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Omigosh, I feel all honored and stuff! Off to laugh my ass off at the comments that were added to the original post. Kids = good comedy. ;^)
wait, we get to vote now? i pick the first one, with the underpants-less server.
So many wonderful stories to choose from! I don't envy you or Steve at all!
I like Sasha(with no "c")'s story, #7, and it has nothing to do w/ her name! 
That story cracks me right up!
7.) Sasha and the Blowjob for sheer embarrassment factor.
Although the Jelly beans comes in a close second for being something her daughter will never be allowed to forget!
Sasha and the blowjob - I mean really, is there any question??
I can't believe the "Jesus is a Radical Fairy" story didn't make the final cut. I don't think I've ever busted out laughing so hard!
I vote for jellybeans. I just recounted the tale last night on the way to dinner, spotting some jellybeans on the sidewalk. I think the jellybeans looked the way they did because it had rained, but one never knows where those jellybeans have been.
"Hang on, Jesus" is my second-favorite of these.
JELLYBEANS!
Jellybeans! The friends throwing jellybeans at the wedding years later put me over the top on that one.
All of them are awesome, and the jellybeans and the no-underwear server are excellent, but "I'm a horse!" makes me laugh out loud every time. So that's my vote.
no underpants gets my vote. Although 2-5 are all so close.
I vote for Jellybeans
Gotta be jellybeans. My whole family read all the finalists out loud, and that was the one that FINISHED us. Whoo, lawsy. I'm still laughing .
I cannot decide between 3 & 4. If forced to decide I think Hang on Jesus is my favorite. But I can picture the shock of hearing "what's in the box?" at graveside and it slays me.
Definitely the Jesus Coaster. Best. Story. Ever.
#5, jellybeans, for the follow-through.
I really love the jelly beans story but Hang on Jesus makes me laugh and also change the words to Hang on Sloopy in my head. You just know I'm going to start singing that out loud and get some really weird looks.
Jellybeans, all the way. That's the one I found the funniest even reading the original collection.
Jesus coaster.
Absolutely.
Holy crap that is comedy.
Jesus-coaster, indeed! LOL!
Jellybeans, hands down! And I'd LOVE to have heard her trying to explain being showered with them on her wedding day to some elderly relative of the groom! 
I started to post that I wish MY kids were this amusing, but I changed my mind!
So much goodness! *g* Tough decision, but I'm going to have to go with the jelly beans. The jelly beans at the wedding put it over the top!
I was tempted by jellybeans and by the blowjob story, but for the combo of concise and offbeat, I have to go with "hang on, jesus!"
Jesus-Coaster, hands down!!
Jesus Coaster for me, too (though I'm torn... I can't stop laughing about the Server with no underpants story and the Jellybean story either).
#3 all the way.
They're all truly funny, but I vote for #3, "what's in the box." I'm still laughing about it, and I hope to Spinning Jesus on a Rosary that something that funny happens at my funeral. Assuming that ever happens, of course.
i know it's not the most embarassing, but "Hey, what's in the box?" had me in tears I was laughing so hard.
Jesus-coaster, for sure...
I was tempted to vote for the cheater, but, in the end, there's nothing like interuppting the sanctity of Mass with an outburst like that....
I'm voting jellybeans, but it was a tough choice.
These stories are all just so damn funny.
I love for Jesus coaster - if I ever get back inside a church, I will probably spend my time thinking about that instead of checking out the hair of the person in front of me.
Jelly beans hands down,if for no other reason than the visual image.
I think blowjob, no-underpants, and 'drinking problem' have the most sheer parental squinge. Though really, how can you choose?
Jesus coaster. I laugh out loud again every time I read it.
Glad to see my sister's everlasting mortification is bringing some laughs. (Maybe I should tell her I posted it online)
I love the horse/toilet paper story. These are all hilarious.
omg, this is tough.
-mommy don't drink: will probably happen to me someday.
-horse = hilarity
-don't touch me: most embarrassing.
but yeah, jelly beans. I was surprised that the mom in question could only think of shaking her baby...I would've thought Bathtime!! And have the kid hold the washcloth...The follow through to the wedding makes it the bestest, as this means the girl learned to appreciate the joke too.
The jelly beans have my vote, barely edging out the melting nipples.
I vote for the Jesus Coaster!
#3 and #4 still crack me up the most.
hehe
5.) Janny Dare and her Damn Jellybeans get's my vote.
I'm surprised the well-dressed vibrator and Radical Fairy Jesus didn't make the final cut.
However, my choices are:
Winner -- Jellybeans
1st Runner Up -- Commando Waitress
2nd Runner Up -- Blowjob
I loved 5 , now I cant wait to give my daughter her 1st Easter basket
I loved all of these but 5 made me luagh so hard I almost peed colors myself
OMG these are freaking funny , I thought Jelly beans was the cutest
Blowjob and jelly beans-tough choice.
steve
See? It's not easy, is it? Every time I go back and read some of the others, I regret not putting them all in the top twelve.
Hang on Jesus!
5.) Janny Dare and her Damn Jellybeans - way funny! Did the mother of the bride tell that one at the reception? Haha
I'm kinda surprised Barbie vibrator didn't make the cut either. Hell, I am gonna dress my vibrator up just for grins! (maybe in Bratz attire!)
Hang on Jesus (with "what's in the box a close second").
My vote is Winner--#5, "Damn Jellybeans", with #4, "Jesus Coaster" a very close second.
Thanks everyone who was brave enough to send in your family stories, because they ALL cracked me up!
As a lapsed Catholic who can imagine the family and other churchgoers' horror, I'm going to go with (4)
I vote for "hey mom, what's in the box?"
I vote for the Jelly Beans.
Jellybeans forever!
In fact, I don't think I'll ever look at a jellybean the same way again.
It would have been between jellybeans and commando, but boy, the throwing jellybeans at the wedding certainly put it ahead. Those are some great friends, there.
I agree, Jellybeans takes it thanks to the wedding.
#4. All of them were funny, but that one made me laugh out loud.
Oh come on. The only reason the jelly beans was such a big deal is cuz the mom freaked out and couldn't think of anything better to do than threaten the poor child. Yes, the follow up makes it a good story, but I much prefer the ones that are about something the kid actually says.
For sheer mortification, I would have to say drinking problem.
However, I think I'm gonna have to vote for the commando waitress, such a three-year-old classic!
It was close with Jesus roller coaster, though, which definitely cracks me up too.
I'm going to have to go with no. 7 - for me, the mortification factor in that one is a touch ahead of "Hang on, Jesus!" (which was my other choice).
Number nine, with commando waitress as honorable mention, just because of the sheer humiliation. I figure any embarassing child moment that includes a possible risk of arrest gets extra points just for that.
Still hanging onto "Hey, What's in the box?".
Kinda disappointed that " There's an ugly man in there" didn't make the cut.
I like the followup to Jellybeans, but Commando Waitress had me really laughing out loud, with tears and everything. Gotta go with that.
WOW. My friend just sent me the link today, and I spent an entire gorgeous Sunday afternoon (rare here in the UK this summer) reading these and laughing out loud. My housemates now think I'm completely mad.
Thank you, everyone - they are BRILLIANT.
I've sent the link on to all my friends, several of whom are Catholic priests...can't wait to see them at mass tomorrow. And I'm taking my rosary... (Wonder if I can get Jesus to hit the priest in the middle of the homily??)
Argh, it would have been a tough choice for me between the vibrator and Radical fairy. Erm, erm...it's between Jesus coaster and blowjob now, with...blowjob eking it out, I think.
Right, time for bed on this side of the pond. But first, I'm going to go dress up my vibrator in GI Joe clothes...
Flea, thanks for running the contest. I needed that laugh more than I can say.
Ixx
My vote is for the jellybean story (#5). That has had me in stiches all week. The Jesus Coaster is a close second, though!
5.) Janny Dare and her Damn Jellybeans
I'm still laughing over that one
Gotta go with the blowjob story, though melting nipples is a close second and the horse story is a close third.
Jellybeans. It was so hard to pick but that's the one that makes me laugh obnoxiously loud, so jellybeans.
Jellybeans, all the way. I love the wedding day kicker!
Jesus Coaster is still cracking me up. The hubby votes for the blowjob. BIG SURPRISE there!
Number 5, the jelly beans.
Jesus Coaster.
The jelly beans slayed me!
Hang on Jesus! You're going for a ride.
Oh my god this is killing me. I wish I'd been there
Jesus coaster is awesome.
On a side note, you know how during communion prep, they sometimes ring bells in Catholic mass? As a 3-yr-old, I would yell "Telephone!" every time I heard the bells. My parents had to remove me from church several times because of this.
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