Than you Stephanie! That post of yours was just what I needed to read. You articulated what I've been feeling so clearly when you wrote, "He slowly seemed to be narrowing his world to only things that he felt comfortable with like video games. And while I feel that video games and TV are wonderful ways to learn, when they are used as an avoidance tool, something is not right." Jerry told me the other day he was "bored of being bored." So maybe he'll be more willing to bite at some of the options I put in front of him. 
This reminds me of a post that I wrote over at Life Without School a little while back. I am constantly trying to figure out the balance in our lives.
http://
www.blog.lifewithoutschoo...ng_when_to.html
One of the things that has worked well with my almost 12 year old is that I tell him that one of my jobs as a homeschool parent is to expose him to all sorts of things. He knows me well enough to know that I am going to try to find things that might interest him and that I will not force him to do things that he absolutely hates. But yes, I have seen some positive outcomes from my gentle "pushing".
What it comes down to for me again is trying to find that balance...he needs to have time to follow his own interests, yet he also needs to be encouraged to expand his horizons. If it does look as if he is choosing to play more video games because he is bored or out of habit, that is my cue to add more things for us to do (and yes, push him to give them a chance).
No answers here, as I am still making this up as I go, but I do believe that pushing kids at times (and for the right reasons) can be a good thing.
Yes JJ! That's the reason for the freak out, I think. Dad is doing lots of work in the backyard. We've had to paint the rails on the deck we just built and we're building rock walls in the yard and moving around the dirt and getting ready for the permit guy to come and (hopefully) sign off on the project so we can be done with it. So Warren is working hard and Jerry is watching television and playing video games and Warren sees this as a bad thing. I completely understand where he's coming from. But I know that even if Warren isn't voicing his disapproval it's felt very keenly by Jerry and that's really bad for their relationship. I'm not quite sure what to do about it. Last night, though, I read some things at Sandra Dodd's site that were helpful. And I'm thinking Warren and I should take a NVP class together if we can find one that's happening while he's not working so much. Also, Warren is going to help Jerry build a claymation "studio" so that's a good project for the two of them to do together. That and Make magazine may be what saves their relationship! They can always find projects to work on together in Make.
But yes, having Dad around has added a new (more complicated) element to our unschooling lives.
Ah - interesting connection. So Dad's home more now, to see more of Son watching cartoons on tv.
What is Dad doing with his time at home?
Come down anytime! : )
Getting unstuck is a good way to look at it Melissia. Thanks.
I'm having trouble finding those activities Candy. But I'm feeling much better today about everything than I was a couple days ago. He's going to try out a Jedi sword class next week so I'm hoping he likes it. It sounds really fun.
JJ, his new favorites are 6Teen and Total Drama Island. He also loves Pucca, which we often watch together (because I like it too). And he likes the old standards like Scooby-Doo and Tom and Jerry.
Thanks Mandy. We need together with you guys again! That was a fun active day for him--and for me, too.
Thanks StarkRaving. I'm trying!!
I wish we could get together Zayna! My husbands feelings about how Jerry spends his time definitely make the situation more difficult. In fact, I think my recent feelings of doubt have a lot to do with the fact that my husband is home more now that ghe's only working 3 days a week. I know we need to find a solution that we're all happy with though and I think the trick is going to be for me to be more proactive in planning our weeks. I just need to think more creatively about ways to get moving, I guess. The one thing I've found that always gets him moving is to bat a balloon around the house. We call it "balloon bop." Maybe your daughter would like that too.
The best I can do is offer you a paddle, because we are in the same boat.
Daughter has been less inclined these last few weeks to engage in anything that's not screen related.
Though she doesn't watch a lot of t.v., she does spend a lot of time in front of her computer.
It's not that I'm worried about "what" she's doing, it's how much she's doing it and how little she's doing other more physically active things.
If you guys didn't live on the other side of the continent, I would definitely say we should get together.
I think we would have great fun commiserating while the kids ignored us and played Wii.
Just like Warren, Hubby is more concerned than I am and I know how that in itself can lead to stress.
Still, it's time like this that we must remember that in trying to find a balance, we will sometimes waver.
It's not bad or good, it's just the way it goes.
First time commenter here. Saw your post about your tub thumping vortex cannon. I bet you didn't have to twist his arm to do that!
We've been unschooling about the same length of time according to your countdown widget. My son had one year of school (kdg) and some preschool. I think it took at least 365 days for us to deschool. I think there's still a bit of deschooling going on at your house as I read your post. It sounds like it's still a "treat" to get to make his own choices about media. I see that still in my son too. I'd keep asking and enticing with other activities while understanding his need for vegging out time too. It sounds like you're doing great respecting his choices, and facilitating new ones!
I do think some times a little coaxing helps. Violet went back and forth about playing soccer this year. When it came time for 1st practice she wasn't really up for it and I discovered she was fearful that it would be too hard, too competitive, too much running. We talked to the coach about it and she was very understanding (it helped that she was a homeschooler) and agreed to let Violet play a position with less running, and agreed to go at Violet's rate as far as running during practice. As a result, with Violet having more control over how much she wanted to participate, run, etc. she ended up loving the game, enjoying the season and making new friends. It would have been easy to let her quit in the beginning, but with a little coaxing and letting her know that ultimately it was her decision whether to play or not she decided she wanted to give it a try. Not sure if this helps...but know that they do get exercise in other manners even though it might not always seem like it (boogie boarding, trampoline jumping, walking around on field trips, playing with friends, etc. etc .)
What cartoons is he watching so much of this fall?
I would definitely try to help him discover physical activities that he finds stimulating and fun. My son first grabbed an NES controller at age 3. I think his fascination is rooted in "What happens next?" TV and video games both provide a quick-response to the mystery of "what's next?"
My son likes gardening, and I think part of that is the 'what happens next,' factor. There's always something new, something interesting and exciting happening next.. right up til you pick the vegetable and decide how to cook it.. and what happens next.. how does it taste? and when they're drying out, we take the seeds to save so we can see what happens next spring. It's something that can never get "old." We can always experiment with new types of plants and vegetables. We can always increase our knowledge and expand our garden.
My younger son will run and run and run.. non stop for no apparent reason other than running. He doesn't care as much about what happens next as he does about what happens now. Rather than watching tv, or playing video games he will sit and have me read and read and read.... only to stop right at the good part!!! (frustrating for me...) but, it's because he doesn't have that need to find out what's next... he's fine with the right now.
Maybe you should try to find physical activities that leave Jerry wondering, what happens next? Something he can get excited about.. something that produces results... something expandable and inspires questions in his mind. Questions that will drive him to keep going so he can find out what happens next?
In the past when I have read about Jerry it has reminded me a lot of my 6 year old daughter. I have been fortunate to have a friend with a teenage daughter with a very similar personality. What we seem to agree on, my friend and I, is that there is a certain natural resistance to our daughters personalities. they like to be in charge, even when they are all out of ideas and looking for a little inspiration, they still need to feel something is their idea. Also, we both have expressed that our girls need a little bit of helpful nudging, not so we as parents can be in control, but because sometimes they get stuck in patterns that we see but they are so in the pattern they do not.
When this pattern of doing nothing but playing gamecube or computer games happens with Ari for extended periods, I try to offer alternatives by way of inviting over playmates or having fun projects at the ready when she gets up. Sometimes we head off to the park or the library or I will read her books while she plays games. Sometimes, I am lacking in inspiration myself and need to find a project that gets the juices flowing for me and then she either wants to help or finds something she really wants to do.
I guess I am saying that I see a part of my role in Ari's life as being the person who helps her get unstuck and I do not see that as nullifying what we as a family are trying to accomplish, which is respect and appreciation for each member of the family. My husband sometimes helps me get unstuck, he is much better at making it seem like it was my idea and not pushing the issue than I am, but I am learning.
Melissia
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