Talk to the Goat
You mean "The Monthlies" isn't a magazine? Then what exactly have I been receiving from all these women all these years?
Believe me, Jay, I don't envy Jason right now. My last girlfriend only went from bad to worse when she was Pimissing. And when I say she was normally bad I mean she was horrid, so you can only imagine what happened when she got her superpowers from the crimson tide.
Woman, you are a bloody legend to write a piece like that. I thank you from the bottom of my uterus.
i know exactly what you mean. go write a medical journal and wow the medical community. those white coats have a thing or two to learn about reality.
many people don't like me for this. but i don't really get pms or cramps. in my entire life of "womanhood", i have only had cramps twice. and an hour later, i was playing squash.
this is a fact i never admitted to my boyfriend though. i use the excuse of pms / hormones well to my advantage.
for a free subscription, the monthlies do have its bonuses for me. :P
Jay, I may make you laugh occasionally, but you are the window to my soul. Ohmylord, that was excellent. You have such a way with words and paint a perfect picture of your existence. I love it!
Shit, i just reread that and it sounds quite stupid. I'll try again. You're a really cool chick and you write good. Better?
And you know what? I've had 3 kids. That should be my ticket out of this monthly hell. I've paid my dues dammit, 66 hours of childbirth, one c-section and 25 lbs of kids coming out of my body, I think I deserve it. Rip my stuff OUT.
I feel ya.
Ah, Jay. So scintillating and prolific. I just posted my first blog entry in a whole month and thought I'd check in with the usual suspects while I was on line and I learn that in my absence you've posted long winning entries that are--at turns--comic, thoughtful, moving, perverse and true. Every other month I wonder aloud if there would be any major implications of having a hysterectomy at the age of 23. And I really hope I find someone that is even two thirds as patient and devoted as that man o' yours one day. Did you hypnotise him in secret? Or have him specially made??
PS: I'm still recovering from the news that I am a shameful heathen living on an island of inequity. Fuck-- I mean, uh, golly gosh I hope Billy gets here soon...
Now that, dear chica, is perfect.
I have a story.
A few weeks after we got our kitten, and were attempting to teach him some manners, he jumped up on the coffee table in the living room. That's not something he's supposed to do, because it's also our "dining room table". So I pushed him off.
He wound up limping around on the floor on three feet, giving me huge, sad, "however could you hurt me like this, Mommy?" crying eyes.
Long (long, long, long) after he'd stopped limping, long after he'd resumed climbing on the coffee table, long after he'd started chewing on my face, Bruce was holding me and rocking me as I wept the tears of the eternally-damned-for-pushing-kittens. We went to bed a few hours later, where I proceeded with round 2 of the sobbing.
It's great, because now I've taught the damn cat that all he has to do to get on our (read: my) sympathetic sides is hobble around like a three-legged cat for a minute or two.
Ahh, hormones.
Never heard this put quite so...so.. so graphiclly before. Well written, really well written. I was always on the receiving end of the glares, punches and crying jags. And I learned to always keep a bag of M&Ms on hand for days like that. For both of us.
You only get crampy and icky twice a year? So jealous!
I just finished my week of hell, and boy was it a week of hell.
One thing I do really really hate is that, during school, when you have to write a big exam, you can't get a doctor's note for being too crampy to write. You can't prove you're sick! GRRR
Feel better and, dont forget to take advatange of the punching bag : )
P.S. rope burn on eyelid? heh heh
To Mojo and Woody, thank you for being brave enough men to comment on such a post.
Yes, I know, it takes a classy lady to write about this stuff!
JeN - yeah, the rope burn was a low point for me. Am I the only person that has the dumbest things consistently happen to them or what?
And yes, my cycle got messed up due to getting off the pill/blood clots/surgery/medication...so I go 8 months without anything, which is mysterious, and nice, and then NOT NICE when the 8 months are up.
Eating your crusts makes you grow boobs??? Heh... First time I've ever heard that one. Very funny!
Hurrah for Jason! I hate getting my period too, I'd happily get rid if I could and I don't have nearly half the drama as you!
uhoh.....women on a 'we're women rant'....hormonal too!!!!
*backs quietly out the blog and closes the door*
Oh, Jay, that's was classic, and *well* put.
And you 2 are the cutest couple ever. The things that you do for/to each other....
"holy crotch"? Do you pee "holy water"? I loved this. I had a hysterectomy last July and now I don't have the curse. Just hair trying to grow in strange places, certain areas have became as dry as the Sahara, and I worry that if I take hormones I'll bet breast cancer. Being a woman sucks. The only thing I could think of that would be worse is being a man LOL. Wonderfully writen and entirely true. You Go Girl
oh sweetie! my hugs are always here for you. i'll leave the punches for your hubby and thank god you have such a wonderful man who willingly goes along with you in this emotional roller coaster ride and holds your hand whatever happens.
The monthlies are the enemy, sugar.
Death to the monthlies!
I gave myself rope burn on my eyelid with the string from my hoodie.
sounds like something ive done.. only it was actually my EYE... (bows head) i know i know. I wish it only happened 2 times a year sheesh... every 3 weeks I fall apart emotionally and turn into a raving lunatic that crabs and kavetches then cries for being overbearing, then screams. troy tries to hide elsewhere and the kids, oh the poor kids just look at me like deer in headlights
LMAO @ Keefer,
Sadly I can't laugh at the post because its all too familiar and I have the added pleasure of nappy week exacerbating my CFS.
JOY.
I'm thinking every month we should gang up and go bitch at idalisa just so she knows how it feels to be out of sorts...
It's entries like that which make me want to kiss my penis and thank god. But unfortunately I can't. Which might actually be a good thing.
One would think so, yes.
Hope
Vics, boy was I laughing at the poor IdaLisa thing. It's harsh, and yet, wouldn't it feel good?
Yeah, we're totally jealous.
hi Jay,
Right now I get disappointed every time aunt flo arrives. I am trying to ttc now. Damn it!!
When the river runs red and you're feeling blue, there's but one thing to do...
Cause aggro, an awful lot of aggro. Take no prisoners. And react. Big. Even where there's nothing to react to!
This is my understanding of what can be monthly chaos. *Wonders what the closest male equivalent is*
Oh my god...I love your blog. I just posted about my family as well... one little snippet. And, just so you know, when I saw Babe, I, too was in a weepy mood and I was hysterical during all of the scenes you mentioned. The person I was with actually had to STOP the video during the part where the puppies are sold in order to make sure I was ok... ah the life. I'm going to bookmark you, and when I figure out how to list blogs I like, I'll most certainly be listing yours! -jw
Fepping hell.
I'm on a two week cycle. My ovaries are always on the go, and as my reproductive system holds court over the rest of my body, I'm usually a sobbing/hating/angry/bloated mess.
As a misanthrope, I'm in heaven.
sorry my dear jamie. raging hormones'll do that to a girl.
and this is totally off topic. you mentioned high school, and your locker. there was a funny picture in your locker that had me in it. and i believe you used a white-out pen to mark my words. the photo was taken during a debate in politics.
"homosexuals are not human beings!"
of course i didn't mean it then, nor do i think it now. but, boy. did it ever get a laugh!
twice a year isn't too bad, though, going back to your topic at hand. it will get better. maybe you'll be lucky and get the change at the ripe ol' age of 25.
Oprah Winfrey, Negro woman from the south.
I still have, and cherish, that photo Kelly.
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