Comments Lounge
Don't you just LOVE being 35? We're old enough to know what's up and avoid the BS, but still plenty young enough to enjoy everything. Now if only I could find someone to enjoy with me. After I finish paying my lawyer, maybe I need to come back and buy a new toy.
Now that I don't need any advice on that, but so far no one had been able to tell me what to expect if/when I date again. Been married 16 years, so my last first date was in high school. Don't know what to expect at 35, but I'm sure not 18 anymore. Know any good books on this? (Hell, know any good men?)
People bring their boyfriends to job interviews? Do you ever have the urge to give them information about abusive relationships? I can't think of any other reason to follow your significant other to an interview.
Honestly, I'm astounded that you even had to write this. I'm 25 but know better than to even have a sniff at a 40 or 50 year old.
Of course, my 25 year old boyfriend is an idiot that can't commit. But at the very least, he would never disrespect me as you've shown.
Hope all is well with you flea!
OMG, I'm horrified on your behalf. Those poor, deluded, ignorant kids. What on earth is our world coming to?
Wait, people actually bring their boyfriends to job interview? I need you to turn the detail knob way the hell up on this one.
-peterb
PS: right on about your point #2, also.
speaking as someone whose 20 year old sister is/was/i dunno dating a 42 year old physics professor.....it's so wrong! it's so fucking wrong! he's a creepy jackoff. i am so glad i'm not alone on this one.
there's an enormous, loud woman at an al-anon meeting i attend who reminds me a lot of ms. o'connor. she likes to derail meetings by lecturing (for 20 minutes) newer members (usually women) who are struggling with abusive spouses (usually men) and telling them "alcohol isn't an excuse for not fulfilling your duties to your husband. he comes first, always." funny thing, her husband is a tiny, whipped, spineless man who doesn't fart without her permission.
aside from her, it's a good meeting though.
Geezer checking in to back flea up 100%. No, make that 200%. Although in all honesty, my only experience with someone bringing a partner to an interview was with a young MAN bringing his much younger GIRLFRIEND along. Although I liked her much better than I him, neither got the gig. They were also 25 minutes late. It was insane.
Hell. Handbasket. That's what.
Though I have to say that I had a couple of rounds w/ someone 20 years older, when I was about 17 or 18, and I've never regretted it. He was sex-positive, and it was hugely reinforcing to be around someone who encouraged me to be likewise, and I appreciated the opportunity to practice w/ someone who had a clue what he was doing. And, really, I had to talk him into it, over a period of about a year or so. I also recognize that this was an extremely unusual situation, however, and that Flea's advice is exactly the advice I would give to 19-year-olds, my own experience notwithstanding.
I can imagine lots of reasons why the boyfriend would accompany her *to* the interview (need to go shopping nearby, going to visit a friend in the area, various transportation issues), but I am at a complete loss as to why he wouldn't then *stay outside*. I mean, coming into someone else's interview? Absolutely baffling.
Never had an interviewee bring a significant other to apply for a job, but I did have someone bring his dog. And I don't mean a professional canine companion. His hands (and clothes) were covered in dirt from playing outside with said dog. On the one hand it was a college program hiring for a summer camp, so I was used to very casual interview attire. But I didn't think it was too much to ask to tie the dog up outside and WASH YOUR HANDS before coming to an interview. The sad thing is that the program was short handed so I think we ended up hiring him anyway. Pretty sad, really.
PS: Glad to see you back---we were really getting worried about you. Hopefully things will work out so you can regroup and open a new location....
As an even older geezer (36) I would like to second flea's emotion. I would also like to add a few points myself:
-don't wear jeans to an interview!! I was always taught to dress slightly better than you expect to dress on the job. So even though I get to wear jeans in my line of work, I don't wear them to an interview.
-wear a hat when it's 15 degrees out! Sheesh!
-wear a COAT when it's 15 degrees out! Living in a midwestern college town, I have actually seen groups of young women wearing TANK TOPS when they're out clubbing in the middle of winter! I guess the guys go for patches of dead, white skin nowadays.
-don't use your cell phone in the movie theater. That little animated thing they run before the movie that tells you to shut up, buy popcorn, throw your trash out and turn off your cell phone? That means you. Yes, you too.
Yikes, you got me started. I could go on, but I won't. Glad to see you back, flea.
As one of those 40+ (OK, 40++++++++) males, I have to agree with you on that second point. I look out at a classroom full of 20 year olds every day, and as unflattering as it is to say it, they're children. They aren't tempting at all. When you're all grown up, you're supposed to be interested in people of similar interests and equivalent accomplishments, not someone impressionable but suitably pneumatic.
Any guy fiddling about with someone that much younger is just looking for someone manipulable. And it's creepy.
Words of wisdom from a smart old lady (she's a few years younger than me, but I won't hold that against flea).
Gotta love Woody Allen and Nicolas Cage and their child brides, eh? (Nic's pregnant wife is, like, 20, and I believe he's over 40.) Way to set an example for the other old pervs or guys who'd prefer to be with a girl rather than a woman.
P.S. The "WTF Is Wrong With Kansas" book (wouldn't that be a better title?) is by the other smart liberal dude with two first names, Thomas Frank (not to be confused with baseball player Frank Thomas, or some guy out there who is undoubtedly named Rich Frank).
P.P.S. Glad to have you back at the blog! We missed you.
Shit. I think I need to make some life changes.
Only joking. I'm sorry that there is anyone out there in need of those words of wisdom, and sorrier that they most likely are not ready to hear them. 
But I'm not sorry youre back to the blog, and hilarious as ever!
Amen. I'm old, and flea is right.
On the anal sex thing. It doesn't have to hurt. If it does, you and he are DOING IT WRONG and you should stop until his dumb ass knows what the hell he's doing.
As to the older boyfriend thing, I too know women who did that and it was cool, but if you're gonna go that route, you need to *know* that it is, in the end, only about knocking boots (and yeah, like she said, old people are *probably* better at that then kids), and nothing, nothing else.
And on job interviews? D-U-H.
Awesome post. This 19 year old woman thanks you for your brutal honesty. But after hanging around my sister-in-laws for a few years, I kind of already had a determination to avoid--at all costs--immature, jerkish men who do nothing but waste your time, money, emotions, and space in your bed. Sadly, at the rate things are going in my life in regards to men, I'll probably remain single and a virgin/celibate for a long time. A guy wanting to keep fucking you in your ass even though it hurts you and he doesn't care?!!! What a selfish bastard! >:-(
Oh, my word, I dated a 20 year old for a year or so (I turn 34 at the end of this week, so not quite 20 years, but close enough).. I swear, I thought he had it all together! After it ended, what I think about the event, mostly, is "Wow, how incredibly immature and annoying (and bad in bed)."
I was that person and it was fun to brag to friends about, but not worth it, in the end.
Though, it was the first guy I ever dated who didn't try to be controlling with me, which was pretty nice. I'll be looking for both, from now on, though: my age and non-controlling.
1) Agreed, unless he lets you strap one on and fuck him in the ass.
2) Agreed, as a 40 year old man the idea of dating a 19 year old is in the same part of my brain that says I should take out a $600 a month car payment on a Porsche, even though my family can't afford it. It's a messed up part of my brain that also encourages me to watch Extreme Maximum Challenge on Spike TV.
3) This is a very insane world, but I suppose if I were a young woman interviewing for a job at a sex toy store I can think of any number of reasons to bring someone along.
1) If a boyfriend threatens to cheat on you unless you perform any specific sex act, he doesn't love you.
2) If you're a 40 year old woman, be advised that 19 year old men aren't any better in bed than they were when you were 19, which is a pity, because they tend to have boundless energy. But nothing explains Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.
3) And don't bring a parent to a job interview, even if they drove you and insist on coming in with you and hitting on the assistant manager, all the while interrupting you when the manager is trying to find out which one of you is actually applying for a job... [My offspring got to witness this at his former place of employment and listen to the manager and assistant manager discuss it in less than flattering terms...]
1) Yeah, and women who tolerate men who insist on 3-ways aren't doing themselves any favors, either.
2) Not only do I wonder about men who can't handle women their own age, I wonder about the women...I don't know about you, but I couldn't...erm...with a man, until I was about 21. Which makes me think, joke's on them, these teenybopper girls are faking!
3) I think people think that just because a job is unconventional, they can act like the freaks they are during interviews and run on "hippie time".
My hat's off to you, F. You speaketh the truth...!
-Geezer-in-training
True story: We were interviewing for a position in my office and one guy shows up for the interview 30 minutes late. One question we always ask is "What is a situation you had at work you thought could have gone better?" This guy goes into a twenty minute diatribe about how he stalked this woman for a year and then she reported him and had him demoted and sent to a different department. He even went as far as saying "I'll get her yet."
Afterward, I'm saying: That was a total waste of time, like we would hire someone that was 30 minutes late.
But my supervisor said that she felt sorry for him and thought that deep down, he just needed a place to fit in.
Yeah, like...PRISON.
NIIIIIICE to have you back flea... top form girl, even with your advanced years, i hope there's noone like you around in ten years time when i'm dating 19 year olds and justifying it to myself and to my disgusted looking friends (if i have any left by then) x
Why is it the men most determined to bag a kid young enough to be their daughter are all men who can't get a date with a woman their own age?
Most of the people in my circle are in their 30's, but there's one sad, desperate 48 year old man who tells us EVERY TIME HE SEES US that people think he's barely 30. This is the same man who also tells us in great detail how much money he's spent on his unconvincing hair implants, how awful it is his teeth are falling out, and just what horrors await us in varicose vein surgery. But no one can tell he's a day past 30. He won't even consider dating a woman within ten years of his age - and recently asked me if a 24 year old acquaintance was single. *shudder*
Me, I'm loving my 30's. My friends in their 40's assure me the next decade gets even better. I really have to wonder what's gone wrong in these guys lives to make them hate being thier own age.
I was one of those young women mentioned in #2.
18, dating a 36-year-old. Eventually we broke up because the man twice my age was just too emotionally immature for me. I came to my senses and realized that at 18, I should occasionally get to be the immature one in my relationships.
Sometimes older men can be fun...like when you date them and then decide you want someone more mature. Hmmm...
What's even MORE fun is when your friends tell you so-and-so, who's in his forties, is going to ask you out and you're in your early twenties. Ewww. Then he acts really hurt and upset because your friends told him your reaction to try to encourage him from not asking you out.
So sad. So very funny.
You all might appreciate this - somebody linked to this post, and in his comments section a man got mortally offended by suggestion number two. His comment was that I was just like Dr. Laura.
I beg to differ. There are no topless photos of *me* on the internet, thank you very much!
And I'm sure you're a damn sight better lookin' than Dr. Laura...!
Yeah, I ran across that comments section this afternoon, and I was wondering what the hell got his panties in a bunch. it was passing strange, because I'd read your post, and the response to it was to some other post he had in his head, so far as I could tell. Or maybe he had the post somewhere else. Or his head.
#1 Nobody should be hurting anybody during sex unless it's explicitly asked for
#2 I dated a guy older than my dad for a while. Bad bad idea - especially when we went to dinner and the waiter told him what a cute granddaughter he had and tried to get my phone #. THEN we ran into my parents as we were kissing at the cab station. I don't know who was more horrified - my dad because I was with this guy or my date because my dad looked so much younger.
#3 I had a woman show up for an interview with her baby. She then proceeded to breast feed IN THE LOBBY before the interview. Needless to say, it was a very short interview! Oh yeah - I was working at a boys summer day camp at the time!
I wish I'd read advice like that when i was 19. But then, I wouldn't have listened...
Women actually brought their boyfriends to interviews at your store? I've never heard of that. I guess the real reason he was tagging along was so that he could yell "AWWW SHIT!" about your products.
As a woman who was 19 and dated men twice her age, I can attest from life experience that you are dead-on right. The guys were losers.
Re dating 40-year olds when you're 19, you're generally right; at the time, I realized that if you're meshing at that age, you're clearly maturing at different rates, and should outgrow him within weeks.
That said, I just found out that the one ex-40-year-old from that period that I kept in touch with has pancreatic cancer. While conceding all you say about such men, I'm a lot more upset about this than I expected to be.
If you are 16, you certainly don't want to date someone in his forties. Take it from me, there is an ulterior motive somewhere - and being 'too old' for someone at 17 does nothing for your self-image in your twenties.
Oh, Molly, I'm sorry. Of course it's understandable that you're upset. Men who date young women aren't the best guys on earth, but they're certainly not the worst, either. Nobody should be unconcerned that your ex is hurting like that.
Elly,
Your point number three is half off. Bringing the baby is a little unusual, and makes it hard on the interviewer because family life is the sort of thing you are not normally allowed to ask questions about.
The breast-feeding in the lobby, however, is no big deal. When baby has to eat, baby has to eat. Most women are pretty discrete, and most people are polite enough to ignore the occasional flashed nipple as baby latches on.
Flea, I actually used your example number three in class yesterday when talking about learned behavior and social norms. It worked well - thanks for the story.
I whole-heartedly agree with Thing One & Thing Two - and I would have listened had anybody told me those things when I was that age. Married for almost 10 years to a man 14 years older than me (But he's "so together"!), I'm glad to be rid of him and his "Anal sex hurts you because you won't relax" jerk-ass idiocy.
... not that I have an opinion about it or anything.
Commenting by HaloScan
