Agreed on all counts, Doc. Excellent assessment of the current thoroughly grunge-fucked state of the Celtics.
I'd move Jefferson and Green for Gasol tomorrow, as long as the pick either isn't involved or is top two protected.
I'll tell you what's even more depressing: All the stupid fucks who are treating tonight's dunk contest like it's the seventh game of the finals.
Honest to Christ, how many of these stupid SOBs even knew what a basketball was in 1986?
Jesus, we're going to have to endure volumes of fucking stupidity if IQ #5 wins the damn contest.
Sadly, Jim comes before you tonight to admit a wrong to another Celtics fan:
Prior to the season, a gentleman who I suspect is known to you as Will Roberts offered up the prediction that the 06-07 Celtics would win the Atlantic and post a 53-29 record.
Jim, with great linguistic glee, lit into the poster, telling him that while he agreed that this edition of the Celtics would eventually hit the 53-win mark, that day wouldn't come - until the 07-08 season.
Today, Jim comes before the only group of credible Celtics Internet posters on the Web to admit he was wrong.
I have done a grievous disservice to Mr. Wigglestrue in his role as a Koolaid (Latin word for "I have no fucking clue about what's going on with the Celtics, but I'm too stubborn and vain to admit it) representative.
The Celtics will win 53 games. But with the meter beginning to run in the first game of this campaign, I now postulate:
THAT THE 53RD WIN WON'T COME UNTIL THE 08-09 SEASON.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Jim! You're an optimist! I'm sure Wyc and the boys in marketing appreciate your cumulative score keeping. Don't be surprised if they start pimping the season ticket holders with that kind of "new math."
I too find the Gerald Green Dunk Enthusiasm (TM) to be sad and misguided. I mean, what? Yay, we have a freakshow who can't play basketball? Whatever.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
I personally don't give a fuck about the dunk contest and IQ #5.
But, what do we know? We're all just bitter because we don't get freebies from the Bullshitting Banker Boy, I guess.
Looks like that lobotomized dirt-snake Wyc Grousbeck has a new show pony to flog for the paying customers. Thing is, people will pay to see anything strange - a woman with a tail or a man with hooks for hands. Don't mean they can play basketball either.
Well, I kinda liked Gigi's tribute to an irrelevant Celtics player from a marginal Celtics team past. Can we call this foreshadowing?
Anyhow, one thing I don't understand is how we can expect Kidd to help the Celtics if the Nets suck so bad with Kidd, Carter, Jefferson, and Kristic (who is about as good as Al Jeff right now, slightly less rebounds, slightly more points). They were barely .500 even before Jefferson and Kristic got hurt. Assuming the Celts trade the pick for Kidd, then we have Kidd, Pierce, Al Jeff, Wally, and Perk/Scal. Doesn't seem much better than the Nets to me. If the Celts trade Al/Gigi, then the best they can hope for is Kidd, Pierce, and Oden, who probably won't really be ready until Pierce and Kidd are in their mid/late thirties. I just don't see it.
Thanks for the article Dr. Chestnutt. Glad your back.
Glad "your" back. WTF!
Ten fucking pages on RealGM on the dunk contest.
I haven't been over to Celtics Pravda to take a look, but I can only imagine that the hyperbole is as deep as the post-Katrina waters in New Orleans.
Celtics fans are idiots.
Damn you, Doctor, damn you...
I told the Old Bag way back in November there'd be no more fucking until your next blog, how did I know I would hit the California lottery and have 2 1/2 months of absolute sexual bliss? I was so cocksure of your observatory abandonment of this thing we call a team that I doubled up the bet with 'Baggie' and, after a night of one two many Chianti's, I bet her that you would not post again until after the draft; under penalty of promising to eat her if proven wrong. And, tonight, here you are. Sometime later, I will be performing the equivalent of tonguing to death the mouth of a rabid bulldog with halitosis ( apologies to bulldogs ). What I am soon condemned to do defies any sort of description possible, except to say that if any of you read or hear of an individual who choked on a hairball in their own home, it has indeed been a pleasure knowing, to some degree, all of you, and may you never have to hear the name Coc Rivers after this miserable season. If I survive this evening, dear Doctor, I will comment on your column later, but for now..., "Chicci, la porta."
I'm sorry! Poor myassholestnx, now your mouth will stnx as well. Thank god you've returned, though, truly. I was afraid you were gone.
Sorry in general to everyone, and hopefully all our old pals will filter back. It's really been a matter of no internet access and a fucky work/school schedule, but those things are improving. Dr. Bob Dylan will pick up some of the slack as well, posting anti-coc/grousbeck/ainge musings as they strike him, if only to keep our RSS feed active. And who knows, perhaps Jerky will be inspired once the trade deadline passes and Pierce is still on the team.
Anon - good point about Kidd and the relative haplessness of the Nets. I just think that if you proceed with a flawed paradigm (ie: building around one good player, a 29 year old swingman, and a bunch of lesser talents), what is the best way to maximize what you have? Pierce teamed with a competent pro point guard on the decline (Kenny Anderson, Payton), has been better for the team than when he's the primary initiator. We still wouldn't be a good team, but I think if you added Kidd to this group and did nothing else, they'd compete for the 8th seed. Again, that puts us back in the same boat of mediocrity, but that's always going to be the problem for this franchise in lieu of a total rebuild job. Or unless we luck into a disgruntled Garnett trade, but that's hardly something to count on. If you could team Pierce AND Gasol AND Kidd (or even Bibby, to a lesser extent), the team might actually be on the level of Indiana or maybe even the Wizards. Albeit, with a tiny window of time to accomplish anything, and a salary structure that would be unpalatable to the Sucker 17 group. But then again, who knows.
wow. chestnutt's back and he brings the artist formerly known as Elston Gunn with him. I am nearly wordless but thankful. The sickening decay known as the 06/07 tribute to Red Auerbach (can we get this year back?) Celtics is not even worthy of gloating over.
I actually enjoyed the total entertainment experience of All Star saturday if only for Scottie Pippen's display of absurdity and his referencing of Timmy Hardaway. Does it get any better than watching Nate Robinson miss 12 straight dunks in the finals?
The only hope is Oden or Durant. All of the other scenarios are nearly impossible. Ainge get Gasol and Kidd for his pile of trash? Nope.
In the meantime I'll watch and enjoy the Wallace and Webber experience. That is something else.
Also figuring that the Ainge o philes figure that the dunk contest is part of the athletic uptempo "vision".
fuck coc, fuck ainge, fuck pryc.
Eventually, if Wyc gives free tickets to every fucking Celtics fan with an Internet connection, he might sell this bullshit.
But until then, he's gonna be stuck with this group calling bullshit on his money first, money second, money third, bullshit fourth and basketball fifth business model.
Willie! Thanks for returning. Now I can make clumsy references to Apur Sansar and Fitzcaraldo and not feel completely ashamed.
The most brutal part of the all-star "fun" was the forced hilarity of the Barkley/Bavetta thing, and listening to Reggie Miller refer without irony to crowning the skills competion "champion."
As for Gigi, I mean, good for him. I'm not sure if his hyper-Celtics pride thing was 1) a "please don't trade me" gesture, 2) automatic writing from the PR department, or 3) genuine, but it was nice in a pointless sense.
Doc, you left out IQ #5 "restoring Celtics Pride" with the dunk championship, according to a dumbshit on the Celtic Nation site.
I've never seen Fitzcaraldo and I don't even know what an Apur Sansar is, but I did enjoy Raef LaFrentz as the child-eating monster in Pan's Labyrinth.
Welcome back, Doctor Chestnutt, I'm glad all is well with you. You have been sorely missed. I just returned from Las Vegas, let me tell you the dirty little secret. With the All-Star game came the hip-hop gangsta crowd, lots and lots of them, and it was truly a sight to behold. This is the roughest bunch of human beings ever assembled; whores, pimps, foul language, debaucherous behavior, public urination, intimidation, weapons. I just read where Sunday night there were three shootings at the MGM Grand parking garage ( two employees shot) and a riot at the Wynn hotel. It was ironic because I was attending a convention at which Steve Wynn was the featured speaker, he mesmorized the audience with his tales of Las Vegas, Frank, Dean and Sammy, and a history of that town. He is opening a second casino in Macau, China, and spoke with pride about the Chinese New Year which began yesterday and is big business for his casinos. I can't imagine what those folks felt when they flew into All Star weekend, Las Vegas style. I got out of there Saturday, and have never been happier to leave a place. I'd be very surprised if the casinos ever allow All Star weekend to be held in Vegas ever again, I think they've just been put through hell. I'm certainly far from being a prude, but I can honestly say my last day in Vegas was one I wouldn't wish on even Will Roberts.
I think calling the crowd "roughest bunch of human beings ever assembled" is a little hyperbolic. I mean, what about Nazis, KKK, mafia who usually run Las Vegas, MADD, LAPD, and others?
MADD? LAPD? You got me there, Anon.
Tittyfuck! Thanks for coming back! I hope you weren't exposed to any Scala-titties while relaxing in the city of sin. Brian may not be getting booed anymore, but he still has more upstairs than half the dance squad, some of whom probably have spent time working the hotel lobby at the MGM Mirage.
As for the NBA in Vegas, it seems a scenario where only STD's are a winner. One does not need to be a mathematician to determine that legalized gambling plus rampant prostitution plus multi-millions in disposable income wielded by men in their early 20's, equals a real bad idea.
Soooooo good to have the Dr back to resurrect the site! Really, the only pundit to acurately predict this season's demise aside from "the sports wench".
Anyone else worried that we could win our way out of the sweeps? We already proved that we can't tank with the likes of the Wolves last year and there will be some serious tanking in the 2nd half this year...I could see Wally, Rondo, Paul and Al maybe winning a few games if Wally can put a string of games together where he makes a few 3's. This is probably about as likely as Britni shaving her hair off but it's enough to worry me.
Welcome back Dr. Chestnutt! It's great to see a new post from you.
I agree with everything from the percieved value of the "assets" to the point you made about how Kidd could potentially make some of these guys look better than they really are.
I can't believe that Boston has the worst record in the league with 30 games to go in a year that will have two impact players in the draft. Can this team remain in the basment down the stretch or will they fuck up one of the best chances they're going to get to improve this team?
Newsflash from the Internet dumbfucks who follow the Celtics:
This team is wonderful. Injuries are totally responsible for the horseshit record.
And Bush is wonderful and there are still WMDs in Iraq.
That is all.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
This is precisely what I'm talking about, courtesy of Wiseguys, a poster on RealGM:
I haven't been on this board for awhile but I don't know where people are getting that this team just stinks. This team was on a 5 game winning streak before Paul went out and started to get back its composure until Tony went out. Obviously the injuries hinder us.
Jesus. How many free sets of ducats is Wyc giving out to Internet dumbfucks?
Is the whole fucking stadium full of freebie propaganda shills for the ownership?
Regarding "the roughest group of human beings ever assembled", don't speak until you've met my in-laws. Imagine the Old Bag times 10 and you might begin to get the picture. I don't have to look up our family tree because I know I'm the sap. Well, I ate her, Doctor, but spent an inordinate amount of time on the taint. Frankly, in the dark, I couldn't tell one hole from the other, except for the kernel of corn I unfortunately tongued in one of the holes. Normally, the worst thing about eating pussy is the view, but not this time. Anyway, about basketball... all of your prognostications have proven to be true, our only salvation now rests with Lady Luck and the bounce of the balls. Speaking of assests, Brandon Roy would have been a good one, it appears that Danny's MO has been to make a bad move and then overcompensate to correct it. Wonder how we'll move Telfair? A top two draft pick, a coaching change, and for once, a decent trade, and perhaps we too on celticsdoom can begin to sip the kool-aid. Until then, thirtysomething more games of laughter and misery.
Danny should call up Kevin Pittsnoggle, so we could complete the the Celtic's YMCA roster.
I'm surprised more Celtic legends haven't died watching the games this season. If David Stern screws us out of another 1st pick this year, the C's fan base will go the way of the Bruins.
Has the Big Al diagnosis improved in your mind since you wrote this?
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