Names have power and convey so much more than just a your name. Selecting your own name, actually determining what it will be is an empowering act as well as an act of rebellion against establishment.
I do feel sorry for the kids whose parents thought it was cute or funny to give them ridiculous names. The good news is that when they are of age, they can change it. Much like present day fimists deciding to keep their own name, or (even worse in my opinion) hyphenating to include their husband's name.
My husband recently told me a story about how a co-worker in his office hyhenated his name to include his wife's maiden name. I admire the guy's willingness to compromise, but I am sure it gets him some flack. In fact, one of the managers at the firm just calls him "hyphen". So, that's what he gets for being a pioneer.
I decided to take back my maiden name after I divorced my first husband, and when I remarried, I did not take my husband's name. Since we knew in advance we were planning to be childfree, it seemed quite reasonable to me. It involves a lot of paperwork to change your name on official documents such as bank accounts and passports, not to mention everywhere else you have been using your name for the last decade or so.
Yet, still even last night at a family gathering, I am instisting to my very own mother what my true last name is.
"But when I send a letter to Teri Wronglastname is gets to you doesn't it?"
Give me a break!
Thanks for the empowering comment Teri!
Rejection for name's sake can be tricky. On one hand, it's not fair to judge somebody by their name. It's not fair to call African American names ghetto, while holding other ethnic names like Ming Li, Chow Cho, and Ho Fat Ho without judgement. Are the Ronaldinho and Amerigo Rodriques' judged as well? So, only the Amy's and Jacob's are successful and smart? Unfair!
But, on the other hand, be honest: how many of us are tempted to pass over a name that we can't pronounce, not matter which race you think it is? These names are not exclusive to blacks, but MAN, can we take a break from the silent "R's" and ridiculous apostrophe's?
Very timely written. As a public school teacher, I have seen it all and the worst names I heard were from a friend in Atlanta who worked for CNN and during an interview of kids in a school found a boy whose name was spelled Shithead, pronounced (Shi-teed) and a girl whose mother named her Ayatollah because the news was on in the delivery room and she thought that sounded pretty.
Being a parent of a child is not like being a pet owner and some of these names IMO show no real reflection on your child's future. yes they can change their names later, but it would be after years of teasing, mispronunciations, strange looks and nonverbals that make a child feel less than. Celebrities know that money can make anything possible for their child and so it doesn't matter what they are called, but its irresponsible to name your child after an alcoholic beverage an automobile or anything that is a brand name. No wonder the children create nicknames for themselves as soon as possible. I am just through with all of this foolishness.
Names are a huge part of my life too.
My name is already hyphenated (parent's last names), and I just got married last year. I will answer to my husband's name, but legally I have my own. Much as I'd love to re-hyphenate my name to include my mothers and my husband's, my father would be very hurt - names have that kind of power over people. OUr kids will start out w/ my husband's name, but I'm asking them when they get older if they'd like part of my name. If they say yes, I'll hyphenate it however they wish.
My mother is a public school preschool teacher and has similar stories. Even the traditional English names sometimes get mangled (i.e. alternative spellings, using a nickname as the only first name) as well as the supposedly "ethnic" names.
Now, many names common to the last 2 generations or so in the AA community are rooted in southern US or Arabic tradition (as more people wanted to highlight their non-European roots), just as many are completely unknown to my father's generation. It's a recent cultural influence within the AA community.
And some are just... ill-conceived. There really is a Mercedes out there, her sister is Chevrolet, and they both went to Philadelphia public schools in the 1980s... they were both white.
And for a humerous take on baby names (most of these people are NOT minority it seems):
http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.c...ames/
index.html
First, the name "Mercedes" is a real name. The car was named after the car manufacturer's daughter!
I think the parents and hospitals that give or don't advise against names like "Asshole" or "Shithead" are very ignorant, cruel, or indifferent to the suffering of their children.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a creative name as long as it isn't imbecilic (which is subjective!).
Brad:
I know Mercedes as a name predates the car, but Chevrolet? And siblings? I'm guessing they have a little brother called Probe...
Funny, not calling anyone a liar, but I've read that "Asshole" or "Shithead" were urban legends... I'm guessing someone read the same thing but tried it out.
Creative is one thing. Defying the basic laws of the English language (i.e. no vowels, or repeating letters for no reason (Cryyssalinne), or showing ignorance as to what the name might MEAN) is another. The latter knows no ethnicity, and shouldn't be attributed to any one group.
I agree wholeheartedly with your post. Some people's creativity gets way out of hand. I don't understand why some adults forget what it's like to be a child and have to deal with teasing. I have an uncommon name, and it's often mispronounced and misspelled (much to my chagrin), but at least it is "name-like."
I lived in Alabama for a while, I met a girl who had a silent "f" in her name. I also knew of a girl with a silent "r" (a misspelling, actually), and I heard that there are many silent r's in names there. Shouldn't names follow the general rules of your language? There are no silent f's in English (that I can think of), so if you name has one, and I pronounce the "f," you can't get mad at me.
In Germany, it is illegal to give your child an unusual name, and if you insist on a name that is out of the ordinary, you must appeal to a govt. agency. While their law is a bit harsh, I honestly wouldn't mind having something like that here in the U.S. I think that if I was someone in charge of submitting or filing birth certificates, I would refuse to sign off on names like "Asshole" or "Aquinearfrita." Parents at least need to be advised that they are making a mistake that could be devastating to their child. A friend's mom knew of an elementary school girl whose first name was "Sexy." She went by her middle name, which was a common name. She would only tell her first name in a whisper because she was already ashamed of it.
I agree with many of the comments here.
I personally do not have a problem with any name no matter how it spelled or defies laws of Basic English. Trust me, I don’t – at least not anymore. I now think character supersedes any eccentric name a person – particularly a child – could have. I became especially incensed when Bill Cosby ridiculed Afrocentric names about two or three years ago. His attack on such names seemed to defeat the purpose of what he was trying to convey about personal responsibility and uplift.
I used to ridicule certain names found in the African-American community, but I learned that ridiculing the names was really about me - and not the parents or children who were associated with the “eccentric” names. I now ask parents or individuals – including children – the question, “What is the meaning of your name?” instead of forming immediate bias like I used to do.
You’d be amazed at how many people are willing to share the story behind their name IF they know it. Take Oprah, for example. Upon discussion, it really debunks the myth that "these names don't have a meaning" assertion.
Although some people were put off by Oprah's name early on, now it is fashionable to have her associated with almost anything. I reiterate character. If Molly is a bitch and comes to work and does nothing while there, what does her name have to do with anything? If Aisha is a reliable employee, works hard, works overtime and comes in early, what does her name have to do with anything? It is about character. I’d take Aisha over Molly any day. There are some businesses that are truly playing Russian roulette with their business because of name prejudice.
I have a buddy who is a VP of Human Resources in the health industry and he often speaks about the “black name” dilemma. Qualified people rejected by managers just because of their names. It infuriates me.
Anyway, I tend to be somewhat of a rebel, so I find names that go against the status quo or the norm to be a form of empowerment. Responsible adults, I think, should not ridicule such names. Parents who give their children such names should prepare them for senseless ridicule, but also equip them to compete in the world despite their names. A person can always change their name once he or she becomes of age – and many have.
Naming is a personal choice. I absolutely loathe prejudice simply based on a person’s name. Although common or safe names are okay, I think for some, conforming to common names can be about making other people comfortable or placating them.
I wrote about this earlier this year
Terrence Says....The Name Game: Attitude Adjustment Needed
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Just this morning my coworker called me by another coworker's name, which is Melody. This happens quite frequently that people in my office call me Melody even though my name is Courtney. It's obviously frustrating, especially because of the repuatation Melody has earned herself. When I asked this coworker (who is Hispanic) WHY in the world people always call me Melody, she said that it is because "Courtney" (my name) and "Melody" are "white" names and therefore easy to mix up.
Like you, I've never been terribly fond of my name, especially since growing up I was always surrounded by girls with beautifully feminine names. However, I don't think that you could have described the name "Courtney" any better. Because even though OTHER people associate the name with one type of person, having the name Courtney gives me a different perspective. I've actually, in my 25 year lifetime, ran into more MALE Courtneys than female. I've met more Courtneys that aren't caucasian even. I'm sending my coworker a link to this blog, because she looked at me incredulously when I told her that Courtney, actually, ISN'T a "white girl" name.
As for the rest of your post, I think you've really hit on a sensitive topic. I know that in my experience, as long as my qualifications matched with the positions I was applying for, it was never a problem getting an interview. But I watched my best friend, whose first name is Montez, put in resume after resume with no calls back. Could it have been her name? Maybe. I also have another close (caucasian) friend whose name is Thais (pronounced Tay Ehs) who was consistently mortified in class and other situations when people couldn't pronounce her name properly. We grew up in an area that was predominately white, and when a subsititute teacher was calling roll one morning, instead of trying to pronounce her name, walked over to the only asian kid in the class how to pronounce "his" name. You can imagine both of their embarrassment.
This topic reminds me of Romeo and Juliet, because after all: "What's in name?"
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