Comments Lounge
(Holy shit! Am I first?? Crap, now I feel all this pressure.) I love that you're sticking with your principles on this one, Flea. The sex industry - every single facet of it - is a difficult one in which to operate and still stick to your guns on what you believe. I also never realized that you and Steve specifically set out to open a sex toy business. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that you WOULD, I guess I thought you just somehow fell? into it. Don't ask me. Just another thing that I think is incredibly cool about you guys. And you're absolutely right about the racial aspect of the sex biz. When I was working as a dancer, I noticed that the white girls had all kinds of options when it came to personas - The Blonde Bunny, The Goth Chick, etc - but the black girls pretty much had to play the Bling Ho (sorry, but that's pretty much what it was) or they didn't make any money at all. I'lll stop rambling now....sorry.
Keep an eye on the work of Mireille Miller-Young - she has a PhD in History from NYU and wrote a dissertation called "'A Taste for Brown Sugar': The History of Black Women in American Pornography," which I'm pretty sure is being turned into a book. She's also written a few pieces for $pread magazine (and elsewhere, though more academic stuff) on the subject, and is really super smart.
Flea, is there a general price cutoff we can use to easily distinguish between the good stuff and the bad stuff? If we want quality, do we shoot for anything with a price that's at least average for its category? Or the top 25% of the price range? Just a general ballpark idea would be handy. (People love to shop during sales, you know.)
As a gay male, i find their is a dearth of materials in honeysuckle for me.
As a queer male, i find their is a dearth of materials in porn for me.
i just want cuddling.
flea, you have restored my faith in humanity. I love that you are sticking to your principles. I had an opportunity to go to a toy party this weekend, and I kept thinking that I'd want to buy from you if I was going to buy anything, so I didn't go. Now I know I was right. I want to support businesses like yours. I want to support people like you.
Screw the Christmas shopping... I'm placing an order! :D
Thanks for this article! It was really enlightening.
I had actually been wondering why your shop, like so many sex positive shops, was still carrying the occassional low quality toy (like the pthalate-containing jelly butt plugs that you mentioned). I couldn't figure it out since the presence of high quality silicone toys made me assume you must be knowledgeable about the different materials.
I had been debating e-mailing you about this very thing, but kept hesitating thinking surely you must already know about the problems with some of the lower quality materials.
This economic reason explains a tonne to me. Of course! I stick to silicone toys myself, but I also don't end up buying that many because they last almost forever. Whereas in the days before I knew better, I was always replacing burned out or broken down toys.
Thanks again for this peek into the issues of your industry!
I have a request. You give such good toy/product advice here in the blog. And often, I read it, nod along, and forget it because I'm not currently in the market for whatever you're writing about.
It would be really great if you could have a FAQ on the shop's site - and maybe you do - that contained a lot of this useful stuff, like:
- things you especially recommend
- best quality materials, companies, DVDs for people who like X, or whatever.
That way, when I later realize that I absolutely must have a whosiwhatsit, I know what the best choice might be, because I know that you've done all of this research and I trust your recommendations. Thanks!
Flea,
Have you heard about this yet? http://www.wired.com/news/
cultur...tory_page_prev2
Anyway, good for you for sticking with your principles, even if it loses you some money. It just seems like it wouldn't even be worth being in business for yourself if you had to compromise your ideals to the point that you lost sleep =/ I plan to purchase from you soon - I wanted to right now but I am overseas and going to move back to the US so it just seems easier to wait until I get back. =)
Sarahlynn, I was just thinking the very same thing.
While we're making requests, I think a way to search by material would be cool. Right now some of the toys don't seem to have any info one way or another about what they are made out of.
Then again, some of the toys definitely do, so maybe I'm just not looking in the right place.
Ye gods. I bought my first (and, as of now, only) vibrator at Spencer's Gifts for ten bucks. I can only imagine what it's made of. That article made me cringe at the thought of what I'm sticking up me. Thank you for the link!
*shudder*
YEAH FLEA!
As a white woman, married to a black man, I understand the issues of trying to find some interracial materials that are , well, Nice. And this isn't just an issue in the sex industry, but in everything. Try to find your daughter a "play house" family that comes with a family that looks like yours? Or role models of strong black men that are excellent fathers and husbands? No Gangstalicious, thank you.
You hit it on the nose. Money. Money, Money.
YES! As the previous owner of a business (decidedly less interesting than yours - it was a computer consulting firm) everyone, and I mean EVERYONE we dealt with wanted it for free. What do you MEAN I have to pay to get you to come out here on Christmas/Easter/Yom Kippur to have you fix my very old, very crappy pc that you suggested I replace, at less cost to me than it would cost to fix this one? No! I want it ALL for free! I am totally familiar with the mental state that allows people to think that they deserve shit for nothing. Doesn't mean I get it tho.
Having just received a wonderful toy in the mail (Yay Rabbits!) I can attest to the higher dollar stuff being worth the splurge. My Dainty Bits deserve the good stuff.
I wonder if people just have trouble justifying the expense? I mean, this is by and large a society that equates sex with sin, and expense with significance. So it's less of a sin to play with sex toys if you spend next to nothing on them. Not that there isn't sh*tload of folks out there who want everything for free.
Great post and interesting comments. Are you classifying Asian and Hispanic actors as "white" or are there similar issues, or maybe just no market in your neighborhood for those varieties of porn? I've noticed an improvement in movies and TV towards offering more varied roles for minorities and women, but maybe the porn industry is a little more conservative this way.
I would just like to say I went to a toy party a few months ago by a surprisingly popular mass vendor.
I couldn't believe the cheap crap they were selling and how they tried to mask that the materials might not be so great for you. Like the jelly rubber toys (without saying those should be used with condoms) and the pills that are supposed to make you want sex. I don't understand how a woman could sell another woman something that could be blatantly bad for her body.
I guess it really comes down to who wants to capitalize on women and who wants to empower them.
Thanks for being one of the good guys!! You are super!
1. One justification for buying the cheapo shit is that, if one doesn't know whether one is going to enjoy a particular toy or type of toy, it's cheaper to do it that way. And if the response is OH yeah, then sure, spend on the better quality model.
2. While you may lose business from some people for your principles, rest assured that you gain business from others of us--we're not much with the toy-buying in our household, and, frankly, funds are a bit tight right now (unemployment will do that to you), but I'd go to you first, last, and only for such purchases.
3. I second the "give me some recommendations/guidance" request above. This would be especially helpful w/r/t DVDs.
These are a lot of questions! I'll address them in another post.
Thank you!
I wonder if the racism in porn is strictly an American phenomenon. My British friend insists that black/white racism doesn't exist over there like it does here. (Indian-Anglo racism though, is a whole other story). Can you get German or British porn with actors of many colors?
So you know, Honeysuckle is my only destination for toys, and just the other day I recommended it to a friend who has never owned a vibe. And I live for the bath products. (But it was interesting to try explaining to my mom just where I got that awesome pumpkin pie face mask)
There are so many levels that we can all appreciate you on. (that was an ugly sentence, but I think you know what I mean).
The line in Clueless was about virginity, but I think it applies here: "You know how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet." If there's a drawback, it's that the high-quality stuff lasts longer and doesn't need to be replaced as often.
What I'd like to see, as someone who lives in a state where there are no friendly women-positive shops and doesn't want to have to wait until the next trip to a city like Seattle or NYC, is...reasonable shipping. My version of reasonable shipping may not be your version of reasonable shipping, but having done enough eBay and other web-based sales, both in the state I currently live in and other states in the US, I can estimate a ballpark postage figure for most items. My recent purchase from your shop (a high-quality silcone item, arrived quickly, thank you!) came in a small cardboard box and I'm glad I had the discount, which pretty much meant free shipping. I bought a very small, very light item. The same item could have been mailed in a padded envelope, First Class, for less than $2. It could have been sent USPS Priority with delivery confirmation for less than $5. I got it USPS Priority, so postage was $3.85. The shipping and handling charge, though, was $10.75, as based on the total of my purchase. I don't like being "punished" on shipping if I buy more, and I don't like being "punished" for living outside the continental US, or using a PO box. I don't like to turn away from making a purchase because the shipping and handling is going to drive it out of my budget - something which happens regularly, not just with your site, and I've seen much crazier shipping fees (like $23 for an 8 oz, $11 item - $23! What were they going to pack it in? Titanium?). I understand that you may have to calculate your shipping and handling charges with a formula that does not intend to make a customer wonder if a small toy is really going to be worth it after the s/h charge is added on.
What I'd also like to see would be more extensive reviewing, and multiple photos from different angles, which has served me well on other, similar sites. I've spent $70+ on a "quality" toy (elsewhere), only to find that it's likely to be little used by me because it's got idiosyncracies like being made out of a safe, washable, sterilizable material, but designed in such a way that you have to be really careful not to get part of it wet while you wash it, or a cheap plastic, easily broken battery casing cover. Things that not everyone might be thinking about, true, but what do you do with a used sex toy that you don't want? Not the sort of thing one would send to the charity shop, I would think.
We calculate our shipping prices in a similar way to most of the other online sex toy stores, by price of the item rather than weight. This includes not only the price of the shipment but all the materials we use as well. Due to the size of the store itself, which is very, very small, we only have three box sizes.
Most of the time this system seems to work out to everyone's mutual satisfaction, but obviously sometimes it doesn't.
I'm happy you received your order so quickly, and thank you for shopping with us, and for your comments.
Lex Steele?
1.) People wanting stuff for free: yep. I was doing a site for a woman who'd already whittled my price down to a fraction of the already discounted figure I offered, when I brought up the issue of updates. "How much?" (Reasonable figure in response) "Well, I'll just do it myself. I'll need you to show me how."
For free, of course. Gah.
2.) This contrast between quality and public demand reminds me of the movie Big Night. Sad sad sad. I'm glad you're dodging the fate of Primo and Secondo without getting sucked into a life of Pascal. Didja see it?
A couple of things here.
First, big kudos for sticking up for your principles, and knowing where you have to compromise (stocking cheap stuff) and where you should never compromise (removal of the gay rights rainbow sticker just to satisfy a few uptights).
Second, I do wish more people did what I did. I buy a fair amount of amateur art, especially freelance and commissioned pieces. Artists have the same problem you do; people want it all for nothing, or for much much less then its worth. But I have a few rules: 1) I never ask for artistic freebies. Period. 2) I get commissions from friends and folks I care about. 3) I always pay what I can, even if it is more then they ask for. Because they are worth supporting.
Best of luck in your business.
Flea,
I just put an order in a few days ago; it was my very first vibrator purchase for myself. (I gave a cheapie as a gag gift once, and received some from an ex while we were dating.) I can state very firmly that your principles gained you business, in this case. And I will, and have, referred friends to you. It's nice to shop someplace that doesn't feel skeevy.
Thank you!
I am on the mailing list for a major toy distributor and everytime I get a catalog from them, I laugh (especially at the "this is your last catalog ever" one. That was 3 catalogs ago). They may be cheaper than you but they don't go into the detail that you do, they don't have an email bag and take the time to address concerns, they don't have hysterical stories about people trying to return used vibrators and they don't seem to have any principles.
I bought one vibrator from you that lasted quite some time as opposed to the ones from them that I bought extras of, because I knew they would break down. It just died two weeks ago (just in time for the sale).
Thank you for being you, flea. We appreciate it.
"Sure, we've got lots of better stuff, stuff that we highly recommend over shotglasses shaped like dicks, and we'll tell you all about it. But it's not good business sense to tell the public they don't want to drink a slippery nipple out of a ceramic penis shotglass when dammit, yes, they do."
Flea, well done. As someone who's run a computer shop into the ground, I know exactly (well, at least in an allegorical sense) how this feels. And it's always piddling over five or ten bucks or something here or there. Yes, we can get you cheap-ass [compnoent] with no warranty for $35. Yes, the name-brand stuff with a lifetime, manufacturer's warranty is $42. I realize that's $7 more. Holy shit, people.
That was an excellent rant. I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with the same stuff, though. Ugh. Customers.
Back when you mentioned Pirates on your blog I started thinking, "I should get that." Then a few weeks later my husband said to me, "Maybe we could get some videos to watch together... but I don't know which ones" to which, of course, I replied "Pirates!"
So I ordered it, it arrived, and we watched it. However, I've got to wonder how the industry can move on to accept people of all colors when they're so focused on blondes. It seems to me that a few more brunettes might be a good first step 
(Pirates is really the only porn I've watched, and its probably not representative of the whole industry, but I have an inexplicable dislike of blondes so I've picked up on it.)
Flea, I recall you once said something about better shipping rates to Canada if we didn't order directly through the website but instead . . . I forget. Phoned? Emailed? I'd prefer to give you my business, but I can't quite get my head around the int'l shippign charge mentioned.
WolfAngel, e-mail me.
flea, it would be cool to have a list of recommended vibes that are safe for the latex-allergic!
Yes I am constantly concerned about the amount of trouble the public will go to to make sure they are right.
It never really matters that they are sending someone else to the poorhouse in the process. Ho Hum
G
Randy Blue
I am a young, Bi, Black woman in college, and I must say- I love your blog! I applaud you for sticking to your principles and I wish you much luck in your future endeavors!
Sex toys is a great business to get into and i wish you the best in your business venture.
I have a solution for the people that are expressing their dislike for the
"crappy porn movies" that are being made: Take a film class learn the craft of film making, put it to good use, Raise seed money to make an epic adult movie (that is quality), Host a casting call, hire actress and actors, film crews (jobs for people!),
and get on with the film production!
(There should be a rule: no sexual harrassment and every one behave like ladies and gentle men). 
You should see some of the other sex toys out on the market at the moment. I particularly like the "Lovin Ladyboy" :P
Commenting by HaloScan
