I can't believe Paul confessed his feelings to Laura. I don't see how he could think that would be helpful to her... seems pretty selfish.
Like most people under stress, Paul isn't thinking really clearly. And he is definitely under stress. I don't see what he did as selfish, because in light of the rest of the session, he had a rationale for it and he did hold the boundary . But it was an error because it feeds her illusions about the relationship.
Do you suppose that therapists have a responsibility to only keep in mind the health of their patients? If that is the case, Paul would be wrong in making this move to tell Laura he has feelings for her. Even if there was no sex, he has now sexualized/romanticized their relationship. He can tell himself that he is "better" than David because he (Paul) didn't have sex with Laura but Laura still leaves feeling the only value she has to men is sexual in nature.
I think therapists are human beings with human weaknesses and that even when we try our best, we will make mistakes. What we hope for is that the mistakes do not cause additional harm and that they can be worked through.
I believe we must strive to do no harm. That is a very high standard.
I expressed my deep reservations about the wisdom of Paul's disclosure. I would not condone it. But I also know that there exists the potential for it being worked through.
Laura is not finished. We don't know where she will take this next.
Don't get me wrong...I like Paul's character and I totally understand that in addition to being a therapist, he is human.
However, he thoroughly discussed this with Gina and I am sure he thought a great deal about it. He was aware that this could further complicate things. And he claims to want to work things through with his wife.
So, knowing all this, what positive outcome could sharing his feelings with Laura possibly bring about? That is what I don't understand.
Because of this decision that Paul made, I don't think Laura is taking this anywhere...Paul is doing the driving.
I guess we'll see! I really enjoy this show, and your thoughts about it.
I think you are wanting it to be that everything Paul, the therapist, does is carefully thought out. But that is not the way things go.
He didn't thoroughly talk it through with Gina. When he is with Gina, he is in the middle of his own turmoil, struggling with his own life -- the failure of his marriage, the errors he knows he is making in his work, the history of his conflict with Gina, the reality f being his father's son and what that has meant in his life. He cannot be free of these conflicts no matter what h does, none of us can be. All he can do is the best he can in the moment and be willing to work through his mistakes.
I guess I missed something! Because I really thought I heard Gina and Paul talking about whether or not it would ever be appropriate for Paul and Laura to be together. And I thought Paul distinctly said that he wanted to resolve these feelings when he was in a session with Gina and Kate.
My thought is that he was aware of the line and he crossed it on purpose. And I don't understand why he did it.
It doesn't appear that he is trying to avoid the mistake or he wouldn't have taken the relationship to the next level by admitting his feelings to Laura.
And by knowingly doing this, the chance of a good outcome seems to be decreased.
I know he is human - so am I! I have made plenty of bad decisions. But, in these delicate situations...is it wrong to expect to count on experts a little more than we count on the "average" human?
**is interesting that Laura had a remarkable breakthrough as a result of the conversation where she learned about Paul's feelings.
They talked about, and he also made it clear to Laura, that Paul can never have a sexual relationship with her, can never date her or be anything other than her therapist. He did not breach that line.
Expecting *experts* to never make mistakes is what makes mistakes so hard to acknowledge because Americans sue over mistakes and assume that a mistake is intentional rather than something that can happen to the best.
I hope you don't mind this dialogue...
I agree with you that Americans are quick to assume and sue.
When Paul does something that he knows isn't a good idea, is that a mistake (accident) or intentional (poor judgement that can be detrimental but in the moment, we just don't care)? That is all I'm saying...he knew better and told her anyway.
And even though he didn't kiss Laura, didn't want to make the same mistake with her that other men had, I don't think he can be effective as her therapist any longer.
But I am not a therapist, so I could be wrong. I guess I suspect that if his feelings prevented him from being able to stay professional, that his feelings may also make it difficult for him to effectively guide her through therapy.
I don't mnd at all.
A couple of things : therapists don't guide patients through therapy. We set the time and place and listen and offer, by way of reflections and interpretations, what we see and hear. The patient leads, the therapist follows.
Within the space that the therapist and patient co-create, the therapeutic space, the basic rule is that the patient should say whatever comes to mind and that they will hang in there and work their way through problems and obstacles along the way.
I see what Paul did as an error, not an overture to an affair with Laura. He could make a case for what he did -- that he was being honest with her about his feelings, because she already intuited them -- and that he had no intention of acting on those feelings. And that in his way, he was doing what his teacher did, opening the door so she could see she did not want to go through it. He could make that argument and so long as he does not act out his feelings, it is a case that can be seen to have merits.
I think he can remain her therapist, though I have said before he needs to get solid supervision. That he and his wife are dealing with their marriage now makes his acting out a little less likely. What needs to happen for the therapy to work for Laura is for Paul to hold the line, to not allow feelings to become actions. Laura can learn that she can have a relationship with a man, a man can care about her without sex being involved. This can happen in the relationship with Pal. We saw, she saw she knows him far less than she wants to believe. What she knows is her fantasy about him, a fantasy version of him, but she does not know the man, Paul, at all.
Errors need not destroy a therapy. It takes courage and strength to work through errors but it happens. I have experienced it myself, both a a therapist and as a patient.
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