The Sci Fi Catholic Yak Module
Dear Deej, You'll find a lot of emphasis placed on discernment. Are you called to be a priest? And what kind of priest? God may, for example, call you to be the sort of black leather trenchcoat wearing, influence peddling, "Church militant" leading priest assassin you're currently hoping for. But, He may also call you to be a fishbowl helmet wearing, data socket implanted, flying space cathdral priest-navigator. Or even a hybridized, betentacled, space alien converting xenomissionary.
So you have to ask yourself, "Do I look better for all eternity in black, silver, or green?" Once you figure out the answer to that question (which God will tell your spiritual director, but not you, until you can finish the moral obstacle course in under 17:34), you'll do fine.
Hi, you don't know me (if you did I'd be scared), but I came here via http://veniteadoremus.wordpress.com.
I too hope to start seminary in August (although I haven't given thought yet to the flying space cathedrals - must look into that), and I believe I'll be reading a bit more of this blog.
Perhaps, once you have gained access to the secret vaults, you can hint in your blog about the Church's off-world colonies and how to get there.
Smiter is right about further discernment. There's a lot to be discerned about the cleric-mentat-assassin role. I mean, kung-fu or ninja weapons? Handgun or scoped rifle? As a medievalist, I have to encourage you to consider the ancient and historied tradition of poisoning. Not so high-profile, but should make you admired among the more traditional....
Oh, you're joining the priesthood of THAT Catholic Church. Whew. Thank heavens. I was worried for a minute that you weren't going to be able to cohabitate with Lucky anymore, but now I see that should be no problem. (The nunneries full of concubines, however, could prove a stumbling block to that relationship.)
Archdeac. Smiter, I'm not sure any of those are my best colors. Do they have any priests who wear earth tones?
Earth tones? The Carmelites of the Black Syllabus wear the standard Carmelite habit, to avoid being too obvious (see under "Secret Assassin Advanced Studies"). And the Franciscan Seekers of Truth and Penitence probably wouldn't object to the black leather trenchcoat over their shirtless habit (the Dominicans really dropped the ball on that one).
Congratulations. What seminary?
LOL
I hope they'll send you to my our parish.
Deej--
I'm seriously contemplating (which is what us Carmelites--especially Seculars-- are good at) in the spirit of St Theresa of spinning off an additional order of Camo Carmis..of course the habit is camofalgue based...leaning toward the new digital-hued. Primarily due to the fact that with my sub-charism to St Francis and primariy caregiver of creatures of the feline persuation I cannot for the life of me keep any black or white clothing free from feline fuzzies..so we WILL require a Provencial just about the time you are leaving Seminary...incredible timing...oh yes I forgot to mention Rosary on one side of belt, 44 Magnum on the other..or AK-47, whatever your preference...recreation time is spent at the firing range..
Congratulations, Deej! There can never be too many enough power-crazed, simoniacal, assassin-priests trading on the credulity and superstition of us benighted peasants to keep us cowering and mindlessly obedient! 
Congratulations, the Year of the Priest is a great time to make this decision.
You do realise, though, that this entire post will be copy and pasted into the next Chick comic book.
Congrats
Okay, you guys are scaring me. What if my fundamentalist evangelical relatives find this post and print it out to wave under my nose saying, "Aha! What have you got to say for yourself!?!"
What if my fundamentalist evangelical relatives find this post and print it out to wave under my nose saying, "Aha! What have you got to say for yourself!?!"
If that happens, you reply, "Shush!!! The Hammers of Heterodoxy are in that van across the street, and we don't want to attract their attention!" Then look all furtive and hang up some extra crucifixes and an icon or two...
(And leave your camo scapular lying out in clear sight. Just in case.)
Sara,
The 44 Mag is awesome indeed, and truly the most smiterly of one-handed boomsticks. But, would it be acceptable to the Camo Carmis of Copious Consolation to be outfitted with alternative calibres? I'm kind of partial to the .410 shot-revolver...
Smiter--
I'm sure the Superior would be receptive to most types of boom sticks as long as they weren't bb guns or air pistols...
And good idea about the camo scapular..
Rosary on one side of belt, 44 Magnum on the other..or AK-47, whatever your preference...
How in the world do you wear an AK-47 on your belt? Please tell me, because Jeanne might want to learn that technique.
Archdeac. Smiter, I'm not sure any of those are my best colors. Do they have any priests who wear earth tones?
Like this?
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/
...ngEisenhorn.jpg
You seem to be channeling the WH40k spirit of church militancy in you post.
"How in the world do you wear an AK-47 on your belt? Please tell me, because Jeanne might want to learn that technique."
Wahahahaha.... Deej, you MAY be getting email from me after my 20th reunion next weekend...
"'Shush!!! The Hammers of Heterodoxy are in that van across the street'"
Smiter, I am saving that for my "I'm better-than-you-'cause-I'm-fundamentalist-now" sister.
I understand that this is supposed to be satire, but there is something extremely off-putting about it. As a seminary faculty member myself, I would wonder why someone who wants to love God, serve his people, and be formed in the image of Our Lord would even think that sarcastic satire about the priesthood is funny. I would ask, with compassion, that a young candidate for priesthood stay focused on the positive, and stay away from easy-to-misinterpret politicized commentary like this. Would Christ use these words? Forgive me if I sound too harsh, but I give spiritual direction to too many young men whose hearts are in the right place but who have come out of our highly charged political culture and it is often a hindrance to spiritual growth. While the secular policy wonk news and blogoshpere like this sort of thing, it only signals to me that some spiritual maturation is in order.
It tells me, on the other hand, that a light-hearted happy silly party atmosphere is here while we digest the news that he is beginning seminary.
Serious and silly are not mutually exclusive. This is silly time. Serious time is later.
I understand Anonymous' reservations. It's a good thing that someone with those concerns posted here in a charitable loving way. I love this sort of satiric exchange, but I'm not sure it's the part of me most transformed by Christ or in likeness to the Blessed Mother that's getting the big kick out of it.
For myself, I appreciate the chance to self-examine.
Beowolf---
Way Cool..
Thank you for bringing up your concerns, Anonymous.
Would Christ use these words?
I've been asked this question a number of times in my life, in different contexts, and have never been sure what it means. If you're asking me whether Jesus used hyperbole and poked fun at his opponents, I would say he did. I have poked fun at a number of things in this post, some I admire and respect, and some I do not. References include Boettner's Roman Catholicism, which deserves ridicule (I mean the book, not the man), as well as The Sacred & the Profane and A Canticle for Leibowitz, two works of art I respect. It also references Stigmata and His Dark Materials, two works of art that leave much to be desired, though the former has notable cinematography and the latter has some good worldbuilding.
If you're asking me whether Jesus used self-deprecating humor, I would say apparently not, as it does not appear in the Gospels and would seem inappropriate for a perfect God. But if you're asking me whether Jesus would approve our own use of self-deprecating humor, I would say, probably, as laughing at ourselves is one way we can practice humility. That is why, at the end of Christian comedies like Shakespeare's, everyone has been made a fool of, and everyone is jolly.
I appreciate your effort in forming new priests. I hope, in the process of forming them, you are not teaching them to take themselves too seriously. There is a time for somberness, of course, but there is also a time when priests and rulers must be cast down and a fool crowned king for a day. All things in their due season.
I tend to agree with Deej on this...to paraphrase a dear friend --I am a serious gal with a serious job. Helping to keep the good ol USA and our way of life safe is the nature of my work, and it often comes with a very steep price..just a couple of weeks ago one of our pilots whom I knew in passing made the ultimate sacrifice. But the seriousness of our work cannot and should not keep us from seeing and experiencing the joy that life has to offer, and also bringing joy and happiness to others. As adults we often take ourselves (me included) far too seriously, and we should take a few moments out of each day to cast the seriousness aside, get a bit silly, play make-believe, and throw water-balloons at each other...it's very healing for the soul.. And just perhaps there wouldn't be so much depression and angst in the world...
The only thing I would add to this is that, taken in the context of the entirety of this blog, this one post would not make me question the sincerity or seriousness of the blogger regarding his faith.
Still, for selfish reasons, I would like to here more from Anonymous on how he deals with some of his students. During the RE months, I sit in a room with a bunch of teens with strong political opinions, but ones that are informed more by talk shows than their faith. I'd be interested in knowing how he helps them shift their focus.
A quick note on the Anonymous conversation:
As a big fan of fun, my own concerns lie not with playfulness or self-deprecating humor regarding serious topics, but with the tone in some of the post regarding matters of the priesthood and the Church (e.g. "the usual backstabbing and simony", for example). It's a question of "Where's the line?"
It's not that joking about ourselves is wrong. But it's not entirely unreasonable for someone to be uncomfortable with humorous attributions of vileness to the Church, even when expressed in affectionate fun.
(Let me say, however, that I am eagerly anticipating photographic evidence of the leather trench and cool shades with clericals. Would you consider adding a sophisticated fedora?)
...the tone in some of the post regarding matters of the priesthood and the Church...
The tone is borrowed from the conspiracy theories and other works I am making fun of.
I get it, Deej. And the main point is, God bless you as you pursue the vocation you've received. Way to go!
I loved this post. May God bless you in your journey to the priesthood!
Sounds great - when do you start hearing confessions?
Roz--
He DOES have a rather dashing Indiana Jones-style hat..
I also want to say that it's wonderful to have somebody who wants to be a priest for all the Right Reasons.
How come no one mentioned it before? I'm a total sucker for Indiana Jones hats.
You left out fame, noteriety, respect from the mainstream media and featured speaker opportunities on CNN to explain how wrong everyone got it until you.
Oh, Deej, I found something you gotta love on Shrine of the Holy Whapping.
Roz--
You can check out Deej in his rather dashing Indy hat on his posting of 23 May 2008.
Ooh, golly. That's worth the price of admission. My husband has an Indiana Jones hat. I think it's why I fell in love with him.
never lose the sense of humor. we will be praying for you and your vocation we must
always take our faith seriously but never take ourselves too seriously.
god bless
At what seminary are you going to be studying?
I'll be at Mount Angel in Oregon.
This new sacerdotification
Is Deej's exciting vocation.
While he's inspirated,
the blog will be crated,
but we all sans sci-fi Cath'lation.
Ah..how I've missed the limericks!!
But can Snuffles go to seminary too?
Well all that sounds about right, you'll make an incredible priest. Everything is extremely logical except the nuns part, is there an specific reason they're disoriented?
Obviously, it's because the nuns are out in space where they have lots of time to brood, and because they're confused about their feelings for the psychotic astronaut warrior monks.
Space Nuns:http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/
Battle_Sister_Squad
Warrior Monk Astronauts: http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/
...y_Knights_Squad
Space Monastery: http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/The_Rock
D.G.D. Davidson,
Just happened across this post. A couple of things
1. Several months ago Fr Vincent O.P. of Holy Rosary Parish in Portland wondered aloud if God does not work miracles in our age as plentifully as n Medieval times in part because we treat holy things too lightly. In my opinion this is just a huge problem, so much part of our way of thinking that we cannot even see the problem . We Americans have a very highly developed comedic sense. Sixty years of Jack Benny, Johnny Carson and Jay Leno will do that, but His ways are not our ways nor our thoughts His thoughts. Holy things should not be treated lightly, ever, for that is to profane them.
2. St. Thomas Aquinas says that the jocose lie is a sin, but among these are satire and irony. Why is it a sin? Because it breaks down communication between people. When reading your piece, I could not tell if you were trying to level serious charges against the Church under cover of humor not. The question for me was, If this is satire, HOW MUCH of it is satire? Many years ago I knew a priest from Lithuania who often used irony and satire in his ordinary conversation, but the result was devastating. Thinking that his real thoughts were obvious, he would say yes when he meant no, and no when he meant yes. In the end he left the priesthood feeling very misunderstood by his parishioners-and in fact no one knew him, nor could they.
3. Writing to Timothy St. Paul says, “Use serious and sober words to which no one can take exception.” But in *diametric opposition* to this counsel of the Holy Spirit you treat the holiest things possible in very objectionable terms.
4. Many years ago I asked my ten year old son what, “A word to the wise is sufficient, “ means. He said, “You don’t need to tell a smart person twice.” Nevertheless, take another look at Anonymous’objection and his qualifications. Obviously he cannot reveal his name. Equally obvious is the fact that a priest was addressing you, a priest who has the spiritual direction of seminarians! This seems to me practically an intervention of Divine Providence on your behalf, offering you excellent counsel to take to heart before going to the sem.
5. You reply to him with your customary lightmindedness, apparently under the impression that your post was an instance of self-deprecating humor. It was not, unless you consider the Church to be a kind other self that you are free to deprecate. But this is absurd.
6. Once when I was in the Army, three other men and myself were detailed to clean the post chapel. Unaccountably,when we arrived the sacred vessels had been left sitting on the altar, and seeing the opportunity for a little levity two of the men approached the altar, took the vessels, and staggering around the altar and pretending to be drunk, made various comments that they obviously found hilarious. I was horrified, but did not know what to say. However, this was an interdenominational chapel, and immediate
(cont) 6. Once when I was in the Army, three other men and myself were detailed to clean the post chapel. Unaccountably,when we arrived the sacred vessels had been left sitting on the altar, and seeing the opportunity for a little levity two of the men approached the altar, took the vessels, and staggering around the altar and pretending to be drunk, made various comments that they obviously found hilarious. I was horrified, but did not know what to say. However, this was an interdenominational chapel, and immediately in front of me was an open bible on a stand. Hoping to find some help in the scriptures-like a shipwrecked man looking for a plank- I looked into them and the first passage that I encountered was this, “Woe to the man who does not warn those who mishandle the sacred vessels.” It was enough to call the men over and point out the passage. They both said, “Whoa” and gingerly replaced the vessels on the altar.
15. However, in response to Anonymous’ charitable remonstrance you write,
“I appreciate your effort in forming new priests. I hope, in the process of forming them, you are not teaching them to take themselves too seriously. There is a time for somberness, of course, but there is also a time when priests and rulers must be cast down and a fool crowned king for a day. All things in their due season”
Leaving to one side the literary pretensions, alarming enough in themselves, underlying this impertinent and-to put it gently- absurd paragraph, I hope you don’t imagine that Anonymous, I or any other critic is on the side of “somberness” while you are the misunderstood champion of joy. No, you attempted to write an over the top humorous piece that could only make grown-up Catholics wince.
So take the ensuing hits like a man, learn from them, and go off to the seminary in the joy of the Lord…
All the best,
Lee Gilbert
Lee--
I guess then I'll never be a "grown-up Catholic", always be a child at heart....another blog catering to the more Traditional line alluded that "converts" could never really understand what it is like to be Catholic, since we weren't cradle Catholics...
But I don't mind dancing merrily along, chasing butterflies in the breeze, singing praises and glory to our God, and giggling with heartfelt glee at Deej's witty posts. His humor brings joy to my day. I'll leave the somber, long faces who spend their evenings conjugating Latin verbs and other boring stuff to the "grown-ups"...
And may I have the grace to approach the throne of our Lord as a little child, full of joy and fascination and wonder...
Mark 10:14
Peace be with you....
As a Protestant who has been praying about a potential conversion to Catholicism for years, this made my day (my sister-in-law emailed me the link saying that "The truth is out about you Catholic types"... clearly she appreciated the humor as well). Are there any power perks to being a Catholic lay-person I should know about as I make my decision?
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