Fannie's Room
"In the new year I will continue to strive to see those I disagree as variations of myself. It is my hope that they, in turn, will come to view me not as someone who lives an "unwholesome" "family-murdering" lifestyle, but as a fellow human being."
A very noble goal, Fannie. (although I wouldn't hold my breath expecting any change in behavior from those other folks) I truly admire how you always choose to take the high road with humor and good will, and inspire others to do the same.
Happy New Year and stuff!
xo
Grace
Fannie,
I came to those same conclusions about how to interact with the "Yes on 8" side, as well. However, with respect to the particular blogger you mention, I have to tell you that such engagement is not possible. I commented in reaction to her reading/interpretation of Justin Ewers' write-up of the Public Policy Institute's findings (her post of December 6th) and it got ugly QUICKLY. Rather than see me as willing to engage in civil debate, they accused me of disingenuity and then claimed to have "busted" me by copying and pasting content from my personal blog and "outing" me as offensive. I had to simply walk away from the "conversation" and not look back.
It's discouraging, but I don't really think we can connect with some of these people. Anger, no matter how righteously felt, just reinforces their assertions that we're violent or scary. Civil discourse is called "disingenuous" and dismissed. Which leads me to ask: what, then, can we do?
Fannie-
Great, thoughtful post. Indeed- what you are proposing is an incredible, albeit worthwhile challenge. I will give you what I see as my sense of 'hope' that may help alleviate some of the distress you (really all of us) feel at times. I believe that things are getting better, and I believe that they will continue to get better. From my standpoint, it is a question of when, not if. The gay community will get to a place where we feel equal protection and acceptance under the law and in the social stratosphere. It will take time- but it will happen.
Perhaps, all of the kicking and screaming that you see from the "marriage defenders" occurs because deep down, they KNOW the time for their bigotry is limited. The closer we get to the end, the more fiercely they will scream. In essence-it may get a little worse before it gets better, but it will in fact, get better.
Also, I will say one word about the internet. While I love its ability to connect people of various viewpoints, and to allow for discussion on many topics, it does miss the key element of human interaction. For LGBT issues, human interaction may be the most critical piece. You know the old idea that the best way to fight for LGBT rights is to be OUT and PROUD in your life. When people have a chance to get to really know a person- and not just a media image, or a photograph- the odds are better that more acceptance will come. "Wow- if XXX person is a lesbian...then it can't be that bad...because I know she is a good person. I like her. She is funny and makes me laugh. " Those with true good in their hearts will come to this conclusion...we may never change the rest...but pretty soon...the rest will be outnumbered.
Your blog reminds me of this (from Alice Walker's open letter to Barck Obama):
"Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise."
I think we'd all do better to think this way.
full letter here: http://www.theroot.com/id/48726
Thank you all for your comments and insight, not just today but over the past year.
Grace,
Thanks. Happy New Year to you too!
Waltz,
I definitely share your frustration and ask "what is that we can do that does not lead to our vilification?" Oftentimes are sincerity is met with only further accusations. That's why I think it's better for me to walk away from such situations and hostility. I don't think I'm at a point yet where I can patiently turn the other cheek while others accuse me of really horrible things. I'm not the Dalai Lama 
Vieve,
Your last paragraph reminds me of Harvey Milk's message. I'm not sure if you've seen it yet, but he also believed that human interaction was the key to gaining equality and acceptance. Even back then he was urging gays everywhere to come out!
I believe humans are essentially good and, like you said, those with good in their hearts who know gay people will realize that we're not monsters. The perfect example is my girlfriend who came from an evangelical Christian family. Before she came out to them, she probably thought they didn't know any gay people but this past November they all voted against Prop 8!
hammerpants,
Thanks for posting that letter. Alice Walker, I think, is right on the money with that quote about enemies. It's too bad that so many are under the illusion that we are all separate from one another and that the world is divided into groups of "enemies" and friends.
I haven't seen Milk yet- but it's on my to-do list for the weekend. I've heard it's amazing.
Fannie,
I'm not a shining example of turning the other cheek, either. I shamefully admit that part of what led me to walk away is the fact that I don't want Pearl and her cohort to take material from my blog and attempt to use the information about my kids against me in some way. I honestly believe that my being heteronormative and married with kids and not on their side offends them greatly.
Outstanding post, Fannie.
I think you might be bit hard on yourself. I think you have the perfect balance between consciousness and righteous rage.
Waltz,
Ah, you're a "traitor" then? LOL 
John,
Thank you. Happy New Year to you!
John,
Apparently so. AND an apostate. Hence, dismissable.
Fannie, your insightful writings have helped me see and better appreciate the very subtle nuances of discrimination against women and the LBGT community--insight that is invaluable as we strive to influence the attitudes of society. For that—and also your ‘rightwing rounds’—you have my sincere gratitude.
Best wishes in the new year!
Zack
Thank you for reading Zack.
Hi Fannie,
I stumbled onto your post through Technorati. I just wanted to say that I am sorry if you felt personally offended by anything I wrote and I agree with you that the Internet is probably not the best place to improve relationships between homosexual activists and heterosexuals. I have two gay brothers-in-law and a gay cousin whom I love dearly. Perhaps many would disregard my familial proximity with the homosexual lifestyle as a moot point, but in truth I am a far cry from a homophobe or a hate monger and I do not condone such opinions/behavior. I realize that some of my post may have been interpreted to be incendiary in nature. I apologize. I have recently been attempting to refine my online voice so as to preclude misunderstandings and offense.
While I am sure we will never agree on the issue of same-sex marriage, I would hope that someday people like you and people like me could call each other "friend."
Happy New Year,
Pearl
Pearl,
Thank you for visiting. I welcome your comments and the opportunity to better understand each other's positions. I too am trying to refine my voice in the new year so as not to personally offend those with whom I disagree. It is greatly appreciated when those who disagree with same-sex marriage are able to also condemn hatred against gay men and lesbians.
Speaking from personal experience, it can be easy for those of us who advocate equal rights for gay men and lesbians to equate opposition with hatred. That's why I think it's invaluable for those on "your side" of the issue to help us understand why and how your opinions are not based in hatred.
Happy New Year to you!
Fannie
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