Margaret,
Skip the bottle. Come with me to Sam's Club (or the closest Costco), and we'll buy us a box of Chianti.
With some for Jack, of course. And for Red Cardigan, because I'd like to hear her talk about manuals *after* a glass or two of Chianti.
Chianti: much more enjoyable way to 'observe protocols' than fussing with beans and noses. Why not skip to the delectable part immediately? 
('zif I'm some sort of lush...!)
Onto something here I think.
Intestinal gas is composed of various quantities of exogenous scources( air that is ingested through the *nose* and mouth) and endogenous scources (gas produced within the digestive tract) expelled as flatulence and increased in frequency by *beans* - a polysaccharide - processed mainly by bacteria in the lower intestine and giving increased pungency.
Aahhh.......I think we're getting to the Bottom of it, but something still smells.
Can't yet fathom the ingesting of beans via the nasal passage........
BTW Margo.
Sure sounds like you're a lush to me.
How is the pungency when your chianti is mixed with beans? 
Mishter KiwiDon,
You've mishundershtood completely: there ish NO mixing of Chianti with beanss. NO beannss involved (or ingeshted) whatshoever.
Jusht Chianti.
You should join us...RedCardigan ish giving a lovely lecture on manuals.
(And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't write fiction stories...producing persuasive character idiolects is only one of the requisite skills Yours Truly lacks!)
Hey, Margo, save me a glass. I can't promise to lecture about manuals, though.
I'm out of town with limited internet access right now. I am so bummed I missed this amazing BeansNChianti party. You know, Mark, we could organize these things a lot more smoothly if you'd give us a little more warning...
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