Your honesty is so refreshing. I hope it gets done in a way that manages to navigate around most of the sucky stuff.
My god, the dissertation did that to me, too. I was impeccably organized, always on time, always had the bills paid, and now I can't quite seem to remember how that happened.
When I was younger, I was the begin-at-midnight-and-stay-up-all-night binge writer type. Then when I hit about 40, I noticed that my mind starting turning to mush at about midnight. Now I actually find that it's helpful to get up early and write, something I could never ever have done in my twenties.
The 'used-up' feeling indeed rings true. Though I spent what seemed like all of my energy on my master's, and recovered it just in time to expend it all again on my dissertation. A friend and I refer to the discpline as 'butt-in-chair zen', the theory being it's far more productive to be staring at your work, not working, than not working _and_ not sitting. Except that gets old (boring, even?) as the years pass. That said, I'm intrigued about the long-hand question. Must ponder.
Not everybody can go on forever working in one particular way. I say just let who you are, who you have become, dictate a new shape to your writing habits. I'm with you on the not working at night. It's not worth it.
I spent all summer writing most every day. But I was at peace with my slowness, and undistracted by deadlines and self-imposed rules. There is a kind of virtue and peace in slowness, if we can accept it.
It's so refreshing to hear someone else struggle with binge writing. I have always been addicted to the all-night writing session. Like you, I try to console myself that I've been writing notes for weeks-doesn’t that count? If you are able to break your addiction to binge writing-please tell the rest of us!!
I have also been struggling with the lack of energy and discipline, pretending to be organized, etc etc. But I am up for tenure this year so I better do something about that!
Thank you for expressing something I have been feeling lately: the absence of the freedom to explore under the pressure of institutional deadlines & expectations. I've been actively attempting to jumpstart my imagination/creativity, which I feel has been squashed by the need to produce according to someone else's schedule. The tenure clock is ticking fast for me, but I know I cannot write anything if I cannot find some joy or significance in my work.
Interesting post--I followed the link from Higher Ed, this is very thoughtful commentary on writing stuff. I don't know, but I think the solution is to binge write EVERY DAY! (Every day, that is, that is even vaguely a writing zone--I'm not talking about during the busy part of the school week in the middle of a semester.) I still always write the first draft in longhand, it gives me a buzz of composition that I can never get on a computer.
I love Boice. When I have tried his suggestions, I have performed better and felt great about it. Life is better when I eat right and exercise too. Why don't I do the things that help me do better?
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