whatchutalkinbout folk?
You need to NOT have your phone with you while you're drinking. At first I thought the YELLOW was him and I was about to talk a whole lotta shit. Then I realized it was you ... I know you hate to wait and see, but this time (if you like him) you'll just have to wait and dammit see.
i purposefully made it vague so you could see how i was sounding like the same fools i was dissing in previous entries. in other words, the shoe is on the other foot. SHIT. *lowering my head in shame*
I was like Chele, I thought the bold was him.
I have to say I like your honesty and vulnerability. I can I missed reading your posts.
Things will all work for whatever good is meant for you.
i have to say i do NOT like my honesty and vulnerability right now. lol. i am not painted in the most flattering light. the only thing saving me from deleting this post is the fact that i know i'm not alone in this behavior.
Yeah, ya'll can wait and see, while you're going out on some other dates! What gives him the right to request commitment while he decides what he wants to do. Really, do you have that kind of time?
Ahhhh, cocaine dick, gotta love it. Don't mix cocaine with alcohol though. You see what can happen.
A minute to breath? I don't get that. You want a minute to breath and I'm supposed to hold my breath (date no other), while you breath. No fair.
Nikki, make sure that while he's breathing, you riding.
lmao@"don't mix cocaine with alcohol." don't i know it. next time i feel compelled to tipsy text someone i'm gonna give my phone to a friend and be like "friends don't let friends text drunk."
we both agreed not to do any dating until we knew what we were gonna do. i still don't necessarily dig that arrangement, though.
Are you saying you haven't had sex in a decade or haven't had it that good in a decade? Either way, let me give you a hug.
I don't get asking for a minute to breathe. Negro you texting so you breathing. It doesn't take long for you to say either you are or you not interested. There's no in between shit. But he wants you not to date while he get a minute to breathe. Let him breathe while you flirting and dating.
i haven't had mind-blowing sex in a decade. i've had ho-hum sex during that time, though. lol
Wish I could attend The Roots concert, at least once in my life. Very underrated and serious group.
I won't make any mention of your sex life. If you're happy then I'm happy for you. I know a few woman who appear to have injected some coke between their legs....I kinda like it though.
that concert was da bomb! i actually went by myself and so happened to see one of my friends there, but i was enjoying myself so much i just kept to myself. a roots concert is something to behold solo for me, cuz i tend to jump around and do alot of dancing.
as for the coke cunt...to each his/her own. i've seen too many folk act a fool over the addiction so i'm gonna keep a respectful distance until i know for sure where things stand between he and i.
It happens to the best of us. Honest. Well, not me, but...I'm kidding. You got a bit caught up. Just slow down and take it easy.
i DID get caught up, didn't i?!? luckily i've had time to review and catch myself. lol@"not me". yeah, you're too cool a cucumber for that. 
*SIGH* That damn liquor will do it to you er'ry time!!
i wanna blame it on the liquor, but in the end i have to hold myself accountable for doing it. i cringe just THINKING about it.
I say: Chin up girlfriend... 
The good news is you snapped up outta that shyt REEEEEEEEEEEAL quick.
WE'VE DEFINITELY ALL HAD OUR MOMENTS!
yes we have! luckily mine have been rare, but it seems like when they happen, it's always BIG.
First--LOVE Roots ((lucky!))
Secondly--Now that you've posted this blog, I'm going to have to go find some drama to get into this weekend so I can have some interesting material, b/c I'm dealing w/the same situation right now...except, in my case, I wasn't tipsy texting...no no no...even better, I slipped up and hit that "glass pipe" again...and again...and again (and all against my better judgment)...and instead of getting up and taking my a$$ home, I got caught up in that "post-coital, waiting to exhale, multiple orgasmed out, I wanna cuddle and wallow in this high" kinda pillow talk that will have you reciting your social security number in small segments so he can remember it correctly...I was saying all KINDS of crazy stuff...I have been rehashing it ever since it happened (a couple weeks ago) and can't begin to fathom how in the wold I let myself get that far...I don't get pimped, I pimp...I do the rotating, I do the picking&choosing, and so on&so forth...so yeah...I can dig, ya dig??
And I felt so relieved to read this, b/c...I'm not the only one lamenting my failing moral standing...I felt like I'd played myself for giving up my abstinence for this man...but...I've decided, that things happen and at the end of the day, Men will peruse what they want to, seek after what they want, work for what they want. If he's a grown man-and not a boi wearing his BIG boi suit- then he will get to the conclusion he needs to about your relationship and about you, and once his sights are set, nothing will stop him--but you can help the situation along...If you really like him, & the feeling is mutual, then I encourage you to see where it's going. If you really wanna speed things up, tell him you wanna take the physical away from the table for a little bit until you two get to know each other *chuckles* that will tell you everything you need to know about the man...if he means what he says about seeing where things go, then he will want to do what it takes to get to know you and vice verse =o)
Don't feel ashamed--know that you're not alone...you're not the first, you're not the last, and the only thing that would constituteany of this as "truly stupid" on your part is to deal w/everything going on and not learn a thing from it ((for future references))
Sorry so long--but had to share!!!
Many Blessings & Much Encouragement!!
thanks for sharing. i appreciate your candidness. it's a difficult thing to admit when one falls off the wagon. blogs are here for folk to see what we want them to see, not the true image, right?!?
I have never seen you like this before. Wow!! It is actually possible lol.
You knew that question was a dangerous one to ask. You damn sure knew it.
it was unfamiliar territory for me, too. can't say i like what i saw, but i acknowledge that that insecurity is a part of me and every now and again it pops up. usually it does so when i'm alone. too bad this time i happen to be on the phone 
Is it wrong that my first thought was.,, I KNOW she aint at the ROOTS show doing all this damn talking!!
Then I thought, omg, who IS this?? This isnt Nikki.
Lastly i lamented the fact that relationships can damage us so deeply and profoundly in ways that can render us incapable of preserving our most basic swag tactics. lol Seriously, vulnerability is a BITCH and it's really sad how it makes us respond. *sigh*
this conversation took place in between bands. gym class heroes had just left the stage and they were setting up for the roots. ain't no friggin way i would have wasted time conversing instead of watching black thought. ARE YOU CRAZY?!? lol
vulnerability is indeed a bitch and i don't like her NOT ONE BIT. that side of me is unfamiliar to my blog folk but she's there and sometimes she gets loud. i figured it was best for me to show her so folk know i still got my own shit to battle with on the daily. i know folk can relate.
HAVE SEX WITH HIM AND DON'T TALK TO HIM UNTIL HE WORSHIPS YOU.
wait, i thought that was YOUR job!
So I guess he reads the blog...I'm going to write exacty what I want to write anyway. lol
I don't get a good vibe about this dude at all. You were putting it all out there on the line. If it made him uncomfortable he could have said that. If he wasn't sure what he wanted, he could have said that too. Instead he came across as someone who wanted to be left alone with his "geez can I get a minute to breathe" comments. He really has a lot of nerve getting jealous when he answers questions with questions and is so evasive about his intentions.
Continue to sit back and watch this dude closely.
you're absolutely right and that's exactly what i'm doing. this time has been spent getting to know each other better because it's obvious after that exchange that we really became intimate too quickly. thanks for the candid response, it is much appreciated sis.
@Chele
first off, congratulations on finally getting your back blown out..
it must be a relief to have a man out there who can make you say gawd!!!
i am very happy for you, coz women who don't have real gooood sex can act ishy ishy, and irritable...
secondly, i am very disappointed in this black man, who thinks that you have his time...
he should
A: suggest a friends with bennies situation (if possibel at all)
B:tell you how great the sex was/is, but that doesn't mean that he might want to date you
C: let you know that he might need some time in "expressing" himself if he indeed wants to do so at all
D: somehow let you know that he "feels" you, but not that much of so...
E: basically just man the fuck up and come clean about whether or not he has feelings for you or not, right???
thirdly
a roots concert would be amazing, too bad they won't be coming down to my country in the next few.... Unless
fourthly
@Diva and SowiseSister
cheers for your comments, coz they have a good point
dope post indeed Nikki
the concert was awesome, but it was ridiculously short. i mean, it literally lasted an hour. if i had known it would be that short, i'm not sure i would have paid fifty bucks.
as for redrum, he has since answered te more pertinent questions outright, so he's getting there. however, i'll continue to be cautious cuz you and others have brought up some salient points.
I think there's a clause towards the back of the Swagger Manual, Version 5.2.8. that allows for a "temporary lapse involving tipsy texting if the last back blow-out was a decade or more ago." I swear. read it again. LOL
Now seriously, I understand your concern at the end of the post regarding the ability to back-track for emotional intimacy now that the sex jumped-off. That is a sober observation and a very fair.
Many times, we answer that question for ourselves, knowing that fabulous sex too early can stunt the growth of emotional intimacy.
I agree with the Opinionated Diva that the repeated put-off (minute to breathe) was a little strange and good reason to keep an eye on a brotha.
Either way, I'm glad you're enjoying your time with him, and I hope he proves worthy of your attention!
i hope he proves worthy, too! yeah, you're right regarding the possibility that the intimacy was introduced too quickly. i do have to admit we've really become comfortable with sharing other parts of ourselves with each other so maybe that was the process we had to go through. i'm not completely convinced, but at least now i'm operating from a place of empowerment. if we get together, that'd be cool, but i'm not cutting off my nose to spite my face.
goddamn im good lol
the last post i did summed it all up
c'est la vie nikki
we all make mistakes
what can you say
dont let him think he's just running shit now though
hold out if you want him to respect you
dont call him
let him call you
but when he calls BE KIND and WARM
dont hold anything against him
just act like you normally would act without the neediness
and definately dont make it seem like you dont want him
just be cool and be honest about how you really feel
sorry for the unsolicited advice
Lol, see what some good loving will do to you.
Damn. I am SO guilty of the drunk texting. It has gotten me into more trouble than a little bit over the years. It's worked out a time or 2, but mostly it is just a recipe for disaster.
All of those questions are valid (and funny) but really it boils down to whether or not he is someone whom you trust being vulnerable with. If he is and it's just your pride standing in the way, the rest can be a work in progress. If it's your gut telling you to run like hell, then I suggest you strap up your Nikes.
The hard thing about it, of course, is that after you have your heart broken, it's kinda hard to differenciate.
re: comment
Nikki, you aint never lied @ i've seen too many folk act a fool over the addiction. Grown people, at that. I should be in the NJ area during the Christmas holidays so I'm trying to see if The Root play anywhere in that venue with close driving distance.
#1...glad you got that goodie gap taken care of
#2...hell it happens. we all get caught up. the thing is now how you handle it. if yall dig each other, enjoy each other.
Can I just say how ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS this is?
Yay! You're gonna let the process play out. I LOVE to hear that. There's no way to know for sure if the emotional intimacy can't follow, and you're playing your cards right. Get past the tipsy texting and let the chips fall.
You may be on your way to securing the butter that belongs on your biscuit. [inside joke to the folks who don't visit my blog.] hehe
JAH BLESS I'm not the only flyy chick runnin around acting like a gat daym fool. or a "bitches be crazy" case. What the hell is that?
Shit I have nothing to say..I just love the way you put this whole post together... "Cocaine dick" I wonder where you got that from...lol
*****I GOT THAT DIRECTLY FROM YOU.*****
AW Fuck Drunk texting is a bitch!, a serious down low dirty bitch
But yeah work on you and get your swag and your sexy self where you need it to be at... for y our own piece of mind
Regarding Casual sex: some ladies can, some ladies can't AT ALL nothing wrong at all
BUUUUUTTT that all said don't be all super hard on yourself, it happens, is an experience!, the End (and never drunk text again!!! Dammit)
PS: let them reach out to you, especially this one you like... just hang back and let him make the next move
Girl! Good loving...espcially if we hadn't had it in a LONG time will makes us lose our freaking minds!
I can so relate to what you just described.
You'll find your sea legs friend. You been outta the game for a long time. That makes you an emotional tenderbox (no pun intended). The physical has already manifested itself.
Schedule another conference call between brain, heart and vajayjay. They'll work it out.
Do your thing Nikki. Whatever, wherever, you know who and how to do it. I love G's comment. A conference call. *lol* Love it.
I have to add that's why I've had to scale back some things on my blog because people do things and expect it to show up on my blog and when it doesn't they might underhandedly leave comments as to why. People are crazy, but I'm not a puppet. That's not about to happen.
Ok so clearly this is soo me, overanalyzing and over doing everything...Always jumpin to conclusions or nonconclusions...I'm glad I'm not the only person
I love coming here. It reminds me of my long ago single life and makes me thankful that I am still married.
I don't think I would be able to handle single scene today.
Is it so bad to be vulnerable?
Even it ends ...is there a blessin' in the lesson? Yea yea yea...I know, that shit hurts...but really...it's not like we can't get back up and play once we've fallen down.
I'm ok with vulnerable Nik. Thing is, Nik's gotta be ok and comfortable...
Ok...that was real sappy and shit.
...I lost my swagger about a year and a half ago...if you find it, fedex it ASAP.
OMG!!! I am so feeling this post. You are crazy girl or maybe not. I've thought about posting conversations that i get through text like 100 times but don't in fear that that person might read it & think that i'm putting them out there like that. YOU GO GILR!!!
damn, that was good. thought provoking.
Damn! get out of my head Lady!
As someone who recently broke by celibacy pack with myself with some..make me wanna scream, pull out my hair cuz he gets under my skin but damn if when he smiles the sun don't sun don't shine, too much like me to be good for me dick...
I've been toying between vulnerable and hard core hip hop for months now and the fact of the matter is that if it's for us there's nothing against us, and if it's not...it's not.
Hey Nikki,thanks for dropping by my blog today. I love your blog. I've been aware of you for a long time..I've seen your comments on Eb the Celeb's blog and 12Kyle's blog..a
few others too. I'm honored that you stopped by my site..Please don't be a
stranger..I hope it's alright if I add
you as a link to my blog.Feel free to add me if you like.
wow...
um, wow...
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