline novelty acts like SNZ.
Or maybe I'm an old fart.
Now I feel better.
Beasties
Chicago
ZZ-Top
U2
~T
1. Beasties. Barely. Fight For Your Right (To Party) pushes them over the edge.
2. ZZ Top. Legs and Sharp Dressed Man are just so much better than anything Green Day has done.
3. Chicago. Just so many good songs.
4. Statistics show that nine out of ten dentists prefer U2 in this matchup. It would have been ten out of ten, but you know those squirrels ....
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