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Flea, I kid you not I was laughing so hard I had The Darling Boy out of the shower reading over my shoulder...you've snagged a new reader with this one...:D
Maybe I can help you out with the Ulysses problem:
http://www.bway.net/~hunger/ulysses.html
Avocado!! That is so funny! Poor guy, he needs some help or he is destined to go down the tubes.
the key to t he ussyles problem is to realize there is no problem...read it like anything else, what you get you'll get and what you dont you dont.
its not some talmudic text that you must read before yhwh lets you into heaven
(that and its funny/dirty in equal meausre...no one told me how dirty it is)
Skip the jelly and substitute mustard, and that would be a good sandwich.
All of my attempts to read Ulysses ended not because I couldn't understand it—I didn't really have a problem with it on that front—but that I resented the hell out of the book. Every time I think about it, it strikes me as some sort of obligation, some kind of right of passage that will enable me to get my Intellectual Merit Badge. I feel sorry for the poor thing, being saddled with the Best Novel Ever label, but I don't feel bad enough for it to forgive it two things: being pushed on me by professors, friends, critics, and fellow writers; for not living up to all of that hype. For a novel often called the best ever written, it ain't that good, at least my forays into it didn't reveal anything—aside from linguistic wankery—to make it great.
It was the eel covered in pink sugar roses that made me spit out my beverage.
yes, I think you were a little too late for the scones 
I feel the same way as PinkDreamPoppies about a lot of books. Mostly anything written by Steinbeck. I loathe that bastard.
lp was four when we started introducing her to sushi, keeping it really simple: just some plain tuna and salmon pieces, cut up really small, no wasabi, a dash of soy sauce. I think she took to it because it was fun; Japanese restaurant people love rigging up children's chopsticks. Now it's her favorite food, but we STILL can't get her to eat strawberries.
And I'm still blown away by the bravery of just spontaneously walking into a restaurant with two children under 5 in tow. Wow.
Blame cultural differences or something, because I have no idea what was so offensive about that sandwich. (Although my guess would be all that vegetable.)
It's the jelly with all those veggies. Peanut-butter-and-jelly is supposed to be sweet, while avocado, tomatoes, lettuce, cumcamber, Kraft(!) and onion(!!) are not, and are not "supposed to go well with sweet.
I'm willing to be flexible with most of this myself, but onion, Kraft and jelly?! Ew.
Actually, if you took the elements of the singular sandwich and created two separate sandwiches then you'd have a delightful lunch for two.
Hey Flea, I liked your dialogue... very funny... I'd try to help you, but I'd end up teaching you Québec French (Franglais), which probably isn't what your going for...
P.S. "Etes vous?" means "Are you?" ... "Et vous?" means "And you?"
Well, I did say I needed to relearn it...
Laughed so hard I wet my pants, but had to keep reading... and laughing. Too, too funny!
the thing im saying is...if it works for you then it works for you and if it doesnt, then leave it.
since im a poet that does lots of work with linguistic wankery, it works for me.
"'Maybe I just have the girl,' said the owner, thoughtfully."
snort!
My question is, have you had any requests for the yummy sandwich at home?
Are you kidding? I'd have to order that PBJ sandwich just to have that experience.
(I had never understood the point of PBJ sandwiches on restaurant menus, anyway, seeing as how it's an item so trivially obtainable at home---for that matter, so is cold cereal, and yet I see that in diner menus as well---but Now I Know. It's all about putting a twist in your PBJ.)
Flea,
Tony and I have decided that "Mmmmm. Tomato!" is going to be our code when encountering culinary challenges on our forthcoming trip. (We've memorized the phrase that should help us avoid dishes of the canine persuasion, but the other bizarre/horrifying possibilities are endless.)
Thankfully, Alex had a PB&J for lunch today, made the way God intended, and did not ask for lettuce, onion, or tomato.
PB&J is on restaurant menus to pacify small picky appetites. This then enables the parents to eat a meal without listening to whining. Usually, it's money well spent.
Portia, I will overlook your slamming of Steinbeck in the Comments Lounge. This time.
Love,
Rose of Sharon
I never got Steinbeck either until I used to drive back and forth through the Salinas valley on weekends going between college and home. Then his stuff started to grow on me.
flea. LOL!!! We've had some interesting interpretations of childhood favorites in restaurants, but nothing as horrifying as that sandwich. Eel with pink roses, indeed! :-p
my little brother was fond of marmalade and mustard sandwiches. and i once tried to drink an oversized bottle of tabasco sauce. kids have different logic when it comes to food. but i just can't integrate the combination of avacado and strawberry jelly.
but any kid who identifies with the paperbag princess has got taste in things that matter.
Didn't that place move in to the old Taste of Heaven spot a few weeks ago?
Shylo - Yes! Taste of Heaven! I'd forgotten what it was originally called. It's Taste of Crazy now.
Oh dear. That's beautiful.
So funny, oh so funny, thank you for a great laugh...
My first son used to love weird sandwiches because he was influenced by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pizzas. Pickles, bananas, peanut butter, apple butter...and he ate it! He chose the ingredients, I made the sandwiches.
I am sitting here with tears streaming from my eyes. I have co-workers who are staring at me in concern because the only sounds I've been making are these strange, wheezing hee-hee-hees. Thank you, flea, for helping to further the rumor that I am insane.
My favorite peanut butter sandwich is peanut butter, baloney and radishes. This was a lot of fun. I will definitely be back.
Thanks!
I love anyone who loves the Paper Bag Princess. It's just a rule I have.
It's just the stream-of-consciousness style. Not for everyone. I don't like when Joyce does it or when Faulkner does it. Or Eco, either. I read for pleasure and when I have to work too hard I don't get no pleasure.
My husband is slogging away through Foucault's Pendulum right now and I am just thinking how much more he'd enjoy something else. So is he. But he has a thing about never putting down a book partially read.
The blog is super great. Both of us love reading it. Lotsa pleasure.
Thanks, Kathy!
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