It's pretty simple. This team will win as many games as Paul Pierce can carry them to, and we saw what the cap on that was last year - 37 wins.
Let's assume that one of the kids actually has an upbeat, injury-free season. My guess is Jefferson. Green is always going to be a dolt. Bassy and Inmate #42 are inevitably going to join together to fuck someone up at some point in the season. My hope would be they choose the dance team, but more on that later ...
Doc, you're spot on about Gomes, West and Perkins - they are what they are: complementary pieces to a star. Perkins is at best a backup center on a team that doesn't have anything else but the rotting, fetid corpse of Theo Ratliff.
Problem is, Pierce is also a complementary piece, too.
My guess is Rondo gets a lot of minutes at the point and rounds into an average floor general. He can't shoot, though, and that's going to have to change to save the two summer guard trades from the scrap heap of Celtic history.
The injury history of the kids and Wally make at least one major problem unavoidable. Factor in Pierce post-contract and I come out with:
34-48.
If Pierce goes down for any length of time, that number rolls back into the 20s. If, God forbid, Pierce misses 40 games, then you've got an expansion team in Celtic green.
I just watched Antoine Walker receive his championship ring. Congrats, Antoine. He's gotta love Danny for giving him a life raft off the Celtics sinking ship.
Props to Walker. He sure as hell was never going to get a ring in Boston.
Guy definitely had a flawed game, but it's amazing how much better the product always was on the floor with him than without him.
Great quote by Jackie McMullen in Celtics predictions article:
Celtics: 36-46. If Sebastian Telfair is the answer, then what, exactly, was the question?
Paul Pierce clearly lives in a lonely neighborhood - or at least one that doesn’t get a lot of trick or treaters.
The Celtics captain came out and faced the media today wearing a hairy Halloween mask of the character “Jigsaw’’ from the Saw movie series.
He was a little disappointed when not everyone caught on immediately.
“What, y’all never saw Saw?’’ he said. “Y’all don’t get out much, do you.’’
Pierce proceeded to conduct the entire interview in costume.
“This is the start of my new tradition,’’ he said. “I’m going to be something different next year.’’
HAHAHAHA!!!
If I hadn't read this in the Herald I would have thought for sure Chestnutt wrote it.
I didn't see Saw. Does it have a scene we're a guy gets stabbed in the neck at a bar?
Did I really write "we're a guy"? Jesus! I'm fucking idiot. Can we get a blog software that has editable comments?
Yea I agree with the Dr.
30 wins if we are lucky and Alexis from the Dance squad did not give me that itch downstairs.
Like everyone else, I've been watching these Red tributes and interviews. I tell you its a fuckin' shame he had to die with this team the way it is.
Message to current owners:
Sell this team so someone can blow it up! Also I would appreciate it if Alexis could get another day off during the season.
Can't wait to see the Miss New Booty Mix Dance on Friday.
They will lose by 5 tonight in a painfully close game.
Great season preview DC. I always enjoy reading my opinions written with far more eloquence and vitriol than I myself could project. A couple of things that I don't think will happen, though. I don't think the crowd will boo the team. I don't think they really care if the team wins or loses, as long as they can enjoy an overpriced night out at a NBA game. Maybe they'll even get to see LeBron or Wade or Kobe. Then the next night they can go home and watch Lost instead of turning on the Celts. And they know that losing is part of Danny's long term plan, so they should, as Rummy puts it, "Back off" and be patient. Also, I don't think the team can quit on Coc. Other than Pierce, no one on the team has the credibility to quit. If they do, they'll be smeared by the the Celts PR machine (Danny, Tommy, and Mike), and their careers are over, or at least they get reputations as malcontents. Pierce won't quit because he just signed for $20M per year to a team that has no chance of winning anything in his lifetime, so he obviously doesn't care already. If he plays really REALLY well, he may have a chance of being traded to a contender when Danny's twelve year youth movement starts to hit full swing.
One excellent observation you make (and express with admirable succinctness) is that Telfair is "small and dumb." For anyone who hasn't seen this--and I had only seen him for about two minutes prior to watching every preseason game this year--you will see this on display tonight as, every time Chris Paul scores or makes a good play, Telfair rushes up the court to force a shot in his mentally overwhelming quest to show that he is the premier point guard in the NBA despite his inability to crack Portland's ten man rotation and the willingness of Portland to take on Raef's ridiculous contract and an unknown rookie just to get rid of him. And God help Rondo if he ever takes over as starter because Telfair makes a call and Rondo's career is over.
Anyhow, thanks for the preview. I hope you're able to give us your insights on a semi-regular basis this year. I'll be looking forward to reading them here at CelticsFuckingDoom.
I feel sorry for you guys. I'll be watching the game tonight with one eye closed and the other eye squinted. This makes things not look near as bad as they actually are. I guess that's the one positive benefit I've gotten from the years of practice spent living with the Old Bag.
By the way, the battle ax got steamed at me last night when I suggested that I paint her lower back with stars on a blue background and, with the red and white stripes on her ass, she could go trick or treating as the American flag.
Anyone care to do an over/under on the first time Tommy says, "well Mike, Delonte West really wasn't a point guard."? My guess is immediately after Telfair's 2nd turnover of the evening. so, like minute 4:08.
Willie, hahaha, that's amazing, it must have been Wyc pulling the strings, trying to work in some product placement for Saw IV. Maybe we should do an over/under on the first Dance Squad member to be impregnated by Donnie Wahlberg.
JJ, 34-48 is probably more realistic, but I really think some wacky shit is going to go down this season. Like Wally's leg falls off, or Doc is fired and replaced by the only worse coach that's every been in the NBA besides him - John Carroll.
Anon, hahaha, maybe Rummy should invoke Pitino and say "the negativity in Iraq sucks, it stinks and it sucks." That's a great point about the young players not being able to quit on Coc, I guess I just think at some point these guys who've been jerked around for minutes and a role will just go out there and abandon whatever fragile team concept is in place, and just try to up their own trade value. Or impress Alexis by taking 8 shots in 2 minutes.
DC, good points.
Of course, if Shits Rivers is fired, I might have to ratchet an extra win or two into the fearless forecast.
In Tommy's defense (where you won't often find me), he did mention in preseason that Rondo was a better point guard than Tell-me-I'm-great-fair, who Tommy said was more of a 2. But, you're right, if he's reading his talking points he will point out West's natural shooting guard skills or some bullshit. West, however, did mention to that fucking idiot Greg Dickerson that he still considers himself more of a point guard. Well, who cares. I like D West. He plays hard, and he's not afraid to mix it up. One thing the Celts have not had since Vitaly and Eric Williams was at least some semblance of toughness. I hope D West has a good year.
yeah, definitely, Delonte is the only young Celtic who's both tough and smart. Perk is tough but has a pea brain, Gomes is smart and hustles but isn't exactly Karl Malone. Big Al is, course, a dumb pussy, and Inmate 42 is a creepy spazz.
A fond "yes, they really are morons" example is pre-season 05 when Ainge and Rivers said the team needed more toughness, and went on to trade for Wally Assslap and Mikey O.
Tonight's prediction - 8 point loss, Tommy lathers on repeated grotesque praise of Coc, and Wally slaps his own ass. FANTASTIC!
Fucking Funny, DC.
Ok, now, don't ban me from the site, but I am predicting a Celtics win tonight. There are several reasons for this, including home court, the Red-is-Dead effect, and the fact that the Whorenets also suck. But the main reason I think the Celts will win is based on one observation that I made by watching all of the preseason games instead of killing myself. The Celts, despite Bassy and Perk, are slightly ahead of some other teams as far as how they are playing together at this early stage for one reason and that is because, other than Perk, Al, and Rondo (three players who will have no impact on the game) all the other guys are swingmen, so they sort of know where the other guy is going to be, on offense at least, because it's where they would be if they had happened to have run down the court ahead of that other guy or on that other side of the court. This worked several times during the preseason. Ok, most of the time it was either against the 12-16 guys from the Nets bench or the Knicks, who are unbelievably bad and have, prepare yourselves, an even worse coach than the Celts. But, tonight, in the chaos of the early season, I think the ten swingmen of the Celts are going to win fairly easily if Bassy doesn't fuck it up with turnovers and selfish me-against-Chris-Paul idiocy. Celtics 105, Whorenets 97.
hahaha, anon, you're banned! you're banned!
your prediction is probably pretty likely. I was just basing my thoughts on CP tearing up Brokebassy, but that's a great point about the one positive aspect of having a team of swingmen. Also, I need to watch this team play before I make game by game predictions. Whorenets, hahahahaha.
I don't know, Anon. I see a lot of the Whornets out here, and I'm thinking that CP3 has Tellpoor and Rondo spinning like tops by about the third quarter.
I,m just pissed that the dancers won't be there. The only set of titties to look at all last year were Scalaburine's, and I wouldn't fuck them with Hackrid's dick.
Why won't Powe's Hoes be there, tittyfuck?
Ok. So I was only wrong about everything. WTF? Doc is a fucking idiot! Out of nowhere he comes up with new this starting lineup: Telfair, West, Pierce, Wally, Perk? WTF? Does he realize that he's sacrificing starting Gomes in favor of a redundant, do-nothing, extra point guard? YTF not just leave West at PG and leave Gomes in there? Oh yeah, because Bassy is Danny's new poster boy. What the fuck? If they can't beat the frigging Hornets at home on opening night, it's gonna be a long, long season.
I "watched" the game by updating the Yahoo box score. Blogger is doing its usual fucked up deal where you need to go to http://celticsdoom.blogspot.com (as in, without the "www") to see a brief write up which will serve as a nice forum for us to bash this loss. Fire away!
Great job, old boy!
It's time for the Shits to hit the fan...
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