Talk to the Goat
Disclaimer: Cornwall can actually be quite charming in a small-town kind of way. After all, I did move back, right? If you get a nice place out in the suburbs, play and work in Ottawa (it's not a bad commute), and do all your shopping in Montreal, you've got it made.
Ah how sweet. You can Camilla can go play bingo while Chuck and Jason drink beer at the local pool hall. You just might make a couple of best friends there.
You got me wondering, maybe they do read the blogs...I'm sure they would have loved my story about the Super D tea. That would have got Camilla sitting on the throne for a while.
Oops spelling mistake alert! Should read "You and Camilla..." but you knew that right?
Cigarette snowhills... lol. I like the sound of that. I have always heard the rumor that the Toronto Islands were built out of garbage so anything is possible!
now that is the cutest gnome if i've ever seen one...
Before we moved to the upscale part of Hoohooville, there was hand-written instructions tacked to our front door for the pizza guy , and one of my kids constanly resembled the gnome and his game, so mention these facts to Chuck and Cammie; maybe we could arrange for our 24-7 Gas and Gobble to set out some crumpets. Or do they call them "strumpets"? Posh, I'd try one of each.
LOL. You're funny! (You were meaning to be weren't you?) Anyway, you have a new reader.
Well, "your" gnomes are just about as "our" gates that we have in NYC. And ours cost $19 million. So I think your town got decked-out in a smarter fashion...
"ass-deep in snow"... oh you :O)
Let's put Chuck in a trucker cap and hand 'em a can of beer. Camilla...well, she's tougher, but she already looks like a spent piece of jet trash so no changes needed.
Love the gnome!
And I will never call you Dutchess.
I.need.that.gnome.
What your town needs to do, Jay, is have your town rent them a mobile home to stay in and park them in the nearest trailer park. That way they can visit all of your town's amenities at their leisure.
Um, amenities?
We do have 35 Tim Horton's...oh, and a hockey team, but it plays in a condemned building, so only the visiting team ever has fans...
yep, i need that gnome. I want plunk him down in the yard next to the watermelon plant... so I can have a nice view of melons and ass....
I thought I heard a couple of rumours about a royal scandal that Prince Charles was gay last year? Anyway, he's probably bi, lol! I hope the two come to your town. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you girl!
this is a great post, jay. but i really got stuck on the "camilla is an ugly mistress" part. my neck spasmed from too much nodding.
haha I'm having a hard time taking my eyes offa that gnome. 
Oh how I miss Ontario, not !!! You paint such a lovely picture and now I'm dreading my trip back to North Bay now. But the gnome does rock
hey, didn't you mention earlier that you were looking for a job? you should approach your mayor and offer your services as entertainment officer for the good-for-nothing bum and his ugly mistress. take them around in a ford aerostar, show them what your town is really all about, towels thumbtacked to the wall, door signs and all. i'm sure you'ld make a killing =)
What's up with the asterixes by me and Breanne, Jay? Is the list to the right your version of a hit list? Are you bumping us all off one at a time?
I'm getting paranoid here.
I wonder if anyone's bothered explaining to the mayor that the Cornwall she'll be a duchess of is a region in England. Actually a very nice area, full of retirees and cream teas. If you've never had a cream tea its tea, with scones which you pile high with whipped cream and jam.
Extended across the Atlantic, this hand of friendship is much appreciated. My understanding is that Chaz and Caz have few clear windows remaining in this year's diary, however, the prospect of Cornwall bingo in 2006 is tempting. You will be hearing from The Family in due course.
There is nothing like a Royal Visit to kick start a town into cleaning up. Here's hoping they'll accept the invitation and force your local government into doing something about your town's major issues. I wouldn't hold my breath though.....
Ha, great post, Jay. I think the faces Charles and Camilla are making in that photo are the exact ones they'll be making when they spy that "mooning gnome."
Hilarious Jay. What a hilarious story. Can I come toboggan?
Just make sure that Chuck doesn't get cornered by a munch of guys who are trying to get their friend a shot at Camilla.
Things could get messy.
1) Charles can't fight
2) Anyone having kids with Camilla will go insane
3) The kids will be ugly
Why thank you, Shane, that is ever so ambassador-like of you.
Idalisa, there is no killing to be made here. There is no cash whatsoever in this city - in fact, we took a $1 million cut to the policing budget just so we could plant some flowers in the center of town (lots of people complained last year, and have actually said they would rather the policing budget be cut...)
So in conclusion: there is a hiring freeze in this city, no jobs, no funding, nada, and I'm not about to do any favours for the royal family pro- bono! Yikes!
Wow, yard donkeys are all over the place where I live, as are yard goats. Most of the folks around here are too lazy to mow their yards so allow adopt stray livestock to eat the offending foliage.
any more anecdotes about beautiful cornhole?
had i known Cornwall was so much fun, I'd drive up from the T-dot more often....if not just to rip off a ceramic donkey or two. I could make a killing on Ebay.
Lovely description of your town. I'd wager a month's dole that the Duke of Windsor and Duchess of Cornwall will be there for the post-nuptial celebrations.
what a post...that pic and Darlene's humorous reference to s hilarious blog post she made... 
Jay, this is amazing that your city of that humongous "snow sculpture" would be named after Camilla's family...
Oh dear, that poor child has his derrierre in the air, darling. Where is that poor boy's mother? Does she have no sense of decency?
It's not called the dole here, it's called being on the pogey...catchy, isn't it?
Commenting by HaloScan
