I was never overly into kids until I had my own. I still worry about messing him up somehow because of being a neurotic freako. I do admit to getting caught up in the pregnancy induced frenzy after all my friends got pregnant or were trying to get pregnant. Herd mentality or maybe biological clock, I guess.
I'm sure you've heard this a million times and I hope it doesn't come off as crappy advice, but I really do believe it's different when it's your own kid. I don't know why, I don't know how, probably biology so we nurture and protect. That said, there's no need to stick to some arbitrary age-based deadline. You'll know when you're ready.
I've always loved kids, but somehow was never totally sure if I actually wanted to have any of my own. That may sound strange considering I'm now 7 months pregnant! But I can totally relate to most of what you're saying... plus there's the part of me that just wanted to be selfish and enjoy the rest of my life with just Kirk. I also absolutely agree that it's possible to be happy in life without kids! I honestly don't understand the mentality that one has to be a mother to feel fulfilled. There are so many other good things in life to enjoy.
Now that we've made the decision to start a family, I'm very happy about it and trust that it's the right thing. But that doesn't mean I'm not still totally scared of the birthing process, the prospect of trying to breastfeed, and all of the ways our lives will be changing! (not to mention the biggest fear of all... will we be good parents...)
OK I got something for you....I am going to send mine to you and let them live with you...You know you want to.....I want the photographic evidence of these cute newborns..... I agree about the alien newborns but I am convinced that my babies were both cute from day one but that may be the mother in me talking. As for the 3-6 age thing...I agree but I extend that to about 11 or 12...Do not get me wrong I love my kids but they are manipulative and they get little attitudes and begin to test thier limits, more than when they were younger.
You sound like I did, for the most part, before I had my son. I did think most of these things... but then you do get pregnant, and actually give birth to these little monsters and you just learn to deal with things that you never thought of before. When I saw the picture of my right after he was born (I was sort of knocked out since the epidural wasn't working properly and they doped me with morphine as soon as they got the kid out) I thought he was butt ugly. He turned cuter when all the red went away and the newborn water swelling went down... AFter almost three years, though, when I get a free day to myself, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. My life was really unstructured and really undisciplined before I had my son. You get used to having other responsibilities on your life and you don't hate them/dislike them so much after a while.
My mother told me before she died that the only thing she regretted was not having more (I was the only one). She was a smart woman and I trust her on this. There is something really incredible about creating your own family who will take care of you when you are old, who will love you when they are young with this fierce unconditional love that is astounding sometimes, trust you when you don't always trust yourself ... Can you tell I want more?
Salaam 'Alaikum
I don't generally like children. I don't relish spending time with them. I have three of my own. Not only do I like them, but I love them. But I generally am not interested in children. One time someone suggested I open a day care or go into teaching or something and my mom started laughing. She knows me. The crazy thing is that I tend to be a kid magnet.
//I am surrounded by horror stories. Babies who won't nurse, babies who are eighteen months old and have never slept through the night in their entire lives and their moms still hold down full time jobs, toddlers and small children who have been on a destructive spree since they learned to walk...I often ask myself is it the child, or is it the parenting? What if I have a kid who is "born bad"? What if I get slowly driven crazy for the rest of my life by my offspring?//
Babies who don't nurse aren't bad. The only kids who are "born bad" are kids who grow up to be sociopaths. Why would anyone expect raising another human being, who can't do anything for him or herself and can only communicate through crying, smiling, and a few other things, to be perfect? Why would it, or should it, be easy? Parenthood is a jihad. Such babies do not exist (except for my first child; she was an amazing baby). This is life as a parent. Your kid is always going to be doing or saying something that you perceive as embarassing or bad. You'll look at your friend's perfect little angels and sigh. Meanwhile, she's looking at you and wondering how you keep it together, and how it is your kids are so wonderful while hers are driving her bananas.
You may not like kids ages 3 -6, or any kids at all, like me. But when it is your own child, unless you are seriously damaged or sociopath, which you are NOT, you *will* love him / her. And he / she will be the apple of your eye.
Drive-bys... some mothers actually go through life unscathed by these, but I personally think they're few and far between. I just clench my jaw and hold my tongue.
Wow, i thought it was just me! I feel like i'm reading about myself on most points.
Speaking of embarrassing things, Hamza like to vocally point out what I am doing in the bathroom... the public bathroom. Its really... cute. Hrmph. 
When TBF and I got married, almost 19 years ago, if someone had told me that I wouldn't have a child by our third anniversary I would have laughed. But, as the years went on we kept putting it off. Relatives and friends of relatives (you know the really annoying ones you see at weddings and funerals that you would never see otherwise) would ask...so when are you going to get pregnant? TBF and I used to always go home and fume over their insensitivity to the possiblility that we were trying and couldn't! But... that wasn't true. We just weren't trying for me to get pregnant - we were doing everything to avoid that possibility. One day we decided to talk about it, and then finally agreed that we just didn't want to have children of our own. I love my nieces and nephew...but I don't have to live with them. When I see or hear of some of the horror stories, it only re-inforces that we made the right choice in life. I'm certain TBF and I would make terrific parents, and I'll bet you and Nice Husband would too ...but don't ever let anyone make you feel "obligated" to have a child if you don't think it's right for you. I'm going to be 43 this year, and I have no regrets. Maybe I will when I'm 60 or 70...but if it takes that long to have a regret then I'll have a had a pretty good life to that point!
"People expect me to ooh and ahh over their babies, and I am sitting here thinking Gremlins."
LOL!! You made me snort coffee out my nose when I read this.
Don't worry. Not everybody is made for motherhood. I was anti-marridge until I met my hubby. I got pregnant with my 1st child by accident; we had intended to wait a few months. But seriously now, I wouldn't exchange what I have for the world.
You may feel differently about motherhood a few years down the road, or maybe you won't. Whatever the case, just make sure you're living life to the fullest, doing what you want to do, making the choices that you want to make.
I think the fact that you worry you might not be a good parent is actually a good sign. If you did havea kid you would probably love him/her and do your best for him/her.
I have certain ages of kids that drive me bonkers too, basically from when they start walking until they can sit down and read a book and talk to you intelligently about it. I just had to grit my teeth, toddler-proof the house and pray for patience. My youngest is literate now but I am very ambivalent about visiting tinies.
It's true what they say, it IS different when they're your own. People tell me I should be a teacher too but I would RUN a mile (which is hilarious if you saw unathletic moi) before taking on a roomful of other people's offspring.
Hi! You know what? Some people DON'T feel different when they have their own! Some people resent or even neglect or abuse their children.
These things aside cos I bet you're a decent person! If being a parent is not for you then it's not for you!
It's not for me either. Like you I have NEVER had a maternal instinct. Yes I chose to work with kids but that has put me off even MORE!
I am married to a wonderful Muslim guy - 4 years and 5 montsh and so far so good - and he was kinda indifferent to whether he became a father or not (thank goodness! Cos I told him how I felt)and fortunately his younger brother and his wife had two kids a boy and a girl and there is no pressure on us to have kids (phew!)
Just because most of the other posters had kids and loved it - and I'm happy for them! - it doesn't mean that having kids is right for everyone including you and me.
Because people are all different.
If you decide to have kids great if you decide not to great. Just be happy! Remember you're stuck with them for a LONG time!! (18 years plus!) so be SURE it's what you want. If you decide yes good for you if you decide no good for you.
As for me, hubby and my friends and job and interests are enough. Never really wanted kids. I turn 34 at the end of this month and nothing's changed. I STILL don't want em. I like em OK, but I just don't want to be a parent.
Commenting by HaloScan
