The Office Suggestion Box
I've heard both sides of it (As Brooke before me mentioned)...I have friends who have taken a lot of crap because they breastfeed and have to be such hands-on parents "What do you mean you can't leave her with a babysitter so you can come out with us".. Uh yeah. And on my end.. I did have trouble with breastfeeding. I had days where I did not get out of bed with my daughter so that I could try to get my supply up. I tried foods, herbs, drugs, everything..and she still did not get enough. I pumped, and weighed her before and after feedings. At the heighth of my breastfeeding she would get maybe 1-2 oz per feeding. BOTH breasts. So, yes. I gave up. And I took crap for it. And I'm a wimp. And I never said anything about it. But boy do I wish I had. Just to stick up for myself because I've been a thousand times happier with my daughter ever since and I know my relationship with her is better for that.
But that is me. I didn't, but wish I had. Whatever you do, best wishes.. Regardless, if this friend is a true friend, she'll respect you for your thoughts and for coming to her. (I'm sorry that I ranted for so long..I just empathize with both sides because they both get it from someone at some point)
I have a similar problem and I find that no matter what you do you can't please everyone. I have a four month old daughter that I have breastfed exclusively since birth and I can't tell you how many people have told me that I am doing the wrong thing. Friends don't seem to get why I can't be away from the baby for any great length of time or just leave her with a bottle. Tough thing to do when she's never had one. She is also a chronic spitter and I have had more than one person tell me that it's the breastfeeding that causes it, like it's their mission in life to get me to stop. It's your child, it's your decision and an extremely personal one at that. Breast or bottle, as long as they get love and attention they will do just fine.
(I usually have to hold my tounge talking to these 'helpful' people lest I take off someone's head 
I second the point about stating how you respect her for her decisions, but that it doesn't work for you or your daughter and while you're sure she's not pressuring you, it feels that way. Give her a chance to back off before you consider cutting her out of your life.
well, it really depends on what she said. is she being mean, or just untactful?
anyhow if she is really a good friend she should be able to take whatever you say. or she will disappear when you say it, and that would be fine too.
I have a "friend" who sounds very much like yours. I also have a 4 year old little girl(07-13-01)and a little girl who will be one in June. With my first, I had a hard time at the beginning, but then we were pros at BF. My second is a different story. She had this very strange suck, and I ended up having a "gaping wound" on one of my nipples. I was very stubborn, and I kept trying, but I think I unconsiously was angry and resented the whole experience (something that I have just started realizing). BFing is such a personal choice, I get mad when someone tries to push their opinions on others. I think you should say something, perhaps something along the lines of "tried it, it's great for some, but didn't work for me, glad it did for you, that's great. My baby is really happy, healthy, and I can enjoy her more without the pain that BFing was causing."
My opinion is...is she really a 'Friend' or is she just someone you're friends with? If she's a real friend, then you have to confront her because you're friendship is worth it and tell her how she made you feel. And if she is a good friend she understand what you're saying and support you for it. If she's just someone you talk to once in a while that you don't consider one of your good friends and it's not going to bother you one way or the other if you talk to her again or not...don't let it bother you. You're doing what's best for you and your kid and that's all you can do and really that's all that matters. Real Friends will support you no matter the decisions you make and that's what makes them your friends. There are some women who just cannot breast feed and I happen to be one of them. I tried and that's all the matters. My daughter was bottle fed from 3 weeks and she is healthy,happy and smart...so there you have it!
I think you should say something to her. It would be damaging to the friendship if you remain quiet.
Delurking to respond to this. I always find this topic so interesting.
You don't owe anyone an explanation to how you have decided to feed your child.
Why do lactivists make such a fuss about breatmilk vs. formula? I bet a lot of these same ladies end up giving their children the same greasy french fries and sodas/colas that the rest us do.
I breastfed my first for 12 months -- it was the easiest thing in the world for me. I could not do the same for my daughter Samantha -- unfortunately I was diagnosed with cancer while I was pregnant. I felt so guilty the first few months of her life. Now I realize that I was so totally stupid for something that was beyond my control.
I would tell this lady, straight up, that she is an arse for making you feel guilty for choosing what works best for you and your daughter. If she can't handle the truth, then she is not worth having as a friend.
Sorry if I come across as harsh...I just call 'em as I see 'em.
I enjoy reading your blog.
That's a hard call. Yeah, you could just say something like, "It's great that nursing has worked out *so* well for you, but it just wasn't for me." Or something along those lines. You certainly shouldn't have to justify feeding her with a bottle! I breastfed Lucas for a year, and I'm proud that I did that ~ but I also know that it doesn't always work out in some situations. And that's A-OK. You have to do what's comfortable and right for you and your child! Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
That sucks, Amanda (pun intended)! I would probably avoid the friend for awhile, and if you see her again and she makes you feel bad again, then I wouldn't bother continuing the relationship. It doesn't sound like this is a CLOSE friend, and who needs their friends to be making them feel bad?
You are doing fine!
Samantha is a beautiful happy, healthy baby! And Julia is a happy healthy little girl. If breast feeding is not for you, then it's not for you. I hope I have never made you feel bad about it
If you visit this "friend" again" and she makes you feel the same way I would say something or maybe I wouldn't. You know me I am not much of a confronter.
Excited to see you and hold Miss Samantha. Does she have a nickname yet besides "Fiona"??
It's easy to handle. All you need to say is this.
"I really admire the fact that you have been able to breast feed "Charley" the way you have. What a wonderful thing that is for you to do.
I have found for me that breast feeding just didn't work out. I did try both times, and it was something I wasn't comfortable with.
I hope you can understand and repect my feelings. "
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You know Amanda, it wasn't so long ago when a mother who breastfed her child was considered abnormal. I was sent to the bathroom at a family party to nurse my Amanda. I had a tough time nursing her and it only lasted for three months before I switched to bottles.
You do what you feel is best for you and your girls and don't allow others to make you feel bad. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Awww... I'm sorry your "friend" made you feel that way. Shame on her... not you! ((hugs)) The whole BF vs Bottle debate will always be there... you just do what makes you & your baby girl happy! I tried BF-ing & after having issues (which caused me to go to the Dr 3 times) I switched to bottle-feeding! And I have a very happy & healthy almost 4 yr old now! No worries!
Happy Friday!!
p.s. i LOVE Samantha's smile!
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