I hope it was a good experience.
hey kris,
even if it takes a while for your dad to come around, you should at least feel better that you don't have to lie to him about your life.
you've done nothing against your dad that he should take personally. you are who you are regardless of who you love. and he should love you for who you are and not who you love.
who you love is not for him to decide and he should accept that only you can determine who that should be.
trust me, kris, i know what it's like to have a father not understand the simplicity of that concept.
anyway, i hope your dad finds it in him to accept you unconditionally and c- too.
I feel so bad for you Kris. This is my biggest fear, my family hanging up on me. I already feel alone and to be cut out completely would just crush me.
You know how to reach me if you want to vent. You can lean on me if you need to.
I promise I haven't forgotten your mail, just been studying hard. It's always difficult coming out to someone you've been hiding from for a long time; but in time the realization that you can finally be honest with yourself becomes the overriding factor.
You have fulfilled your obligation as a son, and been honest. Now he has to fulfil his as a father, and be understanding.
Sweetie, sending you a warm hug. Coming out is so fucking hard, but I think it is so important.
I think your father will come around.
One of the ways we can break the barriers is to let people know -- he knows YOU and that loves YOU -- that should be enough to accept this very important part of who you are. All the things that seem to scare people about what it means to be gay starts to melt away when they realize that that those stereotypes can't be all correct when they KNOW the one that they love is gay.
When I started coming out I decided it was the problem of those I told to deal with it -- not the other way 'round. It took a few years to really believe/own that -- but once I did -- it was so absolutely self-empowering.
I know it is hard, but I'm so proud of you.
love,
matty
thank you for sharing your story
it is a common tale you experienced.
hang in there as it actually evolves and changes; what you are experiencing now will likely alter with time.
If he loves you, he'll come around. From what you've told me about your dad, I know he does.
I was just talking to my cousin about how we love our parents and want their acceptance no matter how fucked up/absent/clueless or whatever they were/are. It's natural and yes it can cause great hurt and confusion.
Having said that you DO have people, both family and friends, who love you and will support you through that pain. And in the end you have been truthful and authentic - if he isn't able to value that and respect you and love you for that the biggest loss will be for him. YOU will survive and you will thrive...this is just the beginning.
My thoughts are with you and the hope that your dad comes around soon.
Ooops - I meant to say thank you for your message as well!
I think maybe you misunderstand. He might not have called coz he thinks you DON'T wanna talk about it over the phone.
Bite the bullet and call him.
If the convo gets awkward.. say you have to go.. but will call later.
Oh Kris, I'm sorry I didn't see this post sooner... Coming out is always an extremely difficult thing, especially when you don't know which direction it's going to go. It sucks that being gay causes some people shock, especially when it's someone close to us like family. But as everyone said already, I hope he comes around too. But if you look at it in a different perspective and through a different lens, the most important thing is that you're true to yourself and by coming out to him, you won't have to lie anymore. It may take a long time to win back his acceptance, but at least you're living your life on your own terms... not based on what others will think.
Big hugs. xoxo
Man oh man, I've got knots in my stomach reading through these stories and the crazy questions! I'm glad there's a crack in the cover-up. Very glad for you!
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