This may not work for you, but I have found that using as few words (especially explanations) in these types of situations is the best path. Kind of like dealing with telemarketers -
"Can I sell you x today?"
"No, thank you."
"Well, can I sell you y today?"
"No, thank you. I have to go now - goodbye."
My grandmother is the same type of control-y person. So, we have conversations like,
(G) "Why would you rent a car?"
(J) "Because I want to."
"Well, that's just silly."
"Yep."
[/unasked-for advice]
I like Jill's idea!
With my mother-in-law, I use the same "broken record" technique that I would use for a small child.
I just repeat over and over again: "Thanks for your input. We've decided to rent a car." I don't offer any explanation.
After about the fourth time, even my mother-in-law (who can be difficult and controlling) either gets the idea or gets bored.
Family situations can be such a hassle.
Same advice as the others—a cheerful "thanks for the advice!" repeated twice is generally enough, and now my mom knows that the phrase means I'm going to ignore her input anyway.
Then again, she's a cool mom who gets those hints.
I had a mother-in-law who was extremely controlling and there was never any respite, except to live as far away from her as we could! You have my sympathies and my hope that your mother is not quite that extreme.
My mom has slightly different issues, but my mother in law is like that. I honestly think a little psychology is in order: it's not that they want to control us (though it feels that way). It's that renting a car is associated with business trips or trips to strange cities. Renting a car to visit mom feels, to mom, like a symbolic representation of distance between you, which is why moms make such a bfd over something so small and simple (and also, to be fair, why we get so wound up about it: "yeah mom, I'm an adult now, deal with it"). Depending on your relationship with your mom, it might actually help to just acknowledge this: "I know that it feels like renting a car is something you only do on business trips or whatever, but it really is just a lot more convenient, and I can afford it now, and so I'm just going to do it but it doesn't mean that I think you're a stranger, mom."
With my MIL this kind of thing works: she laughs and realizes that she's being silly, and it's all okay then.
my mil always insists (brings it up without me asking) that her insurance doesn't cover me as a driver. ok. I didn't ask to drive her car. I don't ask to drive her car. (her sons do, I don't). I rent a car. it's been 8 years now that we visit, I rent a car, and still, each time I call and say (excitedly) we have the tickets, she says, my car insurance won't cover you, you know.
sigh.
I'm still looking forward to the visit. but you did remind me of what's coming.
I'm relieved to hear that other Ms/MILs have issues about rental cars...
Dr b, I think you're right about the symbolism of the rental car. Though my mother also really resisted my getting my drivers license many years ago -- the symbolism of the car, any car might be at work too.
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