31. RE: Bush's "incredible instincts": "But expertise and deliberation have never seemed more stodgy, unappealing and unconvincing than they do right now."
--
Yeah, I'd like to put Joe Klein in a time machine and send him back to New Orleans on Aug 30, and let him talk more about how expertiese is so stodgy.
an |
03.03.06 - 10:09 pm | #
Btw I predict Jon is going to kill at the Oscars. Nobody in recent memory has remotely got his smarts. Of course I could be wrong.
Still, nobody's also got his expressiveness, timing, and overall command. He's the true heir to Johnny Carson for our sick corrupt age.
Sharkbabe |
03.03.06 - 10:13 pm | #
OT: Kos has an article up today by Georgia10 about the trial of an accused terrorist Mohammed Salah. I know Salah, and would like to make some observations, but don't know how to contact Kos.
AbieCDGoldfish |
03.03.06 - 10:25 pm | #
flapdoodle!! Such a wonderful, wonderful word.
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Valley Girl |
03.03.06 - 10:25 pm | #
A fourth round? God, make it stop!!!
ralphbon |
03.03.06 - 10:42 pm | #
What the hell is this? Don't give this guy's quotes so many column inches. Seriously--don't. Reprinting the words of right-wingers and right-wing apologists only immortalizes them further. Use your incredibly valuable Web and Google space to link to good progressive reporting, for Christ's sake.
KingHorse |
03.03.06 - 10:44 pm | #
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
It is to go numb, as paralyzed by industrial strength, not-the-Onion, WMD level wank/idiocy venom, piercing and coursing through my battered psyche via the dual fangs of reflexive Rove-up-the-ass and (I'm guessing) robotic must-pay-Cleveland-Heights mortgageness.
Jesus gods, the previous nights' stuff was tame compared to this array. I can't even approach this shit without some rest.
Sharkbabe |
03.03.06 - 10:44 pm | #
31. RE: Bush's "incredible instincts": "But expertise and deliberation have never seemed more stodgy, unappealing and unconvincing than they do right now."
Now see, that's what I think whenever I watch an ad for a local college, right after I've watched that guy who buys real estate and makes MILLION$. Stodgy, unappealing, I say to the college ad. I want the riches without all that tiresome whatchacallit...work.
Margot |
03.03.06 - 10:46 pm | #
I cast my vote for No. 31:
RE: Bush's "incredible instincts": "But expertise and deliberation have never seemed more stodgy, unappealing and unconvincing than they do right now."
Some of Joe Klein's shorter quotes are among his "best"--er, worst. To fully appreicate them, you have to read them in context, as here:
Klein seems to be debating himself about bush, using a lot of positive adjectives--"exhilirating," "visionary"--and "balancing" them with what could be taken as criticism. But it's clear that he's really on bush's side--and somewhat bedazzled by him. Quote No. 31 really crystallizes Klein's mindless adoration of bush for the way he makes decisions by "blinking"--quickly and unthinkingly--rather than through careful reasoning and disciplined thinking. Klein admires bush for this ability, like it's some kind of mental machoism, but seems to have given no thought at all to the disasterous consequences for the country that it has brought about. Klein is easily taken in by bush's parlor tricks, and foolishly dismisses the more thoughtful, principled decision-making processes that we could expect if almost anyone else were in the White House. It's clear that from Joe's perspective, Bush is just sooooo cool. I'm so glad we have someone like Joe to reliably report the Democratic perspective on the important issues facing our country. We need his guidance to ensure that our leaders do not fall prey to the dangerous traps of expertise and deliberation.
neurophius |
03.03.06 - 10:46 pm | #
#33
Did he really say "out loud" the Democrats have really paid for their support for equal rights for African Americans?
I guess he could be called a Dixiecrat but NOT a Democrat! Please! I guess this just proves that this man lives in an alternate reality along with the Rethug sympathizers at Faux News and our favorite falafel hawker O'Liley.
P.S. Thank you Olberman you made my weekend.
MsAnnaNOLA |
03.03.06 - 10:50 pm | #
I have to say, though, that it was difficult not to go for No. 33--or at least, for its greatest nugget of truth: that presidential candidate John Kerry "had nothing to say about Janet Jackson's Super Bowl breast flash." In a lightning strike of insightful analysis, Klein has pinpointed the real reason for Kerry's loss, and in doing so, skillfully punctured all of the manifestations of conventional wisdom.
neurophius |
03.03.06 - 10:53 pm | #
My vote is for #30. "As for Bush, a hopeful sign is that he spent more time talking about poor people when he ran for president than any Democratic nominee I've watched,—since, er, McGovern. His domestic policy was the most creative of any Republican I've ever covered, far more creative than Gore's."
My vote is based on the "creative" part. As in, Klein admires stretching the truth, otherwise known as "lying". Klein admires minimalist liers like Bush, and wishes that he, too, could lie like Bush without accidentally catching his tie while leaning forward to zip up his fly. Actually, I wish that Bush had caught his tie in his fly, but since Bush has had lots of hands-on help for zipping up his fly, he's never been asked to do it himself. Anyway, back to the "creative" part. Reference MW online dictionary: http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/creative 3 : managed so as to get around legal or conventional limits creative financing; also : deceptively arranged so as to conceal or defraud creative accounting. Pretty much sums up Bush's domestic policy, international policy, not to mention everything that Dubya Bush has done throughout his checkered career as a CEO.
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Valley Girl |
03.03.06 - 10:55 pm | #
OT, but what the *&#$#! kind of legal argument is this????
From Wapo below.. so lawyers for very own lil Pinochets are claiming that the McCain anti-torture amendment is a dead letter because detainees in our torture centers have no access to the US justice system to begin with. I know we were all aware of this potentiality, but to see them actually use it is breathtaking. If upheld, this line of argument officially renders the legislative branch a dead letter too. Hail Caesar!
------------------
Bush administration lawyers, fighting a claim of torture by a Guantánamo Bay detainee, yesterday argued that the new law that bans cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment of detainees in US custody does not apply to people held at the military prison.
In federal court yesterday and in legal filings, Justice Department lawyers contended that a detainee at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, cannot use legislation drafted by Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) to challenge treatment that the detainee's lawyers described as "systematic torture."
Government lawyers have argued that another portion of that same law, the Detainee Treatment Act of 2005, removes general access to US courts for all Guantánamo Bay captives. Therefore, they said, Mohammed Bawazir, a Yemeni national held since May 2002, cannot claim protection under the anti-torture provisions.
Anonymous |
03.03.06 - 10:56 pm | #
Kinghorse, I see and take your point, but still I think disagree. To expose this "mainstream," everyday, too-much-unremarked-upon HORSESHIT to the light of day and subject its sheer appallingness to the relentless and much-needed ridicule of a burgeoning renaiassance of critical thought and resistance, is to me worthwhile and necessary.
Or to put it another way - this is today's stocks, into which we're putting the enemies of a decent society, and throwing rotten vegetables at them.
Sharkbabe |
03.03.06 - 11:03 pm | #
35. "Given the circumstances, there is only one possible governing strategy: a quiet, patient, and persistent bipartisanship."
...because contentiousness has no place in a thriving democracy.
ralphbon |
03.03.06 - 11:03 pm | #
I'm with Valley Girl. #30, all the way. It encapsulates his mindless vapidity, his unhealthy obsession with the new, and his unwillingness to do the slightest bit of work to see if the numbers add up. He's a small child at a clown show, amazed that such a thing as a quarter could have been behind his ear the whole time! He laughs, and claps his hands. The kindergarteners behind him, meanwhile, are too kind to point out that as a man in his middle age, he should know better.
Padraig |
03.03.06 - 11:04 pm | #
this is today's stocks, into which we're putting the enemies of a decent society, and throwing rotten vegetables at them.
sharkbabe -- that is absolutely dead-on.
jane hamsher |
Homepage |
03.03.06 - 11:07 pm | #
Blub, that attorneys for the United States would make that argument is disgusting. It reveals that bush's "acceptance" of McCain's antitorture bill was nothing but a sham and a fraud. Sure, I'll sign a law that gives these people the right not to be tortured--the only catch is, I won't allow the courts to enforce it. Cheney wins.
neurophius |
03.03.06 - 11:09 pm | #
33
Because we Democrats have paid a heavy and honorable price for not kicking this dickwad out of our party years ago.
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TeddySanFran |
03.03.06 - 11:11 pm | #
Sharkbabe | 03.03.06 - 11:03 pm
What a great image! Throwing rotten vegetables...
And, Jane is a genius at working the room. How much attention would people have paid to a single FDL post saying "these are the stupid things Joe Klein has said"? Some, true, but not so memorable by many. But, to get people to pay attention to the stupidity, by having them VOTE, and DEFEND their choices, well, that does make the Klein take down memorable. Jane does know how to work the room, if you get what I mean.
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Valley Girl |
03.03.06 - 11:13 pm | #
Valley Girl--
This process has certainly brought Joe Klein into focus for me. Prior to this contest, I frankly had not paid much attention to what he said. From now on, whenever I see his talking head on TV, I will be watching closely to see him put his foot in his mouth again.
neurophius |
03.03.06 - 11:18 pm | #
Or to put Bush's foot in his mouth. Or whatever.
neurophius |
03.03.06 - 11:19 pm | #
neurophius | 03.03.06 - 11:18 pm | #
I wish you luck on the watching closely part -- when Klein appeared on my teevee screen this evening, I scrambled for the remote. Knowing there was more fdl contest coming, and fully aware of my dosage and limitations, I had to switch channels. If you can continue to watch this idiot after Jane's force-feeding us these past nights, good luck.
My reasoning capacity feels like foie gras.
Oh, and wrt the torture at gitmo filing yesterday, can't you just hear McCain:
"D'oh!"
I mean, really: McCain may have been outsmarted by W with a signing statement, the playtoy of StripSearch Sammy. How much abuse is McCain gonna keep coming back for?
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TeddySanFran |
03.03.06 - 11:26 pm | #
#31. If you're going to say something meaningless, make it succinct.
Cujo359 |
03.03.06 - 11:27 pm | #
"Instincts" by
Another Bruce
31. RE: Bush's "incredible instincts": "But expertise and deliberation have never seemed more stodgy, unappealing and unconvincing than they do right now."
And knowledge is limp
Instincts take the upper hand
this leads to blisters
Another Bruce |
03.03.06 - 11:28 pm | #
36. It has to be 36
Gwen |
03.03.06 - 11:28 pm | #
Gwen | 03.03.06 - 11:28 pm
I agree the #36 deserves a vote. "is to put abortion to a vote, as a constitutional amendment or on a state-by-state basis. Issues this important should be decided democratically, don't you think?" Such bullshit, indeed. "On a state by state basis"-- as in SD? I voted for #30 because of the overarching theme in all things that Bush has done. Of course, Bush has enabled, via his "creativity", those who support Rapist's Rights bills state-by-state. Creativity sounds eerily lie Creationism (radical right wing), in this context.
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Valley Girl |
03.03.06 - 11:37 pm | #
"McCain may have been outsmarted by W with a signing statement"
That's the thing. They're not even bothering to USE the signing statement here. Nor are they challenging the allegation of torture. They're literally saying that a law intended to people held abroad from torture by our government cannot be enforced because said people don't have legal standing to make a complaint. I believe Pinochet used a similar argument.. on the basis that he was torturing people on ships in the bay and not actually in land-borne prisons. Sick. Sick. Sick.
Blub |
03.03.06 - 11:40 pm | #
Valley Girl--
bush has certainly encouraged "creativity" on the part of the attorneys for the government who are fighting to uphold the Cheney torture doctrines, as discussed above. But as far as creativity goes, I'm sure it was not bush's idea; he was just doing what Cheney told him to do.
neurophius |
03.03.06 - 11:42 pm | #
"bush's idea"
now there's an oxymoron!
TeddySanFran |
03.03.06 - 11:52 pm | #
neurophius | 03.03.06 - 11:42 pm
Hmm... okay, I gotta agree. I'm sure Bush has not ever (= never) "had an idea". So, actually, Bush has enabled "creativity", rather than thinking "creatively" himself. And, yes, I agree that Cheney must indeed be the voice on high in Bush's "talking to God" or "hearing from God" (God = Cheney) re: torture. Cheney is def. dedicated to torture, whereas Dubya lets it happen, in a "creative" fashion.
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Valley Girl |
03.03.06 - 11:55 pm | #
"Industrial Privates"
by Another Bruce
26. "I think private accounts a terrific policy and that in the information age, you're going to need different kinds of structures in the entitlement area than you had in the industrial age."
I think policies
are industrial structures
that age the privates
Another Bruce |
03.03.06 - 11:56 pm | #
34 although wading through that swill almost made me hurl a few times. Gotta go brush my teeth to get the taste of bile out of my mouth.
klyde |
03.04.06 - 12:07 am | #
BTW, in my line of work, we call statements that are *seemingly* true, but not verifiable when push comes to shove-- because they have a back door let-out-- "weasel words". Joe Klein is a master of "weasel words".
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Valley Girl |
03.04.06 - 12:13 am | #
36.
stunning.
36. "Abortion is not mentioned in the Constitution, and so interpretations are all we have. One way to solve this--perhaps the best way--is to put abortion to a vote, as a constitutional amendment or on a state-by-state basis. Issues this important should be decided democratically, don't you think?"
"Abortion is not mentioned in the Constitution?????
Citizen |
03.04.06 - 12:13 am | #
You are all missing the point. Joe Klein has realized that in today's political-media environment, a Democratic voice can only be heard if it pays tribute to the conventional wisdom in a way that masks its sly subversive mockery that is so careful it prunes all traces of sly subversive mockery from itself, and the only influence a Democrat can have with the Bush Administration is to confuse them by supporting their initiatives. Joe Klein merely happens to be an early immigrant to Bushassackwardistan, where if your opponent is known as Turd Blossom, you must eat as much shit as possible, in the hopes - much like those of infinite monkeys at infinite typewriters aspiring to recreate Shakespeare's works - that flowers will emerge from your ass.
I'm still going to bet on the monkeys producing first, though.
Chris |
03.04.06 - 12:18 am | #
I should also mention my vote must be cast for #37, for the thoroughness with which Klein lyrically fellates Bush, though the simple-minded acceptance of the tyranny of the majority in #36 makes me want to ask Klein if he would endorse the same logic, should someone replace "Abortion" with "Owning Negroes" as he puts political rights up for a vote.
Chris |
03.04.06 - 12:23 am | #
I gotta go with 31 and agree with Cujo359 about why.
1984 just came 22 years later...
psychohistorian |
03.04.06 - 12:23 am | #
Klein and Novakula "report," all right--they report to Karl Rove to receive their marching orders.
neurophius |
03.04.06 - 12:27 am | #
"Don't you think?" by Another Bruce
36. "Abortion is not mentioned in the Constitution, and so interpretations are all we have. One way to solve this--perhaps the best way--is to put abortion to a vote, as a constitutional amendment or on a state-by-state basis. Issues this important should be decided democratically, don't you think?"
Interpretations
are all we have, important
to solve, don't you think?
Another Bruce |
03.04.06 - 12:30 am | #
Actually, that was rather harsh. After all, Klein is a "Democrat." Maybe he reports to Joementum.
neurophius |
03.04.06 - 12:30 am | #
31 is temptingly stupid, but #29 laps it on stupidness times evilness.
rcauthen |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 12:37 am | #
They all seemed pretty stupid until number 36:
"Issues this important should be decided democratically, don't you think?"
I think all TV pundits should be castrated and forced to eat their own feces on national television. An issue this important should be put to a vote.
Look, Ma! I can type stupid, too! Hey, Joe! When you grow a uterus, you can decide what you want to do with it, OK?
On a more serious note: Those eyes, those lips, that nose. Is anyone elses AAdar pinging?
the bunny |
03.04.06 - 12:43 am | #
The one true fact of the Junta occupying the white house right now is that the only expertise is campaign politics. Bush has been sold to us like a toilet cleanser or a can of snuff. And, the people that should never have bought the bullshit were our rim licking media.
Klien is but a perfect glowing pustule on the outward face of our fourth estate. As we prepare to lance these imperfections with the net roots projects and the ascendancy of the blog-estate; we need to create a special place, a pundit pantheon if you will, to collect those that would claim progressive politics but are really bootlicking servile tools of the right wing echo chamber.
Statues made of glass would, I believe, be the most appropriate. So, it would be very much like viewing them while they were on TV. Looking right through them but representing a totally distorted reality
Murray |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 12:57 am | #
I'm going to vote for #35. It's the most quietly insiduous of these quotes:-- the enemy's prescription to us for us to accomplish our own demise. Apparently, we took it and are taking it still.
Blub |
03.04.06 - 1:01 am | #
I think this competition must have desensitized me to rank stupidity -- because I'm experiencing a marked decrease in homicidal fury and despairing laughter tonight. I think I'm becoming accustomed to Joke Line serenading himself...
Damn you, Joke Line. Damn you to hell.
Having said that, I've donned my safety goggles and rubber gloves, and have my clothespeg clamped firmly on my nostrils. It is time. Time, once again, to score one of Nature's most implacable battles: Joke Line vs Common Fricking Sense.
#34 -- This is a doozy. I followed Joke Line's debate with Alterman. He lost miserably, and was reduced to accusing Alterman of doing the very thing that Mr Line himself specialises in: practising the no-research, no-facts, no-worries approach to journalism. By the end of the dispute, he was indulging in the pundit equivalent of stamping his foot, sticking his fingers in his ears, and shrieking: No, you did! No, you did! No, you did! (It was an unedifying spectacle.)
#31 -- Too easy. After four nights of this, I've come to consider myself a connossieur of Stupid. As such, I like my stupidity to be a bit subtler than this. I feel shortchanged if I can't savour all the many hues, flavours, and dimensions of batshit-crazy.
#37 -- This is Joke Line par excellence. Mr Line, you see, fancies himself above plebians and their partisan politics. No, he transcends such small thinking. And he demonstrates his freedom from this thinking by finding the progressive in Bush, the conservative in Democrats, and the selfishness in championing reproductive rights. That's Joke Line for you: he sees black and calls it white, he sees a tumour and calls it a beauty spot -- and he sees obtuseness and calls it leadership. And then, adding insult to injury, he tries to sell it all as insight and not fruit-cakery.
Final Verdict: #37
Scorecard: Joke Line, arms aloft, dancing around the ring triumphant. Common Frickin Sense, slumped, beaten and bloody, in the corner, wondering what the fuck hit it.
Bentley Stanforth III |
03.04.06 - 1:26 am | #
slog through all the quotes then read #34. a true masterpiece of his hacky-prickness...
travy |
03.04.06 - 1:31 am | #
Glad to see there's already some Joekmentum going for #36. Last night I ranted about this guy's lack of qualifications. I doubt we'll be reassessing him down the road a la Brownie. He's not hapless, he's hopeless and friggin' dangerous.
In a week where one state bans abortion in case of rape, the president refuses to answer the one hardball question posed to him in a fluff interview - which tries to pin him down on the rape pregnancy question - , and in which another crazy Red state introduces Christianity as state-sponsored religion legislation, the danger of Klein's media status becomes more apparent.
His statement "Abortion is not mentioned in the Constitution, and so interpretations are all we have" goes right to the heart of the flakiness of these so-called strict constructionalists. He's not going to agree on putting methadrine, upper limits of interest charged on credit card debt, the Patriot Act, or any other existing case law paradigms created by Supreme Court decisions up "as a constitutional amendment or on a state-by-state basis," is he?
"Issues this important should be decided democratically, don't you think?" I think they were.
Edward Teller |
03.04.06 - 1:36 am | #
So, #36.
More cognitive dissonance emerging in the NYC progressive drama and arts communities re the New York Theatre Workshop's cancellation (postponement no longer appears to be an operative word) of Alan Rickman and Katharine Vinar's "My Name is Rachel Corrie." Additionally, a Canadian group is considering offering to tour the play in towns just north of the US border, inviting Americans to cross over to see it!
Just got this cc'd to me in e-mail:
"from Vanessa Redgrave,March 3 2006
I am urging the Royal Court Theatre to SUE the New York Theatre Workshop for the cancellation of the production of "My Name Is Rachel Corrie"Not because I donated money for this production,which the Royal Court have been fundraising for; a target of £50,000 pounds,underwritten by Alan Rickman.
This is censorship of the worst kind.More awful even than that.It is black-listing a dead girl and her diaries.A very brave and exceptional girl who all citizens,whatever their faith or nationality,should be proud and grateful for her existence.They could'nt silence her voice while she lived, so she was killed. Her voice began to speak again as Alan Rickman read her diaries, and Megan Dodds became Rachel Corrie.Now the New York Theatre Workshop have silenced that dear voice.I shall never forget the glimpse, at the close of Alan Rickman's production, of Rachel when 10 years old, shot on a little family movie camera, making her speech about world poverty and the urgent need to end the misery.The New York Theatre Workshop have silenced that little girl, as well as the girl who confronted the Israeli army Caterpillar bulldozer.
There has to be a court case on the sheer fact of the cancellation of this production.I suppose lawyers were consulted about the word"postponed",We in the theatre know however what cancelling a production means, whatever words are used.Megan Dodds, and a crew lose their jobs.The Royal Court Theatre lose a production,that was a few weeks from opening in New York City.
For the Royal Court Theatre were producing "Rachel Corrie", with the New York Theatre Workshop, and putting up a lot of money,$100,000 dollars.
I hope that all theatre artists,writers,designers,actors,directors,indepen
dent producers and artists' representatives will make their protests known publicly as well as directly to the NYTW management.I hope that American Actors Equity will be asked to take up and support the Royal Court Theatre producer ,Elyse Dodgson, the director,Alan Rickman, and the actress Megan Dodds.
If this cancellation is not transformed into a new production, somewhere in New York,immediately, we would be complicit,all of us,in a catastrophe that must not be allowed to take place.This play, is not about taking sides.It is about protecting human beings.In this case, Palestinian human beings who have no protection, for their families, their homes or their streets.Rachel Corrie gave her life to protect a family.She did'nt have or use a gun or bomb.She had her huge humanity, and she gave that to save lives.
Yours, Vanessa Redgrave"
Edward Teller |
03.04.06 - 1:43 am | #
#36
All those in favor of voting Joe off the island? Those opposed? The ayes have it. Sorry, Joe, your rights to live as you choose are hereby vacated. After all, issues this important should be decided democratically, don't you think?
JWR |
03.04.06 - 1:56 am | #
35 .. says EVERYTHING you need to know about why the Democrats will remain the MINORITY party if they continue to follow this advice "given the circumstances" and the buypartisanship of the GOP and the criminal incompetence of the SCAB Admin (Supreme Court Appointed Bush/Cheney Admin) we have now.
If you follow along with the things that you are against, and if those things are unconstitutional and/or really bad public policy, you lose your authority to govern.
Our country needs people who will do the right thing and actually govern. That means introducing policy, publicising what the plan of action is, and getting support from the citizens to push through what is needed. The LAST thing they need to be doing right now is waiting around to say "yes" or "no" instead of pushing back and LOUDLY communicating to the public why this is bad policy and what would be a good soluation/direction.
I heard the other day that Wal-Mart would be running a special on their rights. And if you need a special right that you can't find at Wal-mart, well, there's always the marketplace of last resort, EBay.
Who would have guessed that in 2010, if you wanted a right not enumerated specifically in the constitution, you'd hafta buy that right. Thank goodness for the sanctity of the marketplace. They used to say that God acted in mysterious ways. Wow! Who would have thought that he'd move markets.
Need the right to an abortion? Yep, special right. You know the drill, better check EBay because if someone in S. Dakota doesn't have that right for sale, then you're SOL. I bet next time you'll make sure you have your emergency kit in your purse. Hey, you know how men are. If it's not a tool, can you really expect them to bring it with them?
If only the Suffragettes could see us now. No more marches. That was so 1960's anyways. Hey, no more tired and aching feet. But boy oh boy, my fingers sure do ache ... must be the arthritis the doctor said was starting to set in.
Dang it! Did I just miss that auction? Whoa ... let me check ... whew! Thank the Markets! Another abortion right is coming up for bid in 13 hours.
Jon |
03.04.06 - 2:23 am | #
I'll take No. 36 if you please.
Get Ya Rights on E-Bay
I heard the other day that Wal-Mart would be running a special on their rights. And if you need a special right that you can't find at Wal-mart, well, there's always the marketplace of last resort, EBay.
Who would have guessed that in 2010, if you wanted a right not enumerated specifically in the constitution, you'd hafta buy that right. Thank goodness for the sanctity of the marketplace. They used to say that God acted in mysterious ways. Wow! Who would have thought that he'd move markets.
Need the right to an abortion? Yep, special right. You know the drill, better check EBay because if someone in S. Dakota doesn't have that right for sale, then you're SOL. I bet next time you'll make sure you have your emergency kit in your purse. Hey, you know how men are. If it's not a tool, can you really expect them to bring it with them?
If only the Suffragettes could see us now. No more marches. That was so 1960's anyways. Hey, no more tired and aching feet. But boy oh boy, my fingers sure do ache ... must be the arthritis the doctor said was starting to set in.
Dang it! Did I just miss that auction? Whoa ... let me check ... whew! Thank the Markets! Another abortion right is coming up for bid in 13 hours.
Voting is so retro.
P.S. - Sorry, left off the last line.
Jon |
03.04.06 - 2:32 am | #
all are wurthy bein thar all sines of remarkabull stupidity, but i half to give thisn the nod:
I agree with Shakebabe
I don't know how much more of this I can take, either. I'm feelin' kinda punch drunk so I'll take #29
"But wait, no WMD?"
OK, I'll take the steak knives. Just let me lie down, pleaaa........
Griffon |
03.04.06 - 3:58 am | #
This guy is a one man defemation unit. We need to make him so rediculous that his employeers find him tainted. Send him to the weekly standard where he belongs.
brit hume |
03.04.06 - 4:13 am | #
#34
maybe Karl hypnotized this fool.
squirrel hiller |
03.04.06 - 4:22 am | #
31
Even Babs would concur
Mack |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 4:35 am | #
OT Edward T --
Thanks for the Corrie update. I love the fact that I'm staying current on a controversy 2 miles from my home by way of a guy in Alaska (with hat tips to Oregon and W Virginia).
ralphbon |
03.04.06 - 4:45 am | #
I can't make up my mind and vote for any of these; they're all so stunningly bad. The more I read these "best of 'Joe ne sais quois'", the more I think he needs to be beaten about the head and shoulders with a cluestick until satisfaction is reached.
But I vote for TeddySanFran | 03.03.06 - 11:11 pm for snark. Heh.
Rayne |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 4:55 am | #
BTW, that "Concern Troll" bit about C*NTC*M really, REALLY pisses me off. Based on my understanding of the Posse Comitatus Act, I think this is a violation, not to mention a violation of other statutes.
Redd, if you're poking around, what do you think? Military resources deployed to intervene in domestic media and private communications...agh, 1984 come to life.
(*= reducing odds of the hounds sniffing here)
Rayne |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 4:59 am | #
36. "Abortion is not mentioned in the Constitution, and so interpretations are all we have. One way to solve this--perhaps the best way--is to put abortion to a vote, as a constitutional amendment or on a state-by-state basis. Issues this important should be decided democratically, don't you think?"
What a dumb ass. Oh, I was supposed to answer with flair and penache. Like I said, what an ass. Yes, let's put the rights of any minority on the chopping block by have the majority vote. No rights for blacks? Sorry, wasn't in the constituion so we'll just vote on it. Sorry if you live in a state full of bigots. Move. Abortion not mentioned in the constitution? Sorry, time to vote. Oh, you mean its 1917 and women don't have the right to vote yet. Sorry, not in the constituion.
Powwow |
03.04.06 - 5:09 am | #
Can't vote-- reading this guy is like wading through sludge or plunging a toilet. Kudos to Murray and Another Bruce, though -- you guys are incredible!
dannyboy |
03.04.06 - 5:17 am | #
Edward Teller-- good luck to you and kudos to that wonderful woman Vanessa Redgrave. Rachel's story deserves to be told and remembered, again and again. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
angie |
03.04.06 - 5:31 am | #
This is a bit late, but was it not Klein who suggested that Bush would win the Nobel Peace Prize?
bob h |
03.04.06 - 5:43 am | #
#36
For all the poor women, the underaged girls, and the abused wives who would be disproportionately affected by antiabortion legislation, I say fuck you Joe Klein and your intellectually dishonesty and moral depravity.
dc |
03.04.06 - 5:43 am | #
Oh, and Edward Teller -- forgot to thank you but forwarded that letter around as soon as I read it. Yes, thank you: we need to spread the word about Israeli atrocities not only against Rachel but all the rest of the Palestinian people.
So few people have even the slightest inkling of what is really going on over there -- or how their hard-earned tax dollars are funding ALL of it. If the US, as urged by the National Council of Churches, among many other groups) merely OBEYED OUR OWN LAWS as to what we can fund and not fund, damned near the whole problem would end damned near instantly.
dannyboy |
03.04.06 - 5:54 am | #
the Constitution doesnt mention Sodomites anywhere so its only right that individual states decide whether they should exist...
# 36 it is !
Wilson46201 |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 5:59 am | #
...#31
Jane...this is the BEST use of "valueable space"...instructive and engaging...very clever.Kudos.
Babs |
03.04.06 - 6:04 am | #
Edward Teller-- just sent Mr. Nicola @ NYTW an email asking him to end the censorship. It felt good. ;)
angie |
03.04.06 - 6:05 am | #
I've just finishing reading a novel in which one of the characters is executed on a WW1 battlefield for treason. So when I read #33, I felt a visceral jolt of recognition.
#33 it is, closely followed by #s 36 and 37.
As a non-practicing journalist who still--despite so much current evidence to the contrary--believes there are reporters out there trying to get at and tell the truth about what's going on in this country, I deeply resent having such a disgusting excuse for a human being as Klein included in the category.
Constant Reader |
03.04.06 - 6:08 am | #
Indulging in a fantasy for a moment...
After putting the likes of the Joes Squared (both Klein and Lieberman) in Sharkbabe's stocks of contemporary culture, I wish I could see a particular look on the Joes' faces.
The one Madame de Merteuil wears at the end of Dangerous Liaisons as the audience of her peers soundly hisses her out of the theatre.e
Yeah...that utterly stricken look. But I doubt these two have the cognitive capacity to be ashamed. Ah, to be so unrequited.
Rayne |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 6:11 am | #
I am partial to #31. It fits so well the Bushevik/Kleindinista mindset, and has reminded me of how bizzare that mindset really is and has been used for trumping common sense and decency throughout history.
Klein is once again supporting an anti-intellectual philosophy of dealing with life erecting his own alternative reality, I see. Good for him. I hear that living in a split level head is quite comfortable for some folks.
A valuable quote FOR TODAY from Thucydides in reference to the civil war in Corcyra:
"To fit in with the change of events, words too had to change their usual meanings. What used to be described as a thoughtless act of aggression was now regarded as the courage one would expect to find in a party member; to think of the future and wait was merely another way of saying one was a coward; any idea of moderation was just an attempt to disguise one's unmanly character; ability to understand a question from all sides meant that one was totally unfitted for action. Fanatical enthusiasm was the mark of a real man, and to plot against an enemy behind his back was perfectly legitimate self-defense. Anyone who held violent opinions could always be trusted and anyone who objected to them became suspect."
Thucydides History of the Peloponnesian Wars (III, v 82)
2,400 years before Bush and Joe Klein, Thucydides had their number.
whatsinaname |
03.04.06 - 6:22 am | #
Democrats not interested in programs that benefit the poor? Intransigence appealing? What universe does Klien occupy?
Cee |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 6:34 am | #
Good morning all, is the contest still on? OK, for me I think it's finally #37. For the multiple levels of lazy Heritage boilerplate, original fantasyland drivel, and general hacktacularity.
Btw Joe, faux-bold juxtapositions like "admirable/annoying" are meant to signal a deep and unconventional mind. When you're in the eighth grade.
The notion that Bush himself has ever had a single thought on Social Security policy, let alone a single thought on any policy aside from "fuck [fill in the blank], we're taking [it] out," is of course absurdist
comedy platinum. Or perhaps plutonium.
But really, what can beat the straight-faced suggestion that Bushco's SS plan has been crafted to especially benefit the poor? Would Karen Hughes herself be able to assert such a thing without even the teensiest twinge of embarrassment?
Anyway, thanks Jane - as usual, it's been fun and total hell.
Sharkbabe |
03.04.06 - 6:43 am | #
#33
religion, gay marriage and bared breasts. the trifecta of gooper politics.
rusty |
03.04.06 - 6:51 am | #
flapdoodle!! Such a wonderful, wonderful word.
I'll second that, Valley Girl, it just sings with funniness and sturdy, grandma-strength ridicule power.
Sharkbabe |
03.04.06 - 6:57 am | #
#36 for this line
"One way to solve this--perhaps the best way--is to put abortion to a vote..."
"Bush's instincts -- his supporters would argue these are bedrock values -- —seem to be paying off"
That would be - ignorance on parade, and values of a pig!
Mark-NC |
03.04.06 - 7:22 am | #
34. After all, I've lived my life by seeking out facts and then reporting them. One advantage I think I have over other columnists is that I do reporting."
This is the essence, to me, of JK's essential Roveianism--he accuses the other side of doing what he does, and then pretends he is the Reporter. It's "I know you are but what am I?" as a way of life. It's "Whitewater/Monica is Watergate all over again." It's "The grown-ups are in charge." It's reversing reality and acting manly about it.
spudblue |
03.04.06 - 7:28 am | #
i'll say #34... though i could probably throw darts to choose and would be just as effective in picking a 'winner.' how do you choose the best worthless statement?
reading joe klein gives me a headache. his writing is just plain awful. it's bloody murder reading this stuff and i don't mean the content. that's in a dopey league of its own.
being able to write is a gift. so while it's perfectly possible to think well, but not write so well, it's never the reverse. you can't write well, if you can't think. and that explains much about joe klein.
isis2 |
03.04.06 - 7:32 am | #
So much wrong-headedness and pomp to chose among! I vote #37, a delicious stew of enthusiasm for a bad policy, regret that W can't sell it, admiration for W's waffling, analysis that it's a better policy than we rubes realize and regretful observation that the Dems ("donkeys" who are "obsessed" with "abortion") have nothing to offer. Proof that Klein has internalized the essence of Joementum.
W Action |
03.04.06 - 7:35 am | #
31. How about those incredible instincts on display on that pre Katrina meeting. Did he even yawn once? What a dork.
Fred |
03.04.06 - 7:48 am | #
30
You have to be truly creative to pick peoples pockets, get them to love you for it and convince them it's for the best, ''Trust me".
tominwv |
03.04.06 - 7:52 am | #
It's between 31 and 34 - I vote for 31
wha happened |
03.04.06 - 8:08 am | #
36
california_reality_check |
03.04.06 - 8:21 am | #
$34
"I lie when I write a column and I lie when I report."
Shirley |
03.04.06 - 8:27 am | #
Not to be a nudge, but if there are four "semifinal" rounds, wouldn't that really be the "quarterfinals?"
Kyle |
03.04.06 - 8:34 am | #
#31--'cuz nothing says "Presidential" like incompetence and ignorance.
Sandia Blanca |
03.04.06 - 8:54 am | #
37!
Last on the list , it manages to encapsulate all the imbecilic quotes which preceded it.
ceci |
03.04.06 - 8:58 am | #
Okay, I'll go for #30. It is a tough pick, given the strength of the competition. How did #29 do in the compulsaries?
-
Dan Robinson |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 9:06 am | #
Oh, and I vote for Bentley Stanforth III's 1:26 a.m. entry for snark at its finest (truly Pierce-worthy).
Sandia Blanca |
03.04.06 - 9:12 am | #
31
But it's tough. They are all ghastly. But 31 makes me want to break out the Photoshop and do a little montage of Katrina and Bush, with that quote superimposed over it.
cleter |
03.04.06 - 9:37 am | #
a Democratic voice can only be heard if it pays tribute to the conventional wisdom in a way that masks its sly subversive mockery that is so careful it prunes all traces of sly subversive mockery from itself,
Chris 12:18 pm
Chris gets my vote for best snark. This, well, his whole comment is priceless.
#34 gets my vote. Wanker. He gets the fax, alright, but confuses it with facts and there you have it.
Mommybrain |
03.04.06 - 9:54 am | #
36, because evolution and gravity, like abortion, aren't mentioned in the Constitution. I think we should have a vote...
Common Sense |
03.04.06 - 9:55 am | #
I can't do this anymore. I do appreciate the deconstruction of Joe Klein, it was very informative. What an ass.
anotherpawn |
03.04.06 - 9:58 am | #
#34
Joekster "the Lesser" once again proves why he is too stupid to live. The only thing he needs to report for is for duty.
Shez |
03.04.06 - 10:11 am | #
OT, but I finally got off my ass and donated to Ciro and Lamont. I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner. I have a nice relaxed Saturday off and I was so inspired by the O'Really meltdown and the smug chump who thought he would go after Jane's pal Howie. This contribution is for you two assholes.
Sagebrush |
03.04.06 - 10:55 am | #
31. RE: Bush's "incredible instincts": "But expertise and deliberation have never seemed more stodgy, unappealing and unconvincing than they do right now."
This gets my vote. I think it is hee-larious and perfectly encapsulates the madness.
infotainment |
03.04.06 - 11:01 am | #
Ah, the immediate satisfaction of unprovoked war.
#29.
Joe Klein asks Karl Rove if he can get his index finger tattooed purple.
Karl sez: "Sure, the left one, but not the right one."
Joe asks: "Why not the right one?"
Karl smiles: "My immediate satisfaction is not in dispute."
--
Cliff Varnell |
03.04.06 - 11:02 am | #
cleter says of 31:
But it's tough. They are all ghastly. But 31 makes me want to break out the Photoshop and do a little montage of Katrina and Bush, with that quote superimposed over it.
cleter | 03.04.06 - 9:37 am | #
As an advocate of 31, I think that is a brilliant suggestion, cleter. You might add: "Fuck expertise. My incredible instincts say go on vacation."
neurophius |
03.04.06 - 11:34 am | #
#37
Klein’s social security gasbaggery was so totally fact free I have to go with those, even though others are also gems of fatuous nonsense and fantastical drivel.
The following will not win any snark awards. All I have to offer is a rumination on the quality of reporting and understanding of the facts reflected in #37, as inspired by the self advertisement contained in #34:
[I do not] "have opinions without bothering to report first. Instead let me react by speaking to the facts. After all, I've lived my life by seeking out facts and then reporting them. One advantage I think I have over other columnists is that I do reporting."
The Bush administration never proposed the plan promoted by Robert Pozen, which he called progressive indexing. It described a series of vague and very sketchy ideas for plans that were “directionally consistent” with Pozen’s plan. The first version wasn’t progressive: it did not make retirement income more equal, because when the income from private accounts was included for wealthier people, the proposal was actually regressive. The next one had social security retirement income eventually going to zero in real terms, so the poor had a very progressive hunk of an infinitely small slice of income, and was regressive regardless of whether private account income was included in the analysis or not. Another did not add up correctly, and it only produced solvency for the system if you ignored the fact that the numbers did not add up correctly.
All the Bush ideas along this line were unacceptable to Democrats because they turned social security from a blend of retirement insurance and welfare for the poor into a pure welfare program. Democrats are concerned that this change will undermine political support for social security. Pozen’s progressive indexing plan was a real plan and its numbers added up, and he had variants that included a combination of social security tax increases, gradually increasing the retirement age, and phased social security surcharges that would provide a flexible package amenable to bipartisan compromise. Bush never described a version of a progressive indexing plan in enough detail to use a basis for detailed negotiations of anything, and so it is cannot be called a plan in the normal sense of the word, but rather a series of half baked, poorly described general ideas with a few numbers attached that were pulled out of a black box. No one could make sense of the attached numbers, and the administration analysts who produced them would not explain them. Most experts in social insurance felt that, in fact, it was Bush who was using vague descriptions of general ideas “directionally consistent” with progressive indexing as a short term tactic to gull innocents into a buying a pig in a poke that was Bush’s real social security plan (supposing one really ever existed at all), the exact nature of which remains a mystery to this very day. Bush never produced a social security idea in enough detail for any qualified person to judge its quality, except through indirect hints and clues, such as the fact that numbers produced didn’t add up.
Other than getting everything wrong, Klein’s facts and reporting are right on the money.
It is a fact that Bush’s social security general idea that was “directionally consistent” with progressive indexing never added up, numberwise or dollarwise.
I can provide references for this discussion. Or you can do a yahoo search on the terms “progressive indexing social security Pozen” or something similar and read for ten minutes. For example, this popped up at the top of my search:
‘Pozen’s progressive indexing plan "... is really not necessarily the president's plan," [Andrew] Card noted. "It's directionally consistent with the president's plan."’ http://www.j-bradford-delong.net...archives/
000841.
Wesgpc |
03.04.06 - 12:09 pm | #
#36 "Abortion is not mentioned in the Constitution, and so interpretations are all we have. One way to solve this--perhaps the best way--is to put abortion to a vote, as a constitutional amendment or on a state-by-state basis. Issues this important should be decided democratically, don't you think?"
Oh really, Mr. Klein? And what other fundamental liberty that you and your spell checker couldn't find in the Constitution would you like to open up to a vote? Yes Joe, the Constitution; you must have run across it long ago when you were earning that degree in American Civilization (check under U.S. / 1789). It is a fundamental constitutional right of freedom to control one's own body; not to be negotiated or subjected to the whims of Diebold or the general public.
Dru |
03.04.06 - 1:12 pm | #
34, for sure. He's right on here: he's not as smart as Eric Alterman nor as astute a reporter or commentor.
George M. Walker |
03.04.06 - 2:09 pm | #
#33
That's a jawdropper for ya!
CrunchyGirl |
03.04.06 - 2:37 pm | #
#36-- what a loser this man is.
kac |
03.04.06 - 3:11 pm | #
36 --- "Abortion is not mentioned in the Constitution, and so interpretations are all we have..."
I missed the early rounds. I think I'm glad of that.
This is really hard work for a Saturday night.
31. Crystal clear. To the point. Stupid beyond belief.
Kay |
03.04.06 - 6:11 pm | #
#29 What the...?
"The President's attention span may be haphazard, but the immediate satisfactions are difficult to dispute. Saddam Hussein? Evildoer. Take him out. But wait, no WMD? No post-invasion planning? Deaths and chaos? Awful, but ... Freedom! Look at those Shi'ites vote!"
Joe, your brain is haphazard and deranged.
Thanks to Jane putting all this drivel of yours together for us to ponder, you aren't going to be able to get away with the scam you have been pulling much longer.
You don't speak for us. And there are a lot of us.
I vote for take-your-pick, and nominate the master, Joe Klein himself, to be the recipient of the first annual Charles P. Pierce award. No one is more deserving of the maiden Snarky than Joe. His work speaks against itself with an immediacy and authority that no third-person invective could ever hope to achieve. It stands on its own, as writing that is not merely bad, but blatantly, shockingly, grotesquely bad. Its inherent ugliness flies in your face like a handful of shit out of a baboon cage. And just as surely as it is unnecessary to crawl up a baboon's ass with a suppository to be covered in baboon shit, it is unnecessary to probe deeply into Klein's work in order extract analytical evidence that he is a bare-assed stupid, shit-slinging baboon. The evidence is clear the moment his work is put on display. Piss on it, if it makes you feel better, but you will only improve it by dilution. Dump on it to your heart's content, but your most vicious shit only serves to sweeten the stink of Joe's best. To give the Pierce prize to anyone other than the creator of this steaming pile would be as unfair as to honor the chumps at the cage for the shit on their faces, rather than the shit-slinging baboon with the unerring aim. Give Vogon Joe Klein his prize. Give it to him as undiluted and unsweetened by thoughtful commentary as he gave his dreck to us. Klein bows to no one in the domain of the Vogonsphere. We are unworthy.
BullGoose |
03.04.06 - 8:47 pm | #
26
Let's remake Social Security using the most successful of the "Information Age" business models: the dot-com industry.
RepubAnon |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 9:29 pm | #
Number 33.
Klein's always much further along the stupendous conclusions route when he's talking about Democratic character issues--especially when those issues exist only in Klein's own head. The idea that Kerry was unsuitable as a candidate because he didn't bring down the thunder on "Janet Jackson's Super Bowl breast flash" is the most awesome display I've ever seen from Klein.
ML |
03.04.06 - 9:49 pm | #
26
Private accounts were beyond bullshit. Not only did this plan not address the problem, but it actually made it far worse by stealing from the trust fund. American workers have deposited $1.7 trillion in the trust fund - from their paychecks. Bush toured the country claiming that it is not there.
johno |
03.04.06 - 10:32 pm | #
In many ways, this is like a "Which Septic Tank Smells Worst?" contest, but I think I'll go with number 37.
Kinsey Milkbone |
03.06.06 - 5:27 pm | #
