Talk to the Goat
i've heard that if you want people to like you you should pay attention to them and ask questions about them. i only do that with girls i want to bone, otherwise i'm bored if i can't relate to the conversation.
Oh Jay, I couldn't agree with you more. If I could only coax the therapist into an actual bar so that I wouldn't have to bring my own stuff in a "water" bottle, the experience could be perfect.
Satirical maybe? Or maybe the world is actually FULL of people as self-centered as me.
I usually just carry a stick, and when people start getting out of line I give them a not-so-light tap. It's shock therapy, but more involved and fulfilling.
hmm.. maybe I need to get me one of those too! hehe
Ah, good ol' one-sided reciprocation.
It's one thing if 2 people trade stories, but if one person does all the story-telling, what does the other person get?
Yeah, I don't like baby stories either. Luckily, I don't know too many people who have 'em!
Jay,
Have you considered that getting your tits out for your therapist may actually save you $50? thats a lunch time of martinis!
I find that women are friendlier when I'm paying them too.
I love it! Why do people always want to tell stupid ass stories about themselves, when people like us are so much more interesting!
Scene in a bar:
Bartender: What can I get you?
Elisa: Stoli dirty martini, heavy on the dirty. Thanks.
Skeevy man sitting next to Elisa: So, (insert strange eyebrow move here) what makes a martini dirty?
Elisa: Um, (insert straight-faced face here) the olive juice.
heh heh heh
interesting concept...very good idea! I mean, being the attention whore that I am, I don't think I have enough friends to satisfy my needs...you're right, it's time to pay up. who needs friends when you've got someone who can write you a prescription--oh wait, can they? shit. nevermind, go to a psychiatrist instead, what are you thinking???
maybe i'm different. i don't like my therapist. he asks too many questions and then puts me in an asylum. i like my friends. not only are they free of charge, they don't come charging at me with an anaesthetic needle.
I'm to schmoosed to comment now, save for the pink dress, and the expression on yer face. Whoo-hoo.
Of course you know your therapist goes out to dinner with his friends later on... and talks all about you.
Thank you! I've been trying in vain to make my friends understand that I don't really care about them, and if we could just skip the polite "and you" part of the "how are you" answer, that would be just fine. May I simply refer them here?
Please do so.
Glad to be of service.
i'm all hung up on stealing music, making summer playlists and sexing up my ipod- i can't begin to focus on your problems or whatever you're talking about today.
now i have to head over to zach braff's site to read the 1300 comments... in fact hold on, i'll be right back...
here you go, a comment from zach braff's site, (he really has more than he needs)
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"Ok, so I just posted but I felt like I needed to reiterate that I adore you (and so do my friends), so come visit us in TEXAS somtime. I promise that we don't all ride horses and wear cowboy boots and hats (only on the weekends!! ha ha!). Thank goodness I got my Garden State dvd back! You are my favorite!"
Posted by: Rebekah
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i find shoe-shopping therapy. it's a great way to lose a boring friend, too, because you are too engrossed looking for the perfect wedge.
ok.
1. Slides rule over mules any day of the week and...
b. I'd get my tits out on show anyway.
That reminds me of the time I......
citygurll, take care. I've found that getting friends to satisfy my needs can lead to all sorts of problems. Best off just finding yourself some therapist who'll accept payment in kind.
Paid friends are the best, darling. Personally, I set aside some money each week and hire myself a little buddy. Then at the end of the week we get into a big row and I hire myself a new buddy.
It's the best therapy ever.
You know, if you feel like baking cookies (and driving out to Toronto) I can put my psych degree to good use and allow you to talk about yourself all you want!
Now that I know how self involved you are, I realize how prvileged I am to have your comments on my blog.
Every moment you spend raeding other people's crap is moments away from you focusing on yourself. WOW!
You are so selfless.
You are the greatest friend I ever had, and I've never even bought you alcohol.
I need to sit down, this is too much.
On second thought, I may have to scratch 63 off my list.
I survived, darn it.
Ya know, a daily diet of goat is pretty healthy.
Beware: Sooner or later even paid therapists begin talking about themselves. It's taken my psych 10 years, but it's happened. Problem is, he gives me free sample meds which would cost more than what I pay for therapy. My husband still says doc should be the one paying me, however. Honestly though, I've become a much nicer person and better listener since paying someone to be my friend and listen to me. I am now able to have REAL friends I don't have to pay!
I was wondering what 'tart' meant. in context, that is.
tart: talking at party; tits pushed out.
now all mr or mrs webster needs is a glossy little picture.
Dave: I will gladly take Jay's place as #63.
Jay: You will be missing out on some quality conversation with Dave if you don't take him up on his drink offer.
Oh my god...you are just like me, it's freaky. I cannot deal with the married/babied focused people. I just heard about "Raymond's first avacado" in a recent email. I almost threw my computer out the window. Everyone is me me me. Therapy is "my" time too.
Great post.
Yah, nice post Jay, but did I tell you about my week? I was feeling sick for a few days, and I had company over for dinner. I haven't been sleeping well at all. I really need to get back to writing. I really like writing alot. I enjoy drawing sometimes too, when I'm not shopping.
Anyways, what were you saying?
I like it when the therapists take notes. I wish friends would take notes, like helloo?? I remembered you birthday and you forget mine every year!!
Maybe I should start a listening service that offers cut-rates (compared to therapists.) I mean, if you just want someone to shut up and nod, I'd do that for a little cash, yo. I can even provide a "sincerely interested" expression for a mere $5/hour extra...
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