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And you got laid. 8-)
Gay men= ejaculate into condoms
lesbian(s) who are multi-orgasmic and ejaculate + your honey dust idea=sleeping in the Sahara desert rather than merely a sand box.
What limpet said. Have you tried just putting down a towel?
Have you tried "killing" the monkey monster? By that I mean you and/or Steve and Alex (Alex's involvement is key as he has to witness the MM's "demise") formulate a plan to take out the MM. With your previous experience in rabbits of mass destruction, this should be easy. You draw up battle plans, make Monkey Man Vaporizer 3000(tm) blasters out of cardboard towel rolls and plungers, etc. The three of you invade the room in the day when the MM is powerless and he gets sent back from whence he came. Or if you're worried about endorsing violence as a means of solving problems, you could always "trap" the monkey monster. Similar plans are made but with an eye towards "trapping" the monster in a pillowcase or something. Then you put the mojo on Alex's room to prevent the MM from returning (Honey Dust might be good for this too).
Crazy, maybe. But it just might work. I've seen it done to closet monsters and under-the-bed-dragons with great success.
Ditto pericat. There are also many other effluent-catching possibilities, as many of us are now all too aware. I'd say a definite 'no' to socks, though.
When I nannied, I armed the kids with "monster spray"--water in a small spray bottle, their choice of color. I told them not to use too much, because it was very, very powerful.
Worked like a charm.
You could help Alex to befriend and civilize the monkey monster. My mother did this for my little brother. Explained the monster was a baby and didn't know how to behave. Told him they had to take care of it and teach it the rules 'till its mom came back. She started feeding the monster 3 square meals a day and taking it on park trips with my brother. Push one swing for the kid and one for the monster. And so on. Brother's fear gradually diminished until one day he announced that the mommy monster had been by to pick up the baby. No more problems.
You people are all ignoring the possibility that there might actually be a monkey monster in the wallpaper.
The couce, maybe. But the wallpaper?
COUCH.
OK, so it looks like you need to stock in your store:
(a) Kama Sutra-brand Monkey-Gone (lightly scented w/banana?)
(b) Little bundles of tea-towels tied up in nice ribbons, and
(c) A touch-typing tutor for Frog.
Tea towels?
Um, G., dude, I recognize you may be kinda limited in the sex-with-lesbians department, but a tea towel? They are thin, they are not very absorbent, and, even if you've only got one ejaculating lesbian in your bed, she's gonna want more than one.
Absorbent towels. Approximately 15" by 24". In a drawer next to the bed.
(I am just sorta waiting for the "stop commenting about sex in my blog!" emails to start rolling in.)
see, that's where my ignorance = retail genius! You'll need to get like 5 or 6 bundles of them which would equal $$$! They can be in designer colors, maybe some sort of tasteful novelty embroidery and ... and I can't believe I'm having this discussion. Never mind.
Am I the only one forced to dash to the bathroom immediately after sex to ensure I don't get a UTI?? Dash is accompanied by a baby wipe stopping, uh, leaks, but if I don't, I get a UTI...
To do what, pee?
Yes, to pee. At least that's what I have to do if I want to avoid a UTI. I'm hoping that childbirth will stretch some things out down there so I will no longer have this problem.
I use a baby wipe too, and give Scott a hand towel.
Didn't anybody else watch Martha Stewart's show on fine loving? The tasteful and conscientious lover always has a steaming hot wet towel garnished with a lemon on the nightstand standbing by for post-coital laving. It's a Very Good Thing. 
Hmmmm.. that wallpaper isn't yellow by any chance, is it? I'd recommend a little Charlotte Perkins Gillman for Alex but that will probably only freak him out more. LOL
Sally, LOL. Had I just listened more to Martha, I never would have had this problem.
We went camping a couple of weeks ago with our friends Kip&BunBun. Two days later, BunBun and I both started developing UTI's. (I've nearly mastered the art of detecting early-onset, slamming cranberry pills and drowning my bladder with water, thus flushing the infection out -literally- and not getting sick.) Sure enough, neither of us left our cozy tents that night for a trip to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as TMI here, right?
to answer two questions: yes to pee and wipe up, uh, excess. I just can't imagine sleeping in a puddle of ejaculate.
And tmi in this journal? Not a chance I would think :p
I'll never understand why we women aren't smart enough to have sex on *the man's side of the bed*. Let *them* worry about the wet spot.
Why *don't* we have sex on their side of the bed? Good question.
Thanks for the Honey Dust tip.
Actually, spouse and I have a king-sized bed and we do our thing in the *middle* of the bed. After, we each retreat to our own sides of the bed - my spouse is not, unfortunately, a very cuddly sort of sleeper and will continually squinch away in his sleep from anyone touching him (thus the king-sized bed, because he kept falling out of the other ones) - and sleep, leaving the wet spot all by itself to dry out peacefully.
(of course, I also always get up and pee after, too.)
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