I don't know if I've ever heard anyone point out the difference between "high self-esteem" and "healthy self-esteem!" Thank you, Doctor!
Solomon2 | Email | Homepage | 01.27.05 - 5:26 pm | #

This comment leaped out at me: [W]e all believed the data would come along in good time.

So much public policy is based on this rather disturbing faith, that scientists will be able to prove today's pet theory eventually! Add the importance of self-esteem to global warming, whole language reading, 'new' math, and the efficacy of low-fat diets in the pile of now-discredited theories, still powerfully weilded and still screwing us all up.

(I don't mean to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but this kind of thing really, really annoys me.)

Thanks for posting on this.
Joan | Email | Homepage | 01.27.05 - 6:36 pm | #

Not too many years ago I made the mistake of being strongly attracted to a female who, it turned out, had incredibly low self-esteem (or an undeveloped sense of self?). Fortunately I realized what would happen if I did not save myself, and I ran like a scalded cat.

The choice: one can be either (a) a self-sacrificing psychiatric nurse who has no hope of ever helping the sufferer, or (b) a loving and responsible husband. It is utterly impossible to be both, because choice (a) corrodes and destroys choice (b).

IMHO, of course, but based on personal experience. I suppose your mileage may vary, but....

Full disclosure...there is an undeniable aspect to this: why was I attracted to this emotionally crippled female? My own flaw. Fortunately now I know that I suffer from a (controllable) rescuing impulse, doubtless born of growing up in an alcoholic family. It took years for me to gain that insight.

To those who do not share my character defect, I say, "Never allow yourself to fall in love with someone who does not love herself first. It is a sign that she does not respect herself, and therefore can never respect or love you. All she will be able to do is become an emotional parasite; that will destroy your love, and possibly your life. You don't have to be like me to be blind to the trap."
L. Barnes | Email | Homepage | 01.28.05 - 12:59 am | #

You are so right.
MaxedOutMama | Email | Homepage | 01.28.05 - 8:15 pm | #

I forget who said it, but I've always remembered this line:

"In my day we didn't have self esteem we had self respect. And only as much as we had earned."

jlb
jlb | Email | Homepage | 04.19.05 - 11:19 am | #

i think you should rather say pride about the self. the term self-esteem is itself positive. but, i know what ur trying to say. this is just to prevent confusion from us readers
adrian | Email | Homepage | 07.07.05 - 12:11 am | #

I think that you should only have as much self-esteem as you deserve, and achieve that by trying to be the kind of person you'd like to be with if you weren't you, but somebody else.

It's a wonder that the idea that bullies and such like had low self-esteem instead of high self-esteem was ever taken seriously.
Tanja Guven | Email | Homepage | 12.24.06 - 10:00 pm | #

Mind you, I could easily be wrong.
Tanja Guven | Email | Homepage | 12.24.06 - 10:07 pm | #

Enough already with all this self-esteem crap. It goes along with the "all about me" generation. If you want to build up your self esteem, focus less on developing it, and let it develop all by itself. How?? By being more in tune with your fellow man, helping another suffering soul, being a support system for someone who needs it, and reaching out sowing seeds of kindness. Wow, your self-esteem will sky rocket, and you will find out why you were put on this earth in the first place. Now, go for it!!!
Marlene | Email | Homepage | 03.04.07 - 6:42 pm | #

I understand and agree with the conclusion of the article. In fact me and my dad have had several discussions on this buzz word self-esteem. We feel it is more in tune with the whole fast-food-and-the-commercialised-cultural-assets, 21st-century culture. I think the values and spirit the previous generation hold is tougher and more real. This self-esteem is just too "soft"
Ashlee | Email | Homepage | 11.29.07 - 9:24 pm | #