Jamy,
I know you have often said that your blog persona is only a small slice of who you really are. I don't want to be harsh, but you are painting yourself to sound like a high maintenance, whiney kind of girlfriend. When you have such inflexible "expectations" of someone, you are bound to be disappointed.
If Owen makes you happy (and you have said many times that he does), then I would think it would be best to relax and enjoy this time. Try to resist imposing such a list of expectations on him. Every time he does not proceed in this relationship in the way you think he "should"...I see you quickly jump to thoughts and feelings of rejection and insecurity.
What I found interesting about the conversation I had with Owen is that it revealed some different expectations. Maybe you think the sick-care-taking is unreasonable. I always assumed that men who didn't do it were deliberately withholding. I now officially change my position on that--I bet they just didn't know that I expected it.
I don't think it's wrong to want something, but I recognize that Owen may not be able to give me exactly what I want. I can deal with that. But he can also deal with making an effort when something is important to me. That's what it's all about.
You are quite right that I've been insecure. I'm working on it. Our conversation was actually quite helpful in that regard.
Glad you were to communicate what you wanted. You can't expect him to just know. As always, communication is the key!
But I'm not sure if telling him what you want in this case is going to be that much good when you're sick the next time, though I hope it is. He kind of has a point: we are grown-ups and you don't really need him if you're sick (I'm assuming he's not a doctor, I think you would have mentioned that). You've countless gotten through many illnesses on your own. But I agree that it would be nice to get the offer and have the company.
Of course I can take care of myself--and I have. And I will. But if I have a boyfriend, it's something I need from him. It's very important to me. What I don't expect is him to do it the way I would do it.
I hope that you're going to settle into this relationship more. I know it's early still, but there is no reason to assume he's mad at you just because you haven't heard from him in a little while. You know he can be a flaky communicator during the week, so give him a break and trust the knowledge that you're a good catch!
I'm starting to see how unsettled I've been and relax a bit more. If I don't relax, I'm really cheating myself of a good thing. That would be foolish!
That could have been an EXACT FACSIMILE of a conversation between my girlfriend and me. I think it's not that he was being inconsiderate, it's that he didn't realize it would be nice to be taken care of. I don't realize what my gf needs half the time but I try to be in tune with what those needs are as much as possible. Over time, I've learned.
Exactly! I am getting that he can't read my mind--I need to tell him what I want. It's tricky, though, because asking can feel like an imposition. Still, I think I'm asking from now on and assuming he can deal.
I'm glad you told him what you need. Now he has no excuse not to at least offer, and you may surprise him and say you'll be ok.
I'm hardly ever sick, so I can't ever recall this conversation with a boyfriend, but it is nice to offer to bring some soup or OJ to the house.
It's nice to offer, indeed.
Jamy: I'm of two different minds about this. On the one hand, I think that boys are just different than girls, they aren't as nurturing, they are more result-oriented, whatever blah blah and we just have to cut them some slack or else just ask for what we want (which, in some ways, having to ask diminishes the value, I think). On the other hand, I've heard stories and seen real life examples of guys that would do just about anything for their GFs - without their asking! - just doting on them so they have no time at all to be insecure about the relationship. (But, maybe those guys were just well-trained by a prior GF.) So all that to say that I don't know if it was right to have those expectations or not, but I would have had them too!
But all of us were raised differently--with different expectations. I think that is what is at play here, along with some gender stuff.
At least you are communicating everything with him, which is always a good thing! 
Communication is key!
Communicating your needs is always better than not, especially if it is done in the right way at the right time. But assuming you need a little extra TLC when you are sick or down, shouldn't be that much of a stretch for Owen either. Now that it's been mentioned, just sit back and observe how he reacts the next time.
Not a stretch for me--and I think he gets it because he sent me an email early today asking if I were ok.
Not that I think this is Owen, but I have experienced men who did have an inkling or knew what I wanted (such as the situation you described or even more regular communication), but purposely didn't in an effort to keep the relationship at bay, for fear of going to fast, or that they still hadn't completely committed to me. Time will hopefully ease all you concerns.
It can mean something, but hopefully it doesn't mean anything with Owen. All other signs are positive so I'm not worried.
Yep, relationships are all about communications. It is good to see you and Owen do that.
I think we communicate really well. It's good.
Well, keeping in mind that I am a guy, I generally like to be alone when I am sick...
I think you are not the only one.
I feel like I'm learning something new reading about your relationship. I'm normally not an "I'm sick, take care of me" kind of girl but I'm definitely a "you're sick, let me take care of you" kind of girl. You make me think...
All that matters is that you know what you want. But I need to stop making assumptions.
Oh my god, I have to weigh in, if only to counter the ridiculousness of AQ's comment. It was very clear that you were not being demanding or whiney with Owen, and that you learned something useful about assumptions/expectations from discussing this with him. It is also clear that you are shining a light on your own insecurity so that you can learn from it, and that things are progressing nicely.
That's what I think!
And, yeah, I totally expected Owen to, at the very least, email you and say, "I hope you feel better--I'd come take care of you but it is a busy day at work" or something like that.
Yes, I did too.
I cannot resist mentioning that Bryan takes very good care of me when I'm not feeling well, and today, after I had woken up with a migraine, he emailed me to say that if I was still feeling bad in the evening, he would skip his class to come make me dinner and take care of my kid. But yeah, there's always some expectation I have that I don't even recognize as an expectation until someone doesn't meet it, usually in all innocence.
Aww, I like Bryan.
I liked the point above about some guys not needing to be told what you need and the idea that part of having good instincts about what a gf will want can come from past training. My boyfriend is divorced and in some ways, I'm glad he's been married and "trained" in some ways. I've noticed it several times in very random things. But training someone can best be accomplished by speaking your mind and communicating openly. You're just going to have to be the one to train Owen and hopefully you'll reap the benefits of your training for many years to come.
I prefer to consider it "communicating" rather than "training." Your point is well taken, though, in that Owen doesn't have tons of relationship experience. This is his first "real-world" (non-college) relationship. Guess he still has a few things to learn.
Guess I still have a few things to learn too.
Isn't this relationships 101 -- playing it up when the other is sick? Didn't everyone have their mothers cater to them when they had a cold? It is when you are sick that you want to be treated like a kid again! And usually it is the men who are the bigger babies. Let's see what happens when Owen does gets the flu.
Sure it is, but Owen is still learning. As am I.
When he gets the flu, there isn't any question what will happen--I will take care of him. But that's because it's what I want to do. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't object, though.
It's like Mars and Venus all in one post. LOL
Owen thinks he can't do something constructive to help you so doesn't think about coming over. He sees it as good that he could drive you to the hospital, but taking care of you as in being company....that confuses him.
On the other side, we have Jamey who doesn't care that Owen can't do anything to make her better...but just wants him there.
I tell you, Dr Grey was onto something...
Well, something! At least we're communicating, which I think is the point.
So funny to read the comments and see that everyone DOES really have different expectations for how they should be treated when they are sick, and how they should treat their significant others.
I know! I had no idea.
I think it was growing up as a doctor's kid, and not having a mother who nutured me when I was sick, AND having worked in hospitals - I assume that peopel want to be left alone when they are sick, unless they are REALLY sick (like the time I had the flu...) I personally like a phone call and that's it.
Reading the comments its so clear that this is just my preference, not "the way things should be". So in the end, it all comes down to communication.
Yep, apparently it's all about exposing your expectations and not making assumptions. Who knew? Oh, right. I did. Sigh.
I'm a little late chiming in but I'm confused? On Tuesday you say "I'm NOT VERY SICK, just tired and worn out." Yet, you chastise Owen because he didn't volunteer to come over and take care of you. Now, if you were recovering from surgery, perhaps suffering from appendicitis, had a broken leg or arm, I could see that maybe Owen didn't step up to the plate, but you said you weren't very sick.
So, that being the case, my question to you is were you perhaps testing him? And if you were testing him, why would you do this?
I know you are thinking "well, he didn't KNOW how sick I was and he SHOULD have still volunteered to come over and take care of me." But the truth here is that you WEREN'T THAT SICK in the first place and I think your expectation that he sleep with/carry his phone at all times, so that he can be at your constant beck and call while you WEREN'T THAT SICK is behavior (to me anyhow) that is psycho behavior. Sorry - I just do.
And, I believe you were testing him, but for the life of me I cannot fathom why you would.
Please infuse some humor into your reading of this post.
I did not "chastise" Owen. I did not expect him to come over. I would have liked him to offer or, at the least, call and check on me. Read the post more carefully and you'll see that I realized that I needed to communicate my expectations to him. My expectation is simply: if I'm sick, check on me. Really, that's it. It wasn't meant to be a test. Our conversation was interesting and funny. No one was angry or felt bad.
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