That's an easy question; the proverbial cows, just teasing.
joanofargghh | Homepage | 12.24.07 - 1:34 am | #

I just left this for SWG, but thought you might want to add it to your repertoire:

Here's a hot tip you might want to try... or not...

Sit that big frozen bad boy on a layer of bricks. Peel the plastic wrapper from around his rear end. Light a propane torch and stick it up the bird's ass, going slowly and carefully lest you douse the 1700 degree flame. Once fully inside the body cavity, the whole operation should take about 5 minutes per kilo. Those who have been brave enough and stupid enough to try this on a live bird AND live to tell the story, have found that about 3 minutes per kilo will do the job.

If that polyethylene prophylactic starts to smoke, smolder, or melt, reduce torch tip temperature to 1500 and proceed with caution. If for some reason this one-step thaw and cook operation does not meet expectations and the bird turns out to be for shit, take the whole thing, torch and all, about 100 yards away from your house and bury it about 30 inches below ground level so the possums and raccoons can't scratch it up. Then cook a pork loin... or go to Shoneys...

Y'all have the Happiest of Holidays and a highly Seasoned Greeting!
Winston | Homepage | 12.24.07 - 6:55 am | #

The above comment was not from me!

Check your site meter for Level3[dot]net spam out of Florida.

Damn trolls...

:o)
Joan of Argghh! | Homepage | 12.24.07 - 7:53 am | #

.... sweeeet..... thank you, sir..... next time I'll dunk that bastard in cold water......
Eric | Homepage | 12.24.07 - 8:27 am | #

Looks like the Jolly Roger got a Multiple Personality Disorder Joan for Christmas.

That should prove interesting in the boudoir...
Velociman | Homepage | 12.24.07 - 9:30 am | #

The safest way is letting it sit in cold running water. This works best if you have a two compartment sink.
One sink filled with cold water and the turkey with running water on it and the other sink to take the overflow.
Bro in-law d'elisson | 12.24.07 - 9:36 am | #

See? Nobody can spoof Vman's comments. He ain't right...

But, a MPD JoA could make for all sorts of interesting role-playing in the boudoir! Hmmm.... and possibly qualify for medical leave.
:o)
.
Joan of Argghh! | Homepage | 12.24.07 - 2:04 pm | #

Meh.
I'm going with the traditional Italian Christmas Eve dinner of nothing but fish.
(Yeah, Yeah, I'm Irish, but the hub is a goomba)
My abode smells like a house of ill reput right about now.
Maeve | Homepage | 12.24.07 - 6:58 pm | #

"Looks like the Jolly Roger got a Multiple Personality Disorder Joan for Christmas."

Heh, heh...dat made me laugh. Joanie, he sure done got you good with that one!
Erica | Homepage | 12.24.07 - 11:30 pm | #