I agree, I think if either of them was to put the moves on the other they'd figure out it wouldn't work in real life. That's the allure of fanstasies--they always work out how you want them to. I was really surprised at Gina's advice to Paul, but I am curious to see what he'll do with it.
Yes, but wasn't that sort of ending already explored thirty years ago by Mary Tyler Moore and "Mr. Grant?"
I'm thinking that comparing Paul and Laura to Mary Tyler Moore and Mr. Grant is a false analogy! There is a huge difference between therapist/patient and boss/employee.
Um, that Mr. Grant reference was a joke...
Paul is married to a woman who he has alientated so badly that she has moved out of his life. She is the mother of his children, and a tent pole of the family of four people, not just two. Perhaps Paul ought to focus his attention on whatever shortcomings in his relationship with her that have sent her away from him. Perhaps before he jumps into a teenagers tryst with the lovely and alluring Laura, he ought to consider why he runs with vapid indifference from his alluring wife. Kate. Who Paul built a life with. Made a promise to. And now ignores, and has exhibited NO work to move things in a more positive direction. He went through the motions of couples therapy. But he analyzed, rather than connected with his wife. That "accurate listening" exercize could have brought her into clear focus in his mind - if that is what he wanted. It might have made her feel heard. Feel loved. But it wasn't what he wanted from it. And it didn't heal anything. And she left because he left.
Their situation does not compare with Jake and Amy - who still love one another, but who need to do the work to make themselves whole to themselves before they can be whole with each other.
Paul has a hole. A missing piece. And Kate is at the end of her patience waiting for him to deal with it and finally show up in their marriage.
Dave, actually I think they both have holes -- as indeed most of us do. And as in any marriage, both of them have contributed to what has brought them to this sorry place in their lives.
A marriage is a marathon. When a couple is fifteen miles in with eleven to go and they feel they are in a slump, they keep running, and do the work to get through it. Granted, they both contributed. But what came out in their therapy is that she is feeling accutely ignored and unloved, and he demonstrated that he accutely ignores her and does not show her love. So the onus to change - at this point in the race is on Paul's foot, not Kate's. The two feet together will run the race. And both will arrive at the finish line together. But in this instance, Paul is lagging and needs to take ownership of his choices and behavior.
Wow! Kate goes to Rome with another man and you see the problem as all Paul's?
We view this issue very differently. I see two people who have come to a place in their lives where they are questioning the choices they made when they were much younger. And, sadly neither of them is handling this in the best way possible.
I have no idea if they will stay together or not. Can this marriage be saved? Yes. Will it be? Who knows. It is a matter of whether or not they each separately and together decide that staying with each other is what they want.
Not every marriage is destined to last the lifetime of the partners. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, one of the five people who have a deep vested interest in the success of this marriage asked (with great incredulity) why her father was sitting at home when his wife was with another man in Rome. Why wasn't he standing up and pulling her back into his family?
It is a good question. So good, in fact, that it was pretty much the question Kate was forcing by going to Rome in the first place.
On the whole, divorce sucks more than making a marriage work. Way too many people err on the wrong side where divorce is concerned. A lifetime of misery, a deep set sadness in the hearts of the children, and all that wreckage - just to run away from lessons that the next relationship will dredge up again. Why not just stay in the relationship, let the kids grow up sane, and do the work?
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