if clausen is the lebron james of football, does that make ryan mallett the darko milicic of football?
You wrote that E3W article? That's my favorite article ever written by any publication at this university. I'm also guessing you had a hand in Dick Vitale's war bracket. Those are the two funniest things I've ever seen in the E3W.
And surprisingly enough, Findlay (my current residence) is the home of Big Ben Roethlisberger. I will be at the game and probably routing for Findlay, but completely covered in UM attire
Mallett: two Ts. Cincinnati: two Ns, one T. (Well, OK, it has three, but you know what I mean.)
Biak, think of it this way: if Mallet = Darko, then we're going to win a National Championship this year, lose the NC game next year by a field goal, and quite probably win another NC the year after that.
So, it could be worse.
Also, I second Matt's comment. Brilliant article.
Looks official on the Wolverine.
Its a done deal.
http://michigan.scout.com/2/524140.html
YaaaY.
teeheeheehee...damn, I love this blog. Brian is certifiable. I have to check in every day
"Cincinnati" is fixed. And yes, Dick Vitale's War Bracket was my doing. I can die happy now that someone's remembered it.
Do you know who wrote the "It'd really help me out if you'd kill that squirrel over there" story?
I'd have to vote that as my favorite E3W article.
Your former E3W status makes you that much cooler. Soon, you will have your own flaming ninja hordes.
"Tremendous," added Carr.
that line had me laughing my ass off
Although the Darko scenario (i.e., likely two championships in three years with a loss at the buzzer in the NC game mixed in) would be fine with me, from a skills perspective, I'd like to think that Mallett could be Dwyane Wade to Clausen's LeBron. And of course, in a perfect world, Clausen would be the Felipe Lopez of college football.
I was unaware of Mallett's heroics back during the war. However, I do understand that he was responsible for indirectly discovering oil under the desert fields of Texas. Apparently, in a fit of disgust with one of his wideouts who instead of catching one of Mallet's passes had his hand taken off, Mallett spiked the football on the next play. The football disappeared into the earth for a second, only to catapault back into the stratosphere followed by a gyser of "Black Gold", "Texas Tea", "Dolla Crude". Not wanting to be associated with big oil, Mallett sold the rights of his discovery to a local orphange, similar to the one he saved during the war. That orphanage is now known as Conoco/Phillips.
Excellent work on his background. No that I know the Hitchikers Guide series can be paralleled with football, the sky's the limit.
Do you know who wrote the "It'd really help me out if you'd kill that squirrel over there" story?
I do... it wasn't me, but he's a friend (-ish, it's been a while) of mine.
That article was pure gold. One of my friends in Michigan's Media Relations office had it taped on his wall all year. I laughed every time I saw it.
And I heard that Ryan Mallett doesn't really do push-ups. He's actually pushing down the Earth.
That JN article was also my favorite EW3 article of all time. No idea that was you!
As a huge fan of your blog and a former e3w writer myself (2003-), I feel a deeper connection between us now. But more like an acknowledging nod from across the bar connection, and not a lie-in-your-arms connection. Plus I'm considerably less funny. But yeah, I'm glad you wrote that. It all makes sense now.
*more accolades on the article blah blah blah*
classic, had me rolling in the aisles. boss thought i was nuts.
and great get with mallett.
Brian,
Got a link to the Dick Vitale War Bracket story? Tried the search function at E3W, but it isn't working.
Great stuff on the Navarre article.
GO BLUE!
jiM
Nice get. It will be fun to think back to this week when Mallet and Clausen are both second string behind seniors Cone and Frazer.
I will also say that Navarre article was hilarious and one of my favorites as well. And Joey definitely gets props for the first Felipe Lopez reference I've heard in years.
Pat, I had a similar thought about Cone and Frazer.
Kenny, thanks. Glad someone appreciated it.
I knew Brian had written that Navarre article the day, last year?, that he referred to Navarre as a water buffalo. Two people couldn't stumble on the same, perfect analogy (unless the 2nd read the E3W and said "perfect analogy!" and memorized it, of course, but that would have screwed up my comment).
That Navarre article in the E3W is locked in a three-way tie for my favorite ever, along with the "state of the apartment" address one and the "Ford Excrement" expose. Well done, funky.
Hey, I'm still very new to all of this, I stumbled upon this blog by accident a couple of weeks ago. Can someone help me out by telling me what is this E3W thing that I keep seeing referenced here?
Every Three Weekly. Free UM Campus Satire paper. It's usually great stuff.
It didn't quite come out the way I wanted, since no seeds were listed, but you can find the "bracket" here... just a one-off joke.
And yes, if anyone thinks "hey, that guy's ripping off the E3W" I'm probably ripping myself off. I'm somewhat flabbergasted and very flattered that people remember these things.
Sorry, boss...we got Lalich.
Of the 12 QBs in the Rivals pre-eval top 100 7 have already committed (Brantley, Chiles, Clausen, Korn, Lalich, Mallett and Nichol).
John Pollack has reversed course and is now in favor of luxury boxes. With the pending matriculation of Ryan Mallett to the University of Michigan, Pollack is concerned that an errant pass from Mallett may enter the stands, causing internal bleeding and certain death for anyone hit by said pass. Since Pollack currently enjoys 1st row, 50 yard line seats with "the common man", this places him squarely in the line of fire. Pollack has requested that Bill Martin build him a personal luxury box outfitted with blast doors.
Unfortunately, there are two problems with Pollack's plan:
1.) Ryan Mallett has never thrown an errant pass in his life. In fact, he once threw a perfect fade with such touch that it brushed against a grieving widow's cheek, instantly consoling her.
2.) If he wanted to, Mallett could rifle a ball into any luxury box, with such speed that Pollack wouldn't have time to pray for forgiveness from his Wiccan tree god, let alone close blast doors.
MRG, you should write for E3W.
MRG, you should write for E3W.
I think that was his audition.
Very "facts about Chuck Norris"-esque.
Seriously everyone, best E3W article of all time: lettuce & diet coke. No offense, Brian.
Er... none taken. Don't tell George Cantor but that was my doing, too.
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