The Sci Fi Catholic Yak Module
Staff fighting is only for bishops and abbots--the curl at the top of the crozier is for slick moves a plain staff doesn't allow. That's actually how new monasteries are founded--the bishops have secret tourneys when there's going to be a foundation. The bishop who defeats the other contending bishops then fights the abbot for his obedience, and the bishop who wins gets a new house of contemplatives to pray for him & his diocese. Refereeing matches is what the papal nuncio really does.
I see. I admit disappointment, though. I was hoping it was more like that kind of no-touching wire-fu they did in the film version of The Fellowship of the Ring. Man, that sequence could have gone on for ten more minutes and I would have been happy.
LOL! Now I know why you call yourself Xena Catolica! 
Wire-fu? (coughs delicately) You'll notice that conclaves to elect a pope are not only sealed off, but everyone swears not to reveal anything that happens within, and no one ever sees the ballots that are allegedly burned at the end.
"How come nobody told me we have staff fighting?"
You never heard the common Irish expression regarding the bishops exercising their pastoral teaching office - "giving so-and-so a belt of the crozier"?
Eh. I've read worse (oh dear Lord, much, much nastier and vicious). It's juvenile, but yeah - Wizard Training Castles are cool! And "Omnipotent Grand Master King of the Universe" is not the snarkiest description of God I've ever encountered 
Oh, and the 'no-touching wire-fu'? Well, if it's flying through the air you want, we've got that too, only it's called "levitation" and you sorta kinda probably need to be a saint
Just one thing.
When you make the movie, remember that it looks better with kung fu
We got to have Jackie Chan and Jet Li!
This explains why it's so hard to remove bishops from their offices .
Two points, though: we Catholics don't transform donations into magic, we use it to a)pay the bills, b)buy artwork of varying aesthetic qualities, and c) send the Pope around the world from time to time. Also, we like to call the Pope Gatekeeper of Heaven and Hell, Dictator Hominibus Demonibusque Terrarum, or Marshal of the Hosts of the Twelve Legates.
Histor
P.S. I can't say the Church has given me much guilt or mental suffering. Must be all those bribes I've given my pastor over the years.
I know we've got a lot of hospitals to run and charities to keep up, but can't we convert at least a little money into magic?
See, that's what I mean: our titles are already way cooler than Wizard King.
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