Comments Lounge
Please! Let us not stereotype!
I am white, and I do not do mayonnaise. I know two white guys who also will not eat the mayo—though our feelings about ketchup and mustard lack uniformity.
My husband and his family, they're not white. (Nor black.) And yet, they love the mayonnaise, they do.
Read this post 10 minutes ago and am still LOL.
I may be white, but the only way I EVER eat 'white death' is if is cleverly disguised in egg salad, chicken salad or tuna salad (which I used to call 'glorified cat food' until some time in my late 20s).
And I could NEVER get my friends who had VERY strong opinions about Miracle Whip vs Hellman's vs Kraft...wtf? It all tastes like crap, and smells worse!
Wow - does this make me an honorary person of color? Cool!
Ah. More great stuff.
I LOVE the stuff, and often slather it on my ham sandwiches.
You know, in Mexico, they use it a lot, or at least my grandma does. It's great on fried eggs, and beans, and in soup...
Great stuff all around.
Also, I've been trying to read your blog from the very beginning, I started with your very first post, and am now up to December of 2003. I'm completely addicted.
Just to keep spreading the cultural stereotyping around: you know who has nothing on white people in the mayo department? The Japanese. Pizza! With mayonnaise! Sushi! With mayonnaise!
Not that I'm immune to the stuff. Best sandwich that I (white girl) ever had contained roughly equal parts bread and mayonnaise. And in fourth grade, my friend (white girl) would eat the stuff out of the jar with a spoon.
I haven't had Hellman's since I discovered my egg allergy, and I miss it. I love it on BLTs. And I used to eat it plain on bread, too. I also used to put it on spaghetti. Just a touch.
That was awesome. I'm sorry (glad) that that happened to you, because all I can picture is a rolling jar of mayo and the ensuing "Did that just happen?" on everyone's face.
I do enjoy the mayo on a BLT and in potato salad. And on my fries. Ugh - who am I?
Whitey-white person here, and mayo's not for me. I call it "Satan's Sperm."
My husband is a slave to the mayo as well. Come to think of it, so was my first husband (he probably still loves it). I grew up Jewish so mayo was kind of a goyische thing to us, we used it of course (mostly in tuna salads) but it wasn't the condiment of choice. Of course, I'll take it any day over stuff like *ugh* Marmite. Seriously. I'm married to an Englishman who loves his Marmite. I think I'll go cry now.
yeah, i'm a whitey mcwhiterson, and mayo is only good for eggsalad/tuna sandwiches (and only enough to make it slightly moist), and a little on a blt or a chicken sandwich. miracle whip is an okay substitute for the eggsalad.
but otherwise, no thank you. it scares me.
I hate mayo and all mayo-related items.
I am white but have always preferred 'Salad Dressing' - especially in tuna salad, potato salad, blt's. Maybe I had a distant discerning relative.
You know, for years I claimed not to like mayonnaise.
Then I started dating a Minnesota food snob, who unapologetically loves it, and I finally felt free to confess that I like it, too. So there.
(And I firmly believe that everyone here claiming not to like mayonnaise is LYING. To us, and to themselves.)
That said, the Sushi! With mayonnaise!
thing mentioned up above is scary. Unless it's a totally inauthentic handroll with crispy tempura bits, that is.
Speaking of mayo, has anybody but us noticed that good old Hellman's/Best Foods mayo just doesn't taste like it used to? Can anybody reccommend a mayo that tastes like mayo, short of getting Alton Brown's recipe off Food Network and making it at home?
Canadians are the worst mayonnaise abusers I've ever seen. They put it on burgers and french fries.
WHAT ?
I'm white and I spend my time scraping it off things....
Quick, flea, go check out Kawaii Not today. (When the link expires, it's cartoon #161).
I will not eat mayonnaise. Or any other condiment. These substances are not food; they are contaminants. I won't eat anything they've touched.
And I'm white. (Mostly.)
But what are your feelings on hot sauce?
"...I find it to be an effective lubricant for macaroni, egg, or potato salad."
Flea, I am totally in awe of your knowledge of lubricants, but never have I had to follow one of your lube-proclamations with the exhortation: BUT WHAT ABOUT TUNA!? WHAT ABOUT TUNA!!
The fact you overlooked tuna salad stings 
But after hearing of your attempt at entering the 32nd Annual National Mayo Roll-Off, I guess we'll let it slide!
Mayo fun fact: Here in California, it's not called 'Hellman's'. it's 'Best Foods'.
http://www.bestfoods.com/default.aspx
An obvious attempt at creating an alternate universe on the part of the San Francisco Liberals. Or something. I'm sure it amounts to hating America, though.
This makes my entire month. Year? Carrying around a giant jar of mayo = comedy gold. Could you please start taking it to work, too? Whip it out in the breakroom at lunchtime, to stunned staring. Take a pratfall as you pass the same coworkers' cubes, letting the mayo roll out until it comes to a rest against a recycling bin. The possibilities are endless.
The comments by the pretentious white yankees above really irritate me. I'm sure they have a similar "abhorrence" for other cheap, bland, nutritionless foods, and wow, that really makes one special. I bet they "don't eat" white bread, either. What a barrel of laughs they'd be at my favorite BBQ joint or pharmacy (whose lunch-counter serves up fresh homemade mayo-laden sandwiches on the white bread - your choice of an egg salad, chicken salad, or a pimento cheese).
Anybody with any sense at all understands that mayo & hot sauce* are both indisputably indispensable; the only remaining question is how much of each to use on any given ingredient or dish. For instance, chicken: equally suitable for either mayo or hot sauce, IMO.
*no, pretentious yankees, not some Legitimate Ethnic Regional sauce, an heirloom organic chile pepper infusion, or one of those cartoon-labeled Howlin' Habanero dare-sauces you all thought were so entertaining in the 90s. We're talking the kitchen basics - Louisiana, Texas Pete, and red and green Tabasco. You will find them in your spice cabinet, open but unrefrigerated, next to the Tony Chachere's/Luzianne's/Konriko's creole salt.
Appropriate Chick-Fil-A classic sandwich condiments, from L-R:
Tabasco, Texas Pete, Mayo
http://i11.photobucket.com/
album...cken_fixins.jpg
SEE?
They're not exactly Japanese, but California Rolls have mayo in them. Aioli is nice. I bored my daughter slightly by telling her the story of Napoleon and mayonnaise. She prefers her food plain. She makes a disgusted face if anyone even says the word ketchup.
This "pretentious Yankee" loves deli/diner food, Tater Tots, and PB&J; also deep-dish pizza and hot dogs with everything. Not a very sophisticated palate.
Now I'm wondering why I'm even taking the time to defend myself from you, funnie. 'Cause you're so much more real and genuine than this superficial Yank.
Mayonnaise is disgusting, but Miracle Whip? Ahhhhhh, delightful. I'm going to go make deviled eggs right now.
My husband is addicted to hot sauce, and he's not only white, he's from Wyoming.
I wondered that too, ginjoint! 
Funnily enough, my experience has been exactly opposite. I am a white person who loathes mayo, for starters. And, back when I worked at a fast-food joint as a teen, all of us behind-the-counter folks had a series of running jokes about how we could determine the ethnicity and/or age and gender of the customer by what they ordered.
Like, only women ordered ice tea, older folks drank Coke, etc etc. And if someone wanted extra mayo on a sandwich? They were either black (any age) or white (middle-aged or older). I kid you not.
However, that was in California, so perhaps the mayonnaise demographics were different?
No fair! Coffee spit on keyboard! Rib cramps! That was fantastic. Thank you.
Check this out -- Tabasco Mayo. I also recommend the soy sauce; it has an excellent kick.
Here's a better link to the Tabasco Mayo.
We are a two-jar family. Spouse (Polish/German ethnic heritage) eats only Hellman's mayo, while I (German/assorted British Isles) am strictly a Miracle Whip girl.
Although in recent years, Spouse and I have come to the conclusion that the creeping ubiquity of corn syrup as a sweetener has screwed up the taste of both.
funnie, you're not. You're simply obnoxious. Way to take something fun and turn it into some sort of bizarre class issue. I'm done with this stupidity.
I knew someone in college who put mayo on asparagus. It was good, too.
I'm with Sarahlynn. Mayo sucks, but the Miracle Whip is Divine. We go through an entire jar at Thanksgiving just with the leftover turkey sandwiches.
1/2 White, 1/2 Asian chick here:
I had to harbor my love of Miracle Whip secretly as a child because my mother was so opposed to it. The only time I got it was when I visited my grandmother, who was, sadly, several states away. However, later in life, I owned up to it and bought my very own jar, but it really didn't taste as amazing it did in my memory. That comment about the insidious spread of corn syrup into everything may answer the question of What Went Wrong, though!
That said, I've always, ALWAYS loved Hellman's/Best Foods mayo. I tell the deli guy to put it on BOTH SIDES of my BLT, and use it to dip my veggies in (I learned that trick from my Japanese grandparents). Green beans, tomatoes, broccoli, asparagus (as mentioned above), artichokes -- these things all taste better when dunked in mayo!
And, omg, I think I'm going to spend the rest of the night on kawaiinot.com. Woo hoo!
Just thinking about mayo makes me want to vomit.
I had to read your story and internally visualize a jar of something else (marshmallow fluff, perhaps?) in order to be able to enjoy it and not barf.
Also white, and by the way, funnie, total southerner with the most downhome palate you're likely to meet. But mayo? Gaggggggg...
I definitely prefer hot sauce (the real thing, Tabasco, though I also enjoy Cholula, which is probably considered pretty poncey). And barbecue. And the condiment which sits at the right hand of the Good Lordene herself, RANCH DRESSING.
My Indian roommate has an unnatural obsession with jam, but having been to India I have to say I can't turn it into an ethnic stereotype -- in India, there is only one brand of jam, and it is fluorescent pink and "fruit" flavored.
My fave: chipotle mayo. Pepperidge Farms makes it. Yum.
and it is fluorescent pink and "fruit" flavored.
Eek!
In case you're keeping score, judging by the comments in my last two posts, mayonnaise is leading God by 8 comments.
Mayonnaise v. God
Mayonnaise - 40
God - 32
funnie - why the nasty jab? As ginjoint said, we were all having a little fun, and WHAM! an attack!
Yes, I am a white Yankee Midwesterner and I DO hate mayo and white bread. But does that somehow make me a classist jerk? No, not last time I checked. Any more than you liking it makes you into something you aren't.
Please try to play nice with others!
I only like mayo mixed WITH hot sauce, or mustard, or something to give it a bit more kick. Far as I'm concerned, Mayo's job is to keep the sandwich from being dry. It does its job well. You need to add something else for the kick (if you like the kick, which I do).
But it's just kinda physics and chemistry - the amount of hot sauce you'd need to keep the bread from being too dry could well make the whole thing dangerous to your digestive tract. I mean... Oh, hell, never mind. I just want to know where to get a bag like that (not the Coach one - the reproductive rights one).
Here's the hilarious thing about pretentious white yankees - they think stereotypes are funny unless the stereotyping's actually about *them*, in which case they get really really mad and All The Fun Is Ruined.
The Fun Is Ruined even when the PWY's are permitted to draft the stereotype themselves!
Seriously, people? Get a freaking grip. You think this topic is so funny and fun, laugh at YOURSELF for once and acknowledge that 47 "nuh-uh, I'm white and I HATE MAYO" posts is just as funny as saying white people love mayo.
My post was funny and lighthearted, actually. If you want to get mad over the fact that you DID buy cartoon-labeled habanero dare-sauce in the 90s, that is entirely your prerogative, of course! I just reserve the right to maintain my belief that your inability to laugh at yourself makes you even more of a pain in the ass than your refusal to eat white bread.
Hugs and kisses,
Funnie, the Pretentious White Yankee
May all people treat you with your brand of light-hearted and funny.
Blessed be. Amen.
Translated, that would be Pretentious White Yankee for "Well, tsk, I'll pray for you, honey!"
Ha!
(thus, flea, god and mayo become One.)
*invokes MOS, spreads mayo on sandwich*
OK - now THAT's funny...especially directed at a paganistic Unitarian.
I guess we can agree to disagree? 
And based on recent events, I would say that flea might be the Goddess of Mayo?
but somehow I ended up on the losing end of a hilarious conversation with some of my African-American coworkers about how much white people love mayonnaise
Oh, c'mon, you could have had a witty rejoinder: "So, who loves fried chicken more? White folk, or black folk?"
And then: "I'm craving some hot wings, right now! With mayo! Errrr, blue cheese dressing! Errr, ranch sauce! Who cares, it's WHITE!"
Kat wrote: Far as I'm concerned, Mayo's job is to keep the sandwich from being dry
Yup. An alternative is olive oil, or even "submarine sandwich dressing", which accomplishes similar ends. Or mustard. Brown mustard is apparently the deli kosher fave from what I've heard.
Loved the mentions of chipotle mayo and Tabasco mayo. Very good stuff.
funnie, you're awesome. Spice is spice. I've noticed that it's more of a regional thing somewhat than a cultural thing-- hot climes, hot sauces. Cold climes, mild sauces. I put Tabasco in my New England clam chowder and I'm sure some Northeasterners would be horrified by that. I also poke fun at my Midwest friends (mostly Ann Arborites and such) who don't like the amount of spice in traditional down-home Mexican cooking. I say that they must be eating some sort of Tex-Mex blandified variant.
All in good fun. Some people really like heavy spice, some don't. As the world comes seemingly closer together, it's not quite as ethnic as it used to be. But it's still cultural enough-- and I am happy to have it.
I mean, hey, I'm pretty white-complexioned, but because my family has been involved in Hispanic culture for generations, I love it, and that includes good spicy food.
What I find a little more bothersome is folks that figure their palate is culturally diverse, but don't really participate much in that variety of culture otherwise.
Mayo is awesome for keeping a sandwich moist and stuck together. As a kid I loved fried egg and mayo sandwiches and bologna and mayo sandwiches. When you put iceberg lettuce on a sandwich and brought it to school it wilted and melded with the rest of it. It's not Good Eats, but I get wistfully nostalgic.
I Love maki rolls with some kind of spicy mayo sauce. I just bought wasabi mayo from Trader Joes. It's great on burgers. I'll bet it would make awesome tuna salad.
Oh, c'mon, you could have had a witty rejoinder
Witty rejoinder? Me? Never! I did tell them I knew they put Tabasco on everything, but they were on a roll and ignored me, talking about Undercover Brother instead, where one of the characters has a watch that has hands shaped like little hot sauce bottles.
Kat - Here is their website. I bet they'd give you a bag, if you asked.
God now appears to be tied with mayo. Can't understand it myself; even the most devout generally only eat God once a day, but you can have mayo at three meals plus snacks.
I think what I really want is a ratty tote that says "Another old bag for reproductive justice" on it.
flea wrote: talking about Undercover Brother instead, where one of the characters has a watch that has hands shaped like little hot sauce bottles
I knew it. He could also use the watch to squirt out a little hot sauce when he needed it-- I think there was a particular scene where he did that because the sandwich had mayo.
ledasmom, that's brilliant.
Also brilliant is Undercover Brother. That movie is hilarious. And Dave Chappelle is in it, too! I miss him.
I heart mayonnaise. And butter. But mostly mayonnaise. I don't just ask for a side of it for my fries, I ask for an extra large vat of it. My friends call me the condiment queen, and made me a birthday cake decorated with condiments. There, I've said it. And, as you must suspect, I'm white as they come. Irish Catholic White. I love you, mayonnaise!
Commenting by HaloScan
