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Hmmm. Encountered a few Moronus Caledonius over the past few days on Scotland's roads. Same kind of thing, people tailgaiting at 80mph because their overtaking is WAAAAAAAAAY more important than anyone else's. All it would need would be a little touch of my brakes and we'd both have been shovelling our cars up afterwards.
Personal Favorite?
Can't Find a Constant Speed Cretin....Is he going 60? Is he going 80? Depends on the moment. Sometimes, it depends if somebody's just passed him, at which time he'll speed up from 65 to 80, to pass you, only to get in front and slow down again.
Might be closely related to Text Message Tessie, or even her sister Cell Phone Sally, as the level of distraction usually determines how slow they are going.
I passed Blow-Job Billy who's girlfriend's head was buried in his lap on I-20 the other day. It's been said that it's good to go out doing something you love.
We had a Mad Max yesterday - off his meds, beating the roof of the car when thwarted by traffic. Spittle flying as he expressed his irritation with us mere mortals. He was a multi-lane weaver, also, as you might have guessed.
FUN.
One of the funniest posts of yours I've ever read. Thank you for risking your life in order to write it. It made me think of the old "Garbage Pail Kids" set of trading cards.
Ah ... We also get M Canadiensis here in these parts. Usually inhabit RV's and perch in Target and Costco parking lots. Lacks lane discipline of any sort.
I really enjoy your blog. I've been encountering a lot of passing adverse magnet morons lately. They're the one's going 65 in the right lane.You attempt to pass them and then, as if magnetized, they remain at your side. You look down and you're now going eighty but their little drooling faces are still right there outside your window.
M. israeliensis has been a problem here for decades. These days, in an effort to curb the horrid driving, radio stations announce the toll of the week's traffic fatalities and injuries and there are constant public-service announcements about safe driving. It's working, but slowly.
.... around here?.... Backroad Boneheads are the norm for the day......
Ahh, my favorite rant, road rules or should I say the lack thereof.
I am not allowed to drive my grnadchildren without a second adult in the car to filter Meemaws various affecations for her fellow drivers - what you here is a blue stream of expletives followed by a calm adult voice saying, "Meemaw didn't mean that, it just slipped out and you are NOT allowed to say it, too!"
My favorite driver is the psychic friend who belives we can all read his mind and just know he is going to cut in front of us so why use that pesky little directional when that hand could be better occupied pushing buttons on his phone or whatever...
There's a lot to be said for natural selection...
There's Left Blinker Louie, who's had his left turn signal on since he entered the freeway in Flagstaff AZ, and won't turn it off until he gets to Memphis, TN. Louie's always about 82 years old, and drives the biggest 4-door sedan he can afford.
Also, there's Clown Car Carlos, who has packed most of the extended clan into a '86 Chrysler minivan, only to have it break down 15 miles outside of town. The mature male members of Carlos's clan can be seen working under the hood of the minivan, while the females fight a losing battle to keep the electron cloud of offspring from running out into traffic.
How about the Yellow-Bellied Merger? The YBM can be spotted at the end of an on-ramp at a dead stop with its left blinker on. This is a result of the YBM being too timid to match the flow of traffic and ease into an opening. YBMs that inhabit large urban areas can also be seen at freeway interchanges that have a long "lane weave", stopped at the beginning with its right blinker going. Once again, the YBM is too timid to use the mile-long merging lanes to get over to where it wants to go and tries to get all of its merging done in the first hundred feet, usually without success and resulting in unnecessary gridlock.
Here we suffer from the Sympathy Brakers. While driving in the left lane they cannot help but to apply their brakes if someone in the right lane does. They have been known to inhabit the right lane also.
In these parts it's the Floridiot-flatlander-tourists who drive 40 mph on a 55 mph mountain highway. They break at every single curve on mountain roads or stop dead in the middle of the road because they can't figure out where they are!!
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