ROFL Jane, when I quit laughing I'll vote, gotta dry me eyes first and reread carefully for this auspicious occasion of skewering this dumb fuck.
Shez |
03.04.06 - 9:49 pm | #
25
Could there be a better example of someone completely immune to a fact sitting right in front of him? Bush won his debates!? George Bush speaks like an 8th grader, and not a particularly bright one.
Choska |
03.04.06 - 9:51 pm | #
#36 -- gotta be the stupidest thing ever said about democracy.
Hey, Joe, lets put slavery to a vote, too -- and if some states vote in favour, then OK. And how about voting on equal pay for equal work, too -- its not like there's any kind of principle behind human rights, like a constitution or anything, you know.
And how about putting income taxes to a vote -- anyone who votes in favour has to pay them while anyone who votes against, doesn't. Yeah, that's fair isn't it...
Cathie from Canada |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 9:57 pm | #
3
Though they are all worthy.
jnfr |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 9:57 pm | #
#36
What Cathie from Canada said!
coriolanus |
03.04.06 - 9:58 pm | #
for Number 3. "The horror! The horror!"
Get some Joementum |
03.04.06 - 9:59 pm | #
Number 25.
A "brilliant minimalist." This idea dies vividly the moment it is born, and here's Klein, presenting its corpse to the public. I'm so glad I don't have any reason to wish Klein was trustworthy, I'm willing to consider him a miracle.
ML |
03.04.06 - 9:59 pm | #
Got to go with this one for the simplicity of the "What the F**k?" factor. He is for it though he doesn't know anything about it? But he has the balls to tell you you know less than him because you oppose it?
It says "I am so wrapped up in myself and our Fearless Leader I can't possibily make an arguement without insulting thinking people everywhere."
It says I am in reality a knee jerk Republicon!!! Democrat my ass!!!
Great Contest Jane for all the reasons said last night and more. Thanks for all you do ladies. Keep giving them hell and pass the popcorn!
MsAnnaNOLA |
03.04.06 - 10:00 pm | #
#13
If I didn't know the quote was Klein's, I'd have to guess Ed Wood.
BullGoose |
03.04.06 - 10:00 pm | #
25
It requires the mental contortions equal to a rhythmic gymnast to lump W in with Frank Stella and Raymond Carver. There is no art in either W or Joe, only the seduction of a distorted reality.
Hilde |
03.04.06 - 10:01 pm | #
I'm still going with #3. Comparing Five Deferments Cheney to someone whose life is forever changed by the horors of war qualifies as flying a mile over the shark!
Jim in Chicago |
03.04.06 - 10:02 pm | #
coriolanus | 03.04.06 - 9:58 pm
Hiya!!! Did you ever see that Edward Teller was asking about your Ashland schedule in hopes that he could watch your work?
-
Valley Girl |
03.04.06 - 10:02 pm | #
#25 - what more can I say?
leslie |
03.04.06 - 10:02 pm | #
Thank you Jane for your clear vision and chutzpah.
They say that people are like stain glass windows and that their true beauty cannot be revealed unless they are illuminated from within.
The darker the night, the brighter the light.
You and FDL are a beacon in stormy seas.
Please keep on keeping on.
.
Gentleman Jim |
03.04.06 - 10:05 pm | #
Gotta be 25.
ron |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 10:07 pm | #
I vote for #25. It is the simplest route to the only conclusion one can draw, Joe Klein is an idiot, FOP in love with his stupidity. In 25 one sees everything quickly.
3. "The possibility of vice-presidential anguish was barely mentioned by most commentators at first. Cheney is a tough customer; Oprahfied "sharing" isn't his way. But then, there he was, with that haunted look in his Fox News interview, saying, "[T]he image of him falling is something I'll never be able to get out of my mind. I fired, and there's Harry falling ..." Hunting had given him "great pleasure" in the past, but he wasn't so sure now. In fact, he sounded a lot like the combat veterans I've spoken with over the years, for whom the living nightmare of firing a weapon under questionable circumstances is a constant theme."
While personally I preferred the somewhat similar Cheney-shot-an-old-man-in-the-face quote that talked about Ol' Five-deferment "I had other priorities" Big Time Ratfucker "tough customer" Cheney's "Thousand-yard Stare," a grevious insult to every American who, unlike Cheney, has actually fought in combat, this one (3) conveys much of the same contemptuous idiocy. And when Joke says, "In fact, he sounded a lot like the combat veterans I've spoken with over the years," I get the clear impression that he was never one of them, and thus knows not that of which he speaks. What a presumptious, empty-headed, Republican-idolizing bastard.
neurophius |
03.04.06 - 10:10 pm | #
One more point in support of #13. It is the only quote left that is ridiculous whether judged from a Liberal or Conservative perspective.
BullGoose |
03.04.06 - 10:10 pm | #
truly an obtuse comment on an issue that we all realize to be illegal.
what a hamburger this guy is.
joeyess |
03.04.06 - 10:12 pm | #
Jane, you didn't say any thing that would rule out canvassing for votes... so, I'm gonna take wing in the rethug way-- #36 just shows the complete arrogance and misuse of "democracy" that the rethugs so much love. What Cathie from Canada said!!!
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Valley Girl |
03.04.06 - 10:14 pm | #
#3 is beautiful if only for using Oprah as a verb (in the past tense no less).
#36 is such a wonderfully simplistic way to view the world -- we in WA state know the wonder of the "initiative process" and the beauty of one-idiot-one-vote.
#13 is such a twisted commentary on the whole wiretap thing -- who would listen in on this clown?
But it has to be #25. It is minimalist and lovely in it's own special way.
Chris |
03.04.06 - 10:15 pm | #
#13 uhhhhhh? uhhhhh? uuuh-yup!
Old Mortimer Snerd had nuthin' on this guy!
papa |
03.04.06 - 10:15 pm | #
Hiya Jane,
I vote for #36.
Way to go, Joe!
mauricehall |
03.04.06 - 10:16 pm | #
#13 in your program, but #1 in your heart...
al-Scooter |
03.04.06 - 10:21 pm | #
25>Not even Shrub's family would use the word "brilliant" about George an any way shape or form. Minimalist,ok,but brilliant?
Palolo lolo |
03.04.06 - 10:23 pm | #
3.
Cheney looked like a combat veteran? That is insulting to EVERYONE. 3. Just 3.
redhead |
03.04.06 - 10:24 pm | #
I vote for #13: It combines clueless egotism with a timely subject.
voice in the wilderness |
03.04.06 - 10:24 pm | #
Valley Girl,
E.Teller ugh? Great! Sorry to be so late on the response, keeping up on all the threads is a full body experience!
coriolanus |
03.04.06 - 10:24 pm | #
36 no 25 no 36, I can't stand it, my head is going to explode. Must have kittens
the bewilderness |
03.04.06 - 10:25 pm | #
And the winner is?
25
It's the unquestionable piercing of reality that makes 25 sing.
A man who claims to be a democrat is responsible for this warping of reality. As cynical as I am, I honestly become flabbergasted/speechless at the disbelief that washes through my skull whenever these two sentences are contemplated.
Debasing one's self in the service of power and the greed for influence is expected...acceptable in our current climate. Job one of the net roots projects is to rid ourselves of these vermin and the practices we should have never allowed. Like the "advisors" that say the NSA scandal will make the democrats look weak.
But, it is the political woodshed that progressives must use against the common enemy of our country. It's time to free ourselves these dupes.
Klien is but a symptom of a larger problem. And, that problem is ours to solve. So, let this snark off be but a beginning, a way to celebrate the ending of republican shill’s careers as "democratic" pundits.
Thanx again Jane for the chance to vent spleen.
Murray |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 10:26 pm | #
25
A brilliant minimalist snark would be in order here, but Klein has created his own brilliant, minimalist, self-snarking masterpiece
steve expat |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 10:26 pm | #
Tough choices, but #13 represents near perfect idiocy.
Rio D. Rio
Rio D. Rio |
03.04.06 - 10:29 pm | #
13 alright. Who in the world knows less than this guy?
kathi |
03.04.06 - 10:30 pm | #
I just got back from voting for firedoglake for best blog, best writing (ReddHedd), best series, and best expert. Hope you all will do the same.
neurophius |
03.04.06 - 10:34 pm | #
13.
In which he actually appears to be channelling W's attitude toward the entire workings of the administration.
rcauthen |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 10:35 pm | #
#25
George is a billiant minimalist. George explains things to the world in simple terms because that is how Condi explains it to him.
ccmask |
03.04.06 - 10:36 pm | #
# 25- it has to be 25. In one sentence he says all that needs to be said.
-never lost a debate
-brilliant
-minimalist
Saddam=9/11
War=freedom
Kerry=French Pussy
Thank God it is working out so well for us.
paida |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 10:36 pm | #
coriolanus | 03.04.06 - 10:24 pm
I hope that you know that E. Teller is one of the regulars. Composer from Alaska. Seems to have gone to Ashland on a reg. basis, at least for the last few summers, or maybe more. I too would love to see your work, but I'm on the other side of the country. Is there a link you could post as to the Ashland schedule coming summer? Or has that been decided yet? If you want to out yourself again, that's your call. But, I hope you saw that there have been FDL poster plaudits for your work. Berkeley comes to mind, but can't remember all.
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Valley Girl |
03.04.06 - 10:36 pm | #
#13. A perfect tribute to everything that's presumptuous, ignorant, craven, and blithering about CAMELs (Corporate-Approved MEdia liberals).
I don't know what's going on. You don't know what's going on. But I don't know what's going on more than you do, so you should take my word that I know what's going on.....
And he can take all of his words and stuff them up his if he knew what was good for him he would shut the up and keep his trap shut.
Thanks for running this contest, I thought he was a low level tool, but to see all the quotes together - oh boy.
You should follow this up with a Bill O'Rielly one, and an Ann Coulter one. I know they are wolves in wolves clothing (to anyone with a brain, or anyone who cares that is a bit younger [aka knows how to use the interenet or change the channel every now and then]) rather than some of these other folks that keep under the radar - but still with the garbage and lies and hate that pour out of there mouth it would be nice to see a large sample of it all in one place to just lay the entire thing out. (Of course they do this intentianlly for the money).
gleex |
03.04.06 - 10:43 pm | #
25
Calling George Bush a minimalist is like calling a potted palm an environmentalist.
Thesaurus Rex |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 10:45 pm | #
"Brilliant minimalist". I guess that means the less Bush says, the smarter he appears. Presidential debates should be gesture only. Chimpy would kick ass.
BullGoose |
03.04.06 - 10:47 pm | #
25
A leetle weenie bootlicking another leetle weenie.
LK |
03.04.06 - 10:47 pm | #
13.
Where is his shame at having his name cemented to such demented vile tripe?
I would like for someone to put together a montage of Bush's best debate bon mots with background music by Phillip Glass.
A brilliant minimalism duet.
Lisa |
03.04.06 - 10:59 pm | #
Mrs. Robinson | 03.04.06 - 10:42 pm
LOL
I got Dramamine, and I'll share it.
#13
Margot |
03.04.06 - 11:00 pm | #
Thankfully, #13 survived the semifinal rounds. It is Joe Klein at his most elemental. A statement forged by ignorance and cleansed of all meaning by the white hot fire of narcissism, leaving behind a solid core of perfect, pure idiocy.
Cujo359 |
03.04.06 - 11:00 pm | #
Valley Girl,
How do I e-mail you?
coriolanus |
03.04.06 - 11:03 pm | #
#13 most definitely. It sounds like something we used to hear from the Firesign Theater - seemed to make sense if you were really stoned...
StuporMundi |
03.04.06 - 11:08 pm | #
25
Stick a feeding tube in Joe; he's clearly brain dead.
susan |
03.04.06 - 11:09 pm | #
#25
Up is down.
Down is up.
Black is white.
White is black.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is bliss.
George Bush is a brilliant minimalist.
monchie b. monchum |
03.04.06 - 11:09 pm | #
36
Let's just get rid of that darn Republic and put our trust in--Diebold!
Canid |
03.04.06 - 11:11 pm | #
13
Klein is a true lulu.
dancas |
03.04.06 - 11:11 pm | #
coriolanus | 03.04.06 - 11:03 pm
valley_girl_69 at hotmail dot com
This is not an address that I check very often, but if I know there's an email on the way I will check it. (I trust you know to substitute at for @, etc. )
-
Valley Girl |
03.04.06 - 11:13 pm | #
13 -- GAWD hes stupid. Its too late for this one so I offer it as honorable mention: "And I thought the Democrats were hopelessly incompetent until I saw these guys [the Bush white house]." (last night on MSNBC(?))
With friends like him who needs Republicans?
wtm |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 11:14 pm | #
Can we give it to all four and call it even? No? Crap.
#13 He's so clueless Joe Don't Know the only reason he has a hole in his penis is to get oxygen to his brain.
Shez |
03.04.06 - 11:17 pm | #
#3. Joe wouldn't know a real emotion if it bit him on the butt.
Joe Klein, the teaser pony for the Republican Party.
moe99 |
03.04.06 - 11:17 pm | #
No-oooooooooooooooo! I thought we'd seen the last of Joke Line on FDL. What was it Pacino said in Godfather III? "Just when I thought that I was out... they... pull... me... back... in."
Just as well I'm not one to shirk an issue. These are four of the finest examples of recto-cranial inversion we're ever likely to see. It's quite humbling, in fact. Such preening. Such dumbassery. Such (spelling pedants look away now) a masterly search for approbation.
#25 -- Chimpy McFlysuit is a brilliant minimalist. What is that? Postmodernism? Surrealism? Rat-Ass Crazyism? It's kinda like standing in front of a car accident and insisting it's urban art -- sure, it's moronic, but is it so moronic it bushwacks inspiration via the back door? Weighty questions.
#13 -- This isn't just wrong. It's wrongness encased in incoherence and swathed in bullshit.
I'm torn, but I vote for #13.
Bentley Stanforth III |
03.04.06 - 11:17 pm | #
I was leaning toward the supremely arrogant know-nothingness of #13 until I read this comment by Thesaurus Rex --
"Calling George Bush a minimalist is like calling a potted palm an environmentalist."
I smiled, then I laughed so hard I had to change my final vote to #25.
I heartily beseech you to open the sealed envelope containing the winner of the Charles P. Pierce Award for Excellence in Klein Snark and insert in its stead the name of Thesaurus Rex.
For pure, brilliant minimalist snark, his Kleinian takedown deserves the prize.
radlib1 |
03.04.06 - 11:23 pm | #
25
Each tax dollar goes to social security AND a future savings account SIMULTANEOUSLY.
Bush magic, on one brain cell.
Bill |
03.04.06 - 11:26 pm | #
I know this is supposed to be snark-nite and all but, despite the melodramatic posturing of #3, the blissfully expressed ignorance of #13 or the absurd reductionism of #25, a womans right to control over her own body is one of the most pressing issues regarding personal liberty we face today. To allow this bloviating idiot a soapbox from which to reduce the issue to the nonsensical realm of upordownvote-ism is unnacceptable and must not go unchallenged.
JWR |
03.04.06 - 11:38 pm | #
#3.
Even Peggy Noonan wouldn't make such a comparison. Mr. "other priorities" is self-evidently a coward, not just morally (his failure for five days to take responsibility for his screwup) but physically -- sitting in the basement of a likely bullseye on 9/11 clearly scared him so much that he's literally afraid to show his face anywhere but secure locations populated by vetted worshippers.
onlyanirishboy |
03.04.06 - 11:42 pm | #
The pain and anguish in Cheneys face. The 1000 yard stare of his eyes. Oh the pain, the pain. Number 3 please.
Mississippi Kid |
03.04.06 - 11:45 pm | #
*When Joe Klein takes a shit, his head caves in.
I have to go with # 3.
Truly a more inverted and perverted view of all things real and decent there is not. To somehow compare the gravitas of a haunted combat veteran to the drunken misfiring of a $23,000.00 Italian shotgun into the face and heart of a lifelong, lawyerly party-hack and donor by a bloated, half-crippled in mind, body and spirit, oil-and-war-profiteering oligarch is not only outrageously misguided, it is down right obscene.
-GSD
*Thanks to the great Al Ducharme for that line
Granite State Destroyer |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 11:48 pm | #
Man, tough choice, but I guess I have to go with #36.
ammonite |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 11:49 pm | #
Let's see... since my personal favorites didn't reach the finals, I guess I'll have to boil these down to their fundamentals and then choose.
3. I am an abysmal judge of character of epic proportions. I contracted mononucleosis from kissing my sister in seventh grade and missed the week when our English teacher taught the rest of my classmates the meaning of the word "irony." I never even considered, in the absence of such a word, the occurrence of hilariously incongruous events and statements. My conversations with combat veterans have made me an expert in the field of distinguishing between the trauma that comes from war and the agony of having to talk to Bret Hume.
13. My seemingly boundless arrogance is exceeded only by my disdain for logic. I once got my ass kicked at a Trek convention by an ignorant little seven-year-old girl with Vulcan ears spirit-gummed to her head. Precocious little bitch.
25. In full disclosure, I haven't been paying attention to anything regarding the president. However, he looks really, really larger-than-life to me. By the way, have I ever mentioned that I was the inspiration for Edwin A. Abbott's book, "Flatland?"
36. I have absolutely no idea how complex the world really is. Robert Bork told me that the Ninth Amendment was just an ink blot and that's good enough for me. In the dimension I occupy, the people who don't like Roe v. Wade didn't decide to solve the problem by fighting to change the complexion of the judiciary and, instead, are welcome to the idea of putting the idea up for a vote. Also in my dimension, my favorite president's favorite justice, Scalia, is extremely consistent and voted for Oregon's Death with Dignity act for the same reasons he opposes Roe.
Jane, I think I'll have to go for No. 36 because "dangerous" outweighs, "offensively ridiculous" (3), "insolently illogical" (13) and "dumber than paint" (25).
Dover Bitch |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 11:51 pm | #
13, by four noses.
ralphbon |
03.04.06 - 11:51 pm | #
3 though I am almost trexed into a vote for 25
I was heading to sleep but had to do the Koufax vote thing first ... FDL is lots of categories (best blog, best writing, best expert, best series, did I miss some?) so check them all people! (and I want a new category for action organized by blog with Howellin' as the obvious winner.
25
no one could really believe that.
b. |
Homepage |
03.04.06 - 11:56 pm | #
#25
It clearly and concisely betrays Klein's whoreness.
andy |
03.04.06 - 11:56 pm | #
siun | 03.04.06 - 11:54 pm
That link didn't work. Here is an overview of the Koufax awards: http://wampum.wabanaki.net/
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Valley Girl |
03.05.06 - 12:03 am | #
Thru 11:56 it appears 13 leads 25 by 2 votes, assuming the Bewilderness voted for 36 no 25 no 36. But Jane, I wouldn't trust my totals any further than Katherine Harris's
op99 |
03.05.06 - 12:03 am | #
25. Because it will be the one that will make Klein a joke when the history of this sorry era is written.
sponson |
03.05.06 - 12:06 am | #
#3
That was no 1000 yard stare, that was arrythmia plus alcohol plus being pissed off he had to talk about it as much as he did.
Thomas Nephew |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 12:11 am | #
13
If he were a comedian, this would be laugh out loud funny.
Evolving Peace |
03.05.06 - 12:13 am | #
#13
But they all deserve kudos - great finds!
Dondi |
03.05.06 - 12:16 am | #
It's only 12:18 Pacific time, please count my choice……#25…#25…#25. Calling a stunted brain "minimalist" shows a fullness of idiocy on Klein's part.
Polly |
03.05.06 - 12:27 am | #
25
No one, not even my conservative DH before he became disenfranchised by Bush's incompetence, thinks Bush is a good debater.
And it's a quick read. (I LOVE the fits on a T-shirt theory. Not that anyone would want a T-shirt....)
info junkie |
03.05.06 - 12:29 am | #
In the meantime, while you're monopolizing the base, Ms. Hamsher, with the irrelevancy that is Joe Klein, the Senate passed the Patriot Act in to permanency this week.
Congratulate yourself for helping Bush and the fascists maintain their grip on power.
Guy |
03.05.06 - 12:32 am | #
"I've never seen George Bush lose a debate. He is a brilliant minimalist."
brilliantly and minimally demonstrates the cognitive dissonance that is Joe Klein; at first, it looks like viscious sarcasm but it is actually unhinged delusion.
And, it is a metaphor for Joe himself. While, at first, he looks like a viscious Democrat, he is actually an unhinged Republican.
But having said all that , I am voting for #3.
Anyone who can compare Cheney with combat soldiers, given Cheney's Vietnam record and his current Iraq record, is beyond contempt.
Griffon |
03.05.06 - 1:23 am | #
25, because it is the most evil. It is not mere wankery, it is the killing of language.
Sharkbabe |
03.05.06 - 1:27 am | #
3 and 13 but 3 if I must choose only 1.
Can we, all of us, and all at once, pucker our lips and say ASSHOLE
Congratulations. I have never given Klein much thought but I'll credit you with this. He is an ASSHOLE. That you have established beyond any doubt.
This quote perfectly encapsulates Klein's sycophantic ignorance (or ignorant sycophancy).
I have to thank Jane for going after this bastard. I've despised Klein since witnessing his disgusting behavior after the publication of Primary Colors. After watching that weaselly wretch squat on the CBS set like a toad and smirkingly lie that he didn't write the book, only to find out a day later that he did, I lost all respect for him. Klein's continued employment is proof that pundits in the mainstream media are like major league coaches: once one of these creatures gets hired, they can always keep getting jobs no matter how bad they fuck up or how unprofessional and unethical their behavior. The Joe Kleins and Andrew Sullivans of the world will always have jobs because they are members of the media elite, in spite of their lack of morals and merit. Or maybe because of same.
Xeno |
03.05.06 - 2:22 am | #
25 because it is so clearly a lie. The others are simply delusional.
klyde |
03.05.06 - 2:23 am | #
#36 - Because even though he is an idiot in all of them, that is the kind of idiocy that is going to get women killed
tiponeill |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 2:25 am | #
#25, and on the T-shirt, should be attributed to
Joe Klein, the anti-Democrat DINO and Bush Fan Club President
Charlie Pierce is from Woostah in my fair state and is brilliant on Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me. Hi, Charlie, I'm from Glostah! Wicked Snahky Fun here.
25 is the most perfectly beautiful, but 13 is what's killing us. I gotta go with 13, for the "If Joe Klein is the voice of the sensible Democrats, then Democrats have got to be the incoherent sycophantic walking nonsensoria we're always saying they are" factor.
John |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 2:49 am | #
PS: Joe Klein is to TV punditry as Kevin Drum is to blogging. Okay, maybe a little worse.
Libby Sosume |
03.05.06 - 3:12 am | #
I vote #3. It is obsequious, shallow, a-historical, morally empty, egotistical, inaccurate, offensive to readers and Vietnam veterans, intellectually vapid, and utterly obscene in its contrast of Cheney with those burned-out and haunted Vietnam and other vets whose dignity we need to honor. Klein should be deeply ashamed.
Tom Dalglish |
03.05.06 - 3:12 am | #
#3
Don't hate it because it's wordy.
Comparing Cheney to actual combat veterans is inane Kleinesque sycophancy at its very best.
And the self-validating conclusion that Cheney is a "tough customer" because of his hunting induced post traumatic stress disorder is the kind of extra effort that seperates the A list lickspittles with the gold plated kneepads from the also rans doomed to foreover pursue their idolatrous devotion from afar.
Lexington |
03.05.06 - 3:28 am | #
Difficult to choose, but I'll go with 25.
GHenry |
03.05.06 - 3:34 am | #
13
"Truthiness" in action! Klein doesn't let the facts get in the way of castigating those with differing opinions.
Cee |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 3:47 am | #
#25. Is "brilliant minimalist" the same as "fascinated by shiny things?"
W Action |
03.05.06 - 3:53 am | #
25 --- The words brilliant and George Bush should not be included in the same sentence/paragraph/page.
The Southern Dem/ B. Muse |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 4:00 am | #
25. Short and effective. If it doesn't win, should get the "Fred Barnes Kneepad Award" as best runner-up.
Steve Kelso |
03.05.06 - 4:02 am | #
The Zen-like elegance of Joe Klein's observations and writings is best evidenced by
#13
#25 was a close contender for it's poetic simplicity, while #3's requirement that the reader suspend disbelief puts it right up there with some of my favorite X-Files episodes.
Mack |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 4:02 am | #
I'm sticking with my original vote for #25. I like its pure stupidity and yes- it is minimalist. Also it tells me that Klein never actually watched Bush debate, so it shows what a liar he is. This guy is the main reason that I did not renew my subscription to Time.
KyCole |
03.05.06 - 4:09 am | #
25 - for reasons stated well by others previously.
sti |
03.05.06 - 4:09 am | #
Wow. I've stayed out of the fray until now, but I've gotta go with number 36. That seems the most idiotic statement of those listed.
Bill Barstad |
03.05.06 - 4:14 am | #
13 gave me a headache. It could also fit on a t-shirt for what thats worth.
bill, just some guy |
03.05.06 - 4:32 am | #
Here is my criteria:
1. Does the quote reveal Klein's bias towards the Bush/GOP side?
2. Does the quote reveal Klein's journalistic/D.C.-insider arrogance?
3. Does the quote contain a factually untrue statement?
On that basis, I have to go with #13 (although #25 is hilarious).
Incidentally, I don't find #36 to be that bad (compared to the competition). While poorly phrased (and likely intended to undermine the pro-life side), The opinion that the abortion issue should be decided on a popular basis that cannot be disputed is not an inherently stupid one. Because the fundamental questions that are central to the debate (i.e. "When does life begin?" or "When is a fetus a 'person'?") are metaphysical, they are quite possibly best answered in a democratic manner.
Thank you. Resume ridicule of Klein.
space |
03.05.06 - 4:34 am | #
25 (although I wish I knew when it was said--if it was after any debate with Kerry it was particularly preposterous).
My runner up would be 3--most Republicans would have been too embarrased to serve up that kind of Bush administration boot-licking. Joe Klein, however, always manages to get the job done. Worst. Pundit. Ever.
Time to put him out to pasture or put him on a beat where he can do less damage--perhaps he could follow the lead of that disastrous Frank Bruni at the New York Times and apply his fuzzy-headed thinking to restaurant reviews.
lone star liberal |
03.05.06 - 4:47 am | #
in the case of george w. bush, less is less...
p.a. |
03.05.06 - 4:51 am | #
in the case of george w. bush, less is less...
p.a. | 03.05.06 - 4:51 am | #
sometime I fear that less is more than our nation can stand
Mack |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 4:58 am | #
36. It takes the cake!
Byron from Denver |
03.05.06 - 5:01 am | #
3.
In a weird way, I do think Bush IS a brilliant minimalist. I know his, ahem, plain spokenness is right on level with huge swaths of the American voting public, red state division.
Alexandra |
03.05.06 - 5:01 am | #
I have to go with 13. The problem is, it's possible for someone to be a "brilliant minimalist." Of course, it doesn't apply to George Bush who's just an idiot, but it is possible. But number 13 makes no sense no matter what subject is substituted for [NSA wiretapping]. How do pundits get their jobs, anyway? What test do you have to fail and how many times do you have to fail it to get the big bucks for writing and saying nonsense?
greennotGreen |
03.05.06 - 5:04 am | #
Worthy candidates, all. I have to go with lucky #13 -- it reminds me of the old saying "If we had some ham, we could have some ham and eggs, if we had some eggs."
Califlander |
03.05.06 - 5:07 am | #
Oh dear gawd!
Number 13 is one for the ages. Gets my vote.
res ipsa loquitur |
03.05.06 - 5:12 am | #
13. /relurk
Republic of Palau |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 5:15 am | #
#13,
because even a child of 13 years old could see that statement is just dumb. Apparently Joe didn't think so.
Lame Man |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 5:17 am | #
I am voting for #3.
Anyone who can compare Cheney with combat soldiers, given Cheney's Vietnam record and his current Iraq record, is beyond contempt.
Griffon | 03.05.06 - 1:23 am | #
# 13, definitely, which makes some of the other statements look even vaguely intelligent.
Quentin |
03.05.06 - 5:27 am | #
I have to go with this one - what a moron....
13. "People like me who favor this [NSA wiretapping] program don't yet know enough about it yet. Those opposed to it know even less -- and certainly less than I do."
RH |
03.05.06 - 5:27 am | #
Oh dear diety, any time brilliant and Gdub are on my all time hit parade.
#25
Can we sic Obermann on Klein?
Rat Lady |
03.05.06 - 5:30 am | #
#13
For its' balls-out "All your ignorance are belong to us" chutzpah.
res |
03.05.06 - 5:31 am | #
Did C&L get hacked this AM? This is what's there:
] ">
[Macro error: Can't find a sub-table named "C:Program FilesRadio UserLandData FilesweblogData.root".]
# 36 For it's breathtaking lack of intelligence. And because I am a woman with a daughter and the statement scares me.This is dangerous rhetoric.
Babs |
03.05.06 - 5:35 am | #
Normally I'd go with short and sweet, #25. But I the arrogance of #13 is too tempting.
Whether you agree or disagree with the basic point, the premise - the constitution doesn't clearly speak to the abortion question - is obviously correct. And it's hardly crazy to say that the issue should be decided democratically. There might be an argument for judicial fiat on the issue, but it's not stupid or crazy to say we should vote on it.
It's hard to choose among the others, but I vote for 25.
tom |
03.05.06 - 5:37 am | #
36. But decididng was harder work than being preznidnet. Really hard.
Gwen |
03.05.06 - 5:39 am | #
It's a blog dealing with points and one liners that can frame the Republicans, Karl Rove-style!
Fer instance:
Let's keep it simple and give the public a bunch of easy one-liners to digest for the first 3 months. Once this base branding has been applied, we can flesh out the popular one-liners and expand in greater detail.
So, let the branding begin:
Republicans -- they spend our savings and tax your children
Republicans -- they think they know foreign policy... but do you
think it's working?
Republicans -- they'll bug your phone and track your web
searches... feel safe now?
Republicans -- they're not Big Government... they're Huge, Corrupt, In Your Face Government
Republicans -- if they're pro-life, why are they pro-death penalty?
Republicans -- if they're so good at war, why are our troops dying every week?
pol |
03.05.06 - 5:39 am | #
OT- that jerk Arthur Sulzberger of the NYT got a 1.6 million dollar bonus for fucking up his newspaper in 2005 and covering up the administration's lies.
Stacyb |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 5:45 am | #
I vote for #3. Cheney=combat veterans?!
Joke did a great job of proving what a water-carrying Republican shill he is with this one statement.
PA_Lady |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 5:46 am | #
#36 is my vote. It just makes my skin crawl.
triciawrites |
03.05.06 - 5:50 am | #
#25! Brevity is the soul of wit.
And it has the virtue of being both utterly absurd and possibly true. Perhaps he really has never seen George Bush lose, just as it is possible that he has never seen the sun rise in the east.
Les TreBony |
03.05.06 - 5:57 am | #
36... wonder what this guy earned in history class?
himom |
03.05.06 - 5:58 am | #
#13
Touch choices, Jane. But the NSA quote is such a huge, stinking example of dumbassness it's my pick for the winner.
This idiot must be stopped!
TheOtherWA |
03.05.06 - 5:58 am | #
Regarding #3, the only difference between Cheney and a combat soldier is the vest.
ccmask |
03.05.06 - 6:00 am | #
#13, because it shows Joke to be the Dubai Dubya of journamalism (as opposed to journalminimalism). So many good choices.
FDR |
03.05.06 - 6:03 am | #
25.
I fear to wax poetic in the face of brilliant minimalism.
Pachacutec |
03.05.06 - 6:08 am | #
my vote remains unchanged.
and my head hurts from
all the laughter
the comments have triggered.
shoot, i'm out of aspirin...
leslie |
03.05.06 - 6:08 am | #
Definitely #36 --"Abortion is not mentioned in the Constitution, and so interpretations are all we have..."
Osama bin Ladin isn't mentioned in the Constitution either. Nor is mad cow disease nor airplanes nor bilking Indian tribes out of millions of dollars.
So I give you an alphabet's worth of topics not mentioned in the Constitution, about which, says Hokey-Joeky, interpretations are all we have. "Issues this important should be decided democratically, don't you think?"
Ya think???
Avian flu
Bloggers
Condoms
Delusional presidents
Enron
Friendly fire
Global warming
Halliburton
Immigration
Jihad
Kansas
Lobbyists
Mine safety
Neocons
Opium
Pornography
Qaida
Reality
Schaivo, Terry
T-- It's a tie between Tits-on-TV and Trillion-Dollar-Deficits
United Arab Emirates
Veep Creep (shorthand: expansion of executive power)
WHIG
Xtraordinary rendition (OK, I'm pushing it)
Yoo, John
Zarqawi
Please feel free to add your own.
a littlemusicalityplease |
03.05.06 - 6:09 am | #
#13 all the way
Sangemon |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 6:11 am | #
It's just gotta be #25. So brief, so concise, yet so mindbogglingly foolish.
MarkCC |
03.05.06 - 6:13 am | #
#3 Shilling for Cheney is the pits.
#25 surely could not have been uttered by any human.
Dot Connector |
03.05.06 - 6:14 am | #
leslie-I just emailed you a Qualude.
ccmask |
03.05.06 - 6:17 am | #
It has got to be #25.
Frank Grimes |
03.05.06 - 6:19 am | #
# 13
I was so moved by the idiocy of the first that I wrote something on it, but 13 raises the bar to a new level.
Champollion |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 6:20 am | #
25 .....because it is the complete opposite of the TRUTH!
H. Stevens |
03.05.06 - 6:20 am | #
#13 - For years I have hated Klein's writing and despised Time magazine for publishing his column. Glad you are focusing on him and exposing him!
Ann |
03.05.06 - 6:24 am | #
13
"I only know one thing - and it's that you don't anything." That's ripe.
melissa p |
03.05.06 - 6:27 am | #
#25
I've not voted until the final four. I trusted my fellow FDLers to have good sense in narrowing down the field, and you didn't let me down.
cathy |
03.05.06 - 6:30 am | #
Love #3 but must go with #25.
mimi |
03.05.06 - 6:42 am | #
Lucky thirteen carries a lot of water but it has to be #25. Almost a koan.
HinTN |
03.05.06 - 6:43 am | #
i like #25 for its pithiness but #36 is just so awful and immoral for its political implications so #36 it is!
Wilson46201 |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 6:45 am | #
Any of them are damningly telling as to his idiocy (with Klein as a Democrat, who needs Republicans?) but I am partial to #25 in particular because it's just so pathetically hilarious.
Rob |
03.05.06 - 6:46 am | #
It's like picking your favoritest kitten... Aarrgh, they're all so darn cute!! In honor of those with synesthesia, I choose
#3
It looks like a big codpiece to me
Mike E |
03.05.06 - 6:50 am | #
#25
Ludwig Mies Van der Rohe was a brilliant minimalist. Clusterfuck is a dumbass fucktard.
rusty |
03.05.06 - 6:54 am | #
Number 25
Leonidas |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 6:55 am | #
What an embarassment of riches...Dover Bitch and TRex and too many to recall- y'all are brilliant!
Got to go with 36...
Dru |
03.05.06 - 7:30 am | #
Definitely 13. This guy is one of the biggest tools on the planet. There is a special place in hell reserved for people like him. Did you hear him on Al Franken getting double teamed by Al and Conason? This guy has no scruples, no moral authority, he has only his access to the rich and powerful to help him sleep at night.
I wouldn't be surprised if he has a thing for teenage streetwalkers in Southeast Asia. Someone should really dg up some dirt on this waste of human life.
tahomaactivist |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 7:30 am | #
I vote for #13--cause if the radical republicans can wiretap indiscriminately, no opposition party will ever win again.
Margarete |
03.05.06 - 7:37 am | #
T'was hard but...13!
dipper |
03.05.06 - 7:41 am | #
for sheer smarminess, vacuity, and substantial overtones of highly specialized ick--the envelope please.
And the winner is . . . Number 3.
Constant Reader |
03.05.06 - 7:44 am | #
#13 perfectly sums up Joe Klein's way of thinking. He may not know much, but he's sure that he knows more than anyone who disagrees with him.
mj |
03.05.06 - 8:10 am | #
#25
Although, given Klein's randomness, I think you could separate these by semi-colons and not be able to tell that they are separate statements.
-
Dan Robinson |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 8:11 am | #
13 - Clueless arrogance so concentrated, you could bottle it and call it JK One.
TheDeadGuy |
03.05.06 - 8:23 am | #
It's a tough call but for pure, unadulterated bullshit, lucky 13 cannot be topped.
badnews |
03.05.06 - 8:59 am | #
# 3. Klein's comparison of Cheney to a combat vet takes the cake. My former colleagues in Echo Company, Second Battalion, Third Marine Regiment--especially the 135 of them who were KIA in Vietnam between 1965 and 1969--back when Mr. Cheney had "other priorities," would think that idea is a genuine hoot. You see, the thing about Cheney is that he had five deferments during Vietnam and then, forty years later, he carelessly shot some other rich Republican guy in the face after they had a few beers and while they were out walking around on a 50,000 acre preserve, looking for tame animals to annihilate (any Marine who was that negligent with a firearm would be court martialed, incidentally). The most significant difference, when you come to actual combat vets, is that they feel the way they do because people have shot AT them. In fact, the first 999 yards of that Thousand Yard Stare come from the getting SHOT AT part, while the remaining one yard comes from that shooting back part. But how would either Klein or Cheney know that?
Terry Kindlon |
03.05.06 - 9:00 am | #
#13
Just flapping his mouth, not to raise questions but to hear himself talk some more. I guess he thinks his status as bobblehead dino with opinions on all varied and sundry topics means that he has the final say inside the corridors of real power. Punk'd, JK.
Nina |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 9:04 am | #
Joe Klein said that the word "abortion" is not in the Constitution? Ok, that's true, but I can't imagine any home in America ringing with the sound of "domestic tranquility" when a young girl is walking around carrying her own father's child or plotting on how to 'dispose' of 'it' when 'it' is 'born.'
Lyn |
03.05.06 - 9:21 am | #
While #3 is the overall most appalling comment, it achieves that thorough the combined weight of its stupidity and obscenity; on the basis of sheer idiocy alone, I have to vote for #13.
kd |
03.05.06 - 9:33 am | #
13. It's zen-like in its idiocy
steve case |
03.05.06 - 9:55 am | #
#13.
Reflecting to perfection the Bushian model of making the worst possible decision based on the worst possible information..., while scorning those who make rational arguments founded on American values.
tedb |
03.05.06 - 9:58 am | #
#25 has the perfect blend of mindless worship and denial of reality.
Col Bat Guano |
03.05.06 - 10:06 am | #
#3
"The deputy fuehrer was magnificent in his sober anguish over the plight of a feeble, stumbling, but honored old friend."
Joe Klein, representing the loyal opposition
jarotra |
03.05.06 - 10:08 am | #
Wow, really tough choices here.
Gotta go with #25 though, since it invites comparison with Justice Thomas' 'minimalist' penchant for rarely asking questions from the bench.
Gives validation to the old saw:
It is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Propagandee |
03.05.06 - 10:10 am | #
#3. His comparison of Dick Cheney to combat veterans is hard to beat. Since Mr. Klein fancies himself as not only a pundit, but as a novelist and satirist, perhaps he can work on an Apocolypse Now sequel:
"Dick, sure, Harry's been with us in every campaign, raising lots of cash, but his methods have become unsound ..."
"I love the smell of quail turds in the morning. It smells like victory."
Joe Buck |
03.05.06 - 10:14 am | #
Well, I haven't peeked at which way the wind's blowing upthread, but gotta go with 25. Just about sums up the entire delusional Bush II era in two concise sentences...
Serial cereal |
03.05.06 - 10:20 am | #
Wow, really tough choices here.
Gotta go with #25 though, since it invites comparison with Justice Thomas' 'minimalist' penchant for rarely asking questions from the bench.
Gives validation to the old saw:
It is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Propagandee |
03.05.06 - 10:25 am | #
Hey propagandee,
Welcome.
After commenting:
Need to either close and reopen comments, or else delete your
typed comment lest it reprint.
Believe me everyone here has done this :D
I did it -3- times my first post, and people said it was....egregious.
egregious |
03.05.06 - 10:31 am | #
He starts by declaring his own ignorance, then turns around and refers to it again. It's like his ignorance turns around and bites him in the ass, resulting in a neverending cycle of stupid.
Joe Klein is a perpetual idiocy machine.
Frank Frink |
03.05.06 - 12:22 pm | #
3
Cheny suffers from his stupid hunting accident more than combat veterans from real warfare? What puke!!!!!!
George M. Walker |
03.05.06 - 12:23 pm | #
Damn, those are some plum tidbits of stupidity.
But really, you can't get any more stupid than No. 13.
The first sentence alone is a classic of inanity: What, people who favor the surveillance don't know enough about it justify their favoring it? They don't know enough about it yet, but he knows they'll still favor it when they do?
And how the fuck does he know what the people who oppose it know? Because the people who are doing the surveillance -- who also obviously favor it -- told him?
Because, from what I've seen, the serious critics of the program know a hell of a lot more about it than Joe Klein does.
David Neiwert |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 12:33 pm | #
#25. Good god.
Stupidity is brilliance.
Incoherence is minimalist.
Only on the cocktail weenie circuit.
Julie |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 1:08 pm | #
it's close... the pure stupity of 13 vs. the pure shill-ness of 25... the duality that is the modern gop...
travy |
03.05.06 - 1:16 pm | #
#13... all brilliant, but gotta go with 13
SanGuevara |
03.05.06 - 2:13 pm | #
36
For some reason, that line "abortion is not mentioned in the Constitution" just slays me every time.
It's kinda like "I have no legitimate moral or legal argument to make here, but maybe if I put the word 'Constitution' in my statement you won't notice."
Sadie B. |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 2:25 pm | #
13
I think this exemplifies the toxic punditry of Klein-- what I think matters, what the facts are don't.
Toby Sackton |
03.05.06 - 3:16 pm | #
Late on the thread as usual - but I have to go with #13 - while admitting to knowing little to nothing about it (perhaps the understatement of the year) Joke Line supports a program (or programs) run by an administration where the grand high poobah of incompetence rules by selecting among those who would help him not by competence, not by skill, not by education, not by experience, and not by dedication to public service but by fealty to him (often as measured by fundraising) and to fitness. To top it off, they govern in the hopes of ending the role of government. And the whole heaping, helping from the all-you-can-eat smorgasbord of flaming incompetence is held together by the principle that politics is everything - screw policy, screw the people, screw everything that moves so long as the politics are in their favor. Politics is all. And Joke Line trusts them to be engaging in triple-dog-dare, no-take-backs, supersecret spying operation while knowing little to nothing about it. Puhlease.
StlInquirer |
03.05.06 - 3:54 pm | #
#13
Jane, can the whole lot of comments be sent to Joe Klein, Time Magazine, and any other news outlet that employs him?
Just so everyone can see what a total ass he is, and that we're onto his shit!
oceanbreeze |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 3:56 pm | #
It has to be #3
For the sheer, unadultreated smarminess.
ghostcatbce |
03.05.06 - 4:36 pm | #
#13
I'm with the comments by oceanbreeze (03.05.06 - 4:36 pm) on this one.
Joe Klien, the NeoCon in journalist drag, has been outted, and the world needs to know!
hterrya |
03.05.06 - 4:58 pm | #
36. Because asshole is not in the constitution either.
the bunny |
03.05.06 - 5:07 pm | #
Agh!! been off line over the weekend, trapped in dial-up country.
If it's not too late, put me down for #25. Again, as with the first time it was posted.
Still boggles my mind, the degree of Klein's blindness. Maybe it's really sarcasm taken to the next degree and I can't even see it for what it is.
Rayne |
Homepage |
03.05.06 - 5:59 pm | #
#25--
Minimal in first term, more minimal in the second, and now, minimalist.
dana |
03.05.06 - 6:06 pm | #
Well 25 is just an example of a purposeful lie mixed with a smidge of delusion caused by the type of asphyxia that is only seen when someone’s head is stuck that far up presidential ass.
But the winner has to be 13: My ignorance of a topic gives me the clearheaded ability to assure the public that its all for the best. Well, I’m not a doctor, I do not have x-ray vision, have not seen the presidents medical files, and have certainly not had the first-hand exposure to the presidential anus that Klein has shown he has but I feel that I can say far better than Klein that the presidents colon contains WMD. Great logic, great logic.
#13 -- perfectly captures Klein's Know-it-all ignorance and condescention.
Bragan |
03.06.06 - 6:17 am | #
# 13 - "People like me who favor this [NSA wiretapping] program don't yet know enough about it yet. Those opposed to it know even less -- and certainly less than I do."
This is either a poem or a zen koan.
JeffreyBrian |
03.06.06 - 6:38 am | #
Gimme #3. Just the idea that Cheney could ever be introspective makes it a clear winner.
Mike S |
03.06.06 - 10:58 am | #
#25 The idea that Mr. Bush is capable of debate is ... entertaining. And the man's lack of reasoned argument represents a void rather than a minimum.
Anonymous |
03.06.06 - 1:12 pm | #
25. He must NEVER have seen a Bush debate!
Cal Gal |
03.06.06 - 3:01 pm | #
13. Does Lewis Carroll write his material? 'Twasn't brillig by a long shot, though slithy tove isn't all that bad a description of Mr. Klein... with an intellect slightly shorter than the caterpillar one hopes he'll be outgrabed sooner rather than later.
aMike |
03.06.06 - 5:16 pm | #
13
Pure, unadulterated bullshit mixed with pomposity... Klein does know how to cook, don't he?
badnews |
03.07.06 - 2:20 pm | #
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