Dawn, I really don't think you can get this from a spiritual writer without it already being yours. You have to recognize gold to claim it, and what you can claim you can keep. Having said that, I do understand your disclaimer. I like what you say here a lot. I sometimes think of the man who buried his talents in the ground – the man more than any other I fear becoming. The Lord reproaches him and says, “Why didn’t you at least put them in the bank where they could draw interest? This is prayer. Christ is the fiduciary. The idea that we have this love we can withhold and dispose of as we please is a great illusion. We’ve got to keep that marsh mellow in the flame till it’s ready to eat. As Jesus says, “without me you can do nothing.” You made me laugh when you wrote this: “Well, I would be grateful. I'm sure I would be more grateful than I am now. I would thank God every day for my husband, and for my kids if I had any.” I‘m not a cynic, BUT marriage is the culmination of comedy, which turns things around in some surprising ways. Some days you would surely be more like David Byrne, who sings, “and you may tell yourself this is not my beautiful house, and you may tell this is not my beautiful wife!” (I also think of Cervantes’ Interludes.) But what else is this than the recognition that the love which finds its all in all must be love of Christ, which he then gives back again. We can't give love directly without Christ-transmission. All true love is satellite love, Trinitarian love. But the trinity is the repository, not us (here the analogy does seem to break down). But think of it: if we have even a little to offer Him -- as you say we never lack -- and if he gives us back a hundred fold, and if we then parlay what he gives us back again and again, you can readily see that all things are ours. To sum up, I’d share two things with you: the first with respect to what you say about nature, and the other about love, both from other Carmelites. My first offering is from a Jessica Powers poem. I'd like to share it all with you but I haven’t got it with me and can only retrieve a few important lines. You can find it in The Selected Poetry of Jessica Powers if you’re curious for more. I will tell you that you won’t waste your money on that book. Best wishes for a happy new year, Dawn! -Mike

Two nestlings vied for life in me. I fed
the greedy one whose talent was to beg
(no one had warned me of the cowbird's egg)
I let the little one grow thin and pale
and put a blame on life that she was frail

Prayer That We Will Possess All Things In Christ
My God,
You will not take away what you have given me
in your only Son, Jesus Christ.
In him, you have given me all that I desire.
You will, therefore, no longer delay--
and this is my joy--
provided that I wait for you.

So, my heart, why do you delay?
Why do you procrastinate?
From this moment on you can love your God!

Mine are the heavens,
mine is the earth and mine are the peoples;
mine are the just and mine are the sinners;
mine are the angels; mine is the mother of God--
God himself is mine, for me--
for mine is Christ
and everything is for me.

What do you ask, what do you seek, my soul? Everything is for you and everything is yours!

Do not think of yourself as little
nor pay attention to the scraps that fall
from the table of your Father.

Rise on the great day
and take your glory in his!
Hide yourself in it
and be joyful:
everything which your heart desires
shall be yours.

St. John of the Cross
Mike | 12.31.07 - 6:00 am | #

The fruit of authentic interpretation of scripture is consolation, not desolation. Finding consolation in Paul's "black is white" passages is a challenge.

Whenever I find myself lacking in gratitude because God hasn't yet given me enough, I find that daily mass helps me get over that pride. Mass is a powerful reminder that the best, even perfect, human intentions are not guarantees of success. We live in a broken, imperfect world.

The fact that the Lamb of God had to undergo sacrifice was not his intention or his fault, but there certainly was a lot of victim blaming, as in "why don't you come down from that cross, you don't have to be there you know." His gospel hadn't yet been understood by his chosen apostles. There are many prophecies that he hadn't fulfilled. Jesus had the opportunity to deliver his good news to the ends of the earth, or at least through the Roman empire, or at least more gentiles, rather than entrust it to a ragtag bunch. Don't you think God Incarnate could have found a way live a better, more fulfilling human life?

God the Father required something else. Jesus understood the calling, committed to it in the agony in the garden, and didn't waver through all the torture.

May the Holy Spirit bless us with the gifts we need in our struggles. May He protect us from Satan's lies of "you don't HAVE to struggle, you know."
Forrest Cavalier | 12.31.07 - 6:41 am | #

Mike, when I say I would thank God every day for my husband, I mean that I consider such gratitude a requirement for being in a marriage. If a husband or wife is not thanking God every day for his or her spouse, something is wrong. Whether one feels that gratitude every day is another story. One can and should will oneself to express gratitude for the good things one has, with the aim of feeling it as well.
Dawn Eden | 12.31.07 - 12:23 pm | #

If a husband or wife is not thanking God every day for his or her spouse, something is wrong.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. In a few months, my husband is being transferred back to Tokyo, in a totally unexpected job reassignment.

He and I are going to live apart for the next year and a half. I am going to stay in San Francisco through June of 2009, to keep the kids at their Catholic school as long as I can (sice we can't afford Catholic school in Tokyo).

I am not 100% sure that this is what God wants me to do -- shouldn't I stay with my husband, and keep the family together at all costs, no matter what? Am I showing ingratitude, toward my husband and toward God?

I really don't know. And your post reminds me that married people are not the only ones who face such questions -- we all do.
L. | Homepage | 12.31.07 - 12:50 pm | #

Thank you all, for sharing these insights into your personal spiritual struggles.

It is inspiring for us complacent souls, who often need to be reminded that we have our own struggles to engage.
Del | 12.31.07 - 1:04 pm | #

An example from St. Therese's life on the married and unmarried state is instructive. In the convent, she was struck by how a visitor showered her husband with kindness, anticipating his needs and going out of her way to please him. She thought to herself that if she were called to be the spouse of Christ, should she not treat Him in at least as good a manner? She resolved from then on to anticipate Christ's needs, to go out of her way to please Him and to submit happily to His will.

As to marriage, one of the reasons the Church holds it up as a means of sanctification is because two imperfect souls must learn how to love and forgive one another through all the misunderstandings, trials, and hardships of life. It is a great mistake to think one's spouse will fulfill one's soul; he will not. Only Christ can do that. And that fulfillment can be had now, whether one is in our outside of marriage.
Christine | Homepage | 01.01.08 - 8:18 am | #

As to marriage, one of the reasons the Church holds it up as a means of sanctification is because two imperfect souls must learn how to love and forgive one another through all the misunderstandings, trials, and hardships of life. It is a great mistake to think one's spouse will fulfill one's soul; he will not. Only Christ can do that. And that fulfillment can be had now, whether one is in our outside of marriage.

This is one of the best things I have ever seen written on Dawn's blog, aside from what Dawn herself has written.

About "submitting happily to His will" --- nowadays, in our culture, wives are (happily!) no longer required to submit to their husband's will, although couples I know with happy marriages do indeed "shower (their spouses) with kindness, anticipate (each other's)needs and go out of (their) way to please (each other)."

Anyway, does God really expect us to "submit happily" to His will? Sometimes it is not easy to discern God's will, and even less easy to follow it! I personally never believed that God requires the "happily" part. Sometimes doing the right thing does not feel good and "happy" at all.
L. | Homepage | 01.01.08 - 2:40 pm | #