Everyone's A Critic
One of my favorites. Lucas is a character I'd like to meet - seems like a cool guy and I enjoyed the voice you gave him.
I especially liked the parts about becoming a hero and him introducing himself to the summoned.
The story flowed nicely and as always I was able to envision the action like a movie unfolding - fast and vivid. 
Great story! Great characters!
It would seem that the beginning may have been inspired by real life events. Just wait until you move to the CubeFarm.
I enjoyed the way the end flowed, and this could just be me, but the beginning was hard to get into. I like the first person narrative flow, stream of consciousness stuff, but the visual descriptions at the beginning don't do much for me, but get me distracted. I just wanted to cut to the chase. The plot of course is fantastic. You could expand this idea into a novel, easily.
Just playing catch-up here. It's been crazy with all the summer activities and looking at houses, but it sure is good to be able to sit down and get to read a good amount of your writing at once.
Again, good work!
Commenting by HaloScan
