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Good for you! I usually just get tongue-tied around people who are blatantly rude, but I'm improving. BTW, the cartoon is by Natalie Dee (http://www.nataliedee.com), who also rocks. ;^)
Natalie Dee
Thanks, Beth! I hate not giving cartoonists their due.
flea, you have just proved yet again that your place in my feed reader's "Badasses" category is well deserved.
That. Is. Awesome. I haven't yet been the recipient of a drive-by, but I can only hope that when it happens I'll have the presence of mind to handle it as well as you did.
...the hell? I work in a grocery store. Rest assured, we get some crazy ass children. However, unless your child is actually in physical danger I don't think it's my place at all to comment on your parenting. And even if your child is standing in an unsecured shopping cart, jumping around, and leaning over to stick their fingers in the conveyer belt, the worst they're going to get out of me is the conveyer belt turned off and me imploring them to be careful while looking like I might faint.
I really need to find a new line of work, because I just know that some kid is going to crack their skull open or get a finger ripped off or something ANY FREAKING DAY NOW!!!!111
"Of course I encourage him to try new things! I just want him to save his appetite for the pot of Crabby Lady Stew we're having for dinner. We usually make it with roadkill, but today we thought we'd drop by the grocery store and get some real Crabby Lady to chop up."
I've been a lurker for years -- it's strange that this is the post that prompted me to comment. But for what it's worth, you are my online role model for how to parent. You do things the way I hope to do them, even when things don't work out the way you'd expect. And so the idea of someone drive-bying you... I'm glad you responded the way you did.
I had never heard of a "mommy drive by" until I read this post. What an apt descriptor. I'm impressed with your comportment there. I only ever arrive at the perfect come-back on the ride home.
People like that just flat suck, and I absolutely applaud your mission to get them fired when they're acting in some sort of official capacity.
Drive-bys don't happen to me so much now that my kids are older (read: larger) but when they were little, I managed to get a formal reprimand handed down to a judge whom I felt abused her authority with regard to another mom and her kids when we all showed up for jury selection. It was the first time I'd ever taken measures even remotely that serious, and it felt gooooooood.
I'm so hard core! Really, though, rather than going so far as to have her fired, I would be satisfied if they just transferred her to a position where she didn't interact with the public. She clearly doesn't have the skillz. Firing just sounds so much more dramatic than "I WILL HAVE YOU TRANSFERRED TO A DIFFERENT POSITION! PROVIDED YOU STILL CONTINUE TO RECEIVE BENEFITS AND COMPARABLE PAY!"
I work in customer service, dealing with the public all day, and like Moxie said I'd only ever say anything if a kid was in physical danger. And the area I work in is FILLED with Really Fragile Stuff - but I've found that when most parents come through they keep an extra special eye on the kids. Rarely have I had to speak up, and then only to say, "Careful, honey!"
If I had Crabby Lady's job, I would've presumed just what you said - that you know what Alex likes. But they wouldn't want to give me that job, 'cause I'd be giving the kids (and adults) more than one free cookie, if they wanted it. "Here, take two! Three! Hell, they're free!"
I don't understand why people go through life with such a pukey, combative attitude, like Crabby Lady. And eh, sometimes getting fired is the only thing that makes them reflect on that. Good on ya for speaking up, flea.
Once, I was in a Safeway on the dreaded Senior Thursday with my then 3-year-old daughter, a very trim and well-turned out lady of 70 or so looked at me then looked 5 feet across the aisle at a woman who was probably 350 pounds, and said quite clearly, "Disgusting, isn't it, how some people have no discipline and let themselves go?"
I wish I had said something more than, "I come to shop, not to judge." It would have been a better example for my daughter, and maybe would have made that moment ever so slightly less terrible for the other woman.
It is always surprising when a situation that normally requires small talk and no thought, ie. "Take sample, say thank you," becomes a judgment on your world view. I love that you come up with the right thing to say. I hope that you don't have to do it again.
Tami, that is horrible. That poor woman. And she probably has to put up with those kinds of insults all the time.
If I had Crabby Lady's job, I would've presumed just what you said - that you know what Alex likes.
I think that's what 99 out of 100 people would have thought. I was under the impression that all parents, when in that situation would have done the same thing. It's bad manners to be greedy and take a big handful of everything, so you just pick one thing that you know your kid would find the most appealing, to make sure everybody gets to have one. I think that's what threw me. I wasn't expecting harsh criticism for being polite. It's like being insulted by the ladies' room attendant for washing your hands after you use the bathroom.
I took the attachment parenting thing a bit far and spent two years with my son physically on me most of the time. I finally got a babysitter who took him to a nearby park. The next time I took him to that park one of the moms there said "Oh, I've never see *you* here with him before". What is with people? I wish I was as fast on my feet as you.
Now, Flea, you have much better manners than I do. I absolutely would've informed my kid that the liverwurst reminds me of diaper contents and that it's made out of the dregs of whatever dead beasts it's made from. I'd let him try it if he wanted to, sure, but first I'd bad-mouth it.
I can't believe the Dominick's was actively marketing liverwurst. It's the sort of food product I'm always a little surprised to see on the shelf—"Huh, I guess somebody's still buying that crap." Who got the crazy idea to try to move more liverwurst??
Well, my mom's dog _loves_ liverwurst. It's a great treat. But that's... well, the punchline really writes itself, doesn't it?
Brava to flea on her handling of the mommy drive-by! Being judgemental is part of human nature, but it's really not one of the good parts. Most of us have pretty decent social filters on our judgements that keeps us from giving them voice, because we know that's inappropriate, but for reasons I will never understand, judgements about parenting are widely considered exempt. It's bizarre, and I'm glad flea is doing (more than!) her part to take a stand against it.
"You know, I LOVE to let him try new foods. But he has an overly sensitive gag reflex. Do you have a barkbucket handy in case he pukes?"
This is totally true in the case of my Monkey. The daycare found out the hard way when they tried to get him to eat cottage cheese.
that should be "barfbucket"
I don't know, I kind of enjoyed "barkbucket" myself!
Sounds like someone needed her own little run-in with a toothpick skewer, and I'm afraid that's what I would have been tempted to do if some crazy bat said that to me while I'm trying to be polite. But then, grocery shopping does make me pretty cranky, especially if I'm hungry when I go.
Flea, you rock! I'm glad you complained to the manager about the old bat. She probably won't change her ways, but one can always hope.
Liverwurst is really disgusting, yet every few years I have to taste it again. I don't know why. My husband likes the stuff, but it aggravates his gout, so every few years, I buy him a small tube and sneak the tiniest of tastes. I think to myself, "Yep, still disgusting."
'Last time he tried liverwurst he puked but if you'd like to stand a little closer we'll give it another shot.'
I've worked in customer service for over 30 years. Don't think of getting her fired as a bad thing, think of it as a kindness to all the other people she won't be able to verbally shit upon.
I used to love liverwurst as a kid. Of course I haven't had it in years, since I went veggie.
What I don't understand is how or why they grilled it. It's not really a grilling food.
My dad likes liverwurst. But then, he also likes scrapple, so go figure. I doubt he's had either one in years, though.
Way to go, flea! I wish I were better at responding to such in-your-face rudeness. Most often when people say obnoxious things to me I can't think of anything to say. Usually, it's only when I am utterly tired or distracted/cranky that my social filter is flickering, and a good retort pops out almost like a reflex.
so bizarre that you actually get these 'mommy drive-bys.' i would fear for my life to comment on someone's parenting skills, even when i've felt guilty for NOT saying something -- like when i see women (mostly young women) SCREAMING at their children on the bus for doing pretty much nothing or moms who look like they're bordering on abuse (dragging their kids around, being awful to them in every way). i just don't know what to do. i've sometimes wanted to speak up and say "stop that. they're just children!" but i've always suspected i'd get my ass KICKED.
and every now and again i get braunschweiger. it's a passing fancy, but it's good. but grill it? wha?
Because our son isn't actually verbal (oh, and doesn't really gesture), we get people who get angry when he doesn't wave "bye-bye" or actually you know, SAY "bye-bye." We try saying that he doesn't really speak without throwing out the autism diagnosis... and then we get, "You should spend more time talking to him; that way he would know how to talk."
Yes, we get that. How come I never have the cool comebacks that you do, Flea?
my first driveby was yesterday as some hippy lady prevented my baby from eating a raisin he had dropped on the floor. i totally was going to let him eat and she swooped in and GRABBED it from his hand. i swear.. hippies these days...
A hippie afraid of a little dirt??? What kind of bad name is she giving hippies????
Liverwusrt is nostalgia food for me. Haven't had it in years, don't know if I'll ever BUY it, and I might assault the woman for GRILLING it, rather than just mushing it on bread, like you're *supposed* to, but it's got a soft spot in my heart.
Hmmm...should that be:
"it *made* a soft spot in my heart"?
I can't help it. I want you to take your new "I will get you fired" campaign back to the Toys R Us and get the asshole in the bike section fired.
I committed the carnal sin of locking my three-year-old in the hot car the other day...along with my purse, cell phone, keys, you get the picture. I ran inside the grocery store and called 911. The firefighters came and picked the locks on my doors while I stood there with tears streaming down my face.
She was fine -- they came within minutes. BUT as I was standing there feeling like the evilest mother in the whole world, some bystander came by and asked me what happened. When I told her she said "Never do that! It's really dangerous! A child can die in a hot car! You should always hold your keys in your hand!"
I told her to go away because I had no snappy comeback for that other than NO SHIT SHERLOCK!
Wow, people are bitchy. I do see my fair share of nosy people on a day to day basis. The older ladies seem to be the worst since they've raised their kids and have grandbabies. I spend a lot of time with moms, so I try not to judge. Even if a kid is behaving clearly badly and age inappropriately, I figure you never know if the kid is autistic or has ADHD or another problem which may be undiagnosed.
The only 3 things I will get involved with your parenting on:
1. Your child trying to touch a moving conveyer belt with lots of pieces that are just the right size for sucking up fingers. I will turn off the belt and just grab all the items off the stationary belt until you get your child to stop doing it or they get bored.
2. Your child standing in a shopping cart, squirming around, and trying to climb out. This can cause massive amounts of death and dismemberment, so I will ask the child to be careful and tend to feel faint when this happens. Plus if your kid falls and dies, I don't want to be sued for your negligence.
3. The only thing I'll interfere with outside of work is children trying to run outside of the store their parents are still inside. And since most parents prefer if their children at least stay in the same building, this isn't really interfering. If I see you chasing down a toddler who is making a beeline for the automatic door, I will usually block the door until you can grab your kid. I will also warn people while at work if their kids are making a strong dash for the outside while they're at the register and I'll keep an eye out.
Some of my coworkers (one older woman in particular) can get a little judgemental as can the old ladies in line. They LOVE to talk about those young mothers who can't control their kids. Crazy old bats.
Is it possible to do the other kind of drive-by? Where I could fling a sort of drive-by parenting validation at a mom? Or is any interference, by definition, the bad kind?
I've often wanted to, but content myself with being the nice, smiling, patient lady when I see a mom who is momentarily overwhelmed. I don't have kids, but I have been around them, a lot, and I figure a nice, smiling, patient lady might just be an indirect help.
Do daddies ever get the drive-bys?
My cousin Aaron's 8-year-old boy, Devin, has ADHD and some disabilities that make him "act up" in public sometimes (running around like crazy, touching everything in sight, rearranging boxes of cereal in the grocery store no matter how much Aaron tries to stop him, etc.) and Aaron has never had a single "daddy drive-by". He's said he usually gets sympathetic looks, like "Oh, a single dad, trying to keep that rambunctious little boy under control. He's obviously trying so hard." (Which he is; he's a great dad.)
However, my female relatives often get the "drive-by" when they're out with Devin. Even weirder, it usually comes from other women! What's up with that?
Whyme, the friendly and affirming drive-by is a wonderful thing! Don't be shy—go ahead and dish out the random praise to strangers.
Yes, the "good job, mama" drive-by is awesome.
I'm also okay with, and even approving of, the genuinely helpful drive-by. You know, when the kid's acting a shit and the mama's looking overwhelmed and someone says something like (stern voice): "young man/lady, listen to your mother." That kind of stuff is awesome. The trick is that you have to be genuinely on the mom's side, and maybe give her a smile or a wink so she knows it.
you know who i like? i like the nice old lady at costco who smiles wildly and compliments me like the queen when my two year old says 'ANKTHU' for his sample. when last week, he first said 'moh, peez?' (look, he has a speech delay for sure but he tries) for another one, she cooed back at him, 'honey you can have TWO MORE, THREE MORE!' and then told me what a good mommy i was....
the RATIONAL me knows that is hardly worth the ego-petting i got, but the SUCKITALLUP me wants to hear it again. in soothing tones please.
i love shopping at costco now. ALWAYS with the 2 yr old. as a mommy, it sustains me.
jeebus did i just say that?
I'm with Moxie, having worked in a grocery store. I've never commented on people's parenting, but I have run after a few unsupervised toddlers who were making a dash for the parking lot. And yes, a parent did scold me for it once. But I'd rather be scolded for looking after the physical safety of a kid than letting them get run over. My wished reply: What, you "had you're eye on her?" A hand would have been better.
I was food shopping with my 5 year old son and 7 year old daughter about a month ago. I turned down the isle with both cereal and candy in it. My children asked if they could pick out a bag of candy so I told them to pick just one bag to share. The headed to the end of the isle were the candy was and a store employee was putting items on the shelf. The kids were having a hard time agreeing on one bag of candy so they started arguing. Nothing to bad, just normal arguing between two siblings. Then I hear the employee turn to my children and say, " You two are animals and should be on a leash." Oh my god I could not believe this nasty woman just said that to my children. I went to the end of the isle and asked her if she had a problem. She says to me, "Are these your kids?" and I said "Yes." She then proceeds to tell me to PUT YOUR ANIMALS ON A LEASH! I lost it. I said to her, "You nasty scank, you should be on a leash in a zoo kept away from civilized people." You want to go outside so I can teach you some manners?" She walked of mumbling something. If it were not for the fact that my children were there with me I probably would have had to be bailed out of jail for assault.
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