Beg Your Own Question Here
Oh wow, I get the first comment. And it is this: Holy shit, Fitz! Your fight history is both awesome and scary.
I agree. I am appropriately impressed. Also, I went to FSU...only for a while because I had to transfer when I got married to my first ex-husband...but those football players were in some of my classes and they WERE huge!
You're such a chivalrous gentleman, F-H. (First fight excluded of course.)
I'm still getting over the reference to Seth Green as "beekcake" for the ladies.
He has a certain charm. It's strange but true.
I am so conflicted. These are awesome stories of heroic interventions, and I am suitably impressed.
But then again, you were a cheerleader, so I must deduct some points 
...and a Star Wars geek.
I might start calling you Eric Forman.
I loved the post, but I did have to laugh a bit at the idea of the cheerleaders getting into a fight.
And that fuckin' TJ deserved it.
FH,
As your first fight demonstrates, vast majority of fights end up on the ground, which is why it's so important to train Brazilian jujitsu or Ground Survival or something like that. Good show with the wedgie, though; I love when people cry about 'fighting fair.' Fair is winning, walking away. Period. If someone ever attacked me, my point of entry would probably be a groin kick transition to a punch and head butt. If I'm on my back on the ground, damn effing straight I'm punching/elbowing the dude in the groin.
Same thing about punching your brother in ther mouth. Cheap shot? Ludicrous. In Haganah, we train for awareness. The whole idea is not to let someone into first range(basically close enough to clinch, in someone's face) prior to hostilities if there is a possible combat scenario. EFF that. That dude is not getting any closer to me than second range --i.e., the extension of my fist to their effing face-- unless I expressly pull the jack@ss into a clinch.
Finally, good stuff about beating the abuser's @ss. You don't hit women, period, ever, for any goddamn reason outside of self-defense.
If you're down to scrap and you ever find yourself in H-town, shoot me an email and we can strap it on and work.
Funny thing: I've been training for almost 3 years now, and you've been in 3 more actual fights than I have. What was the line from The Karate Kid? We train so we don't have to fight. LOL.
Which class taught you to use smoke bombs and bowstaffs, TP?
First learn stand, then learn fly, grasshopper.
I did have a teacher/guard in Israel who was a former Mossad agent (and a former Nazi hunter, actually), who taught us how to kill someone with a newspaper.
What, papercuts? I don't get it. Please elaborate.
You take the main section, and you fold it in a certain way about fifty times. You end up with a rectangle, probably about 12x6.
The method of folding somehow puts almost all of the paper on each of the four corners, and it becomes really thick; each corner is literally harder than brick. Drive that into someones's forehead, and you'll easily split their skull.
Seth Green as beefcake was intended as a joke. Quoth Homer, "I was being sarcastic!"
But you didn't use any punctuation...
Re: the newspaper trick. I was thinking more Indiana Jones where he punches the guy through a newspaper and throws him overboard. Of course, I have been in 0 fights unless hair-pulling and managing to break a telephone over someone's back counts. I put that more in the category of "general beatdown."
Great story - you are a true gentlemen.
And I'm really glad to hear you were being sarcastic about Seth Green, because he is a little leprechaun.
Wow. Now I have blog crush on Milbarge AND Fitz-Hume.
That's just sick, Anonbuff.
What, that I have a blog crush on both of them, or that I would have a blog crush on either one of them at all? Or both of the above?
All of the above. Trust me.
Bartender where I hang out told me the story of a fight he witnesses on the corner by the bar. Didn't know why it started, but Fighter #1 faked a punch, while at the same time kicking down and breaking #2's shin. #2 goes down screaming. #1 comes up to stomp on his face. #2 recovers enough to catch the foot, reach up with his other hand, and grab/twist/crush #1's balls. Within about an 8 second span, both guys were on the ground crying in pain.
I don't get into fights around my bar.
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